(AN: For reference, this is an AU where everyone is dead, but they made a deal with English so that he'd leave the dreambubbles alone. So everyone is dead but no one is at the same time. Weird plot shit basically.)
"karkat?" You hear John call, out from the balcony. "karkat, it's time for your speech. all the others are outside now. i'm pretty sure that's just about everyone."
You begin to head out to the veranda. You're still wearing your shitty, raggedy-ass black turtleneck with your symbol on the front from back during the days of Sburb. From before you and John and some other douchebags made a deal with that taintsniffer English. Still, you reason as you meet up with John and Meenah on the overlook and survey the overwhelming mass of people that have assembled to hear you speak, things could have ended up worse.
You turn to John, your sometimes matesprite, sometimes kismeisis (it tends to flip around at the drop of a hat some days, despite you loving the ignorant fuck to death.) and give him a quick kiss.
"hehehehe. karkat, stop!" John gives you a cute-ass grin and a peck as he continues, "as much as you know i enjoy this, you know that there are more pressing matters at hand!" He points to the (thankfully) patient crowd in front of Meenah's dreambubble mansion.
Speaking of fish people... "HEY MEENAH. THANKS AGAIN FOR LETTING ME USE YOUR PLACE FOR THIS. YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING RIDICULOUS IT'D BE TO DO THIS ANYWHERE ELSE."
She leans in and gives you a kiss too, longer than John's and a hell of a lot less innocent, but, once again, that's what you've come to expect from her. Kinky little fish she is.
"yeah, yeah, shouty, anyfin for you. but you'd better be ready to give mama some sugar after this is all over, hmmmm?"
F-Fuck! Did she just fucking grope your bulge? Holy shitburgers she did! ... Fuck, she is getting it after this thing kicks off, you swear to gog.
Well, You've held off long enough.
Time to speak to the masses.
"HEY. UH, SHIT THERE ARE A LOT OF YOU FUCKASSES HERE. SHIT. I MEAN, I KNEW EACH OF YOU WOULD BE HERE, BUT SEEING YOU ALL IN PERSON IS... WELL, FUCK ME." You tap you mic to see if it works, quickly, as you can't hear the unholy noise of the speakers over your own shouting.
"OKAY, SO THIS IS GOING TO TAKE AN ABSO-FUCKING-LUTLY LONG TIME. DO ANY OF YOU SNIVILING LITTLE FUCKSMEARS HAVE TO HIT THE LITTLE GRUBS ROOM? NO? OKAY GOOD."
You look out into the crowd and pick someone out to start with. Jegus fuck this is gonna take forever.
"OKAY, YOU, THE NEPETA IN THE TOWARDS THE FRONT. NO, NOT YOU, THE OTHER NEPETA. YES. YOU."
Her expression brightens as she realizes she is first to selected.
"YOUR EYES. ARE AN OCEAN. YOUR BREASTS. ARE ALSO AN OCEAN"
She nearly faints in ectasy
"OKAY, NOW YOU, THAT TEREZI OVER THERE..."
*Six Hours Later*
"...ALSO AN OCEAN"
And now the next one... wait, is that? It IS!
"CRONUS, GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, YOU RANCID SHITFUCK, I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T WANT TO SEE YOUR NOOK SUCKING FACE HERE!"
"awvwvwvwvwv maaaaaaaan."
*So much later, that the guy hired to do the transitions up and quit*
You turn to Meenah, standing beside you. Fucking finally, you've come to the last person here.
"MEENAH. YOUR EYES. ARE AN OCEAN. YOUR BREASTS. ARE ALSO AN OCEAN"
Suddenly, as if on cue, the masses of ectoplasmic trolls and humans charge the house, and Meenah and John jump your body.
"oooh karkat, you have such a way with words."
"jegus fuck, shouty, you got my clam all glubbin going here."
You sigh to yourself. This is so stupid. Why is everyone such a motherfucking shit for brains? Oh well, you reason, you should probably enjoy this while it last.
With a crash, the door busts open, and you are engulfed in a tide of flesh.
AND THEN
THEY ALL
SMOOCHED
THE
END
(AN: i am so sorry.)
