Esme looked at herself if she could but never had she wondered how Carlisle saw her how he treated her because perhaps she was pretty maybe not . She never knew and always assumed that he loved her only once she thought she saw her reflection but she'd knew that was impossible just like it was impossible how Carlisle and herself manage to hold the Cullen household together . What would it be like seeing yourself is that why Bella always carried a mirror to see how pretty she was and she was and that was why Edward loved her though she knew Carlisle loved her to but sometimes he didn't show it as much , she wished he had . Love even among vampires is frail and has it's breaking points too just like when they ate , they to had a breaking point also . Suddenly she had realize was I pretty did Carlisle really feel for me or was his feeling the same for me as it was for Edward or Emmett or Alice just to care to take care of you not really love at all then what must I do, she thought .But she knew the answer anyway .
Carlisle was going to be home soon for the sitting and having meals together only animal blood however thanks to young Edward insisting on that but as the others got ready to eat she was alone in her room thinking what life would be like not as a Cullen or not even as Esme herself was there more out of life then just living ? Had to be , there usually was she had been told .Perhaps I should go out and see for myself, she thought and there was a momentary impulse that took over Esme Cullen about leaving , then it was gone she knew Carlisle loved her he always did but she also knew it wasn't easy taking care of an entire household .
As they sat down and ate she didn't she only watched the others eat especially Carlisle , was she'd right ? Was there more in fact then just living with one person all your life ? Raising a family to ? She only wished she could find out herself ? Who knew ? She wished she had . She took a deep breath and started eating , still she had self doubts about her life here .Only time would tell .
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