Dear Die-ary,
The repulsive urges have become less frequent. Reverend Meat has been silent for days. My times since then has been filled with glorious silence, and the absence of any sort of distractive emotion. Things are looking…relatively good.
Johnny, Nny for short, put down his pen and closed his heavy eyes. Slowly, he exhaled as he traced a finger over a rip in the beat-up sofa he was sitting on. The small candle on the coffee table flickered, causing the dark shadows in the corner to animate.
"No sleep for days now. I can't give into it." He said out loud.
The digital clock on the TV read 4AM as the two glowing green dots separating the numbers blinked on and off, sending Nny into an almost catatonic state the longer he looked at it.
"This is an outrage! Look at what you're doing. Nothing, nothing at all! All these repressed urges will surface eventually…"
Nny jumped at the sound of the annoying voice ringing in his ears. He looked over at the coffee table and spotted the freakish-looking Reverend Meat in all his plastic glory. (Not)
"Don't start talking now. There's no use. I've already crossed the point of no return. No amount of reasoning will bring me back." He tried to sound stern, clenching his hands into tight fists.
"Apparently you haven't because I'm still in existence." Reverend Meat stated.
"Fine. Then I don't care if you're still in existence because you no longer pose as a threat to my intentions."
Silence engulfed the musty room once more, leaving Nny to himself (if you can call it that) again. He kicked his feet up onto the couch and folded his arms behind his head, allowing himself to rest his weary eyes, though not allowing himself to lose conciousness.
His messy home was unusually quiet at the moment, except for the soft hum of the nearly empty refridgerator in the kitchen. No blood curdling screams echoing through the corridors, or the soft weeping of the shallow girls that just happened to drop a rude comment Nny's way. He was more of a "kill on the spot" kind of guy now.
A pale light reflected off the ceiling he was staring at through his bloodshot eyes.
"I thought I turned that goddamn TV off hours ago…" He groaned, sitting up to find the remote.
The program on was something about the current situation in some foreign country. People were on the streets, begging for money, food, anything. The people walking by just ignored them, occasionally kicking them out of the way to get by.
Nny flipped the channel, hoping to find something that didn't cause anger to bubble up inside of him.
"Fffuck you, all of you. Stupid…stupid self-righteous…" He mumbled to himself, trying to stay calm. He tried to suppress his emotions from affecting his apathetic mood, but felt a sharp pang in his chest instead.
"Godammit." He clutched the aching spot and cringed, still refusing to show his anger. Reverend Meat was still silent, his maniacal grin staying soulless.
"This, this is YOUR fault, all of it." He spat at the figure through clenched teeth. The voice didn't respond. Nny stared at the burger boy intensely, hoping for the voice to speak so he could have a reason to yell and scream until his throat ruptured.
"Speak…Speak…SPEAK, YOU FUCKER!" He jumped off the couch and ran over to the table, grabbing Reverend Meat off the surface.
"Well?! This is around the right time for you to start criticizing me, or at least try to feed my anger! SAY SOMETHING!!"
It's cold dark eyes stared back at him in defiance. He threw it against the wall as hard as he could, not satisified in the least at the crashing sound it made as it hit the floor.
"Well guess what? I control me, I CONTROL ME!! Not you, ME!!"
He ran into the kitchen, nearly falling over with exhaustion. He grabbed a knife out of the cabinet and ran down into his basement.
All it was now was a bunch of vacant rooms with various chains and torture devices, now gathering dust and cobwebs. An occasional skeleton lay up against a grimy wall, already a glowing white in the dark.
Nny wandered around aimlessly, not entirely used to having no victims to torture on demand. He became more manic, almost forgetting the layout of his own basement. (Even though it was pretty fuckin big)
"Shit…Shit, fuck I hate…" He ran back up the stairs to the main floor, nearly tripping over himself. He found his way back to the kitchen and staired out of the small windows above the sink. No stars tonight.
He started to shake violently, still trying to ignore his explosive emotion. He had to release it somehow, but he had no one around…No one around but himself.
"Hellooo! Anyone there?!" She cried out into the darkness. Small drips of liquid echoed all around her. The ground undcer her feet was solid, so she moved forward, cautious about each step she took. Distant sobbing came from somewhere nearby.
"Who's there?" She whispered coarsely, running in the general direction of the sound. She stopped at an estimated 6 feet away from the noise and waited for her eyes to adjust to the darkness.
There, in the corner of the large room she was in, was a curled up figure. The young man sat with his arm tightly clasped arong his legs, Short tufts of blue-black hair hung over his face, making it hard to read any facial expression. He held onto a large paintbrush in one hand so hard that it turned his knuckles white.
She walked closer, brushing a strand of purple hair from her face nervously. The shirt he had on was so ripped and torn that more skin shown than the actual shirt. Each time he choked out a sob, she could see his ribcage rise and fall accordingly. Streaks of blood oozed down his malnourished figure, smeared at certain areas.
A-Are you okay?" She forced herself a little closer. Judging by his appearance, he wouldn't be hard to fend off if he attacked.
Getting a better look, she could see that the paintbrush was quite familiar, and although the young man did nothing but sob, she matched his voice with his frighteningly thin physique. She covered her mouth in shock, backing away slowly.
"No…I don't believe it." She whispered.
The man looked up at her with wide, hollow eyes. More blood trailed down from his forehead and snaked down his sharp facial features. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but no sound came out, only the movement of his thin lips.
She knew he had called out to her, but stood frozen to the spot. The man reached out with the brush in his hand as if he wanted her to take it back.
Nny, what are you…"
Splotches of blood rained down on him, adding to his obscure appearance. He looked up with a puzzled look on his face. More of it came down, so much that he was showering in it.
Her eyes widened with horror, unable to break free of the disturbing scene.
"NOO!!" The young woman sprang upright from her bed, sweat pouring down her body. She looked around her familiar apartment, waiting for her heart rate to return to normal. The soft blue glow of dawn illuminated everything in her room.
"Stop trying to contact me, you fuck!" She yelled, punching the pillow in frustration. She had had this same dream 12 times already, and had no idea what it meant "Devi?? Are you okay? I can here you from my room." Tenna came into Devi's apartment with a worried look on her face.
"Oh…I'm sorry…it's just the dreaming again." She exhaled, falling back into the covers.
"The same one?" She sat at the edge of the bed in her bright green pajamas with her annoying squeaky toy at her side.
"Yeah…the same one."
"Well, it's 5AM. Didn't you say you had a meting today for your artwork or something?"
"Shit! Oh god, you're right. Thanks for reminding me, I gotta take a shower." She jumped out of bed, grabbed some clothes out of her cabinet, and rushed into the bathroom.
"Okay, I'll just wait on the couch and watch some TV." Tenna said, collapsing onto the deep purple sofa in the other room.
"Are you still going to that concert with that Daniel guy tomorrow night?" She called out.
"Yeah! I'm really excited! I'll send you some pics." Devi replied, lathering up the soapy water.
"Okay, just be careful…"
As Devi let the soothing warm water run down her body, she admitted to knowing at least a small part of her dream: The blood was all his own.
"Good morning, America! I'm Diane Boyer, and this is blah blah blah…."
Nny's eyes peeled open, the annoying news reporter's voice giving him a headache. He forced himself onto his knees from his not so comfy spot on the kitchen floor and stared down. There were splotches of blood on the floor, now a disgusting brownish color.
"What..?" He squeaked. A dull pain pulsed through his right arm, signaling the origins of the blood.
"Oh…Okay." He sighed, bringing his aching body to it's feet.
"You're hungry, Nny." Reverend Meat said.
Nny shot a nasty look in his direction, his stomach rumbling in protest.
"No food…I thought I already made that clear. Though I AM hungry."
He went over to the cracked mirror in his room and picked up the circular container of charcoal makeup.
"Makeup? How about a shower if you're gonna go out."
"Shut up. You say another word, I'm nailing you to the wall." He snapped, smearing the dreary pigment around his eyes.
"Just like you did to-"
"I swear, I'll nail you to the fucking wall if I hear another sound out of you." He seethed, snapping the makeup shut.
He grabbed his small bag near the door and swung it over his shoulder, grabbing his long black trenchcoat with his other hand.
"I'm going out to get some groceries, that's all." He said out loud, inhaling the cool morning air as he opened the front door.
Nny traced the cracks in the sidewalk as he made his way into the crowded city. The nearest market wasn't far, but he still hated going out. Too many people he could easily stick a knife into with no guilt at all. And that would only feed his emotion even more, right?
When he got into the store, he ducked into the nearest aisle and chucked anything that looked appetizing into the cart, then moved on to the next. Even though the city was a mix of cultures and look, he still gained a few stares and remarks.
"Oh my gawd, did you se his hair??"
"Those boots…what is he, gay? Or is he just ASKING for attention?"
He hummed to himself quietly to drown out the aggravating comments, making his way to the register.
"Are you paying with a credit card?" The man asked kindly.
"No, just cash." He handed some money to the man and started to pack his food into the bag he brought along with him. The man helped as well.
"Thank you for your help." He said genuinely before rushing outside.
"No problem!" The man went on to helping the next customer without taking a second look at Nny's appearance.
"Huh?" Rain poured down in torrents, trailing off the store's roof in steady streams.
"But…it was sunny just a few minutes ago…" He rolled his eyes and sat down against the stone wall of the building, setting his bag beside him. He glanced down the abandoned sidewalk, enjoying the few moments of silence in the city.
"Why didn't I bring my car?" He said aloud., just noticing how that would have made everything more convenient.
"I didn't bring my car either."
Nny looked over to the other side if the sidewalk and saw a woman running towards the small shelter he was under. She had long, slender legs covered in fishnets and striped stockings, her short combat boots sloshing up water as she ran. Her lacey shorts cut of mid thigh and she wore a laced up pink corset with a red heart stitched on the side. Her strikingly red hair flew out in all directions despite the rain.
After catching her breath, she smiled at him politely. He stared at her dripping black makeup, trying to smile back. (failing)
"Say something." Reverend Meat whispered.
Fuck. He's back, Nny thought.
"Uh, hi. My name's Emilie." She offered, breaking the silence. Nny stared, staying silent.
"Say something!!" He said again.
"Shut the fuck up! I'll say something if I want to!" Nny shouted out loud.
"Jeez, Nny you're such a child when it comes to arguments. You look like an imbecile just staring like that!" Reverend Meat yelled back.
"Quiet! I'll do what I want! Now leave me alone!!"
"Fine! I'll stop talking for a while if you talk to her."
"Fine, just stay quiet."
"Uh, what?" Emilie looked a bit closer at Nny, confused at his conversational habits.
"Oh, nothing, sorry. It's just one of those days." He said, pointing to his head.
"I see…"
"My name's Johnny."
Emilie nodded slowly, looking out at the rain again.
"So, what are you doing out in the rain?" He asked, hoping Reverend Meat would keep his word.
"I was down at one of the venues practicing for my upcoming concert, but I got hungry, so here I am." She laughed a bit.
"A show? What kind?" He asked, taking note of her…unusual taste in clothing.
"I'm performing some of my songs from my newest album Opheliac at one of the clubs a few streets over." She answered, twirling one of her boot laces.
"Never heard of it…sorry."
"Oh, I didn't expect you to. Not many people here do know of it. It's….different. I have my backup singers and actresses so it'll be fun acting out all of the madness."
"I see…"
"Well, I suppose I should get some food now. I still have some things to discuss with my Bloody Crumpets." She said, turning to go inside the store.
"Bloody Crumpets?" He asked, a smile tugging at his mouth.
Emilie pulled out a piece of paper from her pocket and scribbled something on it, then handed it to him.
"Come see the show. That'll get you in for free. If you have any issues, tell them to get me." She smiled at his puzzled face.
"Oh, you didn't have to-"
"But I did. Come, I think you'll like it."
He stared at the paper, then shoved it in his pocket.
"Oh, and you didn't quite get that stain out. Try bleach next time." She giggled before disappearing into the store. Nny looked down at the blood splotch on his shirt and cursed.
"Go to the show. You'll like it…"
"I thought you were done talking."
"I was, but now I'm not."
"Well, stay quiet you fucker. I'm tired of you're constant-"
"I'll stay quiet for the rest of the day if you go."
Nny looked up at the dark sky and shut his eyes. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad…it's only music. And a free ticket…
"Fine. I'll go."