Okay a bit of reminders is that this will be extremely confusing because it's a parody of the 2005 movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith as they are cut out scenes. So I apologize if it will not make sense -_- Also warning for OOC-ness
0.
The air of the room was awkward and cold as the two couples placed a distance between them, not seating in the loveseat. The counselor sighed, as to have deal with this more than a few times. The Akashi couple however is now bickering on the number of years they have been married.
The teal head stated that it was 6 while the other 5. Few minutes had passed and they now 'truced' and settled with 5-6 years of dull marriage.
"Moving on, at the scale of one to ten, how happy are you in this marriage?" says the counselor.
"Eight." Akashi Tetsuya says a bit too fast.
"Wait, is ten perfectly happy or...?" the other one, Akashi Seijuro eyed his wife suspiciously.
"Just respond instinctively." The counsellor says patiently.
They looked at each other and with a nod they answered "Eight."
The reasons? Not the fact they couldn't get along or the fact sex just got boring. It was the fact they had their own secrets.
1.
What. The. Actual. Hell.
Heterochromatic eyes of gold and ruby widened in shock. The truth was standing right before him, or perhaps he knew already the truth when he saw those rare light teal locks that shot him during his previous failed mission, yet refused to accept it. This fiend whom he was told to kill to not leave any eye witness to during his mission to kill the 'Spider Flower' was none other than his… wife.
Address: Seirin Corporation, Tokyo
Room 11/15: Akashi Tetsuya
2.
The teal head rushed home to prepare dinner; doing his best to be civilized after finding out his husband was the 'bitch' who sabotaged his last mission to assassinate this one Hanamiya Makoto. And Akashi Tetsuya does not curse unless it's a SERIOUS matter. After Kagami Taiga, his partner, had screened the last footage of his newest target; he could not help but be shocked. There was no mistaking the fire-kissed red hair and heterochromatic eyes.
In the house; he prepared his husband's favorite tofu soup with extra onion flavoring. They shared casualties when the said red head arrived, though fidgety and conscious at each other's movements. He even caught Seijuro hiding the bread knife under his sleeve.
More suspiciously was the redhead serving him wine. That was until the bottle 'slipped' from his fingers and out of impulse and reflex; Tetsuya caught it. Both pair of eyes widened and Tetsuya immediately drop it, as if reverting back to clumsiness.
"I'll go get a towel."
"I'll get the broom."
This confirmed everything.
No once came back to the dining table with those promises; only a certain teal head in his Mercedes driving for his life while his red head husband chased him with a gun, asking him to calm down and listen. Of course; that resulted with Tetsuya running over him and Seijuro shooting bullets at his favorite car.
3.
"You don't love him, right?" says Taiga; giving his friend his favorite vanilla shake to calm him down. Tetsuya however, was still lost in daze. He just found out that his loving husband of 6 years dull marriage is Seirin Co.'s rival, Rakuzan's agent.
"No." he answered, trying to be stoic.
"Then it won't be difficult to kill him."
4.
Seijuro was pissed beyond hell upon coming back to their house (with back-ups) only to see that each and every last guns and blades his secret compartment possessed was GONE. He kicked the leaves and cursed profanities, ignoring the strange looks the neighborhood kids were giving him.
"Sei-chan," Mibuchi Reo tried to calm the enraged emperor down but to no avail, they were already trembling at their feet for the killer aura being emitted by Seijuro. "We're going to the Seirin" he announced. "Time to visit my loving wife."
5.
The meeting of the husband and wife after discovering each other's identity was harder than it seemed. To Seijuro, he has heard of the Phantom agent who managed to trick his targets many times to kill each other or as he had heard from Reo that he also seduces his enemies before giving them a harsh death. It made his cringed to know there's another wild side of his Tetsuya… well aside from bed. But that was like, 5 years ago to him.
To Tetsuya, it wasn't surprising to know that his husband was the so-called Emperor who brings each and every enemy to their knees, exclude him in bed, but that was 6 years ago in marriage. But to know he is the enemy and the one assigned for him to kill made him feel… empty.
"Kuroko!" great, now everyone is addressing him back to his maiden name. "He's here!"
Aquamarine eyes widened in shock.
"Tetsuya, how rare it is to see you… like this." Says Seijuro after hacking the computer system of Seirin. His words were smooth and suave, but Tetsuya knew better, he was pissed.
"Hello Sei-kun." He replied back. "I could say the same. But foolish are you to enter enemy's territory. You disappoint me for someone called the ever so calculating Emperor."
Seijuro chuckled. "Don't be disappointed love; the bombs planted at every floor are still here. Now once I press this button, you all disappear."
"You bit-"
"Careful, Tetsuya. I can push the button any time I like."
"Baby, you couldn't find the button with both hands and a map." He retorted but became serious the next moment.
It was music to his ears how Tetsuya's voice became commanding, giving orders to evacuate and just in time; he showed himself to his wife who was about to jump off the building with a bungee rope.
There he was in his spy gear of sky blue and white with Rakuzan's emblem proudly attached to his left arm while Tetsuya was in Seirin's red, white and black suit, beautifully etched and designed. Seijuro could've easily cut him with his blade but… he hesitated. This gave Tetsuya the chance to jump and escape.
"Chicken shit!" Seijuro yelled at Tetsuya's retreating figure onto the next building.
"Pussy!" Tetsuya yelled back.
Both companies were now scared as they have known the Akashi couple barely curse unless it was DEADLY important.
6.
This was the very proof that they weren't going to hesitate to kill each other. Seijuro had tested his wife and locked himself in Rakuzan Co.'s elevator where he calculated that Seirin had placed bombs in it. Tetsuya of coursed, had already hacked it and was… threatening him?
"Promise me to leave the town or I will blow it." He says in a cold, stoic voice.
But Seijuro wanted to test him more. "Ok... I give up. Please blow it."
"Excuse me. What?"
"Go on. Blow it."
"You think I won't?" If it's one thing that Seijuro knows not to do is to push Tetsuya's button. But now in the fields of profession whereas they are both renowned assassins, he was enjoying this.
"I think you won't." he says confidently.
"OK. Five. Four. Any last words?" Tetsuya deep in his heart was hesitating.
"Your new curtains are hideous." Smirked Seijuro, bringing up last week's topic.
"Goodbye Sei-kun."
A huge explosion from the building was heard and panicked surged from Tetsuya's insides, immediately feeling regrets and remorse. "What the hell is this?!" his eyes glared at the person who pressed the bomb's button.
"You said Goodbye." Says Taiga hesitantly. Without a moment to waste, Tetsuya stormed off the van. A small tear escaping his left eye.
To Seijuro in another elevator room where he hid, was beyond shock… and hurt. Gone was the Tetsuya whom he loved the most, he was now facing the Phantom assassin.
7.
Kuroko Tetsuya was sitting alone in a classic restaurant table, wearing an exquisite black suit and white tie. His eyes were swollen and the silent tears rolled slowly from time to time. That was until he felt warm hands touching his as his glass was filled with champagne. He smiled knowing who this belonged to. There was no mistaking it after all.
"May I join you?" his suave voice whispered into the teal head's ear. Tetsuya chuckled and nodded.
"You're still alive." He says, now facing his supposed to be dead husband.
"But of course. No cheap devices from Seirin are enough to kill me." He retorted, removing his white coat.
"Champagne, sir?" a waiter interrupts.
"Oh no, I don't feel like celebrating."
"I'm mourning."
They both answered at the same time. The deadly aura however did not stop there as when the two males got on the dance floor, smashing each other's hand and crushing them into hard wall pillar whilst removing whatever weapons were hidden at underneath each other's clothes.
But of course, they were classy bringing up casualties each and every while. Reminiscing horrible memories of each other.
"I guess that's what happens in the end, you start thinking about the beginning." Says Seijuro before dipping Tetsuya gracefully on the dance floor. The teal head got back on his feet, whispered in a sultry voice "Happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet."
Not long after, Tetsuya had bombed the place to escape and Seijuro went after him. Soon turned into a car chase back to the Akashi household.
8.
"Come on, do it!" yelled Tetsuya, all bloodied and bruised.
This was the point of no return; their house was destroyed and all furniture were torn and broken by the shoot out the couple had made after returning home. Their clothes were torn; leaving Tetsuya in a white dress shirt stained with blood and slacks with holes at the ends. Seijuro was no different but only topless.
After an hour of hide and seek, clashing of swords, gun shots and beating the crap out of each other with fists; they resulted face to face with gun and swords at each other's throat.
Seijuro gazed unto those aquamarine eyes translucent by the moonlight and found himself… mesmerized again. He bought his swords down and clashed his lips unto the smaller boy. Tetsuya was in no position to resist as he found his hands snaking up to Seijuro's neck and deepened the kiss.
It was the most rough and pleasurable love-making they had ever done; Tetsuya harshly crushed at pillars behind him while he claws the back of his lover, whispering and moaning Seijuro's name. The redhead took him on almost all the furniture half alive and still usable, at the same time careful not to inflict anymore injuries.
They were interrupted however with the neighbor coming over to ask what had happened as they have heard 'strange noises' coming from all sides of the house.
"We just moved around some things." They both answered, but the blanket wrapped around Seijuro's waist and the long dress shirt Tetsuya wore (not making an effort to cover up the love bites) says so otherwise.
But the morning of them rekindling their relationship was soon interrupted by smoke bombs and assassins from their employers attacking them.
9.
"I never told you, but I was married once before." Tetsuya harshly slammed on the breaks, looking more pissed than ever.
"Ow! Are you insane? What's wrong with you!?" Seijuro complained before shooting the incoming car. They had managed to escape the house but they were still followed by 3 black cars.
Tetsuya, out of character, childishly hit Seijuro multiple times before getting back on the wheels.
"You're what's wrong with me!"
"It was a drunken Vegas thing!" the read head complained.
Aquamarine eyes rolled. "Oh, that's better! That's much better! What's her name and social security number?
"No, you're not gonna kill him." Seijuro deadpanned before shooting out more. He signaled the car to go faster as the other had exploded. Only one more to go.
Him, huh? Well, two can play at that game.
"Sei-kun, I have no parents. I was orphaned at 5."
"What?! Who was that man who escorted you at the altar?!"
"Paid actor."
Out of rage, Seijuro awakened emperor's eye and shot the driver right in the head even though the glass was clearly bullet proof. They now drive in a normal pace, quiet ensued save for the awkwardness of finding out things more shocking than their agent identities.
"We will have to redo each and every conversation." Blurted out Seijuro.
"Agreed." Tetsuya nodded.
10.
"You both are so STUPID. Don't you see, I'm the bait! The whole mission was the two of you to begin with. They knew you were married and the heat going on between Rakuzan and Seirin was bad for business. Definitely stupi-!"
He was cut off with punch from Tetsuya.
The Akashi couple were beyond pissed and betrayed. Mayuzumi Chihiro had advised Seijuro that the only way to stop the feud was to give the both the corperations something they both want than them; Hanamiya Makoto, A.K.A 'Spider Flower' and Taiga gave them the location. They had worked together and bickered about their fighting styles as Seijuro relies on his insticts whilst Tetsuya fights by blending in the shadows. Never less, they got their target and had locked themselves in a motel room, only to find out… about this.
Fortunately, Seijuro had noticed the tracking device on their target's waist and had run off with a new plan.
"You deviated from the plan." Tetsuya blurted out as they drive slowly, blending in Tokyo's crowd.
"The plan was flawed." Sighed Seijuro, not glancing at his wife.
Tetsuya persisted. "The plan was not flawed."
"Anal."
"Organized."
"Tetsuya, 90% of this job is instinct."
"Well, your instinct set off every alarm of the building." The teal head retorted.
"My instinct got the job done. It may not have been Tetsuya Show...
Tetsuya shot up and glared at him. "No! It was Sei-kun Show. It was half-assed. Like Christmas, like our anniversary, like the time you forgot to bring my mother's birthday present.
Heterochromatic eyes glared back. "Your fake mother's birthday present."
"The point is, you are always the first to break team."
"You don't want a team. You want a servant to hire." Now the tables have turned.
"I want someone I can count on." Seijuro knew too well where Tetsuya is going at. But if they were going to bring up their marriage on this…
He sighed heavily. "Tetsuya, there is no air around you anymore."
"Oh, what is that supposed to mean?"
"That means there is no room for mistakes, whatsoever. No mistakes. No spontaneity. Who can answer that?"
"Well, you don't have to. Because this is not even a real marriage!"
There was brief silence over the two and Tetsuya turned his gaze over the window. Seijuro sighed, as much as he wanted to get this over with, the teal head was his wife. No 5 years of dull marriage was changing that. His hands sneaked up to Tetsuya's and laced their fingers together; eminently showing gold and silver rings with opposite gems attached to it.
To Tetsuya; a golden ring with a huge case of ruby stone and engravement 'Forever mine- Akashi Seijuro'
To Seijuro; a silver ring with sapphire designed in the middle and the engravement of 'To cherish & love- Akashi Tetsuya'
"5 years ago,"
"6 years." Tetsuya insisted.
"Was not really marriage but it's not too late to start now." He kissed his wife's hand. "I love you, Tetsuya."
"I love you too, baka Sei-kun."
0.
5 weeks later and they were back at the marriage counsellor's office.
"We redecorated the rooms in the house, changed our cooking stlyes and went to a lot of vacations and took jobs together." Smiled Tetsuya as he explained to the consellor of their newly found rekindled relationship.
"Anything to make him happy." Chuckled Seijuro before giving a kiss to his wife's forehead.
The counselor smiled at the once again couple in front of him, sitting blissfully on the loveseat in front of him. He just couldn't put a finger on it on why they had bandages and bruises almost every part of their body despite the casual clothes covering it. "Well, don't go telling me that your way of rekindling your relationship involved a shoot-out." The counselor joked and the two flinched.
They remember arming themselves with weapons and in perfect sync; they had taken out their enemies on in an abandoned department store as to seeing they are considered a deadly duo threat. Yet of course, they won and is now travelling to random places to an endless war against their ex-employers.
"Moving that aside, might I ask you of your sex life?"
"Like a scale of 1-10 again?" asked Tetsuya and the counsellor nodded.
They looked at each other before nodding and holding hands, proudly showing their rings.
"Ten." They answered together.
