Okay so basically, me and my friend Anastasia (SoullessIsEverywhere0x) got bored in Chemistry. That's normal right? Whats NOT normal is that one of us (me) is in love with Jasper Hale and so this very ... odd story was born. Its a complete crackfic so no flames please.
Review (:
Disclaimer: I do not own the worldd offf twilight. Although one day Jasper will be mine (': I won't give up on that one :D
The Tale of Jasper Hale
It was a boring day in Chemistry and, as usual, Dr U was blowing stuff up in test tubes at the front of the class. We were all being bored to death with chemicals, when suddenly, from the abyss of a boiling tube ( :O ) came... JASPER.
We were all shocked. The class was shocked. Dr U was shocked. Jasper actually looked quite shocked. Dr U had mastered TELEPORTATION. In a boiling tube.
The shock soon passed though when everyone realised that Jasper was, quite literally, BOUNCING off of the walls in the classroom. "!" he screamed as he jumped from the board, to the ceiling, to the fume chambery-thing, and finally landed on Dr U's head. Jasper looked around at all the shocked people in the room and let out one final cry of "" before bouncing off Dr U's head, going through the ceiling and finally landing on... Mars aka. Emmett's Magical Land That No-One Thought Was Real.
As Jasper flew through the air there were many things going through his head: 'Where am I?! Who am I?! What am I?! Am I Emmett?! Oh God please no!'. Then, he crashed, head first, into a small blob-like substance. ''!'' Jazzy screamed. He brushed off the blob-like substance but then ran straight into another one. It took Jasper about 20 minutes of running, splatting into one, then getting up again before he realised that the blob-like creatures were actually alive. And, he thought, strangely similar to a girl he'd once met. Olivia? Was that her name?
When he had finally realised that the creatures were alive he, funnily enough, screamed like a girl and tried to run away... but only succeeded into running into ANOTHER of the creatures and... well, you get the point now. The flobs, as we now know them to be called, were slowly getting more and more annoyed at Jasper for splatting their friends and so began surrounding him. When he realised what was happening, he panicked and made a cross with his fingers. He held it towards them and shouted "STAY BACK FOUL BEASTS!". The flobs looked puzzled for a moment, then continued surrounding him with what looked like torches and pitchforks. (I'm not sure where you'd find torches and pitchforks on Mars but hey).
Luckily, the flobs had had a Vampire Scare earlier that week, when a guy appeared carrying a banana-crazed toddler, and so were on high alert vampire-wise and knew exactly what to do. However, the flobs were distracted by the horrifying thoughts of the banana-crazed toddler, and Jasper seized the opportunity and ran for it. Unfortunately for Jazzy, the flobs' leader, the Giant Gummy Bear of the Great Western Woods, had sensed a disturbance in the FlobWorld Force (aka. Mars, Emmett's Magical Land That No-One Thought Was Real) and had come out to see what all the noise was about. And so… Jazzydoodle ran straight into him (It's becoming a bit of a habit of his). The Giant Gummy Bear roared (if gummy bears can roar that is, which I doubt they can (They can, trust me.)) and the flobs turned on Jasper again. But now, unfortunately for the Giant Gummy Bear, Jasper was HUNGRY.
So… Jazzy ate the Giant Gummy Bear. The flobs were completely enraged by the death of their leader/God/thing and so started to attack him. He legged it for about 10 minutes until he came to a cave. The gap was just big enough for him to get through but too small for the flobs to squeeze though. (Hahahahhh Jazzy 1 Flobs 0)
"VICTORY!" he shouted, peeking out of the hole in the wall.
"UNCLEEEEE JAZZZYYYY!" he heard from behind him. Renesmee?
He turned around and indeed, there sat Renesmee and Edward. It was an odd sight. It seemed that Edward was trying to force-feed Renesmee a banana - a banana of all things! 'Ah well' thought Jazzy, after he let the shock and downright outrage sink in, 'I might as well put her out of her misery'. Jasper strolled up to Edward, took the banana out of his hand and threw it through the gap in the wall.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Edward screamed, and proceeded to break down and melt into a small puddle on the floor.
"Waaaaaaaaa?" said Jazzy. Then he turned, and the horror sunk in. By taking away the banana, he had let loose... the WRATH OF RENESMEE.
"RUN MY BROTHER, SAVE YOURSELF!" Edward-Puddle screamed. 'Sheesh, he's such a girl' Jasper thought as he made it through the hole, just in time to hear Renesmee's blood(heehee)-curdling scream. The only thing that stood in Jazzy's way now were the flobs, but they were so dazed by the scream they didn't even notice him as he walked past and drew moustaches in permanent marker on them.
When Jasper returned to the place where he first fell onto Emmett's Magical Land That No-One Thought Was Real he began plotting ways to get back home. 'A SPACESHIP!' he thought. And so... he built one. It was all fine and dandy until Edward and Renesmee came to find him. Nessie, who was still pissed at Jasper for depriving her of her banana, proceeded to eat the engine. That's when he really had to think.
All that was in the area was the remainders of the Giant Gummy Bear, Edward, Nessie and the opening to the Great Western Woods. Jasper was thinking for what seemed like days (but was probably not even a few minutes) before he recalled how he got here.
"BOUNCING!" he shouted, and so they did. They bounced and bounced, but it was no good, until Renesmee accidentally bounced on the gummy bear and shot off into space.
"NESSIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Edward shouted before bouncing after her.
'Ahh why not' thought Jasper, as he climbed onto the gummy bear, and then bounced off into space.
Jasper was in a daze when he fell to earth, but was abruptly snapped back into reality as he saw the strangest thing... an ARMY OF HANNAH MONTANAS!!! It took Jasper a while before he realised he had landed on Carlisle, and that he too was dressed like Hannah Montana alongside his ENTIRE, and I mean ENTIRE, family.
'Carlisle must have gotten to them too with his strange fetishes', he only had time to say "What the hel-" before the Hannah Montananiness took over him, and he too was doing the 'Hoedown THROWDOWN'. Whilst wearing a wig.
