Eee..Unh..Ear!

Boromir lifted his head a bit, took off his headphones, and listened.

He was lying in the Elvish boat floating down the Anduin. According to the storyline he was supposed to be dead, but as we have already established that this is a parody and that Boromir REALLY isn't dead, this is getting a little redundant. Now where were we? Oh, yes.

He was lying in the Elvish boat floating down the Anduin listening to Cinderella ( the band, NOT the movie soundtrack) on his i-pod, sucking on a melted and smashed Tootsie-Roll he'd found in his pocket. This 'Tragic Death' business wasn't so bad, really. Until he thought he heard something. HOW he heard it over his music is irrelevant. He listened for a moment, and, hearing nothing, was about to put his headphones back on when he heard it again.

Eee...Are...Iii...Are...Eee...Unh...Ear!

Boromir turned off his i-pod and sat up in a panic. It couldn't be... Could it? He'd thought they didn't exist.

He searched frantically about for a paddle. Nothing.

The sounds were getting closer now.

Maybe an Uruk-Hai sword would work for a paddle? The man picked one up, hefted it, tested it. Not really.

' Dammit, Aragorn! If I get out of this alive...'

He started throwing weapons out of the boat, keeping back two swords. He'd need them.

The boat floated lazily around a bend in the River and Boromir nearly choked on what was left of his Tootsie Roll. There on the right bank was a crowd of fangirls, and even a few Mary-Sues, easily identifiable by their skimpy clothing, loooong thick hair, and sparkly make-up. They were all jumping up and down screaming ' B-O-R-O-M-I-R! WE WANT BOR-O-MIR!' over and over.

Said Gondorian warrior hunkered down in his boat.

He'd helped defend Legolas, Aragorn and Frodo from Sues and fangirls. He'd even helped Faramir fight them off on occasion. But They'd never been after him, and he'd never had to fight them off on his own. He'd just have to take this as it came.

Suddenly a shrill scream cut above the chanting. ' LYKE,OMG ITS LYKE MY BORI-POO!11!1'

Apparently he'd been spotted.