A/N: I own nothing. And yay for AkuRoku day! :)
It's gym class and my class is outside for it. It's a free day so we can play on the swings and play kickball or basketball or whatever we want. Most of us want to play Struggle because the Struggle Tournament is coming up in two months and now that we're ten we can enter.
But I just want to go home.
It's cold out for mid -March and my house is just down the road. We can walk the edge of the playground if we want to and that's what I'm doing, kicking a pebble as I do so.
Hayner wants to practice Struggle with me but he got Pence to do it instead.
Olette is actually absent today so right now I'm alone.
My hands are in my pants pockets and I'm sort of hunched over, wishing that I wore something more than this light wind breaker.
"Roxas. Psst. Roxas!" I hear the voice close to me and I know nit's Axel. He has this distinct purr in his voice. It's cool but not the same kind of cool like winning a struggle match and still a different cool then having enough money left over from lunch to buy sea salt ice cream.
At first I don't see him, which is weird because his hair is bright red in spikes that he pulls back. Way cooler then my blond hair that is so untamable not even my mom can get it down.
Turns out he was crouched down, on the opposite side of the fence that encloses the playground. How do I find him? He flicks a pebble at my leg. He just induced a three second heart attack in my healthy young body. "Axel!" I hiss, heart hammering in my chest.
He grinned but ignored me for the most part. "Follow me, there's a part of the fence you can crawl through. I wanna show you something." Still crouched he slowly moved the length of the fence. I couldn't ignore Axel, he was my best friend even if he was four years older. But…technically I'd be ditching class and that was a death sentence if my folks found out.
"You coming or what?" Those, as every boy knows, is the secret code phrase that awakens a command deep within one's body and forces a boy to move, even against his wishes. This phrase even trumped the threat of a punishment from a young man's parents.
I groaned and continued to walk, as normal. I'd try my hardest to not draw suspicion to myself. Hopefully nobody would notice I was gone and then rat me out. Truthfully I was excited, it'd be cool to ditch but I was so nervous that I'd be caught I felt like I was shaking.
Quickly we reached the back of the playground, surrounded by unused swings and tree limbs that stretched out to shield us from view.
Hopefully.
My redheaded friend grinned at me from behind the chain-link fence. "Roxy, you're shaking. Chill. I got you." He chuckled as I blushed. He always knew what to say. That was cool. Axel was cool like that, the same type of cool I was talking about earlier. He was also cool in general, like how famous actors are cool. He's cool in both ways and that makes him even cooler.
He bent down lower to the ground, so his nose was almost in the dirt, and he pulled away part of the fence. It was big enough for him to fit through, he told me, so I should be able to fit to. I got down on my hands and knees and crawled through the hole. "This is the part that counts Roxy, stay like that and follow me." He whispered and I followed him for about five minutes before he said it was okay to stand up.
He continued to lead me through the forest for another few minutes until we stood in front of a bunch of trees and a large, decaying piece of wood that stood in front of a rock. Axel's smile was large, gleaming actually. "Isn't it cool?!" He asked, bouncing from foot to foot.
"You're like a little kid." I laughed, shaking my head. It earned a chuckle from him and I felt myself bust with pride. I got him to laugh. It wasn't hard, he liked to laugh, but I felt proud that I was able to make him laugh.
"You haven't even seen the best part yet! Then you'll think it's great!" He grinned and pushed the piece of wood towards the right and created a space big enough for us to squeeze through. I went first and then he followed, pushing the 'door' back.
"Like it?" He asked. If we weren't best friends I wouldn't have heard the insecurity in his voice.
"Of course I do! It's awesome Axel!" I grinned, looking around. The rock that I had seen was actually the side of the CAVE we were in! It was small enough to where I could see the back if it but it was tall enough that even my dad would be able to stand up. It was surprisingly warmer in here then outside and the cracks in the wood let enough light in so I could see. Axel also had a lantern in the corner and a blanket on the ground.
"Good! Then this is our place! Got it memorized?" He asked, laying himself down on the blanket.
"Yeah." I giggled, laying down next to him, copying his hands-under-head motion. Our elbows touched. It was uncomfortable. But...in a good way.
We feel into silence and, when we did, I got edgy. I all of a sudden expected something to happen. I wanted something to happen. But I didn't know what.
"Hey...Roxy..." Axel started, his words slow and hard to hear. "I like you."
It seemed strange the way Axel said that. We already know we like each other, we're best friends. But he said that...like you would revealing a secret. But that's obvious.
"I like you too Axel." I told him, turning on my side so he could see that I was smiling.
"How much?" He asked.
"To infinite, you know that."
Axel groaned. "Roxas, I don't think you get it. I like, like you."
"You can do that?" That was such a strange concept. How can a boy like, like another boy? I hadn't known that was possible.
"What? Roxas, you didn't know boys can like boys? Or girls can like girls?"
"No. Do I like boys?" How did one go about finding out this information?
Axel laughed. "I can't tell you if you like boys or not, you have to figure that on your own."
"How do I do that?"
"Kiss a boy?"
"Can I kiss you?"
"Roxas! You're only supposed to kiss people you love."
"But I love you!"
When we kissed I had expected a peck on the cheeks, like I give my mom before I leave to school or my grandmother at Christmas time or Easter. But, instead of that, or lips met and I tasted his mouth and I was so happy. I wanted to kiss him forever.
That memory was a pleasant plague on my mind, I thought of it every day for the next year. Every time I kissed my mother or grandmother on the cheek, that, over the years, became scarce.
But I always remembered it.
When I was fifteen I came out as gay to my parents. My mom was supportive but it was weird to talk about hot guys with my mom. My dad didn't seem to care but he wasn't really one to talk to about your feelings anyways.
To this day, after my first real kiss with Axel, I haven't kissed a girl. Or a boy either. He was my first and only kiss. Two weeks after that kiss the redhead moved away and I lost my best friend. But Axel had taken my heart and carved one huge chunk of it for him.
Don't get me wrong, it's not like I've never been interested in other guys after Axel, I have been. For instance, his name was Zexion. But that was only a passing thing before I realized the boy had no heart. Plus it was my senior year before I went on to University.
There I plunged myself into studying and one or two afterschool activities like the Gay-Straight Alliance or the Newspaper Club or the Struggle Team. I made a lot of friends, like Sora and Xion, or Kairi and her sister Namine. I remained true to my core friends, Hayner, Pence and Olette. We went to the same university though Hayner only got in because he was damn good at Struggle.
I'm twenty-one now and tonight is my high school's first reunion. Of course I'm going. But I hate clothes I'm wearing; black dress pants, a matching black shirt, and fancy black shoes. I like the color black, sure, but I prefer a nice pair of khaki cargo jeans and a white tee.
But Olette wants me to look good because she's positive that Tidus from our class is gay and she thinks we would look good as a couple. So she has Hayner and Pence dress in all black too and she is dressed in an attractive cream-cicle dress that I think matches us.
"We're off mom!" I shout to her in the kitchen. We hurry up to escape because she already took a few thousand pictures of us and went to change camera's.
Olette's car, because us guys are poor and can't afford the gas, is a nice and sturdy BMW from Daddy as a birthday gift. The black metal glitters even in the soft light of the night sky.
We could have walked but rolling up in a BMW looks better for our image.
The school is decorated with flashy yellow, orange, and dark blue banners. The colors of Twilight Town's high school. Oh yeah, the high school and middle school share the same campus the buildings are only a few meters apart.
As we pay the entrance fee we gain our tickets and don our name tags. Next to our names are our senior photo's. "Oh my gosh, Roxas, look at my picture! It was so bad!" Olette giggled.
"You've always looked good though Olette." I counter.
"He always knows what to say, unlike you Hayner." She mocks, sticking her tongue out at her boyfriend. Everyone laughs and me and Hayner go to grab punch.
"Think this has alcohol?" He asked.
"Knowing our school I'd be suprised if this is actually punch man, they can't afford alcohol." We both laughed. Of course it tasted cheesy.
"Hey, Roxas, want to dance?" Olette asked me after we had finished our drinks moments later.
"Sure. Am I the replacement boyfriend Hun?" I laughed and she dragged me from the tables to the dance floor.
I stood in front of the brunette girl and we raised our hands like a Victoriean couple and clasped hands, our bodies inches apart in a casual manner.
We stepped slowly, this way and that, large grins on our faces and goofing off.
"Spin me around Servant." She commanded, nose pointed to the sky.
"Yes your princessness." We laughed and I gave her one good swirl.
"People are staring." I told her, grinning.
"Why?" She asked. Olette was easily the smartest of our group but sometimes she was so naive.
"They think we're a couple." I told her. We got the 'Awww, look at that cute couple' look all the time but each new time she was always awestruck.
"Ewww." She giggled, making a face of disgust. We laughed again.
A strong hand gripped my shoulder and I automatically tensed. I had gotten bullied throughout school but I had hoped Seifer had changed. Apparently not.
I opened my mouth to argue with Seifer but instead of seeing my ex-bully I was met with the energetic star player of the Blitzball team, Tidus. "Er, hi there Tidus."
"Hey Roxas." The fellow blond greeted, giving my hand a shake. He had defiantly kept up his physique.
"What have you been doing?"
"Ya know, Blitzball. In a month I get my first major league game."
"Really? Good for you!" I congratulated. Blitzball was an all for nothing game and very voilent.
"Can I cut in by the way?" He asked. Of course everyone wants to dance with Olette. I take a step back, allowing him to approach her. "No Rox, I want to dance with you." He chuckled.
Great, that's not embarrassing or anything. My cheeks flare red with my blush. "Um...okay." I don't think Tidus would be boyfriend material but he's hot and I'm not neccasry against sex with him I think. Oh yeah, if you couldn't tell I haven't had sex yet. Pathetic. But nobody ever captured my attention like Axel. I guess I fell in love with him that day.
But I wasn't ten anymore. I had a hot twenty two year old guy dancing with me, his chest against mine. I smiled at him and he lead me through some simple steps. It felt good. But...just good. Not the way Axel had made me feel. I'm obsessed I guess, sue me.
Tidus spun me around and we flowed across the floor, passing other couples until we where in a corner and I was pressed against a vending machine. Oh shit.
This was notorious for being the 'make out' corner of the gymnasium.
I was NOT kissing Tidus. His hand, previously at my waist, traveled up my stomach, gently (gauging my reaction?), and stopped at my shoulder. His other hand still held mine. I gulped. He better not continue. Of course, I just jinxed myself, he presses himself against me and I feel the cold metal of the vending machine at my back.
"Roxas...did you know I liked you since junior year?" He asked, his breath heavy on my hair.
"N-no, I didn't know that." Instantly my mind wandered to dark places. It was a dark area, hence why it was so popular, and he was twice my size in the muscle department. He could do whatever he wanted to my body.
"Can I kiss you?" He asked. Oh shit.
I shook my head, trying to move but finding nowhere to go. "I...I'm with someone." Was it really a lie? Axel did have my heart after all.
"You are?! Olette said you wheren't." He asked, dejected almost.
"Well she's wrong now let me go." I grumbled, pushing against his arm.
"Since junior year Roxas!" Tidus growled, pushing his hips against mine. Oh shit. Am I gonna get raped?!
"I don't care Tidus, get the fuck off me." I spat at him. This so can't happen to me.
His hands moved towards my belt and he tried to unbuckle it. "Get the fuck off me Tidus!" I hissed, squirming and sending him a kick to the balls. he crumbled and I hastily moved away from him, towards the door.
I felt the sweat pour down my body and only now I recgonize my heart slamming in my chest. My mouth felt dry, I needed air. Should I report that? No, it would ruin Tidus' career. I couldn't do that just because he was horny.
I moved quickly to the door, pulling out my iPod and sticking an earphone in after turning it on. Whiskey in Hell by Anarbor came on and the pounding lyrics flowed through my ear canal and it calmed me down some.
"Hey, Pence, I'm going for a walk a bit. I need some air. Be back in a few." I told him. He was standing against a wall, drink in hand, watching a girl I didn't remember dance slowly by herself a few feet away. "Go get her!" I cheered and he smirked, telling me to get on my way.
I don't think I consciously made the decision to walk the playground of my middle school but here I was, walking the same path I did so many years ago. The same path that led me to being kissed by my best friend. The memory was no painfully sharp. "I wonder where you are..." I mumbled to myself, pushing my hands deep into my pockets.
"Roxas. Psst. Roxas!" The distinct purr of my old best friend...god, I was hearing things.
"Man, I wish that was you Axel. I miss you." I said again, stopping to lean against the fence. It used to be to tall to climb over now it rested just above my belt.
Warm flesh grabbed my leg, encircling my thin limb, and pulling. "Fuck! Jesus Christ!" I yelled, jumping back, eyes scanning the ground for an attacker.
Instead of an attacker I was greeted with the gleaming green eyes of none other then Axel. His flaming red hair remained in the same style as when he was a kid, just now it was longer. "Holy fuck. Axel!"
His throaty laugh, a calming ointment, flowed out of his mouth and over my body. "Hey there Roxy." That lovely purr was still there, distinct as ever. He stood up, more like unfolded. Still so freaking tall. He leaned against the fence, resting his elbows on it and letting his hands fall down on my side of the fence.
"You bastard, you scared the crap out of me!" I yelled, smacking his chest. He felt warm and it was very nice.
"Yeah, well, I wanted you to know you wheren't hearing things." He chuckled, his eyes still alight with mirth. He was still the same as before. Wait...he had two black marks under his eyes, like upside down tear drops.
"Ohmygod you got tattoos!" I squealed (god, I sound like a girl). "Cool."
"Yeah, I know right? They're sweet.."
"Hey, Axel, can we go somewhere, It's kind of cold." I mumbled, hoping to ditch this place and go to a coffee shop.
"Sure, hop the fence and follow me. Don't get caught by an aide though. Don't want you to get into trouble." He laughed again and stood back, allowing me space to jump.
In seconds I was over the old fence and walking next to him. "Hey, I never got to tell you but thanks." I said, having to actually look up at him when I did.
"For what?" He asked, keeping my slower pace as we moved forward.
"For kissing me. And letting me know what being gay was. I came out five years later." I said, smiling. It faltered though, falling, when he stopped dead in his tracks.
"You...you're really gay Rox?" He asked, his voice coming out chocked.
Shit. Had our kiss been the product of Axel's experimenting with his sexuality? Have I hindered myself all these years? "Yeah, I am."
"No shit, huh?"
"Yeah, I shit thee not." I smiled. I sound like my dad when he's drinking with his friends.
"So I guess you're taken then? You're hard to resist." He grinned, smiling.
"No. I'm single. It sucks." I told him.
"Aww, that blows. So...Rox, how have you been? What have you been doing all these years?" He asked.
I told him my story as we walked, moving through middle school, coming out in high school, getting bullied, hanging out with friends, moving out to University, telling him all about my life and how I only went to community college but I got a dorm anyways. Telling him how my mom was the same as ever, still in good health, same as my dad.
"So, Roxas, you didn't tell me the important stuff!"
"Huh?"
"Your virginity! When did you loose it? Who was your first boyfriend? All that. The good stuff."
"Axel...I'm still a virgin. I never had a boyfriend after you. I never found anybody." I mumbled, embarrassed. I couldn't tell him I was obsessed with him.
"Roxas?! How could you not? There has to be so many awesome people at your college, right?"
"Well I guess but none of them are...uh...none of them are...none of them are you." I mumbled the last part.
"Huh, I didn't catch that." He said it with such a smile I knew he had but I repeated myself anyways, for his sake.
"I said none of them are you." I grinned softly.
"Awww, Roxy." He grinned, squeezing me in a tight hug. "That's adorable!" He laughed. "Hey, we're here!" He chirped, stepping forward to the piece of wood that was so dead it was surprising it was still even there. He pushed it aside and we walked in. The cave was now much smaller so we sat down, cramped next to each other. Not a bad cramped though, just a different one.
"I can't believe this place didn't change Axel, how cool is that?" I asked, resting my cheek on my knees.
"It's sweet, huh?"
"So, Axel tell me your story. I've...missed you."
"Yeah, okay." He grinned. To this day he was all smiles. "I need to do one thing first."
"Uh, okay." What could he possibly need to do?
His lips met mine in a soft kiss, as if he was unsure of my response. I kissed him back, feverishly almost. God I missed him. I missed his lips. I wanted him. I wanted to kiss him all day. I wanted to hug him, hold him, lose myself to him. Maybe even marry him.
Moments later we where gasping for breath. "God, Axel, I love you."
Those words put the biggest smile on his face I have ever seen.
"I love you to Roxas."
