The Astonishing Race

Chapter 1: Getting Acquainted with the Teams

Author's notes: I do not own Harry Potter or The Amazing Race. This story takes place in present time so Harry and friends are 29. I've tried to keep things as close to cannon as possible, but as you will see, I have changed a few things. I blatantly stole material from Brokeback Mountain (but only because I love it so).

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello, and welcome to The Astonishing Race where eight teams of two will compete for a million galleons in a race around the magical and Muggle world! Join your host, Lee Jordan, as we follow the teams on an amazing trek around the globe! Teams will travel with the packs on their backs and are only allowed to use their wands when given permission. If a team fails to obey this rule, they will be disqualified. At the end of each leg, there will be a Pit Stop. The last team to check into the Pit Stop may be eliminated. Let's meet the teams, shall we?

Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, life partners and Hogwarts alumni who used to be mortal enemies.

"Draco and I officially got together a few months ago," Harry tells the Confession Cam, "but we'd been sneaking around behind my ex-wife's back for years." He looks guilty. "I never meant to hurt Ginny, honest, it's just sometimes you can't help who you fall in love with!"

Draco nods as he strokes a little butterscotch-colored dog in his lap. "This is true. Harry always thought I hated him when we attended Hogwarts together, but the truth was, I was just jealous! Jealous of his flying skills; jealous of him being the only first year to play Quidditich; jealous of his friendship with Ron and Hermione; jealous of him only having eyes for Cho Chang and Ginny Weasley."

Harry turns red. "Oh, stop. You know I only have eyes for you now." He leans over and gives Draco a quick peck on the cheek before looking at the camera again. "Draco and I reconnected a couple of years ago when we both helped Charlie Weasley herd dragons on Fireball Island. We spent many days alone together and did a lot of talking, and well, one thing led to another..."

"And our lives were never the same after that summer on Fireball Island," Draco finishes. "We both told each other we weren't queers even though I had *beep*ed Harry in the *beep* several times and he gave me several *beep beep*."

Harry gives Draco an annoyed look. "Honestly, Draco, must you tell everyone what we do behind closed doors?"

"Well, we're out and we're proud," Draco replies. "Why must we be ashamed of it? Everyone knows that we're a gay couple.. Although I still don't understand why some of are Muggle-loving friends refer to Fireball Island as Brokeback Island."

"Draco refuses to watch movies; they're too Muggle for him," Harry explains to the camera. He turns to Draco and grumbles, "Yes, but must we share it with the entire Wizarding World?" He reaches over and pats the dog who gives a little yip. "Of course, it wasn't always so easy for us to be so open about our relationship. When we first, uh, hooked up, we were both married and had kids. Draco and I had to lie to our wives in order to see each other. We weren't proud of ourselves and I wish I knew how to quit him, but that was impossible. We resorted to lying to our wives and telling them we were going to Quidditich matches together, but I think they suspected something was going on between us."

"And I'm pretty sure Ginny saw us making out that one time," Draco adds. He looks sheepishly at the camera. "It had been so long since we'd seen each other that when we hugged, our mouths just sort of found each other. I wasn't even thinking that Harry's wife had a front-row view of us from the front door. I have reason to suspect that she told Astoria about it because whenever I mentioned Harry to her, she's call him "Harry Nasty." So it probably comes to no surprise that we divorced our wives so we could be with each other."

Harry looks at Draco sharply. "You never told me that Astoria called me that." He frowns.

"Anyway," Draco continues, ignoring Harry. "If there's somebody out there who taught Harry and me that it's perfectly okay to be yourself, then that would be the great Albus Dumbledore, Merlin rest his soul. He was a homosexual and one of the greatest Wizards of all time."

"He was the Wizarding World's answer to Harvey Milk," Harry adds.

"Who's that?" asks Draco.

"I'll explain later." Harry nods at the dog. "Why don't you tell them about Quagmire."

"Oh, yes." Draco lifts up the small dog. "This is our laber-doodle, Quagmire. He's our good-luck charm. We're Team Quagmire!"

"We know we can't bring him on the race, so that's why we're bringing this photo of him." Harry holds up a photo of Quagmire who is scratching his ear while sleeping. "Isn't he adorable?"

"Not as adorable as you," Draco tells him as he tousles Harry's messy black hair with his fingers. "Harry and I want to be on this race because we want to show the world it's okay to be different; it's okay for a Gryffindor and a Slytherin to fall in love, that we can do anything that others can."

"And I want to make amends with my best friend Ron," Harry admits. "Ever since I divorced his sister to be with Draco, he hasn't been too keen on me. I'm hoping t hat this race will both give us peace."

Draco rolls his eyes. "Would you just forget about the Weasel? He's never going to accept us!"

"But he's one of my best friends!" Harry exclaims. "Until he stopped talking to me."

That brings us to our next team, married couple and Hogwarts alumni, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger-Weasley.

"Hermione and I love a good adventure; just ask any of our former professors at Hogwarts!" Ron tells the Confession Cam, laughing. "That's one of the reasons we decided to be on the race.

"And we also love a challenge," Hermione adds. "Especially one that enriches the mind."

Ron rolls his eyes at the camera.

"Ron, did you just roll your eyes?" Hermione asks, turning sharply to him.

"No, dear, of course not." Ron puts his arm around his wife's shoulders and gives her a kiss on the cheek. "In fact I know we're going to win this race. With my brawn and Hermione's brains and our added beauty-"

Hermione snorts at this.

Ron continues, ignoring her. "-we're bound to go far in this race. Nobody on this race is as clever as my Hermione." He beams proudly at his wife who blushes in return.

"Though as wonderful as it would be to win the race and the amazing experience we'll be sure to have, one of the main reasons we signed up for this is so Ron can find peace with Harry."

Ron scowls and leans back in his chair, arms crossed. "Hermione, I told you, I'm not talking to that backstabbing git ever again!"

"But Ron, he's your best friend! And you haven't talked to him for nearly two years!"

"Was," Ron corrected. "He cheated on my sister with Draco Malfoy!"

"Ginny's learned to forgive Harry and she's happy now with Neville."

"But Hermione, Harry's uh, fraternizing with Draco Malfoy! Our enemy from Hogwarts? Or did you forget the way he treated you back then?"

"Come on, Ron, Draco's changed now. He saved our lives in the Room of Requirement and he's apologized to me for calling me those names."

"Only because Harry told him to," Ron mutters. He looks at the camera. "I say once a git, always a git!"

Hermione mutters a quick silent spell so Ron won't be able to hear what she's about to say next. "I know Ron misses Harry and he wants to be friends with him again, it's just that he's so stubborn! And even though he would never admit it, I think Ron's a little jealous that Harry chose Draco over him even though Ron's with me, and well, I can't even imagine Ron enjoying *beep beep beep beep*." She blushes and lifts the spell off of Ron.

Our next team is married couple Bill and Fleur Weasley, nee Delacour.

"We may not be ze smartest team or ze most azletic-" Fleur begins for the Confession Cam.

"I beg to differ," Bill interrupts. "I'm very athletic and you were in the TriWizard Tournament, after all!"

"Zis eese true." Fleur nods in agreement. "But one cannot deny we are zey most beautiful team!" She flashed her pearly white teeth at the camera. "And I zink ze scars my 'usband 'as from ze werewolf makes 'im all ze more manly and rugged." She runs her hand over his arm. "Eet eese so sexy! We 'ave been married for twelve years and everyday still feels like our 'oneymoon!"

"I'm surprised we don't have more than three kids," Bill jokes. "The way you always ravish me every night!" He winks at the camera.

"Beeell!" Fleur shrieks in delight. "Zey do not need to know about our active love life! Your mozzer could be wazzcing!"

Bill clears his throat. "Maybe you could edit this part out? Please?"

Meet our next team, father and daughter pair, Xenophilius and Luna Lovegood.

"I said to my Luna, 'Luna, can you imagine the wonderful stories we could get for The Quibbler by traveling to all these wonderful and amazing places?''" Mr. Lovegood looks at the camera with wide, wild eyes. "So when we were invited to be on this race, of course I said yes!"

"This is going to be fun and a great way to make new friends," muses Luna. "I do love making new friends. And I just know that we're going to finally find a Crumple-Horned Snorkack!"

Ah, yes, onto our next team...meet former Hogwarts professors Minerva McGonagall and Horace Slughorn.

"I taught Transfiguration at Hogwarts for forty-two years; was head of Gryffindor House for eight," McGonagall explains to the Confession Cam. "I have since retired, but Miss Clearwater is doing a wonderful job as the new Transfiguration teacher at Hogwarts."

"And I," Slughorn interrupts, "taught Potions at Hogwarts during the '60s and '70s, and was lured from retirement during the '90s. I was also Head of Slytherin for a year. I chose to go on this race with Minerva, because who could ask for a better partner? Besides the wise and great Albus Dumbledore, of course, but seeing as he's not here..." he trails off sadly.

McGonagall pats his back softly. "It's been twelve years since Albus died, but we all still miss him terribly. And in a way, I'm doing this race because of him. He always believed in me and I want to show him, that even at the age of eighty-four, I'm still capable of going on this amazing adventure."

Now isn't that inspiring? Our next team is also one that will lift your spirits. Meet Arthur Weasley, who works for the Ministry of Magic, and his son, George Weasley.

"When I heard about this race, I jumped at the chance to be a part of it, especially when I learned when we would be visiting Muggle places," Mr. Weasley tells the Confession Cam. "I just absolutely love anything that has to do with Muggles; they are so interesting! I easily had my choice of who to pick as my partner, well, except for Bill and Ron, of course, since they would already be racing with their wives. But I had my choice of Molly or Charlie or Percy or Ginny, though I'm sure she wouldn't go since Harry's also on the race and she tries to avoid him as much as possible ever since..." He trails off, looking embarrassed.

"Dad invited me," George jumps in. "Actually, my wife, Angelina, suggested it. She said it's something Fred would have wanted me to do. 'You know Fred would never pass up on this adventure, so why should you, George?' she told me. And I know she's right." He pauses, clearly choked up. Arthur puts a reassuring hand on his son's shoulder. "I lost my twin brother when I was twenty. It was the worst day of my life and honestly, time hasn't healed the pain since Fred died, but I get through each and every day with the love and support of my family and my loving wife. Angelina used to date Fred when we were all students at Hogwarts. After he died, she and I became close and we bonded over the connection we had with Fred."

"I'm very proud of George," Arthur says. "The pain of losing a child is a parent's worst nightmare, but to lose your own twin, your other half, well, I couldn't even imagine." He starts to get choked up now and this time George puts his arms around his dad.

"Dad and I are doing this race for George," he explains.

Our next team are friends Lavender Brown and Padma Patil.

"Originally I was supposed to race with my twin sister, Parvati," Padma tells the Confession Cam.

Lavender shakes her head. "Not true. Parvati had chosen to race with me because I'm her best friend." She looks at the camera and explains, "We've been best friends since we were eleven and sorted into Gryffindor together."

"Parvati would never choose her best friend over her own twin sister!" Padma replies haughtily.

"Padma and I got into a fight over who would get to go on the race with Parvati," Lavender admits. "Finally she just chose us to go with each other because she didn't want to make the person she wouldn't choose angry at her."

"Being the only all-female team, we know we're going to have to work harder than some of the other teams," Padma says. "We may not have the strength most of them possess, but we're going to try our hardest to get far."

"After I won a little competition called Hogwarts' Next Top Witch when I was sixteen-" Lavender smiles smugly, "I know anything is possible.

Padma rolls her eyes. "That was over ten years ago! Why do you still bring that up? Nobody cares anymore!"

Lavender looks into the camera and mouths, "She's just jealous."

And finally, we have married couple and parents of Draco, Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy.

Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy sit on their couch, not speaking. Narcissa looks uncomfortable and Lucius has an irritated expression on his face.

"I still don't understand why I have to go on this ghastly race," he finally speaks up, grumbling. "The idea of visiting places where Muggles reside-" he shudders, "is enough to make me want to drink a cauldron of Acromantula venom."

"Oh, Lucius, stop being so over-dramatic," Narcissa tells him. She looks at the Confession Cam and rolls her eyes. "Ever since the Dark Lord was defeated, Lucius has come to realize that family is the most important thing in his life."

"My therapist suggested that this race would be good for me," Lucius says. "Poppycock, I say! Do you know how difficult my life is? I spent time in Azkaban, I was mocked and embarrassed by the most powerful wizard who ever lived, and to top it all off, my only son tells me he's in love with bloody Harry Potter!" His face turns red and a vein pops out in his forehead.

His wife takes his hand and says soothly, "I thought we agreed that we would support Draco with whatever makes him happy."

"You know I'm trying to do that, Narcissa. It's bad enough that my son likes *beep*, but why does he have to do that with Harry bloody Potter?" He pauses. "Though I suppose it could be worse. He could be *beep*ing that Weasley boy." He shudders again.

Narcissa pats his shoulder. "Perhaps this race will take your mind off things like your therapists suggests."

Now that you've met the teams, it's time to start the race! All eight teams are now gathered at the starting point, King's Cross Station.

Their host, Lee Jordan, greets them. "Hello everyone and welcome to the Astonishing Race! Are you ready to embark on this great journey that's ahead of you?"

Everyone cheers except for Lucius Malfoy who looks sullen.

"As you know, you will be racing around the world, journeying to both magical and Muggle places," Lee tells the racers. "You have already been told that you can only use your wand when permitted. Failure to not comply by this rule will result in your immediate dismissal. Your knapsacks have also been scanned to make sure you have not used any enchantments on them to make them fit more stuff, lighter, or what have you. Now when I give you the signal, you may run to one of these eight cars that have a clue waiting for each team. On your mark...get set...go!"