It's been forever since I posted... as usual a lot going on in my life. Hopefully everyone will put up with my delays and enjoy the second part of the Finding Contentment series... I have the rest of the story written I just need to edit before publishing. Chapters should come every few days.

Hope you all enjoy


Thanks to the continued support of his brother over his summer break, John Cena was returning to college for his sophomore year, with his studies at least. On a personal level, he was starting freshman year all over again.

This year he didn't have an injury to worry about, having regained all his strength and mobility back through physical therapy sessions over the summer. The injury had sidelined him from his football aspirations and forced him to spend two sessions a week with a Physical Therapist at the college. That person had forced him to challenge things about himself that he may still try to ignore. Not about his body though certain reactions forced him to acknowledge something about himself; he was gay. His biggest discovery to date at college. He hoped he avoided such discoveries this year.

John would love to see how pleased his Physical Therapist was with his recovery, and hoped proud of his actions, but John would never find out for sure. His second reason for a fresh start this year. There was no Randy.

Randy helped him to discover who he was, and set him on the longer path of that discovery, but he was also a huge distraction for John. Well, he was when they weren't spending time together. When John was around Randy's, he lounged about, sometimes even in Randy's arms and studied. If John had an essay and Randy was marking, then the pair sat at the dining room table, keeping one another company with their presence. The only time he didn't enjoy was the therapy itself. It was a mix of pleasure and pain; he looked forward to spending time with Randy but once the rehab started he was cursing Randy, always needing ice packs taped to him afterward.

His freshman year ended on a low with Randy leaving the college, deciding he wanted to return to St Louis. To make things worse, Cody, Randy's colleague, was still here. The bane of his relationship with Randy. Cody had it in for them and John hadn't realized until it was too late. John had tried to convince Randy to stay, failing in his attempt. Days before he was due to head home, John went to Randy, begging him to stay, desperate for him to be there in September, but Randy had already decided.

But he needed to move on. This was his sophomore year where he would excel at his work, find the courage to tell people he was gay, his long-term goal, and have lots of fun. It was just a shame that Chris was staying in Canada; they became friends the previous year and John still regretted not telling Chris the truth. But that was his failure all year. He always hid from the truth.

John had a room in Alumni Hall, the all-male residence hall and so far, everything was working out. He had a room to himself and no one to question why he wasn't bringing women back to his room like most college lads. If the guys didn't find out he was gay, unless he reached that courageous moment, then it would be fine. When he did, he wondered how they would act around him.

Although he had come to terms with his sexuality, he still wasn't at the stage of screaming from the rooftops about it; he hadn't even told his brother Steve. In fact, the one person he wanted to talk to was in another state.

He hated hiding the truth from Steve but he wasn't ready to share with anyone.

John ran his hand over his hair, relishing in the buzz cut. He could do without the hassle of moving his belongings twice a year but he had no choice if he wanted to go to college.

Steve carried the last box into the room. "Where am I putting it?"

"Just chuck it with the others," John said pointing to the three other boxes he had stacked. What did he bring with him to college?

His t-shirt clung to the muscles of his upper body as he shifted the boxes around to get to his books. He wanted them unpacked to read through the first chapters for class later that night.

Even being one of the lucky ones who had a single room, he hadn't gained in space. He thought about whether to rearrange the room to maximize the space but the truth was it was a single room at college. It wasn't an apartment. He'd just have to keep it tidy and not leave his shit all over the place.

"Don't worry about me, I'm just going to keel over and die," Steve said falling back onto the mattress, his head landing on a pile of clothes hangers. John let him catch his breath, and he hunted out a glass to get Steve a quick drink of water. "The things I do for my brother."

"Yeah, yeah, shut the fuck up."


At Cody's House

Cody's king size bed seemed smaller than ever when he and Ted sprawled over it, under the sheets, on top of the sheets. Two muscled guys took up a lot of space when they were having fun together. Short of some paperwork strewn on the floor and his bedside cabinets, there was nothing else in the room. He'd even converted the small bedroom into a dressing room. Cody wanted the bedroom to be his sanctuary, no television or stereo system, he just lay in bed with a good book.

"Fuck," he moaned as Ted slipped his moist lips further down his cock. Sometimes, sex was a good escape from his life. "Teddy, keep sucking me."

"Not worried about work are you," Ted said sounding smug even as his voice hitched.

"We're not there yet, it'll be a different matter when we're on campus," Cody said chewing his lip as his words trailed off. "If we get caught looking at one another we're in trouble."

Cody didn't want to admit the large part of him that still considered himself a hypocrite. He spent an entire year tormenting Randy for something he was now doing himself and had done for a year prior to that; though he was sure he was behaving in worse ways than Randy did.

Randy, was transparent when it came to men and his feelings; Cody read him so with ease and saw the attraction between Randy and the football player, John. It was because he had seen a small part of himself in Randy. Randy was still searching for his soulmate. Something Cody related to. He'd be lying if he said getting together with Randy hadn't crossed his mind, so much so he'd voiced it last year; albeit in a tactic to get John away from Randy. His guilt over hurting Randy stopped him pursuing. The most he did was offer Randy the chance to talk to him, but Cody had played too many games.

A hard tug by Ted had Cody back at the moment and almost cumming within moments of the action. "Ted, fuck, please, make me cum," he pleaded as Ted pushed him to his limits causing Cody to spill his essence into Ted's mouth for him to feast on.

Ted pulled off afterward, with no heart-warming comments, just ambled out of the room, mumbling something about getting food.

And that was his biggest concern, Ted. He had noticeably changed over the last year. Even his sexual preferences were different. The whole time they were together, Ted would bottom, even when Cody asked him to switch for the night, Ted had never wanted it. There was one occasion where Cody convinced him and that was it. He always told Cody that he enjoyed his powerful cock thrusting inside him. It gave Cody an invincibility when Ted would tell him that. Now, it was the opposite. Ted had no desire to bottom to Cody and though he had no qualms about receiving Ted's cock, enjoying Ted's dominance, he had hoped it would balance out.

"I made you a sandwich," Ted said returning to the room and climbing onto the bed next to Cody.

"Thanks, Teddy," Cody said shifting his position to sit back against Ted.

"Yeah, whatever," Ted squirmed. "I might get a shower."

"Want company?"

"No."

The change in Ted's personality brought along further concerns for Cody regarding their relationship. Was Ted sticking around after his course? Ted had admitted he was attending the college because the curriculum would give him the best advantages going into the working world. It was that one point that niggled at the back of Cody's mind. Ted wanted a successful career, and no matter how much Cody tried to convince himself otherwise, the career his lover wanted wasn't in this town.

Cody was never sure how he got Ted to agree to leave for his final two years, or just one as it worked out. He'd done so much research to show him that Tampa had strong English and Science curriculums for Ted to succeed there without distraction. Cody had seen a steady decline in Ted's interest and commitment to his work in his sophomore year and had sacrificed his own happiness for Ted's future.

They hadn't spoken about it since Ted's return, the first few days was just them having sex. Ted allowed Cody to top their first round but Cody soon learned Ted's new preference. Even though he was sore, Cody still didn't stop now he had Teddy was back in his arms.

He read through the paper which had been delivered and spotted the article about his work with school kids interested in an athletic training career. His boss had let him spearhead the project, and he had contacted various schools prior to the end of the term. He hadn't expected the turnout they achieved, and he highlighted the work they were doing at the college to grow the department.

Ted came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist and moved over to the bed, "What are you reading?"

"The article in the paper about our open day for the Athletic Training department," Cody replied.

"You getting to be a little celebrity on me," Ted joked.

"I'm not little," Cody said wiggling his eyebrows at Ted.

"Mm, just imagine, taking your celebrity ass on your desk," Ted said raking his teeth over the back of Cody's neck.

"Not a chance, that's my workplace," Cody swatted Ted away, serious about his statement. He had no desire to mess around in his office, or any of the rooms in the training center.

"I like a challenge," Ted said rubbing his hardening cock against Cody's ass. "By the end of this year, I promise to have fucked you over your desk."


Back at the college

"Hey, Cena," John heard hollered across the foyer. John turned his head and saw his former teammate calling him over.

"Hey Buff," John greeted him with a typical sports guy hug. "Buff, meet my brother Steve. I roped him into helping me move."

"Steve," he said shaking hands. "So, you watching the game?"

"Yeah, going to try not to jump on the field and join in while you lose without your star player on the team."

"Funny," Buff said with a smirk. "Good to see your humor hasn't changed; or your dress sense."

"He's been wearing similar outfits for years. Our mom is desperate to see him change his style," Steve said getting a laugh from the guys.

"What's wrong with t-shirt and shorts?"

"Nothing, if you're a skater boy who never grew up," Buff laughed.

"I've never been into skating," John said with a smirk.

Maven, one of John's teammates and classmates from last year joined them, advising of a touch football game starting if they wanted in. Maven was full of energy at that moment, psyched for the start of the season.

"John, have you met Peter? He's my roommate this year," Maven said introducing the pair.

"Peter," John said shaking hands. "Maven, Peter, this is my brother Steve."

They exchanged pleasantries for another couple of minutes before the guys headed out for the football game though Peter bowed out claiming football wasn't his game.

"Shall we get going as well?" Steve asked checking his watch. He was keen to get back to West Newbury since his girlfriend Liz was planning on cooking that evening.

As they headed for the exit, John looked back over his shoulder, sensing eyes on him. Peter had eyes on him, following him through the crowded foyer where their friends played Foosball or Ping pong or just sat watching the television.

Peter appeared to laid-back, even his hair was a relaxed 'I'm just going to let it do whatever' kind of style. John just wasn't sure why he was watching him. He hoped Peter wasn't into guys and liked him because John was so not interested in him.


An hour later…

"Do you enjoy it here?" Steve asked as they walked along the path from the dining hall to the Athletic Health Care Facility. "You didn't talk about your activities from last year. Except for your football and recovery from your injury."

"Mom and Dad asked about my results then got distracted because Sean and Dan were getting rowdy in the backyard," John said shrugging. He pointed Steve down the road to the Athletic Health Care Facility. If Steve wondered about John's previous year, this is where he spent a good chunk of his time.

"Mom and dad struggle with five of us," Steve said avoiding John's eyes.

"I enjoy it here. Gives me a chance to make something of myself. There's a great group of lads, who you met, and my roommate last year made sure we both had a good time between studies."

"The guy who contacted me, right? What about girlfriends?"

"I dated one girl, more than a favor to my roomie since she was the friend of his girlfriend," John smirked, recalling the end of Chris's relationship with Barbie. "Anyway, this is the training center, I did my physical therapy here and strength and conditioning with the football team while I was playing. My Exercise Science classes are in this building too."

"So, this is where you spent your time since I see the football field there," Steve pointed to the field behind John.

"Yeah," John nodded. "My hall, last year, was the building on the right. I'll show you on the way back."

"Can we go in?"

"The halls?"

"No, the training center," Steve shook his head at John.

"Oh, um, I think it's locked," John brushed aside going in. Without Randy or class, there was no point entering the building. Too memories of those moments shared with him. What was he supposed to, show Steve and tell him about the rooms? This is the room where I first saw him, this is the room where he treated my injury and oh yeah, he also fought back the desire to kiss me. He saved that for when he took me to a secluded part of a park and he lost control and we almost had sex against a tree. I'll take you to my old room where we kissed on the bed because we were both desperate for each other.

No, no way was he showing Steve the building.

"If we head back to the car, I can show you around the town," John suggested. "Not much more to see on campus."


Later in the day

"So, when you said, 'show me around the town', what you meant was 'let me take you shopping for things you forgot to bring?'" Steve joked.

John directed him to the Starbucks Coffee shop he frequented before replying.

"No, but when I saw we were nearby, I remembered I needed these things. You seemed keen to make sure I didn't spend all my money," John joked back. "And Starbucks isn't something I forgot. But you must admit, they make good coffee here."

John hopped out the car and led Steve over to the door. He had missed the coffee shop over the summer. He'd only been to the Starbucks in the neighboring town when his mom insisted on him helping her with some errands. While it served coffee, the staff didn't give it flair like this place.

This Starbucks held a special memory for him. When he saw the building and logo as they passed John realized how much he'd missed it, chatting with staff, and having relaxed study sessions.

"If you like, there's parks we can hang out in after we get coffee. There's a couple nearby or we can head to Forest Park, which is massive with loads to do," John said. "Basketball courts, baseball diamond, loads of hiking trails."

"I'll bring the rest of the mob up one weekend to throw the ball around; Liz would like it here too, we'll make a trip out of it," Steve said paying for John's coffee. Steve threw him a knowing look as John didn't even attempt to pay for the drinks. "That's if I can afford it, I may head back to West Newbury bankrupt if you keep spending my money."

"It's called being a big brother, you have my best interests in mind and are teaching me how to budget."

"No, I think I'm teaching you how to play your brother," Steve said sitting at a table with John and sinking back into the overstuffed chair.

They messed around for a few more minutes and John sensed Steve's eyes on him, studying his responses as they talked more about John's college life. John wondered if Steve realized he was keeping something huge from him and was trying to give him a chance to talk. John wanted to tell him, but even when he tried to convince himself over the summer, he walked into Steve's apartment and lost his nerve.

"All right, I have something for you. But, before I give it you I need you to promise you won't be stupid," Steve said with a stern look.

"I'm not irresponsible," John said rolling his eyes. "I promise."

"You can be an ass when you want," Steve said shaking his head and handing John an envelope.

John tore into the envelope and couldn't help but raise his eyebrows when he saw what was inside.

"It's for emergencies only," Steve warned. "No weekend trips to the Bahamas with your friends. I can check it online at any stage as well so you can't hide anything from me."

"Thanks, Steve, I appreciate this," John said taking his wallet out of his back pocket. "Can we head back to town, there was an Armani store I'd like to check out."

"Fuck off, with you."


Later in the day

"I'm sorry I can't stay longer, Liz will kill me if I'm not back in time for dinner," Steve said giving John a hug.

"It's fine," John said not worried that his brother was heading home. Compared to last year it was amazing. His mom and dad had unloaded the car, helped him get it to his room and left him with a 'good luck'. The relationship between them was not the strongest it could be, but they were his parents. "I guess I'll see you for Thanksgiving."

"Yeah, we'll work times out nearer the day," Steve said opening the car door and getting in. "No wild parties where you remember nothing the next day."

"So, the ones where I remember are okay?" John asked trying to keep a straight face.

"Yeah, those are fine," Steve said laughing as he closed the door. They both waved each other off and John turned toward the residence halls, taking one last look at his brother's departing car. Now to start the unpacking. No doubt there would be a party tonight in the halls to welcome everyone back and he wanted to enjoy it with his friends.

After John finished unpacking his room, he sat back on his bed with his laptop and typed up his class schedule and worked out when he would study. He had got all the classes he wanted and was looking forward to putting everything into his studying, without the distractions of the previous year.

He chastised himself for thinking of Randy as a distraction. Randy had done everything in his power to ensure that he kept John focused, and John had been. At least until the end of the year when everything fell apart. With the retraction of his funding and the end of his friendship with Randy, John hadn't seen the benefits of staying in college. At least until everyone told him off. Chris, Steve, and then Randy. And Randy was the main reason. Steve persuaded him to stay until the end of the year, but Randy was the one who convinced him to secure his future.

John smirked as he remembered Randy, the man of so many characters. The professional in him always doing things properly. The friend, making sure John lived his life around his studies, chilling in the park during the summer. It was the lover John never knew. The man risked everything so John could have his first kiss. Damn that kiss, John could still remember the roughness of bark as Randy pressed him against it as he lifted him from the ground.

Unable, or more unwilling, to deny the feelings, John reached down into his pants and gripped his hardening cock. What he wouldn't give for Randy to be one stroking him, or he could stroke Randy off. He fantasized about watching Randy cum. To see his face as ecstasy overtook him. It was enough to push John on to his own. He had the odd memory to work from, but the image of straddling Randy's lap was losing its effect on him through overuse.

As the weeks got closer, and he thought about being back here, even knowing Randy wouldn't be here, his hand had become his new best friend. He'd even considered trying to get hold of a gay lad's magazine but he wasn't sure where he would even get one. Not to mention how scared he was his parents would find it. It would be bad enough for your mom to find a nude magazine, but if they found a gay one. What would he say? 'Yeah, huh…' could he blame it on a friend? Pretend a girlfriend left it there? Tell the truth? Mom, I'm gay, surprise!

Besides, he'd already decided the first person finding out in the family was Steve. They were too close to be that disrespectful to him.


Four days later

On John's second day of classes, everything was on track. He enjoyed everything and was looking forward to the rest of his day. It was only as he was leaving the Physics for Movement Science lab that his day took a slight downturn. As it was, it wasn't a major one, but it was enough to make him pause and attempt to hold back the growing anger toward the man.

Across the green, walking toward the Athletic Health Care Facility, was Cody Runnels. An interfering man determined to stop he and Randy from becoming more than friends. On occasion, during the previous year, John was sure Randy was going to make a move. But then Cody happened, making a comment, or his outright threat to John.

But as his eyes followed the man into the building, he noticed a difference in him. He didn't appear as confident or sure of himself. In fact, Cody appeared to be on guard, always checking to make sure no one was watching him. John made it look like he was looking for something in his bag as Cody turned his head in John's direction.

"Grow up John," he scolded himself. He saw no point having a vendetta against Cody. If Randy had wanted a relationship, he would have acted. He wouldn't have denied his heart. How could anyone? He glanced one more time and registered the scene in his mind, turning back again. Is someone's arm around Cody? They had disappeared into the building and he couldn't see. But would he do that?

"That rat bastard," he mumbled storming off toward his room. He tried to convince himself he had seen it wrong. He couldn't prove the guy was a student. No proof that he was doing what he accused Randy of the year before. But John's gut told him he was right. He wished he could ring Randy and discuss it with him. And while there was no stopping him Randy hadn't been in contact all summer. He had moved on. He wouldn't care about the goings on at his old workplace.


Later in the day

"Hey, Cody."

"Hi Ted," Cody responded not looking away from his computer screen. He was just finishing up his lunch break and replying to a few emails before going into the training room to assist the students and athletes.

After a moment, he noticed Ted had said nothing else and averted his eyes from the screen to where Ted now sat.

"Everything okay? You're quiet," Cody commented.

"Fine. Just thinking about a topic that came up in my class," Ted said before expanding. "We're looking at faith cultures and healers. What are your thoughts on it?"

"I've seen recoveries from injuries that shouldn't have happened," Cody replied. "When commenting on the injuries, they said they found faith."

"After they had worked with you?"

"I was supporting, not the main trainer," Cody elaborated.

"I have faith, you know, but why would God put you through the trauma of a malady such as losing the use of your legs and then return it you?"

"There are examples in the bible where God tests people's faith? Aren't faith healers God's way of testing his followers?"

"For what purpose?"

Cody smiled and tried to hold back a chuckle, "You are the man of faith, I'm an athletic trainer."

"And Professor," Ted said sitting up in his chair. "Which reminds me why I'm visiting."

"Why?" Cody asked smiling. He'd missed his discussions with Ted; they had talked for hours when they were first dating. Cody could stare into his eyes for hours as he talked.

"I wanted to kiss you," Ted said letting his hand slip down to his crotch and rub. "Get you wanting more than kissing."

"We're in my office," Cody scolded knowing where Ted was going with the conversation.

"I know. I warned you I wanted to do it in here. It's been something I wanted since the first time I visited your office."

Cody gulped, remembering the moment, his stomach was doing somersaults both then and now. He had been working late after picking up an extra class, and Ted turned up with a hot coffee to keep him going. Cody's heart melted at the kind gesture before plummeting as Ted's revelation from the previous weekend was apparent. He was a sophomore student at the college.

On their second date, Cody and Ted skipped the movies and headed to Cody's house for a more intimate form of entertainment. It was only afterward when they talked again that the conversation about jobs came up; Cody hadn't expected Ted to say he was a student at the college.

"Ted, get your mind off the idea. If it was going to happen, it would've happened a long time ago," Cody said hoping he sounded confident in his words. "I'm not comfortable having sex at work."

"babe, I have all year to work on you and your morals," Ted chuckled thinking it a game.

"Ted…"

"I should go," Ted said looking toward the door before leaning over and kissing Cody. "What time will you be home?"

"Between half eight and nine," Cody said unable to stop the smile.


The next day

"Hey, how's it going?" John greeted Peter as he was heading out of the residence halls. He'd been relaxing all morning before he went to his first class of the day, Applied Nutrition.

Rather than acknowledging John and responding, Peter just shrugged and walked into the building. He wasn't in a good mood. Or John had pissed him off. He wasn't sure how considering it was only the second time he'd spoken to him.

John wasn't too concerned and headed out to class. He loved the course because he got to catch up with a bunch of his former teammates as they geared up for their second match of the season. He was planning on watching providing he finished studying in time. If he didn't, there were other chances to catch a game.

It was proving tough to stop the urge to go to the sidelines and beg the coach for a chance to put his old pads on. He tried to smother it by studying harder. It had worked to a point and if he could make the end of the season without making a fool of himself, then it would be okay. John hoped his willpower held out.


Later in the day

He watched her walk into the library all the way over to a workstation on the next row from him.

She was beautiful. If he were into women he'd be over there in a heartbeat making a move on her. Well, he'd try to, his nerves would get the better of him. He tried to tell himself that those looks would intimidate most guys, but it didn't work. Not that he would approach her and ask her on a date. That would be pointless.

Her long brown hair framed her face and came to an end just at the right spot for guys to check out her tits. And John did just that as she removed her jacket and hung it on the back of the chair. Whoever she was she knew what her assets were and how to stress them with class. John would dare any straight man or lesbian to deny he had the best spot in the library at that moment.

Was he being too obvious? He suspected he was because she looked up and smiled at him. He smiled and hid in the research he was doing for his assignment. Thankful the subject was involved enough he had to focus on the text he was reading. When he sat up and stretched, he noticed the girl had disappeared.

He wondered whether he should attempt to see girls now and then. It would keep the suspicion down on why he wasn't dating. Even without a roommate, he needed to give off a good impression.


The following day

John flew into the library after his class, keen to get the reading started for his Psychology of Sports class. Even after the second class, he was enjoying the subject, and he had hated it when the class finished for the day. This year there were a lot more courses around his chosen field and he could get into them easier.

He looked for his friends as he entered the library, but being Friday he remembered they were likely to be at a bar. He recognized one person, though he didn't know her name, and he made a beeline for her area. Even if he didn't sit next to her, at least he could be polite.

As he reached the spare seat, she looked up and smiled, though he thought it was a coy smile. Did she know something he didn't? John smiled back trying to show that he was saying hello since the library called for it to be a quiet area. He wished there were no one else around so he could say hello and make contact. He still thought keeping company with girls would stop people identifying him as being gay, and so far, she was the only girl he was connecting with. Even if it were a silent one.


Three days later

John made his way to the library, finding himself eager to see if his dark-haired mystery lady was there. He hoped she was as today would be the day he asked her on a date. Which was weird as he'd never cared to ask a lady out, at all. He even went stag to his high school prom.

When he got into the library, he spotted her, and his nerves kicked in. How did you ask someone out? He'd never done it. Did you have to make a song and dance about it, he'd seen it done before. But he knew relationships could grow from friendship and neither needing to ask.

He took a sit opposite her, safe, with two computer screens between them. She didn't know what his plans had been so she wouldn't feel rejected if he lost his nerve.

As he looked around the room he did a minor double take spotting a familiar figure stood inside the door. His heart leaped a little at the sight. It was him. Randy. He knew it was in an instant, he had the right build, haircut. He couldn't see his face and he had long sleeves on so John couldn't see the tattoos he loved. But he knew it, it was Randy. Until the man turned. John's heart plummeted. It wasn't Randy. It could never have been him. He was in St Louis, not Massachusetts.

"Damn," he whispered to himself. The guy next to him turned to look at him with a quizzical look and John blushed. "Sorry, I realized I forgot a set of notes."

John logged onto the machine in front of him and dived into the research he needed to complete, his heart racing and breaking at the same time. He wished he could move on from Randy but he seemed impossible.

He sensed eyes on him and looked up spotting the mystery lady looking at him. She smiled asking with her eyes if he was okay and he tried to smile back but his enthusiasm had evaporated for the time being.


The following day

Had he worked his schedule out wrong? He wasn't sure, but all he seemed to be doing this year was heading to the library. Last year he was studying in his room if it were just reading he needed to do. Other times it was at the house of a certain person. As soon as he the thought entered his mind he realized why he'd been funky during the day. The 'encounter' the previous night was enough to unsettle John and put his heart in anguish again. He thought he'd moved on from him, but he'd lied to himself the last week. He adjusted his bag on his shoulder as he reached the bottom of the steps outside the library.

"Hey," a voice said from his side.

"Oh, hey," John said with a genuine smile at the girl.

"I've seen you here a lot this week. I'm Dawn Marie," she said holding out her hand for him to shake.

"Um, John, hi," he replied. "Yeah, I figure I come here and get my studying done, the rest of my time is free to do whatever I like."

"What are you studying?"

"Exercise Science, you?"

"Business."

"So, I can ask you for help; I chose a few business courses for my general education," he said joking with her.

"I wouldn't deny you the chance of all those hours of study," she joked back at him.

They wandered up the steps to the library, hanging outside the doors, unable to chat once they entered the building.

"Don't think of me as brash, but was everything okay yesterday? You came in raring to go and then you seemed to deflate," she whispered. "We may not have spoken before today, but that didn't seem right for you."

"I thought I saw someone, but it wasn't them."

"An ex?" she asked.

"It didn't get that far."

John knew he was being distant with his answers but he didn't want to talk about it with anyone.

"Sorry, that's me, foot… mouth," she apologized sheepishly.

"No, you're fine," John said. "In fact, you're a welcome distraction."


The next day

"That guy in the movies... what's his name... dated Jennifer Lopez..."

"You mean Ben Affleck?"

"Yeah, he's hot," she said smiling.

"I mean, he's okay," John said pulling a face. He wasn't sure what she saw in the actor, he wasn't that good looking if anything he had the guy next door look about him. He preferred guys with a nice physique.

"Like you'd know," she said pushing at his arms. "I suppose you like someone like Angelina Jolie."

"Oh, god no, way too into herself," John said turning his nose up. But then he'd have that reaction to any woman she listed. He needed to get off this topic before Dawn Marie kept pressing the matter and he blurted out he'd prefer Vin Diesel over her choice of Ben Affleck. "So, what class have you got?"

"Principles of Microeconomics," she said pulling a face. "It's a lot of information being thrown at you. I read the text two or three times to get it to make sense."

"Kind of makes me glad I'm not doing that one," John said with a smile.

"Gee, thanks for the support."

As they walked, John couldn't help but pull her into his side. They had a lot in common and she was fun to hang with. John considered keeping her as a friend because he didn't want to take advantage of her kind heart. He wanted her in his life and she was already a great friend in just two days. Maybe they could have something more.

"Listen, what are you doing Friday night?"

"Studying."

"Okay," he said with a chuckle. "After you're through studying?"

"I guess, going to bed," she said confused at his questions.

"All right, see, this is me trying to ask for a drink," John said smiling at her as the realization dawned on her.

"Oh, sorry, um, sure, so what you'll pick me up at ten?"

"Ten it is," John chuckled as they reached Dawn Marie's classroom and he turned and left her to her class. "See you in the library later?"

"I expect so," she called after him.


Two days later

Compared to previous nights out John was far more relaxed and he knew a huge part it was because of Dawn Marie. If he had been dating Dawn Marie last year and not Torrie things may have been even harder to accept. The woman sat in front of him sipping on a Bacardi and Coke was tough and sweet and sexy all rolled into one. Since she was from New York as well her outspoken nature made him smile.

He was under no illusion, he was gay, still lusting over a guy he couldn't have, but Dawn Marie can swing most heads. When they had been on the dance floor earlier, John swore he saw girls staring at her.

"So why didn't you ask when you saw me in the library?" Dawn Marie asked playing with the swizzle stick in her drink.

"It's not my thing," John admitted. "I guess maybe I'm a little nervous asking people out. I don't know how to approach someone, even just to start a conversation."

"So, no one gave you a book of pickup lines," she joked with him. "Are your brothers older or younger?"

"I have one older brother, the rest are younger," John said. "In fact, my youngest brother has had more girlfriends in his time at Junior High than I've had, period."

"Wow, sounds like he's the one the girls drool over," Dawn Marie commented with her smile. "Did you not learn anything about girls from your older brother?"

"Honestly, I didn't care for dating in High School. It takes a lot to get me to notice a girl at all," John, said swigging on his beer.

"Guess that makes me one of the lucky ones."

He smiled in reply, not sure how to respond. He liked Dawn Marie and her personality complemented his own. For a moment, he considered telling her the truth. Well, the whole truth. He hadn't lied all evening and knew he never would, but how could he tell her he was gay and not make her angry at being lead on. He wished there was a way to keep her in his life without telling her his sexual orientation. Would she remain friends with him, knowing the truth? Would she agree to act as a girlfriend so he could remain in the closet?

She went to the ladies, leaving John to his thoughts, which he hated. He preferred being active and not allow himself time to think. When he stopped to think about things, he lost his nerve and ended up in situations he shouldn't be in.

"Oops, sorry," a girl said falling into John's lap. He looked toward the back of the room to check Dawn Marie wasn't coming back, concerned that she would misinterpret what had happened.

"John, hi," she said putting her arms him.

"Torrie?" he asked recognizing the face when he took a second look. She sat on his lap for a second before moving off and into Dawn Marie's vacant seat. As she started speaking a cough came from Dawn Marie stood watching.

"Oh, hi," she said looking up at Dawn Marie, the joviality gone from her voice. "I guess it was me."

"No, it wasn't," John said after hearing her comment. He didn't want the ill will between them. She was a nice girl and he would like to be friends. Maybe she wasn't ready for that. She stood from the table and sauntered away.

"A friend?" Dawn Marie wiggling her eyes at John.

"We met last year," John said, trying not to state the obvious. Dawn Marie knew what the relationship had been with Torrie.

Dawn Marie chuckled at him and he felt his cheeks heat a little. Last year, he would leave at this stage but this time he had no problem sticking around and taking Dawn Marie's comments. He knew she was just joshing with him and that he could make his own back should he wish.

Either way, he wanted to change the subject. No point dwelling on history, hers or his. They moved on to discuss their High School life, both agreeing it felt such a long time ago. Dawn Marie admitted that when she arrived home for the summer it had felt foreign to her and that she was just a visitor.

"It was strange having my brother here the other week. I was showing him around campus and the rest of the town but I liked it when he left," John admitted feeling guilty. "It's just, this is my home, and it felt like I had to play host the entire time."

"I was so glad my mom and dad dropped me here and I told them to go and I'd sort it," Dawn Marie agreed. "This is my time, not theirs."

"Hey, can we talk?" Torrie asked interrupting them asking John to follow her.

John thought about it for a moment, not wishing to cause a scene in a public area.

"Please," she pleaded.

"Sure," he agreed as he got up from the table. "I'll be back."

Dawn Marie was selfless and didn't seem at all phased that John wanted to head outside with another girl. John followed Torrie through the crowd and out the doors where they sat at a table around the corner from the other customers.

"I'm sorry about earlier," she said blushing. "It was a gut reaction which was childish. I know you were having a tough year."

"I was in a weird space," John agreed, nodding his head. "But I shouldn't have led you on. I admit I felt pressure from Chris and Barbie."

"Yeah, it was the same for me. She suggested a night of drinking and then introduced me to you to keep me busy when she was dancing up on him all night," Torrie chuckled. John thought she was trying too hard to make things right between them and she didn't have to. He liked Torrie, just not in the way she had hoped. "I didn't know how much Barbie was spreading herself around either. She seemed a nicer girl when I first met her."

"Torrie, you don't have to force everything to be okay," John said taking her hand. "I want to be friends. Chris and I both said you were a nice girl and I wish I could feel for you what you wanted me to."

"Okay, truth time," she said smiling and looking at him through her eyelashes. "I wasn't that worried that you didn't like me. Pissed off with when you told me."

John laughed at the comment. It wasn't great timing on his part. The first time he got a hard on around her, she felt it, then he pulled away and broke it off.

"Yeah, well, sorry about that," he said through laughter. "I was in a weird space most of the year."

They stopped laughing at the situation, both holding hands as nothing more than friends. John smirked as he felt the same relaxed feelings around Torrie as he did Dawn Marie. He knew he shouldn't be considering using either as a girlfriend, especially since he liked both girls.

"Where is Chris?" Torrie asked

"He's in Canada with his dad. He transferred his studies up there, he's able to major in music studies at the college."

"That sounds cool," Torrie commented. "I swear sometimes he was more into the music than he was the women."

"Did we know the same, Chris?" John joked. "I'm in class and receive a message telling me to avoid the room as he had some chick in there with him."

"So where did you go after class?"

"I took a walk over to Starbucks and studied there before catching a bus back," John lied not wishing to tell her he was over at Randy's often. "Listen why don't you come and join us. I think you'd get on with Dawn Marie. She's feisty and fun and we always have a laugh."

"Maybe, I'm here with someone," Torrie said smiling and pointing to the door. "I guess I could ask him."

"Boyfriend?"

"You never know."

John tugged on her arm and they went inside, separating while Torrie went to see her 'potential' boyfriend. When he returned to Dawn Marie, she had a guy sat at the table and she looked as though she'd had enough of him.

John tried to push through the crowd to save her from him but then laughed in shock when she damn near threw the guy backward off his chair. Damn, all she did was push his hand from her knee and shoved at his chest. She was a real firecracker.

The guy was embarrassed and didn't stick around after a girl decked him. John heard him mumbling something about 'getting out of this shit hole' as he stumbled passed him. John caught eyes with Dawn Marie and raised his eyebrow at her and she shrugged. The guy deserved it and everyone knew. Anyone in the vicinity also knew not to mess with Dawn Marie.

A few moments later Torrie arrived, her date in tow and John couldn't hide his shock again when he recognized the face.

"Peter, hey," he said staying as polite as ever. He hoped Peter would do the same.

"Hey," he said taking a seat next to Dawn Marie keeping as far away as possible.

"You know each other?" Torrie asked sitting opposite John and looking at both men.

"We're in the same residence hall," John explained. "Do you guys want drinks?"

John disappeared to get everyone drinks, and the girls sat getting to know one another, introducing themselves since John hadn't bothered.

"So, you and John dated," Dawn Marie stated rather than asked when Peter excused himself to the bathroom.

"If you can call it that," Torrie chuckled. "John was never comfortable around me and never relaxed. Our friends thrust us together because they were dating."

"Did you like him?"

"You mean, 'Do I'?" She chuckled. "Not in that way. I liked him but I realized afterward we would never have worked."

"Why not?"

"He had too many priorities and I would never be one of them," she shrugged. "It bothered me for a while but that was my problem and not his."

The girls changed the subject when John returned with their drinks. John joined in the conversation and the three of them were laughing and joking about some of their freshman adventures. Torrie even suggested having a night out near her college as there were better nightclubs. Everyone liked the idea, and they agreed to set it up.

"John," Torrie said as they left the bar. "Is Dawn Marie your girl?"

John turned to Torrie embarrassed at how loud she'd said it, which she did on purpose. "If she'll have me," he said throwing an arm around Dawn Marie's shoulders.

"I guess I can't do better," she chuckled elbowing him, smirking at Torrie. "Don't expect me to get text messages all the time, my studies are coming first."

"Dawn Marie, you are the perfect girl," he said pulling her in front and wrapping his arms around her waist.


Three days later

John's day was steaming ahead. He had one class left that afternoon and then studying in his dorm room while Dawn Marie was still in class.

He walked along the path with his coffee in hand when he caught movement up ahead. Frustrated, he shook his head of the wishful thoughts, which kept interrupting his day. There was no way it could be. He could not be here, not Randy.

At least he looked similar to Randy. The man even had tattoo sleeves. He stood appreciating the sight why deny himself the pleasure. He tried to stay calm as Randy turned down the path but John couldn't take his eyes away from him. More so when he realized he wasn't imagining things.

How was it possible? He should be in St Louis. Was he seeing things? Was it someone who looked like Randy? Was it possible that someone had the same tattoo sleeves? He tried not to stare and, oh god he hoped he was not drooling; it was hard not to, the man was still hot, even wearing t-shirt and sweatpants. It was a rare occasion; John could count them on one hand that Randy did not try with his clothes. If he knew Randy even a little, he knew he had a change of clothes with him.

John's coffee was halfway to his mouth when Randy tucked his file and looked along the path, his eyes landing on John. John tried to look elsewhere, but they spotted one another, and he couldn't play dumb. Not that he wanted to. Randy took a deep breath and made his way over to where John stood.

"Hi," John muttered. "Are you visiting?"

"No. The job in St Louis fell through," Randy explained. "My boss hadn't filled this spot yet, so he tore up my resignation letter. He had hoped I would change my mind. I could get my position back, near enough."

"What do you mean?"

"I have gone up in the world; I am now an Associate Professor; it even comes with some additional responsibilities," he said with a forced smile. The job made Randy smile; it was John's presence making the situation awkward.

"Oh. Good luck, with your job," John said struggling to find words. He dreamt of seeing him and now he faced it, he couldn't form a sentence.

"Thanks," Randy said with a half-smile. "How's your arm?"

"It's fine. I had the physical therapy you suggested," John, said getting confused at the stilted conversation between them. Is this how you speak to exes? They had not been together before the school break so Randy was not as an ex, but it made him wonder.

"Good. Um, I should, you know," Randy said pointing toward the building that John had just left. "See you around."

Randy did not stick around, and John could not blame him. He headed off toward his residence hall trying to figure out what it meant that Randy was here. Why didn't he call to tell him?


Later in the day

Everything felt like a dream to John. He was trying to process that Randy was here. Back in his life. Worse, though, Randy was here all along. For weeks, John believed Randy was in St Louis, not on the same campus.

But why? Why hadn't he tried to contact John? John thought they were friends. Did Randy not consider him a friend or did he think John would get distracted by his presence? How true that was. John was in a room with no additional space and he was pacing back and forth like a caged animal.

He grabbed his phone from his desk and typed a message; How was your day? Then he deleted it before sending.

There was a reason Randy didn't contact you. Take the hint.

Two seconds later he was typing another message, this time more obvious about why he wanted to contact him. Can I stop by and kiss you? He was so close to sending it he panicked he'd hit the send button before going to the home screen of his phone. He buried his phone beneath his pillow hoping the adage of 'out of mind, out of sight'.

The phone was, but Randy was forefront in his mind. Even with their strained conversation earlier that day, John couldn't drag his eyes away from Randy's lips, remembering how they felt pressed against his own. He imagined Randy grabbing him in the middle of the green and kissing him. John almost thought he may have when he was heading over to him, but no such luck.

He ran his fingers through his short hair trying to escape from the thoughts going around and around in his head. He saw his books stacked on his desk and buried himself in his studies.


The next day

Most of his fellow students had gone to bed by the time John headed down into the common room. He'd been pacing his room like a caged animal unable to focus on anything but the man thrust back into his life.

His dad often said 'it's only as impactful as you allow it to be' but John knew his heart have him no choice. Randy was in his heart and while he wouldn't use the word 'love' if they started a relationship it would only be a matter of time.

Tonight, was about holding out and not looking like an idiot, running to his house and begging him to kiss him.

He had one of his textbooks with him and hoped the change of scenery would help him focus on the work he hadn't done that evening. The last thing he wanted to do was get behind with his studying and if he didn't focus, he would spend his weekend catching up.

Within half an hour John had watched all the remaining students disappear to their rooms, and he was alone in an empty, echoing room. Peace, no television, no inane talk from the guys discussing which girls they had got with and when. The only thing left was to calm his raging thoughts.

A few moments later and he was up from the table pacing, again, at least this time he picked his book up and tried to focus on the words. Not that he successful. He was sure he'd read the same sentence a few times.

How could one man cause this much angst inside him? He slammed the book closed and spun on his heel toward the table only to find Peter walking in the main doors giving him a look.

"Hey," John said. He was trying with the man for Torrie's sake, but for whatever reason, Peter was not returning the effort in kind. Peter walked passed him, acknowledging he was there and disappeared to whichever floor he was on. "Good to see you too."

John sat back at the table and opened the book once more, determined to read the chapter. If it didn't work he would return to his room and call it a night.


The next day

John flipped over onto his side and focused his eyes on the alarm clock next to his bed. 02:33. Not an hour since he last woke. It was pitch black outside still without the hint of getting light, but then, why would it at this early hour.

Giving up on sleep, since he was wide awake and his mind working double time, he swung his legs off the bed and ran his hands across his face. Why bother trying to sleep if your mind and body won't allow it. He grabbed his jeans and pulled them on, not worrying about underwear at this stage and hunted around for a semi-decent shirt.

He grabbed the book he was trying to read earlier in the… well, late last night, and headed out of his room. At this hour it would find the common room deserted and he could read the chapter and start the assignment set that day.

John would suffer later in the day, but if he excused himself from lunch and had a power nap, he should make it through the day. He just hoped he didn't bump into Randy.


Two days later

The wood-slatted house had become part of his nightmares over the last couple of nights. Nightmares, or maybe more like dreams. He couldn't stop himself coming around here and was in Randy's arms.

It was amazing how seeing him for two short minutes turned John's life on its head. Then again was it. If he reacted with such passion toward Randy, it must be a sign it was serious.

He stood outside the building and knew Randy was home, seeing the movement of a shadow. Not enough to see Randy himself, but he could detect a presence.

Taking a deep breath, he moved to the front door and knocked. Stamping his feet on the porch trying to get life back into them. Winter was settling in. His feet froze when he heard Randy approaching. A second later Randy swung the door open and stepped aside without reacting to John's arrival.

The décor hadn't changed in the house and John felt at home. More so than he did at college. He wondered if changing room every year was a way of making sure you didn't get too comfortable in your surroundings.

Neither man spoke as they moved through the building into the kitchen. John perched against the counter and watched as Randy made them a coffee. From the lack of words, John couldn't tell if he'd pleased Randy by going there or pissed him off. John knew he had a bad habit of just turning up whenever he wanted. The first time he did it, Randy almost freaked. He figured it was in the rules not to have students in your home.

Randy put a coffee in front of John without words and John felt forced to get the conversation going.

"I hoped you didn't have a new place," John admitted as they moved to the kitchen table.

"I considered it, but when my job fell through this place was still on the market. I took it off the market when I could get my job back," Randy explained with caution in his eyes. "My number hasn't changed either. If you weren't sure, you could have messaged me."

"I've been close to messaging you a few times the last couple of days. Ever since seeing you," John admitted. "Every time I wrote a message, I remembered how you didn't contact me over summer or since you got back."

"I wasn't sure you'd want me to," Randy admitted staring into his coffee as though he were watching something amazing. "Plus, I wasn't sure you'd be back."

"My brother helped me secure a Cash Grant, almost didn't make the deadline, but we submitted just in time."

"Good, I'm glad," Randy said smiling at him.

"Because I shouldn't throw my education away," John sniped rolling his eyes knowing what Randy was thinking.

"No. I'm glad because I like you. More than I should. More than I thought was possible," Randy said looking at John. "I've said it before and I'm sure I'll say it again; I have irrational feelings for you. No matter how much I try to tell myself that we can't be together. I still want you."

"You do?" John asked perplexed.

"Yes," Randy chuckled at John's disbelief. "I spent the whole of last year denying myself happiness because of rules, and most of the time I was miserable. Even when you were here, I wouldn't give in, I wanted to grab you and kiss you, but my head wouldn't give in to my heart."

John tried to take in what Randy was telling him. Randy had been telling him the previous year as well. But the threats, injuries, and fear of Randy getting fired, John hadn't allowed himself to accept Randy's words. Randy sighed and stood from the table, moving to the window overlooking the street.

John took a moment to process Randy's confession and tried to comprehend the reaction Randy was looking for. Did Randy want him to seize the opportunity? He found the resolve to stand and move toward Randy.

"I think I complicated matters last year. At first, I didn't want to admit how you made me feel, how the sound of your voice made me react, it was confusing," John mumbled trying to explain. "After I accepted how I felt. After we kissed. I wanted it again. Even when I was avoiding you, I wanted to kiss you again. My imagination would kick in and I would be… well… you know."

"I only allowed myself that two or three times," Randy huffed, sounding annoyed but knowing what John was trying not to say. "It's been the longest dry spell I had since I first had sex."

Randy pushed away from the unit and nodded for John to follow. John took in the changes to the living room as they entered, it seemed Randy had made style changes when he moved back to Springfield. It wasn't anything major; he had painted a feature wall now to bring color in and he had changed the room around to maximize the space.

"You like?" Randy asked as they sat on the sofa.

"Yeah, it makes the room look bigger," John commented.

"Mom suggested it after visiting. Said I should paint before I brought the furniture back in," Randy explained.

"It's good. I like the blue. Not sure the sofa goes with."

Randy smirked at John without responding and they allowed the conversation to drift away. John knew what Randy was thinking, it was clear in his eyes. John wasn't sure he was ready to go that far, but he was keen to taste those lips again. Randy made no move to kiss him and John felt nervous under his lust filled eyes. He put Randy in an unfair situation, always leaving the older man to make the first move so instead John shifted closer to the older man. He leaned in and Randy smiled leaning in and meeting his lips halfway.

They were like touch paper as soon as they touched one other everything came alive and ignited inside of them. Randy grabbed the back of his head and pulled him in closer, pressing his tongue into John's mouth. John clawed at Randy, wrapping his arms around the toned body and pulling himself close, moaning as Randy's tongue delved in, devouring his mouth.

Randy pulled John tight against him, aware of every muscle in the man's body. Every muscle, even ones that were growing as they kissed. Could Randy feel his as well? He hoped he could, he wanted Randy to know what he did to him.

Randy's hands slid down John's back and settled on his ass, pulling him so he straddled Randy's lap. His body rolled his hips and Randy moaned into John's mouth as they kissed. He grabbed John's ass harder, rocking against John, rubbing their covered cocks against one another eliciting a moan from John.

Randy smiled against John's lips before pulling back, "You like that?"

"Yes," John whispered, unable to catch his breath as Randy rubbed against him.

"Good. So do I," Randy said placing kisses up and down John's neck. "But I don't want to rush the physical part of the relationship."

Oh God, did he know? Did Randy know he'd never had sex? John hoped not. He'd admitted that he'd never even kissed a man last year, but he didn't tell him he'd never been with a woman either.

"John?"

"I, um, I don't think I'm ready for that anyway," John admitted.

"We won't rush anything," Randy shrugged. "I will always enjoy kissing you and making you breathless, I'm in no hurry."

John slid off his lap, and they adjusted themselves to lay in each other's arms as they watched television. Perfectly positioned to steal a kiss from the other whenever they wanted, trying not to catch fire whenever they did.


Four days later

John Cena: Are we meeting tonight or are you busy?

He sent the message to Dawn Marie, knowing he already knew the answer, but he wanted to make the effort. She would already be studying and if John wanted to spend time, he would have to meet her in the library. Grabbing his book bag, he filled it with the books he was planning on studying and the corresponding notepads.

He dashed along the hall to the bathrooms and had a quick shower, he would be at his best tonight. When he got back to his room, he checked his phone, no answer. For sure John knew she was already in the library and she wouldn't look at her phone.

He changed into a fresh t-shirt and pants then headed down the staircase, two steps at a time. He couldn't believe how giddy he felt just because of how he would spend his evening. Racing along the pathway he ducked around to the car park near the Athletic Health Care Facility and perched on the wall and waited.

Moments later he saw his favorite person arriving, a knowing smirk on his face.

"You could at least ask if I have plans tonight," he said checking no one was around and kissing John.

"It's a weeknight, only plans you ever have is to do your marking," John said grabbing his bag and heading around to the passenger door.

"Okay, yes, fine I need to mark assignments," Randy said with a sideways smirk.

"Well, how about I make you something to eat while you work," John suggested. "I just have a chapter to read which I can do while cooking."

"Listen to you; you will make a good house husband," Randy joked as he pulled out of the car park.

"Fuck off, I plan on earning my money, thank you very much," John retorted. "I will not become a house husband."


A/N: There you go, extra long to make up for the time away. Review and let me know what you think

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