Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story. 'Cept for Tina, she's mine. Take that Mutant Enemy!
Rating: Eh, PG-13
Pairing: Kind of B/R. But it is totally, completely, 100% B/A.
Timeline: Season 5, 6, and 7 never happened here. This spins off during season 4-ish.
A/N: I know. I'm starting another story when I should be working on others. But you see, my muse is psycho. She's insane. She lives in a purple box with the words "Barney's Lover" painted on the outside. I really don't wanna talk about it. Anyway, I will be updating the other stories soon, once I actually have *good* ideas instead of the usual bad ones. Call me cooky.
And this actually isn't completely AU. I know! What a shocker! Okay, I'm gonna go lie down... and stay down.
Also, it is possible to choke on pon-poms. Believe me.
Dedication: To my brother, Doug. You're weird. And to my buddy, Ava Fire. Hugs for editing. And to the person or persons who created FANTA! You/s made me hyper.
******************************************
Hi. My name is Tina. And my mother is having an affair.
Yep. You heard me. My mother is having an affair. Weird, huh? Well, it is to me.
It really shouldn't be too surprising. My mom is beautiful. I even heard one of my friends call her hot. Something I never wanna experience again. She's also really funny, and she's smart enough to give us blondes a good name. Why wouldn't any man want her? But that's not the question. My question, is why wouldn't she want my dad?
It's not like he's a bad guy or anything. He and I just don't have much in common. You see, he wants the perfect American daughter; you know, the cute blonde cheerleader with a never ending stream of boyfriends and is a shoe-in for Homecoming Queen. Well, if it helps, I am blonde. And I did go to cheerleading camp when I was eight, but I tripped and almost choked on my pon-poms.
So, I guess he's okay. It's just, he's never around. His business trips can last up to two months, sometimes even three. There have even been times when we're sitting at the dinner table and the phone rings, requesting Mr. Riley Finn. By the time he comes back his food is cold and my mom and I are asleep. And once we wake up, he's back at work again.
It's been like that since... forever. So, yeah, I guess the lackage of my Dad would make mom's eyes wander. But even when he's here... nothing. There's just nothing there.
I'm not naive enough to think that they should just swipe the dishes off the table and start doing it on the napkins the moment they see each other. Actually, I'm thankful they don't have that much passion in their lives. 'Cuz, ew. But there's not even a kiss. There's barely a hug. Yeah sure, I'm not behind their bedroom doors (again, thankfully), but I still believe that once I popped out, not much happened after.
Maybe I'm exaggerating. After all, I don't know what a normal marriage looks like. We've never been a *normal* family. I can't tell you how many times I've walked in conversations about vampires, demons, and angels. They always fight about angels. I don't know why. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that I won't get the psycho gene. Aunt Willow (my mom's best friend) says that they're very eccentric, and they need an output for their 'special' interests. Okay, but why did it have to be the paranormal? Couldn't they have taken yoga together? Or maybe they could join a book club, or movie club, or, whatever. Hey! I know! Why don't they work on trying to get their marriage together?
But I really don't know if they will. Remember the whole affair thing? I found out last month when I came home from my friend's house early. I went through the back door, 'cuz mom wanted to put this bell-thing that rings every time you open the front door. She said it was for sentimental value, then she muttered something about a "damn mummy-hand". Again, we're not normal. Anyway, I heard slurping noises in the living room, (yes, slurping), and I figured that Mom was watching a horror movie or a Lifetime Special.
I went in, and saw what is still *the* most shocking/disgusting thing in my life. My mother was making-out. But not to Mr. Riley Finn. Oh no, Mrs. Buffy Anne FINN was shoving her tongue down a dark-haired, 40-somthing's throat. I resisted the urge to scream (or vomit), and went out into the backyard. Trying to convince myself that I just went temporarily insane and that my mom was actually watering the plants.
But it didn't work. I walked back in, praying that the guy who was now destroying my life decided to leave. No such luck.
So I pulled a peeping-Tom and watched. And that's when I saw what had always been missing. Passion, lust, love. This wasn't an extremely disturbing mid-life crisis for mom. She was in love. And whoever 'the guy' was, he loved her back.
I went into the backyard again, and sat on the swing-set that Dad had built for me. I felt sick. Really sick. Worse then cramps, worse then the flu, worse then the frikkin' eboli-virius. Okay, I've never had the eboli-virius, but nothing could compare to this. What was I supposed to do? Should I tell Dad? Should I confront mom? Should I run away to Uncle Xander's?
I decided to shut down my brain, and went to doing my English homework. As I tried to re-read the same paragraph for the sixth time, I heard that little annoying bell and hushed voices making promises they should not be making. When I heard the door shut, I gathered my stuff and went back in, trying not to break into tears when I saw my mother's flushed face.
"Hi honey! Didn't know you'd be back so soon," she picked up a can and began to water the plants.
"Yeah, couldn't finish my homework at someone else's house," I said, trying to not look in her eyes.
She smiled, "The only way that I could ever get *my* homework done was when I spent the night at Willow's. Maybe I should force you to go there for school-work."
She looked at me, trying to get a response. How could I when I saw a hickey forming on her neck?
"Uh, sure, whatever."
"That was a joke. Are you feeling okay?" she asked, her brow furrowing.
"Yeah, just tired. I'm gonna go upstairs and take a nap. Could ya call me down for dinner?"
"Of course," but she still look concerned. "It should be ready in about fifty minutes."
"Okay. I'm gonna start my homework." I walked out of there, feeling my mother's eyes on my back as she tried to figure out what was wrong.
Dad came home later, but had to leave during dinner for work. Again. Damn it! I wanted to throw my very delicious drumstick at his head and yell 'till he sat down. Didn't he see? Didn't he know? If he could just stay for dinner maybe mom would quit being crazy and fall in love with her husband! But I sat still and quiet while he got his coat and briefcase, and left.
Mom stared after him, sighed a little, and began washing up. She wasn't upset. Didn't need to be. She had an Irish-lover to keep her happy. And to make me miserable.
That was a month ago. And now I know mom didn't have just a quickie on the couch. I'm still seeing signs all over the place. She has to have the house neat, which is odd 'cuz she hates to clean. She buys new perfume, new clothes, and I even saw her slip a couple of condoms in the bag at Wal-Greens when she thought I wasn't watching. Ugh.
I hope this ends soon. I hope my parents will wake up to each other and fall in love all over again. If they were ever in love in the first place.
But it's not gonna happen, is it? Because my mom is already in love, but not with my dad.
********************************
TBC... What do you think? Should I continue? Or should I go back under my rock?
Rating: Eh, PG-13
Pairing: Kind of B/R. But it is totally, completely, 100% B/A.
Timeline: Season 5, 6, and 7 never happened here. This spins off during season 4-ish.
A/N: I know. I'm starting another story when I should be working on others. But you see, my muse is psycho. She's insane. She lives in a purple box with the words "Barney's Lover" painted on the outside. I really don't wanna talk about it. Anyway, I will be updating the other stories soon, once I actually have *good* ideas instead of the usual bad ones. Call me cooky.
And this actually isn't completely AU. I know! What a shocker! Okay, I'm gonna go lie down... and stay down.
Also, it is possible to choke on pon-poms. Believe me.
Dedication: To my brother, Doug. You're weird. And to my buddy, Ava Fire. Hugs for editing. And to the person or persons who created FANTA! You/s made me hyper.
******************************************
Hi. My name is Tina. And my mother is having an affair.
Yep. You heard me. My mother is having an affair. Weird, huh? Well, it is to me.
It really shouldn't be too surprising. My mom is beautiful. I even heard one of my friends call her hot. Something I never wanna experience again. She's also really funny, and she's smart enough to give us blondes a good name. Why wouldn't any man want her? But that's not the question. My question, is why wouldn't she want my dad?
It's not like he's a bad guy or anything. He and I just don't have much in common. You see, he wants the perfect American daughter; you know, the cute blonde cheerleader with a never ending stream of boyfriends and is a shoe-in for Homecoming Queen. Well, if it helps, I am blonde. And I did go to cheerleading camp when I was eight, but I tripped and almost choked on my pon-poms.
So, I guess he's okay. It's just, he's never around. His business trips can last up to two months, sometimes even three. There have even been times when we're sitting at the dinner table and the phone rings, requesting Mr. Riley Finn. By the time he comes back his food is cold and my mom and I are asleep. And once we wake up, he's back at work again.
It's been like that since... forever. So, yeah, I guess the lackage of my Dad would make mom's eyes wander. But even when he's here... nothing. There's just nothing there.
I'm not naive enough to think that they should just swipe the dishes off the table and start doing it on the napkins the moment they see each other. Actually, I'm thankful they don't have that much passion in their lives. 'Cuz, ew. But there's not even a kiss. There's barely a hug. Yeah sure, I'm not behind their bedroom doors (again, thankfully), but I still believe that once I popped out, not much happened after.
Maybe I'm exaggerating. After all, I don't know what a normal marriage looks like. We've never been a *normal* family. I can't tell you how many times I've walked in conversations about vampires, demons, and angels. They always fight about angels. I don't know why. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that I won't get the psycho gene. Aunt Willow (my mom's best friend) says that they're very eccentric, and they need an output for their 'special' interests. Okay, but why did it have to be the paranormal? Couldn't they have taken yoga together? Or maybe they could join a book club, or movie club, or, whatever. Hey! I know! Why don't they work on trying to get their marriage together?
But I really don't know if they will. Remember the whole affair thing? I found out last month when I came home from my friend's house early. I went through the back door, 'cuz mom wanted to put this bell-thing that rings every time you open the front door. She said it was for sentimental value, then she muttered something about a "damn mummy-hand". Again, we're not normal. Anyway, I heard slurping noises in the living room, (yes, slurping), and I figured that Mom was watching a horror movie or a Lifetime Special.
I went in, and saw what is still *the* most shocking/disgusting thing in my life. My mother was making-out. But not to Mr. Riley Finn. Oh no, Mrs. Buffy Anne FINN was shoving her tongue down a dark-haired, 40-somthing's throat. I resisted the urge to scream (or vomit), and went out into the backyard. Trying to convince myself that I just went temporarily insane and that my mom was actually watering the plants.
But it didn't work. I walked back in, praying that the guy who was now destroying my life decided to leave. No such luck.
So I pulled a peeping-Tom and watched. And that's when I saw what had always been missing. Passion, lust, love. This wasn't an extremely disturbing mid-life crisis for mom. She was in love. And whoever 'the guy' was, he loved her back.
I went into the backyard again, and sat on the swing-set that Dad had built for me. I felt sick. Really sick. Worse then cramps, worse then the flu, worse then the frikkin' eboli-virius. Okay, I've never had the eboli-virius, but nothing could compare to this. What was I supposed to do? Should I tell Dad? Should I confront mom? Should I run away to Uncle Xander's?
I decided to shut down my brain, and went to doing my English homework. As I tried to re-read the same paragraph for the sixth time, I heard that little annoying bell and hushed voices making promises they should not be making. When I heard the door shut, I gathered my stuff and went back in, trying not to break into tears when I saw my mother's flushed face.
"Hi honey! Didn't know you'd be back so soon," she picked up a can and began to water the plants.
"Yeah, couldn't finish my homework at someone else's house," I said, trying to not look in her eyes.
She smiled, "The only way that I could ever get *my* homework done was when I spent the night at Willow's. Maybe I should force you to go there for school-work."
She looked at me, trying to get a response. How could I when I saw a hickey forming on her neck?
"Uh, sure, whatever."
"That was a joke. Are you feeling okay?" she asked, her brow furrowing.
"Yeah, just tired. I'm gonna go upstairs and take a nap. Could ya call me down for dinner?"
"Of course," but she still look concerned. "It should be ready in about fifty minutes."
"Okay. I'm gonna start my homework." I walked out of there, feeling my mother's eyes on my back as she tried to figure out what was wrong.
Dad came home later, but had to leave during dinner for work. Again. Damn it! I wanted to throw my very delicious drumstick at his head and yell 'till he sat down. Didn't he see? Didn't he know? If he could just stay for dinner maybe mom would quit being crazy and fall in love with her husband! But I sat still and quiet while he got his coat and briefcase, and left.
Mom stared after him, sighed a little, and began washing up. She wasn't upset. Didn't need to be. She had an Irish-lover to keep her happy. And to make me miserable.
That was a month ago. And now I know mom didn't have just a quickie on the couch. I'm still seeing signs all over the place. She has to have the house neat, which is odd 'cuz she hates to clean. She buys new perfume, new clothes, and I even saw her slip a couple of condoms in the bag at Wal-Greens when she thought I wasn't watching. Ugh.
I hope this ends soon. I hope my parents will wake up to each other and fall in love all over again. If they were ever in love in the first place.
But it's not gonna happen, is it? Because my mom is already in love, but not with my dad.
********************************
TBC... What do you think? Should I continue? Or should I go back under my rock?
