So story is going through a retool just stick with me...1-3 have been redone 4-9 are coming. Also Oliver pov chapters are being thrown in at random points to provide more clarity for the story.

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended nor do I own anything in relation to Arrow or it's characters.

Chapter One: Dreams Suck

"It was Always You"

1842:

The streets were dark as the moon hid behind the clouds overhead. Escaping the castle was easy but getting to her would still prove difficult as he moved within the shadows of the buildings up ahead. The danger of what they were doing was present in each short and not nearly long enough encounter as he surged forward from the darkness toward the faint light of the stables up ahead. She'd be there as she always was with her fingers lightly stroking the side of his horse's noble brow.

A few more steps were taken as the moon peaked up from behind the dark black bank of clouds overhead; his steps faltered when he heard her usually calm quiet voice crying out in terror.

Faster and faster his body moved the muscles of his calf's straining to reach her before it was too late.

The torches of the stables were dark as he rushed past the normally closed doors his breaths were broken and hard as his chest faltered and his heart suddenly broke. There before him bathed in the lone light of the torch overhead was her crumbled blood soaked form…

Her skin was pale and cool to the touch as he stumbled and fell towards the soft hay covered ground. Her once bright blue eyes were mere slits now as her breathes began to rapidly slow…

"You can't leave me…You can't…you can't…" His voice filed with misery continued on as he brought his lips down to her ice cold brow. "Please, please just open your damn eyes…please…Felicity please…"

Present Day:

He'd never mentioned having visions but then again when we met our exchanges were usually now more about the physical and less about the mental. Their relationship over time changed and altered as they changed from being young children who were alone and scared in the waking world; to the adults their experiences had forced them to become. This one lone vision had always left her mind too shattered to sleep any further so she'd usually spent the remaining hours of the empty night walking back and forth across her empty room as she waited for the sun to finally once again rise. Although if Julie had her way she'd already have the man she'd fallen for wrapped tightly in her arms.

Dreams can be complicated they can mean nothing or they can mean everything. Dr. Shaw had been attempting to drill this into her sleep deprived mind for the past fifteen years and for fifteen years Felicity had pretended to listen as she droned on and on about how her life was staying in neutral…She'd been preaching the whole move on, let go, go and meet someone who would make the dreams stop. Trying was useless because no matter who she'd met one very startling fact remained. Eventually she'd have to sleep and eventually they'd once again meet. Dreams are complicated but what makes them worse is when they're more real than the waking world ever appears to be.

The dreams would remain as she wore the haunted remnants like a badge of honor during her waking hours… each night that she'd close those tired red rimmed eyes there'd he'd be once more.

She knew the moment her eyes shut and her mind once more shifted from the conscious to the subconscious there he'd be…

Waiting…

As he had been every night since her horrible eighth birthday…so she once more closed her eyes and snuggled further into the white and beige colored duvet. Taking the former doctors advice she measured each breath just as she'd been taught during their once numerous therapy sessions. So she stared by counted to ten and inhaled sucking in all the oxygen available until her lungs felt as if they were going to burst from the sheer effort. As Felicity laid flat on her back with her fingers tightly coiled in the 150 count linen sheets she exhaled releasing the negative thoughts while preparing to breath in the positive. This was done until her once rapid breathes leveled out. This was done until her fingers relaxed as her body finally shifted from the awareness of being awake to the numbness of sleep.

Slowly she fell as her brain finally began shutting down her mind shifting as he filled her senses with his overwhelming aura. Further and further she'd fall drifting through her once conscious mind until once again her eyes spotted him standing across from her in the sparse grey lined room…his smile was shy as he stepped forward with his bare feet and for some odd reason always bare chest.

"You're late…I was getting worried."

His concern always touched a part of her heart that had long since been shut down as she moved numbly through her long waking hours.

Her inner mantra began to rush forward to the surface as per usual as he advanced towards her. "Dr. Shaw… Felicity remember he's just a dream…you're not real…what…" Her head dropped as she ran her trembling hands through the mass of tangled blonde hair. "What we have is just an illusion…it's imaginary…it's all in my damn head…"

Her dream lover refused to yield as he gripped at her waist until he'd held her chest flush to his own. "I refused to accept that five years ago and I refuse to accept it now…why can't you just admit that you feel more alive in your sleep then you do when you're awake? Why can't you just admit that you're in love with me?"

"I'm not in love with you…you're a figment of my imagination…you're someone I made up when I was eight years old because my father left…this is not real…you're not real…" His face shifted slightly as he attempted to shift the conversation back towards the subject matter at hand. Felicity however was still attempting to keep her mind on anything but the man who was standing before her. The room was nothing more than black and grey walls lit by a single dingy bulb from overhead. Her mind drifted back sadly once more to the man before her…He was perfect and made to be admired. He was everything any woman could hope for and in Felicity's case he was also everything she could never truly have. He was tall about 6′0 or 6′1 with closed cropped brownish blonde hair. He'd changed so much since their first meeting when she'd been no more than an 8 year old child. In the beginning he was young as well but not nearly as young as Felicity. He just appeared one night all 5 feet of him…this tall beanpole of a boy just one day appeared in her dreams. He'd been lonely and crying his form was hunched over as he slowly slid to the ground his hands covering his red and very blotchy face.

"I know you love me…why won't you just admit it?" His strong calloused hands were begging to do more than to just hold her, he wanted to touch her, caress her, and in the end he wanted to love her. Felicity attempted to step back as she held her hands outward until his chest was burning through her rapidly cooling flesh.

"Say it…say you love me…stop running from us and tell me the truth…I love you Felicity…"

She looked up as her fingers dug into his heavily scarred and quite muscular chest…"I can't…you're not real…"

"The hell I'm not…" He surged forward as he gripped her arms tightly with his strong embrace…"I L.O.V.E. Y.O.U…" Her once strong resolve was beginning to weaken as his own fingers dug into the sides of her bared and now goosebump covered arms. She could feel his breath against her lips as he moved closer and closer…those brilliant blue orbs were now fixed on her own as he began to once more draw closer his lips beginning to descend…their bodies were now like magnets coming closer and closer until she could feel her nipples lengthen and harden beneath the thin fabric of the tank top. He brushed his chest against those tender erected points until her moans could be heard at the back of her throat…"Say it…give me the words Felicity…"

His lips hovered at her ear as her heart began to pump rapidly beneath her ribcage…Panting and flushed she lifted her head up as she wrapped her arms securely around his neck… Looking up just in time to see his eyes shift from concern and slight affection to an all out fire she smiled slightly beneath his gaze. He was burning beneath her touch his skin felt like it was a flame and she'd been his ignition source…

"Say it…" He growled once more into her ear before his lips moved down to her heated flesh….

"This isn't real…you're an illusion…" She'd kept muttering those words into the side of his face as his lips trailed down the side of her neck and up again until all she could feel was his touch in every single nerve ending of her small petite body.

"SAY IT…." He hissed out once more before he'd lifted one hand up from the side of her exposed arm…he'd pulled at her hair yanking her head backward until the full length of her neck was exposed to his eager caress.

"No…" Felicity was now breathless as they continued to move closer and closer together her fingers now tangled at the waistband of his sweats…those eager fingers sought for his bared, heated, and very toned flesh.

"Felicity…" His lips trailed roughly down her throat as his tongue darted out at random intervals…Felicity's blood now began to boil as his hands began to travel down the length of her bared spine… "I can be real if you just let me in…say it…tell me you love me…" His hands now freely roamed beneath the cotton fabric as she pulled herself up his half naked body her legs tightened around his waist as he lowered his hands supporting her rushed movements by placing his hands tightly against the curve of her ass…

"I…you're…I can't this isn't real…"

"Give in…" She was so close now as their bodies continued to rub forcefully together each of them now yearned to feel the other as they moved within each other. She gripped down hard on his shoulders as his teeth closed over her pulse point. The bite forced her to emit a low strangled scream.

"I…I…I..Oliver…"


She awoke with a startled shout followed by a very frustrated moan. It'd been the same dream every night now for the past two months. She'd fall into an uneasy slumber until she saw his eyes from across the room then it would start. His low sexy and somewhat broody voice would beg her to let him in…to say the words that came so naturally to his perfectly formed lips. Felicity would resist staying frozen to the ground until he was before her…gazing at her with those fire filled eyes that caused her stomach to drop and her heart to race. They'd began to come together her hands exploring and memorizing every single pore of his tanned skin until she felt her resolve beginning to crumble. Then with the words literally at the tip of her tongue she stopped as her mind began to take her once again back to the waking world.

"These dreams are getting worse not better damnit…" Felicity muttered softly to the darkened room as she flung herself onto her side as she reached out to touch the empty cold space beside her. Felicity trailed her fingers down the air conditioned fabric of the never before used pillow case as her legs stretched out beneath the slightly damp sheet. She pushed her face into her own pillow as she released a puff of air before once again flipping onto her back and glancing towards the bright glow of the clock beside her. The angry red numbers read 5:02 am…

She'd fallen into her fitful if not aroused sleep at around 1am…

Four hours this time…not only we're they getting more intense but now they were getting longer. Attempting to rid her mind of the dream she stood her weary sleep deprived body was still wracked from the passion she'd been so close to experiencing. She moved through the darkness of her bedroom the cold hardwood floors kissing her bare skin as she walked to the solace of her once again very cold shower. Flipping the light on caused her to squint so shielded her eyes with her spare hand letting the suddenly light flooded room lure her into it's warm if not sterile embrace. Felicity padded to the glass door opening it just enough to turn on the water. She'd let it run as she slowly stripped out of her now dampened undergarments she mentally had to will her body to move beneath the ice cold spray.

Felicity closed her eyes as the water coursed down her pale skin her hair became matted against her face as she stood there frozen with her arms dangling loosely at her sides. The dreams weren't always this intense this was new….this was disturbing…because no matter how crazy it seemed he was right. She fell back against the wall as she slid down to the black shower floor. Felicity was in love with someone she'd created to protect her broken heart…She wanted him…She yearned for him…and some part of her knew he was real. Dr. Shaw had tried everything to rid her of this little problem…she'd done hypnosis, she'd given her every drug known to man and even a few that the FDA had yet to approve, she'd set her up with anyone with a pulse but still he remained. He had a hold on her that she couldn't explain and frankly she didn't want to. Felicity lowered her head into her hands as the water pooled around her before it found the drain in the center of the floor.

Felicity sighed recalling the first time she'd dreamed of the lost scared boy…she recalled the first time she'd dreamed of Oliver…

"Mommy where's daddy? He promised he'd be home tonight to help me with my science fair entry." I was whining but that project could get me a scholarship…that fair could win me a new computer with the advanced software. I jumped from foot to foot as she stood before me her face was pale as she dropped the paper she'd been gripping just moments before.

"Mommy? Mommy what's wrong?" I was observant for an eight year old so I usually noticed if my parents were acting a bit well off. She kept her back to me as her body shook I knew in that moment something was more than wrong it was really wrong.

"Mommy where's Daddy?"

She'd spent two hours crying into my Godfather's shoulder as he kissed her hair. John Diggle was far from old but he was also far from young. He was only 23 but in that short amount of time he'd seen more pain and suffering than most people would see in fifty lifetimes. He'd come home when I was six from a tour in Iraq he was tall about 6′2 or 6′3, dark skinned with kind eyes and a very well built frame. My father had taken an instant liking to him as did I so before long he was no longer our new neighbor across the hall he was my protector, my guardian and my friend. He let me tear apart most of his electronic devices…smiling warmly as I promised I could make them ten times better than before. He'd helped my mother when a rather aggressive customer followed her home…he'd saved her when the man attempted to throw against our paper thin apartment walls. He'd been there for two years and now he was here again but this time he was here to comfort and to fulfill the role of parent since the other was gone.

I never got the details of the letter as she wept rather loudly…her tears soaking through his dark grey shirt. I'd gone to my room with red puffy eyes and a heart that felt like it was filled with lead. He'd told her he couldn't handle it anymore…he felt trapped…he felt lost…he felt…well frankly I no longer even knew what he felt all I knew was that he was gone and I was alone. My mother tried but she'd never be able to understand how my love of computers was more than just a passing phase…it was my life. My father understood, my father encouraged me and helped me while she strutted around in short tight skirts as men stared and sneered at her rather impressive form.

My sleep was restless and troubled as I tossed and turned beneath the yellow and purple flowered comforter that she'd just bought me two weeks ago for my eighth birthday. I felt like I was falling down a long black tunnel as my stomach dropped and flipped each second scaring me more and more as I fell further and faster down the endless hole. My throat was raw from both my fallen tears and harsh screams when my feet finally hit solid ground. I looked around with my red rimmed tear filled blue eyes I saw nothing but black as I surveyed the room around me. The floors were cold and maybe even grey but without my glasses the two dark colors sort of blended together so I moved slowly through the room until I was beneath it's one solitary light. I squinted in the low light when I heard what I could have sworn was a low muffled cry. Being a curious soul I moved out of the light and back into the shadows searching for the sound that had captured my rather rapt attention. One step became two and then two became three as I moved further and further into the shadows of my dark and very scary dreamland.

"Hello? Who's out there?

I head nothing so I reached up and pushed my darkened tresses behind my ears and moved until the sound was clear and the form that it belonged to was as well.

"Hello…can you hear me? I won't hurt you…Where are we? Are you hurt? Are you scared?"

I kept speaking but the huddled mass in the corner remained silent so I moved even closer inching towards his slouched form until I was close enough to feel the heat from his skin against my fingertips.

"Hey are you alright?"

The nearness of my voice must have startled him because his face shot up as his body went back. I jumped in response falling to my bottom as he leaned further into the black wall.

"Who…whooo…are you?" His voice was nervous, and tinged with fear so I stayed back not wanting to scare him any further.

"Felicity…my name is Felicity what's your's?"

He looked at me for a few moments his eyes red and blurry but still bright blue just like my own. He was cute I supposed but he was also scared and like me very much alone. So I waited hoping that I'd soon wake up…hoping that my strange nightmare would soon be over.

"Oliver…I'm Oliver…do you know where we are?"

I shook my head as my voice trembled. "No I was hoping you did."

He smiled lightly before relaxing his posture his arms unfolded as he relaxed his legs. I released the breath I was holding as we both sat there neither of us spoke but for some reason we felt we didn't need to.

She opened her eyes as her body began to freeze so she stood up on her still weak and wobbling legs…Felicity turned the water off as she grabbed the towel and presumed to remove the cold droplets of water from her now ice cold skin. The dreams were always the same in the beginning they'd meet in the room and they'd talk. He was older than her by about five years or so. He had a little sister and lived in a place called Starling City. She'd told him about her own family as he listened with rapt attention. Oliver was able to remember her words as the years passed. The relationship was innocent and sweet but soon as they aged so did the interactions.

He grew as she grew…

He would come to her broken, bleeding, and destroyed but he would always come to her. Sometimes they'd just stand there and stare, and sometimes they'd speak each of them recounting other dreams…odd dreams…dreams about the two of them but not actually of them…their connection continued to grow the older they became but one thing remained the same. He was a dream…he was a place her heart and head had created to ease the gaping hole left by the sudden departure of her father.

Felicity was still drifting through her thoughts when she'd looked up and saw her horrid reflection in the mirror. Her blonde hair was matted to her face…her once bright blue eyes were now dull and lifeless due to the lack of sleep which was made even more apparent by the bags that had found a permanent home beneath her now dull eyes. She ran her fingers through her hair as she looked at her lifeless pale skin. Sighing heavily again as she shut the light off she moved as her legs carried her back to the bed that was both her escape but also her prison. Flopping stomach first onto the mattress she glanced at the red demon like numbers once more; 6:02…Felicity had another hour before the house would wake…she had another hour to wonder through her unorganized thoughts…she had an hour to fix her appearance before she had to once again embrace the light of day.


"You didn't sleep again did you?" Felicity glanced across the table at her step-sister and scowled.

"No and no I don't want to talk about it." She nodded before looking downward into her bowel of Lucky Charms. Felicity felt bad for snapping at her so in an attempt to make it right she spoke softening her voice as she reached her hand out across the table until her left pinkie finger was lightly brushing against Sara's. "I'm sorry Sara…these dreams…" She sighed looking down into her own cereal bowl as she moved the spoon through the rapidly softening grains and marshmallows of the half consumed food. "Sara they're getting worse…he's more real to me then even you are sometimes…Sara I'm in love with a figment of my imagination and the worst part is I don't want it to change."

She looked at her sister carefully as she moved her pinkie against Felicity's until she had their pinkies entwined with the others…she was offering the only comfort she knew her sister would accept. "Felicity you have to do what the dreams are telling you to do…is he still telling you to say it?" Felicity nodded slowly still slightly regretting ever telling her about the dreams in the first place. Felicity in her defense had been drunk and Sara was just so damn pushy. "So just say the words to your dream lover and maybe he'll go away…I mean LIssy what harm could it do? You already don't sleep so just give in and see what happens."

She lowered the spoon into her own bowl of mush scooping out a large spoonful as she smiled and shoved it forcefully into her mouth. "You know it's not that easy Sara…"

"Yes it is." Her words were garbled as she spoke the little flecks of spit and milk coated her lips as her words reached home.

"Sara swallow than talk. And no it's not…is dad coming home today?" She scowled at the sudden change in topic but let it drop as her spoon clanged the empty bowl her smile returning to her lately solemn face.

"Yes…mom finally convinced him that Laurel's death wasn't his fault…well that and he wasn't going to miss his youngest daughters first day as head of the IT Department now was he?"

"Sara stop it's no big deal…"

"Oh yes it is! You're the youngest in QC history this is a moment worth celebrating!" Scowling Felicity stood as their joined pinkies separated; her body was moving with ease to the small sink in the home's still rather outdated kitchen. Sara and Felicity had moved into the old townhome about a year ago…Laurel was killed by a random act of violence in the Glades and they'd been left to pick up the pieces of their shattered hearts while their parents fled to another city taking their childhood home away as they ran. They'd managed to rehab most of the home but the kitchen was still on the massive to do list.

"Sara it's just a promotion which means more money and that means this damn kitchen can finally be remodeled. Now that is worth celebrating." Sara nodded as they both turned to walk up the stairs.

"So is he going to be there?" Felicity rolled her eyes knowing exactly who she was alluding to. Another casualty of her drunken state was also the identity of the said dream lover.

"Yes and no you can't come. I haven't even met him so I don't need you saying something regrettable that might cause me to blush. So no you are going to work and Tommy is well hopefully going to bring himself and Ava to the ceremony."

"You're no fun!" Felicity just laughed as she slammed her hand against the closed and they assumed locked black door.

"Tommy get the hell out of bed! Ava has to be fed and both Sara and I have work so get a move on you dead beat who owes me 6 months of back rent!" Sounds could be heard from within as Sara leaned into Felicity's shoulder her chin was lightly resting upon her sister's form.

"Do you think he'll ever rejoin the land of the living?"

"I hope so Sara…Ava needs him and frankly so do we." Sara sighed as Felicity rested her head upon Sara's own. "You're going to be late…"

She scoffed leaning back but not before she banged her own closed fist against the doors solid frame. "Get up deadbeat your sister and your invisible best friend are going to be in the same place today so maybe you should rejoin the land of the living and escort her on her big day!" Felicity snickered as the door flew open their brother in law now mostly awake was standing in the doorway with his jet black hair ruffled and his still bloodshot eyes. Felicity would normally comment but lately she'd been sporting the same look.

"Laurel was right you two are complete nags."Both women frowned before punching his shoulder and stomping down the narrow hall. Laurel was gone but as they kept reminding him life had to go on. Now if only Felicity would learn to take her own wise advice.


"Lissy up!" Felicity looked over at her little raised arms as she kept screaming up! She was the very picture of her mother but she had her father's hair. Felicity was getting her settled into her car seat as she kept saying the only two words that most would swear she knew.

"No Ava we have to go I'll pick you up later babydoll I promise." She was about halfway done when she heard a sharp intake of breath coming from behind her. Turning around she saw Tommy looking pale as a sheet his knees starting to wobble as he stared into his daughters smiling face.

"Tommy?"

"It's too soon…I'm…I'm not ready…" His head fell slightly as he pushed his hands into the pockets of his jacket. "I'm sorry Lissy I'm just not ready to face him…it's just too soon…we haven't spoken since that day." Felicity nodded before bending down to unlock her niece from her car seat prison hoping his daughter's presence would at least ease the wounds that still haunted his every step.

"You both made mistakes Tommy…it doesn't make it your fault or his for that matter." Felicity moved away from the open door gesturing for him to hold the last remaining link to his lost love. He nodded moving towards his unbuckled daughter but before he removed her from the car he placed his hand on his sister's shoulder squeezing gently as his shaky voice eked out a small reply.

"He told me that she was cheating on me…he told me that she was scared and in the Glades…he was trying to be a good friend and I ignored him. I'm just…"

"Feeling guilty I know but; we all have to move on if not for our sake's than for Ava's." He nodded as he released her before finally holding his daughter tightly in his arms.

"Are you going to be ok on your own?" Felicity nodded as she went to the driver's side of the car.

"Tommy he's your best friend and I love you so how bad can he be?"

"Ollie can be well hard to read. And he's been out of the country for the past five years so he can be a bit aloof." She just shook her head as she inserted the key into the car's ignition.

"I'll be fine I mean he's just a man right?" Tommy snickered as he kissed his daughter's forehead.

"Yes he is."

"Then I have nothing to worry about do I?" His eyes twinkled as he reached forward tapping her nose just like Laurel had done with his index finger.

"No Lissy Girl you don't." Felicity smiled at Laurel's nickname for her as she rolled up the window waving to them as she backed out of the gravel driveway and onto the main road. Felicity could handle this he was one man…He was based on the tabloids handsome and well perfect but he was also cold, callous and unfeeling so any attraction she might have felt would be wiped away the moment he opened his mouth. Felicity smiled to herself as she drove towards her second home…today was the day…

Today was the day. Today she was finally going to meet the all powerful Oliver Queen.

Today Felicity was going to have her first real interaction with the boy who'd become a man within her dreams.