Disclaimer: Rae does not own Tales of Symphonia, Zelos, Lloyd or even Yggdrasill. It's very sad. If she did own ToS, she'd make a sequel entitled Tales of Slashonia, full of wonderful BL and yuri. Sadly however, that isn't going to happen, because she indeed does not own ToS. So no suing the poor, broke girl, right?
AN: This is written in first person. Hm. I haven't written a fic in first person for awhile now. Anyway, this takes place in the Zelos soulmate version of the game (Teh uber best version, if you ask me XD). Also, this is inspired by the prompts from the 30kiss challenge on LJ, hopefully that's okay, neh? I chose invincible this time. So yeah.
Anyway, spoilers and all. Takes place pretty late in the game, so yeah. Spoilers. *cough* Er anyway, just read it.
Invincible.
That's what I thought. That's the only word that really registered that day, as he twirled in the sunlight. He weaved and spun, gleaming bright wisps of sunlight reflecting off of his deadly blades.
That fiery passion in those rich-brown eyes. The naïve innocence, the undying strength, the hope, the courage. The invincible Lloyd Irving.
It was that day, watching him fight, no, watching him dance. Just a small, casual fight against local Tethe'allan monsters, nothing special or unique about it. But that very moment, as the sunlight kissed his face, the wind blowing through that unkempt hair... It was in that moment that I realized maybe he was for real after all.
His big talk and simplistic ideals. Love and hope. Courage and friendship. All that idealistic, unrealistic babble he constantly spewed forth... It was real.
The fire, the power. His heart. It was all real.
That moment, as he fought, I began to realize that Lloyd Irving is all the things I'm not, and never will be. Real. Not fake, not hollow. Not full of falsehoods and lies. No. Lloyd Irving is real. Every bit of that bumpkin is real. His smiles, his pain. His courage. His innocence.
Invincible.
In retrospect, I think it was that day when I first fell for him. That smile and those eyes. Man, I've really slipped...
Anyway. He's different. Not like the usual fakes I spend my time with. Nobles and royalty. Arrogance, false smiles and cold indifference is more of what I'm used to, but with Lloyd it's different.
He's real.
And believe it or not, I've come to trust in him. To believe in something... It's such an odd feeling. To feel anything at all, besides the mind-numbing bitterness that is, is an oddity in itself. Trust? Me? Yeah, that's not normal.
But I can't help it. No, that day, that day with the sunlight reflecting into those honest eyes, blades dancing, he turned and smiled at me. I could only stare.
Stare at that face, that smile. Those eyes.
He seemed truly invincible at that moment.
Of course two seconds later he tripped, falling on his ass, but that's really not the point. Because... in those few seconds, as the sunlight kissed his face...
I believed. For once in my miserable, pathetic waste of a life... I believed in something. Can you imagine that? Zelos Wilder, the hollow, fake, Idiot Chosen actually felt a spark of something. Some kind of warmth in all that snow and ice of a soul...
My whole existence has been nothing but lies. Running away. That's the easy way after all. To pretend. To be the idiot. To close my heart and to run. To want nothing more than for it all to be over. To have an end. To not have to feel the emptiness, the cold. To just fade away. Run away. Yeah. That was my existence. Lovely, right?
Yet, on that day... As he turned and smiled, amber rays streaming down upon him, I wanted to smile back. I wanted to smile and for it to not be one of my fake smirks, not one of my pathetic masks. A real smile? Let's face it, that's not me. A real smile? Yeah right. At that time, I'm not sure I even knew what it feels like to smile. It had been so damn long, I'd forgotten. Sure I've smirked, grinned, lecherously sneered or whatever other word you want to call my disgusting masks, but a real smile? Not likely.
It's never really mattered that much. I've never felt the need to smile. I don't really have that emotion. Actually for the most part... In reality, I don't have much emotion at all. Not really. Just diluted, empty bitterness. That cold, distant pain that never really fades or recedes. Just empty bitterness.
However, on that day, as he smiled at me, I had the strangest emotion pass through me. This wistful wish, a longing, bitter wish that I could be real, just like Lloyd. That just once, I could not be that useless, failure of a person. That I could be real. Not empty, not fake. Not a traitorous liar.
His invincible, radiant smile. So warm, and so full of life. Bright and for me. He smiled at me. Me.
Then a funny thing happened. My lips moved on their own, not forced mind you, I smiled. It was a small, quick smile, but it was real.
Lloyd had made me smile.
That in itself proved to me he must be amazing, a miracle worker even. Zelos Wilder, fake Chosen, liar extraordinaire, genuinely smiled.
Like I said, that day is probably when I really began to fall for him.
That sounds so strange. For me to "fall" for someone implies that I must have some sort of heart or whatever. When did that happen? Was it that smile? I'm still not sure. All I know is that the more time I spent with the Sylvarant bumpkin, the more I began to care. To care about something. How strange. It's never been my style. No one has ever cared about me, so why should I care about anyone or anything, right? Right?
I began to like that smile of his more and more. Like a drug addict craving a fix, I wanted to see that warmth. I desperately longed to see those brown eyes lighting up, his youthful face so... What? Full of life? Well, anyway. I let my guard down. I let the bumpkin in, something I've never done before. Ever.
I began... Hell. I trust him. Trust. Trust. I'm still not used to it. These emotions. Trust. More than that, something else even. Something more complicated than simple trust. It goes beyond that.
I don't want him to hurt. I don't want to see that invincibility ever leave those eyes. Corny as hell, I know, but still, it's true.
You see, I let him in. And once that happened, I couldn't get him out. When it came the time to betray him and the group, his group of fellow "save the worlds" lackeys... I just couldn't do it. Oh don't get me wrong, it was so damn tempting. I'm not lying when I say this, I'm a selfish bastard. I wanted it to stop. I wanted to be away from the damn title of "The Chosen", I wanted to be away from it all. Preferably, 'six feet under' away from it, if you get what I'm saying.
Couldn't do it. Lloyd grew to be more important than my own suicidal, escapism tendencies. Amazing. I will admit if it had all played out the way I had originally planned, it probably would have ended with me dead, preferably by Lloyd, and Seles finally happy with the title of "Chosen" she so longs for. I will also admit Lloyd and his blades were so freaking tempting.
However... His smile and his heart were even more so. His invincible, idealistic heart. The temptation, no the longing for that invincible, fiery Lloyd Irving and his idealistic heart was too much for me.
Damn. I guess I really have fallen for him. Ironic that I'm only truly realizing it right now. Reflecting on it all, I can say for certain that the little hick has definitely won me over. I mean hell, I chose to live for him after all. Simple words spoken on a snowy night in Flanoir, "...I want you to live too, Zelos," and a smile on a sunny afternoon. It did it. I've definitely slipped.
So I guess it's ironic that I may never see him again.
The one person that I truly trust and...
I wanted to stay with him, too. After his save the worlds mission, he said he's going to go exsphere hunting. You have no idea how much I wanted to go with him. To stay with him. Lloyd Irving, the invincible, naïve hero. My best friend. My...
I kind of invited myself along for the journey. He didn't act exactly thrilled about the thought of me tagging along, and hell I can understand that. He did say yes though. Nonchalant and indifferent, yet he still said yes. That meant a lot to me. More than he knew, I'm sure.
So you see, I had finally made plans. Real plans, of the non-traitorous variety, mind you. The not running away thing? The living thing? I really kind of wanted to try that. With Lloyd. I wanted to see if maybe... If maybe one day I could be real too.
All well. Whatever will be, will be, right?
Like I said before, as corny and completely lame sounding as it may be, I never want to see Lloyd's eyes darken. I want Lloyd to always be that loveable, sometimes moronic, always hero.
My invincible, idiot Lloyd.
There was no way in hell I was going to let that little punk brat take him away. Mithos Yggdrasill in all of his insanity. I swear, I think that guy has even more mental defects than I do. That's seriously saying something by the way.
He tried to take Lloyd. Take his body. Take him away.
I couldn't let that happen.
As I stood there, watching the half elf, the "fallen hero" struggle to control Lloyd, I finally understood. In all of my stupidity and angst, I had failed to realize just how much I care about the brunette. Heh. I think I might even love him or something. I'm still not too clear on all of this emotion stuff, but let's just put it this way: No way was I letting him take Lloyd away.
So for once, I actually did something that might be considered selfless by some. By some, I mean someone as in not me. It didn't feel selfless. It's not like I'm the big hero or anything. I'm just doing the right thing for once, that's all. I'm still the same fucked up, traitorous fake, but with one big difference. I care now. I care about Lloyd, and I care about his ideals.
So I let the little freak take me instead.
Very un-Zelos like, right? Yeah, well, Lloyd actually trusted in me, so now... Now I'm repaying him. When everyone else saw only the stupid, 'Idiot Chosen', he saw me. The real me.
Besides, Lloyd's the big hero. Wouldn't be good if our worlds' savior got his ass taken over by a psycho midget bent on an age of "lifeless beings" or whatever, now would it? I'm expendable. He's not.
It happened so fast. I moved and took the crystal, let him take me. See Lloyd? See. I may be a fake, a traitor, but I do care about you. I do. I-
It feels cold, like ice water running through my veins. Clichéd analogy, but it's the best thing I can think of. Cold, icy water. Or is it hot? I'm not sure... I'm starting to feel numb. He's taking control and there it is. It's numbing and it's dark. I somehow feel....what? Muted? My senses dulled... Dizzying. Fading?
Everything's getting foggy and I can vaguely feel my lips move on their own accord. No, Mithos' accord. I'm not sure what he said. Not that it really matters. Nothing the five thousand year old kid says ever makes any sense anyway...
I can't control my eyes, my mouth, my body. But it's okay. Because...
Through eyes that are no longer mine I see Lloyd.
Lloyd, the invincible, fiery, simple minded Lloyd Irving.
It's okay. Because he's still my invincible Lloyd. He's not frozen, trapped inside his own body.
As I completely lose control, I vaguely make out Lloyd's voice... He's screaming. Something about our journey? We promised to go on a journey together? He looks terrified, panicked even.
Well, that wasn't really expected. Despite being pissed off at the little ass currently residing within my body, I kind of wish I could smile right now. Lloyd wanted to go on that journey with me after all, huh? With me?
Yeah, I really think I kind of love him. Not that I'd ever admit it. I'm supposed to be the perverted ladies man, right? Aren't I?
Yet... Well, I guess it doesn't matter now anyway...
...He's shouting my name...
He cares. That's kind of comforting in a weird way.
That's...
I wish I could smile for him, like he smiled at me that day. That invincible smile.
I'm not invincible though. I'm not like him. I can't change anything, can't be a hero, a savior. The only thing I can do is this.
For you, Lloyd... I...
Hell, knowing the tenacious guy, he'll figure out some way to save me anyway, but even if he doesn't... It's okay. Really. Because in a way, he saved me already. With a simple smile and a snowy night...
An invincible smile and an invincible soul... Man that sounds so lame. All well. So I sound lame. These could be my last thoughts, so if I want to sound lame, I will, dammit.
I think I can make out Mithos laughing at me.
--Stupid human. You really are pathetic.--
His obnoxious voice ringing through my mind as everything gets hazier and hazier...
Damn little brat... He really pisses me off.
But it doesn't matter...
Because...
I believe in Lloyd. And...
He will save the worlds. Because he's invincible. At least he is to me.
An invincible smile and an invincible heart.
Good luck, bud. I know you can save the worlds. Hell, you saved me. If you could save me, then anything's possible.
He really is invincible.
So look out, Mithos, because Lloyd's totally going to kick your ass.
It's the last truly coherent thought I can produce as the darkness of Mithos Yggdrasill's soul engulfs me, dragging me down into his madness. But it's okay. Because Lloyd...
Lloyd...
Lloyd smiled for me on a sunny day, he smiled and I...
I smiled too.
~Owari~
AN: If you didn't figure it out, this is Zelos musing over things right after the whole saving Lloyd's ass by letting Mithos possess him thing. Er yeah...
I really do think that Zelos feels this way about Lloyd. Invincible was a great word to work with, I actually found this very fitting for Zelos/Lloyd. Zelos really admires Lloyd, neh? *nod* I feel like I accurately portrayed Zelos in that aspect, anyway.
