JUST SOME RANDOM NONSENSE: [Don't read this if you don't wanna hear my boring rant] Ok, I'm SOOOO mad!! Has anyone seen the finale of the Survivor?? I wanted Kelly to win!! NO!!! It's NOT fair!!! I know you guys don't care, but I just HAVE to get that out!! Grr... ^_^;;; And did you guys see Susan's speech for Kelly? She was practically bitching at her!! I SO agree what Gervase thought of that bitch!! Gosh!! Let her rot in hell! Ugh! She just makes me sick!! What am I saying? I don't even like that show!! But still... gr...
It's been raining since you left me
By MB
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Digimon and the song "My All" is by Mariah Carey. This story belongs to me. I don't make any money for this, so please don't sue me. Thank you! ^_~
A/N: This is just a short sequel to "Will you cry for me Diary?" You don't have to read it to understand this, although it would be nice. If you're gonna read "Will you cry..." then please review, k? About this fic... the title is a song title I borrowed from a Korean song by H.O.T. from the album "I Yah". I think Kang Ta wrote this song. Isn't the title sweet? ^_~ It's one of my fave Korean songs. Also this is Mimato. If you don't like mimato, don't read this. Also this has some 'intense kissing' (LIME) content. So don't go whining if you're disgusted!! -_- [ahem] please excuse my rudeness... ^_^;;;
Dedication: I would like to dedicate this fic to musichick aka Jessica. She's such an awesome and cool friend! Check out her fics and her mimato fanarts. Jess, here's my 'sickening' & 'disgusting' mimato romance. ^_~
A/N 2: Note, if you LIKE Mariah Carey, I kinda... cough dissed her on this, but don't get me wrong, I DO love her songs, though! I just don't like HER personally, b/c I find her... (excuse me) annoying. Ok, I'll leave you alone now. =)
It was still raining. I sat by the window, as I opened up the blinds. It had been only two days ever since I returned home after running away. So it was stupid to run away, but at least I had learned... that they cared. They did care. It had been raining ever since I got home. It never stopped yet. It was only a light shower, and the rain remained in a stable condition like that. I sighed and lowered the blinds and lied on my bed. Just when I thought that everything was gonna get back to normal between Mimi and myself... it had only gotten worse. We hadn't talked since I returned. She never even called. Not even once.
I rolled over on the other side of the bed, grabbed the remote control, and turned the TV on. SES, a group of Korean and Japanese girl pop band, had just finished an interview. I had always wondered how Eugene, the leader of the group, had learned how to speak Japanese. And I was amazed at Shoo too. Was that her name? Or was it Sea? I think she was the only Japanese member of that group, and her Korean was really improving. Then an American singer, Mariah Carey, appeared on the stage and began singing another one of her sappy love songs. I turned away from the television, rolling her eyes at her outfit. She was wearing this oh-so-tight brown tube top, perfectly fitting her full breasts. She was also wearing this super short skirt that matched her top, showing off her tanned legs. I had to admit that she looked like one of those gorgeous super models that would look good in any bathing suits. I stared up the ceiling as I listened to Mariah's song... It really reminded me of Mimi. Damn, how I could wish I could hold her right now. I need her and I want her to be with me.
I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'cause I can't go on
living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight
Shut up. I quickly turned off the television. I couldn't stand it any longer. I lied on my bed with my eyes closed and thought for a moment. Stupid Mariah Carey. Her crappy song was only making me feel worse. It's sick how girls could do this to guys. Guys fall for girls. Girls fall out of love with guys. Then girls dump the guys. And guys act sick, stupid, crazy, and foolish. I swear, this whole break-up thing had really gotten to me. What was up with me? I just couldn't believe I was acting like a fool. All this time, I really thought that Mimi was the perfect girl for me, but, shit, she blew it. I was never ever happy with any other girl. Mimi was really the only one that I was happy with. I really thought that I had found the perfect one for me... Was I wrong? Was it really wrong to love? Or was it even love? Gosh, what the hell am I saying? I should be happy. I got my friends, my family, and my band. Everyone of them. They were here to put up with me.
Okay, so maybe, I haven't been speaking up. They always say that I should lean on a friend, and talk out my feelings. But they should understand that it's also hard for me to take action. But still... I've always acted that everything was cool, that everything was gonna be all right, and I could take care of myself. I've been hiding my feelings, and all this time it was all a lie. I've been living a lie. From every action that I took, it was because it was only a disguise. This whole thing, I've been lying to myself. I didn't want to admit my true feelings. But even so, I had always believed that everybody should depend on themselves. If I really did believe this, I wouldn't be talking about it now, would I? If I really believed in that, I wouldn't be sitting here feeling sorry for myself, and thinking about Mimi.
I couldn't just depend on myself. I needed someone. I need her back. I want her back... she has to come back to me. I need her here with me. I can't be alone... Mimi, can you hear me? Answer me please... I want to hear your voice. My mind felt completely blank, and it felt as if my whole thoughts just drifted into the darkness. My questions remained unanswered... when will she answer?
*** Flashback ***
Mimi's hazel eyes were shining as she gazed upon me, her lips curling up into a happy smile. I could see her eyes moistening with joy and excitement. It was official. I had never thought that this day would come. It had taken me a lot of courage to propose to her. It was hard, but it was worth it. And as I watched her smiling upon me, with her eyes shining on me, I knew that I had made the right decision, and I knew her answer. The ring that I had put on her finger was a beautiful gold, and its stone was her birthstone too. Her tears streaming down her cheeks, she stared at her ring for the longest time. Then she returned her gaze on me and threw herself in my arms.
"Oh Matt!" she cried, hugging onto me so tight, as if she didn't want to let me go. Her body was so close to mine that I could feel her heart pounding. "Matt... I... I don't know what to say!"
"Ssh... you don't have to say anything," I murmured, running my hands through her hair.
She slowly let go, wiping her tears and sniffing. "I'm sorry, Matt... but..." her voice trailed off. I studied her expression; I didn't like it. Mimi touched her ring and turned her back to me. "Matt, I'm really really sorry, but..."
I put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. But I had this really bad feeling of what she was gonna say to me. "Mimi, I've been thinking about this a lot. I think it's about time we settle in. You know--"
"NO!" Mimi shouted, shoving my hand away from her shoulder. "You don't understand! This isn't what I wanted, Matt! I never planned on this!"
I reeled back. I felt like my heart had just shattered into thousand pieces as I heard her remark. She didn't plan on this? But I really thought this was what she wanted? Didn't she love me? What about our dreams? Our plans for the future, a happy family together, just us. Wasn't that what she wanted too? Or was she just pretending? I didn't want to hear that. No. This couldn't be right. I must've heard wrong. Mimi would never say that. Ugh... why the heck am I denying it? It's true.
"Matt," she moved closer to me. "We're still too young for this kind of thing. I-I mean... I love you, but, marriage is just... I mean, I've never thought about it. And we're only in high school."
I nodded. "You're right." I replied firmly, avoiding her eyes. "It was stupid. I'm only seventeen, and you're only sixteen." I said, more to myself. I remained silent for a while as I stood up and looked out the window. We were in Mimi's bedroom. Her pink bedroom that smelled so good. I thought for a while and suddenly laughed. "God, how stupid of me! I'm acting like one of those lovesick pups you see in the movies!" I laughed as I dugged my sweating hands into my pockets. In reality, I was only nervous. Mimi looked a little startled at my reaction that she came up to me, removing the ring from her finger.
"I... I guess I should give this back," she said as she offered me her ring. I stared at it for a while and just shrugged.
"No, just keep it. I gave it to you." I answered. I remembered how long it had taken me to find that ring for her. And now... was my time only wasted?
"But Matt..." she whispered, looking right at me. I could tell that she wanted to look at me eye to eye, but I did my best to avoid her gaze. "Matt, look at me! Please!" she pleaded. I felt her hand grabbing my arm. "Matt. Don't be like this!"
I chuckled. How could I have been such an idiot? I really thought that this was what she had really wanted. "Mimi, look, keep the ring, okay?" I sighed. I turned back to her, bit my lower lip, and thought about how beautiful she looked as she just stood there. Her eyes looked weary and tired, but she still looked gorgeous. I blinked and walked up to the bed to pick up my jacket. "I'll head home. It's late." I put on my black leather jacket on and walked up to the door.
"Goodnight Matt," Mimi called out to me before I could exit.
I stopped and stood there for a while. I bit my lower lip, closed my eyes, trying to hold back my tears. As I remained standing there, I thought about how I wanted to just go up to her and hold her in my arms forever, but something was just stopping me from doing so. Ever since she'd turned me down, she'd placed this invisible barrier between us.
"G'night Mimi..." I said in a hush tone as I slammed the door shut.
*** End of flashback ***
I quickly sat up on my bed, my eyes wide in shocked. Of course! How could I have been so stupid? That was the reason why she broke up with me! That was the reason why she'd been ignoring me in the first place! Why didn't I see that sooner? How could I have been so clueless as to not figuring it out?! Perhaps I had been so wrapped up with my feelings, and I had been too busy sulking. Man, I screwed up big time!
I stood up and looked out the window. The rain had gradually picked up and everything was just so wet outside. When will this rain stop? It was kind of making me feel blue. It looked like the whole city was crying, and I felt like crying with them. I then shrugged the thought off and quickly grabbed my jacket, put my shoes on, and drove over to Mimi's house. It took me ten minutes to drive there and it was still raining. I got off the car and like in a hurry, I was already drenching wet four seconds after I walked out of the car. And I didn't have an umbrella with me. I approached the front door. It was cold. My jacket wasn't insulated enough for this kind of weather. I tapped my foot lightly on the ground as I waited for somebody to open the door. When nobody answered, I pressed the buzzer again, and looked around. My eyes fell upon on a shiny golden object lying on the ground near some plants. I squinted, bent down, and picked it up. It was Mimi's ring. The ring that I had given to her before we broke up. But what was it doing out here?
Putting the ring inside chest pocket, I ran back to my car and drove away from her house. I didn't know whether to feel sad or angry when I found the ring, but right now, I didn't care. Mimi didn't love me. She didn't care about the ring. She didn't care about us. Nor did she care about my feelings for her. It continued to pour outside and I could hardly see where I was going. My eyes were just flooded with tears, and I was having a hard time driving with this vision. I didn't care... if I hit something, who cares? I continued driving. I had no idea where to go. I just wanted to get away. I didn't want to stop anywhere. I just wanted to keep going.
I eventually slowed down and noticed two familiar figures walking on the sidewalk. I frowned at what I saw, and I couldn't even believe it. Mimi and Tai were standing next to each other, gazing into each other's eyes, and talking about something. They were just standing there, not caring about other people that walked passed them. They were standing there, wet in the rain. It was just like the same thing. I remembered it. It was the same thing... but at that time, I had run away from them. Perhaps I'd been too afraid to face them. But this time, I knew I had to. I had to apologize to her. I slowly drove on the other block, and found a nearest parking lot.
***
"It wasn't the same, Tai." Mimi told him as she shook her head slightly. She put her hands on her face and sobbed. "I-I can't do this anymore! I miss him way too much! It hurts!"
I watched from behind a tree as Tai put a hand on Mimi's shoulder. I was far enough for them not to see, but I was also close enough to hear what they were saying. Mimi took his hand and indicated for Tai to hug him. Tai and Mimi both held each other for a moment. "Mimi... you know, I care..." Tai whispered. They let go of each other and Mimi smiled up to him.
"Thank you, Tai." She said. Mimi touched her pink hair and giggled. "I-I should get back home..."
"Hey Matt, is that you?"
I jumped up in shocked and turned around to find the source of the voice. Oh man... somebody please shoot me. It was Jun Motomiya, Davis' older sister. I didn't need another girl. I think I'm crazy enough as it is.
"Sorry, but I'm busy." I said as I turned to her in annoyance. "Please let me be."
I didn't give her a chance to answer that I stepped out from my hiding place and approached Tai and Mimi. Mimi was the first one to notice me as she gave me this shocked look on her face.
"M-Matt...?" Mimi said, biting her lip. There was a slight hint of nervousness in her voice.
I took a deep breath as I stared at her. Her eyes looked so tired and her expression weary. It looked like I wasn't the only one feeling blue. "Mimi... I... came to..." my voice just trailed off.
"W-what's wrong, Matt?" she asked me softly.
She's not making it easier... but... I've got to do this.
I stepped forward, closer to her. I took out the ring from my chest pocket and showed it to her. "I-I came to give this back to you..."
She didn't say a word for a while. Her jaw dropped and she just stared at the ring. She looked up at me and shook her head. "No... Matt... I..."
I sighed, clutching onto the ring. "I know. You didn't want it, right? But I gave this to you. And I want you to have it."
"That's not what I meant, Matt," she replied quickly. "I just meant that--"
"You don't want this..." I finished for her. "Right... I-I understand."
I dropped the ring from my finger. And I hurried off... I didn't want to hear its loud clang as it reached the ground.
Crap! I lost it! Why did Tai have to be there? It wasn't fair. No way... Am I losing her completely? Was this completely the end of our relationship? Will she ever get back to me? Sitting on the empty bench at the deserted Odaiba Park, I looked up at the sky and welcomed the rain showering down to my face. The sky was being covered with dark clouds, and I felt a lightning just beyond those rain clouds. I opened my mouth and drips of water entered my mouth and I swallowed it. It felt good. It felt as if I were swallowing my sadness.
I am thinking of you
In my sleepless solitude tonight
If it's wrong to love you
Then my heart just won't let me be right
'Cause I've drowned in you
And I won't pull through
Without you by my side
She was everything that I had. Mimi was my happiness, the light in my life. And everything about her was perfect. I need her here. I loved her, and she used to love me too. She makes me happy. I would be crazy without her by my side.
I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'cause I can't go on
living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight
I recalled the time we spent together out in the movies. Sure, it was fun just sitting there right beside her and watching that movie. Well, actually, I didn't even know what happened in the movie. We were too busy making out at the back to even care. I missed her so much; I could just die right now! I missed the touch of her body. I missed the touch of her lips, her soft kisses, her sensations, just everything about her.
Baby can you feel me
Imagining I'm looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly
Vividly emblazoned in my mind
And yet you're so far
Like a distant star
I'm wishing on tonight
I could still remember the first time we shared our first kiss. Her kiss tasted so sweet, her lips so soft, and I loved the way she played with my hair. I hadn't let anybody touched my hair except for her. That was how special she was to me. Damn it, I missed you Mimi. I want you back, don't you know that?
I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'cause I can't go on
living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight
But now she left me. For good. She was gone. Mimi had fallen out of love. I stared at my lap. I had been sitting here for almost ten minutes and I just realized just now that I was drenching wet. I closed my eyes shut and I could feel myself crying. I didn't care.
"Matt?"
I looked up to see a familiar face. A face that I didn't want to see.
"Leave me alone, Tai." I looked away from his awkward glance.
"Hey look man, nothing happened, okay?" Tai remarked. "If that's the reason why you're acting like this--"
"What would you know?!" I glared right at him. He was just with Mimi twenty minutes ago!
"Matt, listen..." Tai began. He sat next to me and I could feel him looking at me. "I just thought that I should tell you that... Mimi and I--"
"NO! Just shut up, okay?!" I yelled as I jumped up from my seat and angrily stared at him. "Just SHUT up!"
Tai looked a little stunned at my reaction that he looked at me for a while, not saying anything. "Mimi has enough problems as it is. Please, Matt, don't make it worst."
My expression changed and I completely forgot about my anger. "What?! What are you talking about? What problems? Did Mimi tell you something?"
He nodded and I didn't like it. "I think you should go talk to her..."
I found her sitting by the water fountain located in the middle of the children's playground. I could hear her soft sob as she rested her head on the side. I slowly tiptoed behind her. She too, was wet from the rain, but it looked like the rain didn't even bother her.
"Mimi?" I bent down and reached over to her, pulling her closely to my side. "Mimi, are you okay?"
She sobbed softly, burying her face on my chest. I felt her arms wrapping around my neck, still crying. "Ssh... it's okay, Mimi..." I assured, gently rubbing my hand on her back. I shivered at her touch. It had been a long time ever since I felt her in my arms like that. It had been a very long time. Too long, and I couldn't believe that I'd lived through that without her holding me like this. But now what... Tai said that there was something wrong. I gently took her face and turned it so that I could see her expression clearly. Her eyes were red from crying too much. Dark circles were around her eyes, and more fresh tears streamed down her cheeks.
Thunder clouds
Hung around
So threateningly
Ominously hovering
And the sky
Opened wide
showering
"Now, what's that matter?" I asked.
Mimi pulled away from my grasps and wiped off her tears. "I-I'm... I-I'm pregnant, Matt!" she burst out, avoiding my gaze.
Dripping rain
On her gentle face
Sparkling rain
Like tiny silver on her face
Her pink hair
So wet
So shiny
And she's mine
I gasped in shocked. My heart started beating. Her? Pregnant? Since when? Oh no. Not now... It's not my fault, is it? Oh man... what have I done? That can't be right! I must've heard wrong.
"W-what?" I choked out, gulping nervously.
"You weren't expecting this?" Mimi retorted. "Don't you remember?!"
Remember? Uh... I-I'm not sure...
*** Flashback ***
Mimi and I were locked in this long passionate kiss. I just couldn't resist. Her mouth was tasty and her kisses were so good. I loved the way her tongue touched my tongue. The kiss lasted so long that when we pulled away from each other, we were out of breath. I opened the door to my bedroom and led Mimi inside. I didn't bother to turn on the lights for we found each other kissing again. I ran my hands behind her back and made its way under her shirt...
"Matt... I..." Mimi breathed. "I... I don't know if..."
I didn't let her continue as I pressed my lips against her, which she returned hungrily. Before I knew it, Mimi was lying on the bed naked, and I was on top of her…
*** End of Flashback ***
I turned away from Mimi, blushing red, embarrassed. So I was responsible for this? I'm a father... now? I rose to my feet. Having a baby is a big responsibility... and what was I supposed to do to support her and the baby? Oh man, now I have to find a job... and I would've still have my job if Mimi hadn't broken up with me.
"Yeah... I-I remember, Mimi..." I whispered. There was a hint of nervousness in my voice.
"Yeah... and do you care?!" she blurted out all of a sudden. Mimi quickly stood up and eyed me, her eyes looked hurt and angry, but I could tell that she was more hurt. "Do you even care about this child?!" Even more tears came rolling down her face. "Do you care?! Do you give a damn!?" she was yelling now, and crying. She came up to me, punching my chest. "Go away, Matt! Go!" I didn't stop her from hitting me. I was just too stunned. Everything was just so confusing. Everything was just happening too fast. I kept thinking of what I'm gonna do now. What about my future happiness? Everything else... my life... was it just ruined? Great... this is great! Goddammit, what does Mimi want me to do now? God knows what she's been through. I've gotta support her now. She needs me more than ever, but how am I supposed to do that? What am I supposed to say to her? What does she want to hear from me? What is it? She continued hitting my chest then I suddenly caught her hands to prevent her from hitting me again. "Go away, Matt!" she squealed angrily, struggling to let my grip go.
"Mimi... I... you know, I'm here..." I gently told her.
She stopped and looked right at me in my eyes. "Matt... y-you mean that?"
I nodded. So I guess I said the right thing? Cool. "Mimi... I'm... I care, but..." my voice trailed off. Shoot, I forgot that I wasn't very good with expressing my feelings. But Mimi just gave me a warm tiny smile as if she read my mind, and wrapped her arms around me.
"T-thank you, Matt..." she hissed.
I returned her hug and took the chance to enjoy the smell of her pink hair. I kissed her head gently, and Mimi pulled away from me with a tiny smile.
"Don't worry, Mimi," I assured her. "We'll do this together."
She nodded and let out a soft giggle, which took me by surprised. "I'm... such a whiner! I'm sorry about earlier..."
I laughed. "It's okay, sweetie..." I replied.
She leaned over closer to my face and I once again I was filled with happiness as I tasted her lips once again. Those kisses, her familiar kisses that I had longed to taste. Her lips were so soft against my lips. We let go of each other and the sun rose above the sky. I looked up with a smile. The rain had finally stopped. Funny, how the power of our kiss could change the weather. The sun beat down on us. Wow, looks like I don't have to worry about going home to dry my clothes.
"Come on, Mimi," I said, offering my arm to her. "I'll take you home."
She smiles at me
In her cute own way
Now the sun is up
Silver beads gone
Her lips inviting
Curving into another smile
And as she looks at me
In her own special way
I just had to
Touch her lips again...
And so we stopped walking, and decided to just make out in the middle of the park, where everybody could see. I guess when you're in love, nothing else matters…
~ the end ~
A/N: The ending turned out way too different than I've planned it to, but oh well. I know it's corny. Oh well… I love corny stuff. ^_~ Please review!
-Kristine
