Losing the Way

Chapter One

Beneath the Surface

The beeping of machines echoed in my mind. Every smell made me feel sick, aesthetic hanging thickly in the air. Beneath the thick blankets was a dying life, a limp body that breathed lightly with every heartbeat.

"Mamma…" I sobbed.

Her green eyes opened, reflecting my own. "Nao? Is that you, my dear?"

I cringed as she lifted a weak arm, her hand shaking so badly that I had to grip it to keep it still. "Yeah, it's me."

Her paled face brightened with a smile. "I'm so glad… I knew you would come…" Her voice was so weak. I didn't want her to loose he strength like that. I knew she had waited for me, and she didn't need to say a thing. I sat down on an empty chair and squeezed her hand gently.

"Mamma, I got you something. Here, on the table. Can you see them?"

She turned her head to the side, her face eager like a child's. Those eyes that dulled with every fading day had a smile of their own as she saw the bright flowers I had brought her. "Oh, honey! They're wonderful!" She wanted to cry it out, I could tell, but her voice was no more than a rasp.

I swallowed a sob in my throat and stroked her hand lovingly in the way only a daughter could. She closed her eyes at the feeling and a tear ran down the side of her face. She knew she would die soon, but I needed her to hold on. Just hold on…

"I'm going to Fuuka Academy now, mum, just like you suggested," I said in a quiet, teary voice. I coughed and tried to speak with strength. "It's really pretty there. There's a whole field of flowers."

She lifted her head a little on the pillows to listen to me better. "Flowers… Are they as pretty as these?" She jerked her head to them, but the movement caused her to cough violently. Behind me, doctors peered into her room, but she calmed and they walked away, speaking in grim voices. I was still alarmed as she smiled reassuringly at me. "Well? Are you're flowers the brightest of the bunch?"

I nodded, balling my hands into fists. "Yes. Yes, they are, mamma!" I cried out, tears pouring down my face. I was shaking so badly that the tremors went up her arm, but she squeezed my hand back. "You can't die, mamma…" I whispered as I let her fingers curl around my own. "I don't want to lose you…"

The many tubes that connected to her moved and stirred as she pulled herself up and leaned over towards me heavily. I pulled her into my arms, being as gentle as I could not to break her tired body.

"I'm not going anywhere, darling… Someone would have to come and take me by force… and no one is that cruel…"

If only that were true…

Nao woke with a gasp. The tears from her dream were real, and they sank into the pillow. She stared up at the ceiling, panting and sobbing. The hand that had held her mother's was gripping the blankets about her in a tight bundle. She felt trapped beneath the sheets, like she couldn't breathe.

"Mamma," she whispered. "Why did she take you away?"

She could remember everything. Her clever plans to take vengeance as her rage burned her inside. She needed a way out, a way to vent everything, and Natsuki had always been a target at the top of the list. She had been disappointed when Natsuki was too depressed to at least pretend to be suffering, but it was all short lived anyway. The woman had come, the woman who claimed Natsuki's heart, and she destroyed Julia and thus Nao's mother took her final breath.

"Shizuru!" Nao was suddenly wide awake. She sat up in the bed and glared across the room in all of the darkness, her tears now hot with anger. Shizuru had taken the one person left in the world that she cared for. She had taken it as though it were nothing, like snuffing out a candle. "You won't get away!"

Beside Nao, her roommate, Aoi, was stirring. Her eyes fluttered open to the sounds of strangled sobs and cries and she realised that Nao had had another disturbing dream.

"Nao? Are you alright?"

The red haired youth jumped at the unexpected voice and turned to glare at Aoi. "Go back to sleep! It doesn't concern you!" she snapped, gripping her bedcovers even tighter until her fists were trembling. "Just mind your own business for once!"

It wasn't the first time Nao had dreamed of her mother. For the past weeks since her death, they had plagued her. Everytime she had them, she released her anger on everyone else. Almost all of the HiME knew to stay out of her way now, despite their attempts to get closer to her. They had all bonded, and she was outside of the group. That pain she hid inside.

"Don't say it isn't any of my business, Nao," Aoi said quietly, tears welling in her eyes. She too had attempted to try and break through to Nao, but she was always attacked. "You're my roommate. I care about you."

Nao rolled her eyes coldly and laid back down. "Don't even try that friendship stuff with me. I don't care about anyone, so you're wasting your time. Just give up like the others." She knew that what she had said was cruel, but there was no other way to silence the girl. She was stubborn, and Nao hated that most of all. Her words were true though. She couldn't stand anyone, especially not now since her mother had been killed.

Aoi hid the pain that the words had left her with. She was used to being treated like this, but it felt terrible. She was trying too hard to open up the girl, despite everyone telling her to give in. She wondered if it was time to let Nao go. With a sigh, she closed her eyes. "Goodnight Nao."

No reply came, and she slept in the deafening quiet.

********

Light burned into Nao's eyes, beckoning her to wake. She had avoided a dream this time, but the recent one from hours ago was still fresh. Dried tears cemented her eyelids shut and she had to rub them open. To her surprise, morning had come.

"Ugh, what time is it?" she mumbled, waiting for Aoi to reply. When she said nothing, Nao turned to find that her roommate was gone. For a moment she was angry that the girl had left without waking her for classes, but then she remembered what she had said to her that night.

"Oh well, she should have kept her nose out of it," she muttered, sitting up and wincing as her muscles ached from a restless sleep. There was also a throb in her chest that she clutched at. She couldn't deny that familiar feeling. She felt bad for what she had said to Aoi. She had never been that rude before, and she knew it had hurt her.

With a sigh, she rose from the bed. She wasn't any good at apologies, and she didn't want Aoi to get the wrong idea and try again to pry into her thoughts. She forced the memory of the night out of her head and managed to rid everything from her mind… except for the dream.

"Figures," she mumbled tiredly, taking a glance at the clock. When she saw the time, she almost collapsed. She had already missed half of the first class, so she was no longer going to be only a little late.

She was going to have her ass kicked!

"Oh shit!" she growled, tearing off her pyjamas and throwing on her uniform. She skipped breakfast and a shower and even decided to go without lunch. Hastily brushing her teeth and washing her face at the same time that only a girl in a hurry can achieve, she cleaned up as hastily as she could, glanced at her timetable, and let out a moan as she realised the teacher whom was waiting for her to show was Midori whom had taken up her class as well as the others.

"Crap, hell, shit!" she swore as she gathered up her bag and ran out of the room. "Midori is well and truly going to have my head!"

It was a dramatic guess of Midori's actions, but unfortunately she knew she wasn't very far from the fact. As she raced through the halls she could already hear Midori's voice, What do you think you're doing, coming in this late? Do you know what time it is? Just get down to the principle! I'll make sure you're working in the church for months! Believe it or not, Midori could be seriously harsh.

Nao's stomach flopped at the thought of acting pure all day long without being allowed to swear or bring a single whisper of darkness through the doors. "Please no there, please not there!" she gasped as she finally reached the door to the classroom. With a deep breath, she pushed the thoughts of the dream out of her mind along with the guilt and depression, and entered the room.

Everyone fell silent, their eyes switching from Nao to Midori. The tension was thick as Midori's eyes flashed anger, but as she focused on Nao, her expression softened to the red heads surprise and she beckoned her in. "Take your seat, and try to be on time more often."

The silence lasted as everyone wondered why Midori had not lost it at Nao for being late like she always was. Midori had been disappointed by the girl numerous times in both class and HiME matters, but since her mother had died she had been different.

Nao hated pity, and a part of her wished that Midori would just yell and scream.

"Today we are reading a novel that was written by an old friend of mine. He lent me this book for the week so we could read through it and learn from his wise words." Midori was speaking to the entire class, but her eyes stayed on Nao. The girl looked terrible. Her eyes were puffy and hung above dark rings, and her hair was mattered and messy. She looked like she hadn't slept for a week, and her paled face rose to return a glare. Clearly she was still being affected by whatever had been bothering her, and no recovery had been managed.

Sighing sadly, Midori decided to try and bring her back out of her shell a little. "Nao, why don't you come up and read some pages for us?" She knew that it would anger Nao a little, but she wanted to distract her from the constant sadness she seemed to be plagued by, and besides, despite everything a punishment was still in order.

Nao held back an angry retort as she rose from her seat and headed to the front of the class where the book was passed into her hands. Midori shared a soft look of encouragement with her for a moment before leaning back against the wall.

Nao cleared her throat and began to red:

Cloud's parted in the sky, the sun filtering through to fill the village and the people's hearts. They woke to another day of brightness and hope, when around them darkness swirled and plagued the earth.

Nao's unfocused thoughts began to wander as she read from the page in a lifeless voice. The dream returned to her memory, pushing straight through her mind and filling her with pain like an arrow.

The children played without any cares or worries as their parents watched them with careful looks. Only they knew of the truth and the way everything could end to abruptly. Only they knew true darkness.

Nao bit back tears as her heart ached to the point where she could barely breathe. Why did my mother have to die? She thought as her hands trembled on the book, blurring the words.

Rain began to fall, covering the streets and dampening hearts. Something has been taken from the village, something that lit them all inside. Faith had been taken, robbed from every soul.

She bit her lip as a tear fell down her face and patted against the page. She couldn't hold it back, and she struggled to keep her composure. Midori strode over to take the book from her gently, but she barely even realised. She knew who had done this to her.

Shizuru

Midori grasped the book and laid her free hand over Nao's shoulder. "Take it easy, its okay," she said soothingly as Nao stood there in tears as the class watched on in shock.

"Mamma, why did you… why did you die?" she whispered, suddenly feeling sick to her stomach. "Why did that woman kill you?"

Midori's hand squeezed gently. "Hold on, I'll take you down to the-"

"No!" Nao knew the time was coming when she wouldn't be able to take anything anymore. All of the whispered voices of her classmates, all of the worried looks and saddened eyes that stared at her. She couldn't stand any of it. She needed to get out, she needed to find justice.

So she ran.

Midori didn't even have time to stop her as Nao flung herself away. She shouldered the door open and sped out into the hall with the worried teacher right on her heels, telling her to stop and calm down. Nao was running blind, her teary eyes blurring everything as she stumbled right into a solid being.

Both Nao and the person fell to the ground. With an aching backside, Nao groaned and sat herself up with Midori right behind her. Her eyes were still wet with tears, but she wiped them away to see the damage she had done.

To her surprise, she found herself facing the familiar red eyes of Shizuru.

"Nao? You were in quiet a rush there," the woman said with a smile, that same smile that played on innocence.

Nao felt her body tremble with adrenaline. She could have attacked her there and killed her like she killed her mother, but without her HiME powers, she was useless. Justice would escape again.

"Is everything alright, Nao?" Shizuru asked as she leaned forward a little. "Did you hurt anything?"

Something inside of Nao felt like it would break. Her sanity, her control, her emotions, anyone of them could have been feeling the strain, but she was too confused inside to realise which one. Another tear spilled down her face and she clenched her teeth against the searing pain of the fresh memories that staring at this woman brought on. The hatred was severe, a bright flash before her eyes, and she knew she had to get away from her. She still couldn't face her, and her shame was enough to get her to her feet.

"Wait, Nao!" Midori exclaimed as the red head raced off again, leaving Shizuru to stare after her in shock.

"What is wrong with her?" she asked Midori, coking an eyebrow. "Is it whatever has been bothering her over the days? Did she say anything to you?"

Midori shook her head and watched Nao take a sharp turn in the hall and break into the girl's toilets. "No. She panicked in class and took off, but when she saw you… I don't mean any disrespect, Shizuru, but I have never seen her so angry."

A flash of surprise flashed over Shizuru's face, but she realised it was true. "Then there is nothing for it. I will follow her and find out what is happening. It's about time she shared with us what is going on with her. After what we have faced together, it seems only right."

In the toilet's, Nao was letting everything out. She ignored the fact that there was another girl in there with her, washing her hands. As soon as she had burst through the door, the agony inside of her had torn to the surface and she fell to the floor in tears. Needless to say, the frightened girl hastened with cleaning her hands and ran out into the hall again.

"Why is this happening now?" Nao asked herself as she dragged her lifeless body over to the sinks to release the little food she had eaten over the weeks. She had held on for so long without breaking down like this, but that one little accident with Shizuru in the hall had broken her defences. She had been glaring from a distance all of this time, but she hadn't once come that close to her again since the death of her mother.

Nao's hands went white as she gripped the edge of the sink and let everything pour out of her injured soul. It hurt to breathe, and she didn't want to feel that aching anymore. She felt so empty and alone…

"Nao?" The voice echoed across the bathroom and reached Nao's ears in an instant of recognition. She turned to face Shizuru, but felt everything around her begin to waver as though the world were tilting. Her knees collapsed beneath her and she sank to the floor, sobbing and sniffing.

Shizuru was at her side with alarm printed on her face. She grasped Nao's hair gently, lovingly, and pulled it back as another wave of sickness threatened Nao, but the younger girl pulled away at her touch

"No!" she cried stubbornly, shuffling away weakly as her usually energetic body faltered and went numb. "I don't want your help! Get away from me!"

Being blind to the truth that Nao hid, Shizuru was both hurt and shocked that Nao held so much rage towards her. The girl was sick though, her face paled and her body became limp and useless. She was on the verge of fainting, and Shizuru was never one to stand by and watch. She reached forward with caution hands and grasped for Nao's arms.

Again, Nao jerked back, but this time the movement was too much. The last of her strength disappeared like the final light bulb inside of her had flicked off, and she fell forwards towards the tiled floor as everything began to darken

The last thing she remembered was falling into Shizuru's waiting arms. The arms of the enemy.