Hallucination

Why not? I'd thought to myself. If I could just hear him, the real him - not the Edward who spoke in the forest; my Edward. I was going cliff diving and no-one could stop me, especially since Jacob was asleep on the sofa. My luck seemed to improve as I found his keys with no trouble. He had left them painfully easy to find on top of the kitchen counter. Jacob's truck was easy to drive, much easier than my chevvy. The usual heart wrenching pain that filled me every time I thought of the Cullen family draped over me as my thoughts drifted from the road. Soon, I thought to myself, soon I will hear the voice I long for.

His voice.

I recognised the road immediately having memorised it on one of my first visits to LA Push. Finally I reached the cliff, steadying myself for a few seconds before opening the door. The cliff looked exactly the same, what did you expect? I asked myself. I remembered the last time I was here, when I saw Sam Uley and his 'disciples' as Jacob had described them, and smiled to myself.

I knew I should be worried of the danger. I knew I should be scared that I could die. But I didn't care. Because for just a few seconds, the pain would cease, my pain would stop.

Standing at the edge of the cliff I realised it was much higher than could be deciphered from a difference. I breathed in deeply and placed one foot forward.

'Bella? Bella what are you doing? Can you hear me?' There it was, the voice I was so desperate to hear. The beautifully soft velvet voice that I missed immensely. Suddenly I felt a rush of ice through my wrist pulling me quickly, further from the cliff edge.

He was there staring at me with his beautiful topaz eyes, a deep anguished stare hiding within them, but they were still beautiful. The look on my face became apparent to me, I was horrified. Because at that moment I realised I was insane. I had travelled here to jump from a cliff, for a voice - an imaginary voice.

The anger and frustration that built up inside me quickly suppressed; as he spoke again. 'Bella are you insane, how could you even consider that? Are you actually insane?'

'Clearly - I'm interacting with a hallucination.' My voice was barely an empty whisper, I couldn't even attempt to hide the pain deep within me. It was all I could do not to scream out loud. The same stinging sensation filled my eyes, as the cool tears fell silently down my cheeks. I gripped my waist instinctively.

'Bella, what are you talking about? Despite your best wishes I am not a hallucination. I can't ever begin to explain how I feel right now but I promise no matter if you still want me or not I will always be yours. I am so deeply sorry Bella, for both of us.' He starred at the ground as he apologised.

Was I insane?

My eyes were now full of curiosity, I knew my imagination was pretty decent, but I never had imagined it to be this skilful.

'I know you have every reason to hate me, but please Bella tell me you were not going to jump from this cliff.' His eyes were almost pleading as they contemplated mine. I looked away almost immediately, not daring to watch the disappointment spread around his face .

Fortunately I didn't need to answer his question, he already knew my reply. Suddenly ther he stood, his face just inches from mine. 'Bella, do you have any idea what that would do to me, knowing…that you…died, on my words, I -'He couldn't finish what he wanted to say but I didn't care. Guilt, that's all he felt; guilt! My gaze gradually lowered to the ground, deepening the frown etched onto my face. I felt overwhelmed with anger, annoyance. With myself mainly, for believing that he had come to rescue me because he loves me. Why would he save me, if it was just guilt, would that stop the pain? Would that give life a reason?

NO!