Thinking of Her
By Misha
Disclaimers: None of these characters belong to me, they all belong to the wonderful Watase Yuu. Please don't sue me, I don't have any money anyway.
Author's Notes- This is my first Fushigi Yuugi Fanfic. This is set during episode 48, so there are massive spoilers for that ep. This is told through HotorhoriÕs PoV as his life slips away. It's meant to be a sad/sweet vignette, but I'm not sure how well I succeeded. IÕm a Miaka/Tama fan, but I always kind of felt sorry for Hotohori 'cause he did love her and all. Anyway, that's all for now, enjoy!
Miaka.
As my life slips away from me, I canÕt help but take comfort in her voice coming from so far away, and in the memories.
Miaka.
IÕm glad that she's back in her world and that Tamahome is with her, but... I know that she is not safe, that Nakago will come after them. I only wish that I could warn her, but I can not find the words.
In these last moments, my thoughts are on her and only her.
I love her. I have loved her since before I ever set eyes on her and it only took one moment for me to realize that that would never change. Miaka was all I had ever wanted. Ever dreamed about.
Yet, it only took me a little while to realize that it was not meant to be. That though my heart belonged to her, her heart belonged to another.
There were times when I hated Tamahome for having her love, times when I believed that someone as precious as her was wasted on him.
But... I soon saw how devoted he was to her. He loved her as much as she loved him. Though there were times when her hurt her, there were times when she hurt him in return, just like any couple.
Yet, most of the time, he made her very happy. As happy as I wish I could have made her.
I would have given up everything I had to be able to be him, to be the one who she loved, the one who brought her so much joy.
I know she cared for me, even loved me in a way, but not in the right way. She loved me as a friend, as a seishi, perhaps even as a brother...
While I, I loved her as a woman. I still do.
Even though I love Houki, it is not the same. She was never able to reach my heart and soul the way Miaka did without even meaning to. No one would ever replace her.
Maybe that was why, it was Miaka who fills my thoughts as my life slips way and not Houki.
Miaka, who I wish was with me now. I wish she was here beside me and that I could look into her beautiful green eyes and take comfort in her presence one last time.
But that was not possible, I had to make do with hearing her voice. It was enough.
"Miaka, please be happy." I whisper with the last of my strength.
That was all I had ever wished for her. To find happiness and I hope that she will be happy with Tamahome. I know deep in my heart that they were meant to be together.
Still, I know that my death will hurt her, as the deaths of all our comrades before me had. She will mourn me as she had mourned Nuriko and Chiriko, as I'm sure she is mourning Mitsukake.
She will mourn me as a lost friend and seishi.
I wish I could help her with her grief, tell her not to cry for me. But I have no more strength left to do so.
As the life slips from me, I hear her cry out. "Iie! Don't go! Onegai! Not you too..."
A single tear falls from the sky then and lands on my face.
Miaka.
As I close my eyes, I picture in my mind. Then, then it's over and my last thought is of her.
Miaka.
The End
