Chapter 1

I am nervous. Hellishly nervous. The kind of nervousness you experience before the most important exam of your life. I stare at my reflection in the mirror, observe my blushed cheeks and the dark shades under my eyes. That will not serve for the best first impression. But the journey has been long. Very long and lonely. So I am allowed to look like shit.

I try to stand taller, tighten my shoulders and take a deep breath before I repeat my monologue once again. "Hey Der. I know we haven't seen each other for a while and that I´m not supposed to just show up like that but I really need your help. Please, don't be mad at me. What I did back then had been horrible and me going away necessary and the right decision. I changed for better, I swear. Will you help me?" I am looking at myself and decide that the speech is weak. The Derek I know will never accept it. So many things are left unsaid. But it must do for the start.

I sigh and turn away from the mirror at last. I pick out the used piece of paper with trembling fingers. His address is still readable. I get my stuff together. Only a suitcase and a backpack are left of my life. They have to do. Then I leave the small toilet of Beacon Hills train station and make my way out into the night.

It doesn't take me long to find his flat. The environment isn't very welcoming but that fits Derek so I assume to be at the right place. I turn to the high building on my right and search for the bell but there is none. Typical for him. He was always being a bit paranoid. What now? There is only one solution to the problem although I don't like it. I didn't want to use my powers. He won´t like being reminded of what I am capable of. But he doesn't leave me any choice.

I shrug, take the last steps to the heavy door and put my palms on the solid material. It only takes seconds. I feel the heat rising in my body, flowing into my hands and into the door. By now that's the easiest thing for me. The lock clicks and the door opens.

I enter the house, carefully now, hyper aware of my surroundings. I nearly stop breathing while my heart pounds very fast because I am so scared. The suitcase sounds too loud on the dark floor. He must have heard me by now with his wolf hearing. I take the steps, one by one. An eternity later I stop breathlessly in front of his flat.

I get my bravery together for a second and raise my hand. But he is faster. The door slides open before I can knock. And there he stands in the dim light staring at me while I stare at him and all the words leave my brain.

He hasn't really changed. He is still tall and strong and kind of intimidating. His brows are furrowed and his eyes look bewildered. He looks older than I remember. More attractive, I guess. But I haven't seen him in five years so that's probably just logical.

"Joe is that you?", he asks after a while because I am still not talking. I nod weakly. I had been thirteen back then so it is probably a shock for him to see me as a young woman. I don't know what I expected to happen. Maybe that he would scream at me, throw me out of his apartment, tell me to fuck off. But that doesn't occur. Instead he takes a step back and signifies for me to come in.

I am very surprised about this calm and kind gesture but I try to hide that. I follow him into the empty, cold flat and don't take my eyes away from him. He stops in front of his desk, leans against it and gives me a requesting look. I still don't really know what to say. Why did I even practice that stupid speech?

"I am so sorry for disturbing you, Derek. I know you are probably not very happy to see me", I start weakly. His gaze is fathomless. "You changed a lot", he states without commenting my words. "You look a lot like your mum now." I can´t help myself, I blush. Coming from him that's a big compliment, my mum has been said to be beautiful. I don't really find myself in her but others obviously do. "I am another person now", I add to make clear that not only my appearance has changed. "Why are you here?"

Now his gaze becomes intense and I know that he reads my heartbeat. Lying is no option but I didn't intend to do that anyway. "I need your help, Derek." "Why would you think that I want to help you?" "I know you don't want to", I admit quietly, looking away from him and onto the floor because I can´t cope with it anymore. "I know I don't deserve your help. I have hurt you a lot back then and I never apologized because I was a stupid little girl. But that's why I went away. I have learned to control it, I have learned to be a better version of myself. You know I am not lying. Cora knows that too, that's why she gave me your address."

Quiet. He keeps silent for a little while, considering what I just said. A sigh brushes his lips. "Why are you here?", he asks again. I look up, struggling with my emotions. "I couldn't stay in Germany. Many bad things happened. I tried to prevent them but I wasn't strong enough and I lost many people because of that. I tried to live alone for a while but I am not a loner. I need a pack. I need a pack that will accept me and that's strong enough to go through horrible stuff together. Cora said you have a pack like that in Beacon Hills."

"It´s not my pack", he counters. I swallow hard because I can see in his expression that he doesn't like the notion. "I know. Scott McCall is the alpha. But I need your help to talk to him." "That won´t be easy. They are very close, Joe, they love and protect each other and you are not necessarily the perfect candidate.", Derek reminds me with raised eyebrows. "I will be", I promise, nearly pleading now. "I have good powers now and with them I can protect them. Please, Derek, that's my last chance. You know I wouldn't come to you if I had any other choice."

He thinks about that for a minute although we both know that that is the very truth. I can practically hear his thoughts. How desperate do I have to be to ask something like that from him? What did I experience that brought me here? Could he trust me? Could he? The little girl that is a woman now and that made a horrible mistake such a long time ago?

"What if you get angry at someone of them?", he wants to know coldly. I shut my eyes for a moment. "It doesn't matter, I don't get angry like that anymore. I swear, Derek." "Even then, I won´t be here to see. I am leaving Beacon Hills, Joe. You can´t stay with me."

My mouth drops open. I didn't know that. I didn't expect it. That changes everything. "When will you leave?", I ask, because I know that I have no right to ask him why. He shrugs slightly but he can´t hide the slight sadness from me. "In a few weeks. The flat is already sold." I struggle to stomach that and get my stuff together again. "Then we still have a few weeks to find a solution", I state as calm as possible. My hands are sweaty and shaky but that doesn't matter, he already knows how beaten I am. He can smell it, see it, hear it. I am nearly naked in front of him, my soul laid bare, totally dependent of him.

The old Derek would have liked and used that. He would have taken revenge on me. But this Derek doesn't. He runs his fingers through his hair and says very serious: "I will see what I can do. But you have to understand something, Joe: Within all this chaos Scott and his pack try to have a normal life. If you are not ready to do that you are not welcome here." "I am ready to do anything. To go to school, to dumb parties, whatever it takes", I answer quickly. "Good, we will start with that tomorrow. Now go showering or to bed or something, you really need it."

I go around the corner where the bathrooms supposedly are. As soon as I am out of his view the smile breaks its way. I could cry of happiness. This was the new start I had wanted so much and I would do anything to make it work!