The Tick vs. Bath Day

"Arrrthurr… where's the ear canal cleaner?"

Arthur absently raised his head, still concentrating on his client's tax returns. "What…?"

The Tick's enthusiastic voice sang back from the bathroom: "You know… plastic thingy… 'bout long as a fork… handle on one end, raspy…"

"Tick!" Arthur slammed down his mechanical pencil. "That's my tongue scraper!"

"Oooh… why didn't you say so? Did you hear that Speak? Come on boy… open up! We got some oral hygiene to do!"

Arthur heard bathwater slosh all over the floor as the terrified capybara resisted. Bath day was always a mess. Arthur sighed and wondered where his life had gone wrong.

"Rrrmmm… hrrmmmm… rrmmm… hhmmm." The Tick hummed loud enough for half the building to hear. "Evil plaque buildup… you face the bristly justice that is the electric toothbrush!"

There was a buzz followed by more sloshing as the rodent thrashed about in the bathtub and whined pitifully.

"Look at those powerful incisers glistening in the frothy glow of fluoride goodness!" The Tick's voice rose to a dramatic crescendo. "Let evil cover its naughty eyes from the righteous glare! Show the world that smile Speak! Show it! Show'em how you smile!"

There was a dreaded knock at the door, three sharp raps. Arthur set aside his calculator and reluctantly went to answer.

"Oh… Mrs. Grabble," Arthur smiled awkwardly at his neighbor. "What a… um… pleasant surprise. Is there something I…"

"You know what the problem is!" The woman gruffly poked a finger in Arthur's chest. "That big blue freak's waking me up again… some of us are still asleep at 6 AM!"

"Um… yes ma'am, I'm so sorry… I'll try and…"

"Arrrthurrr…" The Tick's voice interrupted, "Where's the toe-nail clippers?"

Arthur cringed, ignoring the Tick. "You see, it's um… bath day…"

"Aaarrrthuur…"

"Later Tick!" Arthur turned to continue his apology. "I… I… I'm real sorry Mrs. Grabble…"

"Listen," She grabbed of one of Arthur's antennae and leveled a furious glare. "I don't need no freaks in tights waking me up! One more time and I call the cops!"

Before Arthur could respond she turned and stomped off.

The Tick hurried into the living room with his capybara squirming in his grip. "Look Arthur," the Tick proudly showed off the rodent: "Squeaky Clean!" He glanced out the door. "Er… who was that?"

"Mrs. Grabble from 412."

"Is there trouble?" Tick tucked Speak securely under one giant arm. "Is it an emergency? The City under attack? Radioactive Wombats mutating villainous treachery afoot?"

"What? No! Wombats? What…"

"Wombats… I knew it! Say no more, chum…" The Tick raised an eyebrow and shook his big fist I the air: "Villainy will suffer for interrupting Speak's bath time!"

Arthur stood there with his mouth open as the Tick ducked through the doorway and charged down the hall.

"Hold on Mrs. Grabble!" The Tick roared: "Spooooon!"

"Tick… no!" Judging from the splintering wood and startled scream it was already far too late. Arthur sat down at his desk and waited for the police. He really hated bath day.