Summary: "ARE THESE STILTS!?" - Roy gets Edward a birthday present. (Short one-shot). No matter how short this story is, Edward will always be shorter. ***Partially inspired by fanart. Credit goes wherever credit is deserved.***
"Happy birthday, Fullmetal," Roy Mustang said, pressing a long, wrapped, rectangular box towards his firestorm of a subordinate.
Edward frowned at him, then shifted his gaze to the box. He reached out and prodded it warily. "What did you do to it?" he questioned suspiciously.
Roy scowled. "Nothing at all," he said. "You don't have to think so cynically about me, Fullmetal. I'm allowed to get you a birthday present every now and then, aren't I?"
"Well, yeah, I guess," Edward said, taking the box and tearing off the wrapping paper. "I still have no idea what you're playing at, Mustang."
"Oh, I'm not playing anything at all," Roy said innocently - almost too innocently. "Anyways, I've got something I need to do. See you later." He continued down the hallway at Central Command, all the while smirking to himself.
Any minute now he'll finish opening that box…
Roy turned the corner and paused there, waiting.
And then…
"ARE THESE STILTS!?"
At Edward's furious screech, Roy couldn't hold it in any longer. He laughed, and then turned and tore down the hallway; if Edward caught up with him, he was surely done for.
"I'LL KILL YOU, MUSTANG!"
Roy, still laughing, kept on running. No way was he facing Edward now. "I'm glad you liked the gift, half-pint!" he called over his shoulder at his raging pursuer.
"I SWEAR, MUSTANG, WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, NO ONE WILL FIND YOUR BODY!"
...
BONUS:
"Okay, we're here," Edward said, releasing Mustang's arm and staring up at the large building before them. "You can take off the blindfold now."
"Fullmetal," Roy said, reaching up and untying the blue bandana fastened around his head, covering his eyes, "this had better be good. Leading me blindfolded through the city was tedious and annoying."
"Ooooh, trust me, Colonel," Edward said, grinning, "it'll be worth it." For me, if no one else, he added silently with an even wider grin.
Roy pulled off the blindfold and blinked a bit to clear his vision. The bright sun shined down on them, and Roy stared at the building Edward had led him to.
Roy stared. And stared. His mouth hung open in shock. He recognized the building almost too well, and he couldn't believe it...the nerve of that little pint-sized brat...
"Happy birthday, Colonel Idiot!" Edward said, and then, he saluted and tore off down the street, in the opposite direction, trying to put as much distance between Roy and himself as he could. "Hope you like your gift!"
It took a few extra seconds to click, and when it did, Roy was running down the street after his brat of a subordinate, fuming with fury.
"A RETIREMENT HOME, FULLMETAL!?" he screeched, and Edward's laugh was answer enough. "GET BACK HERE, YOU TWIT!"
And Edward's hysteric cackling rang down the street.
