Hello people, this is Yosep! Yes, I'm back, and this time I try my hand at a humour fic! Just to let you know, I don't have anything against the third season of Sonic X (in fact, it was satisfyingly epic in my opinion). So why a parody? Well, I was watching the Nostalgia Critic's reviews of the animated Titanic movies and noticed how Sonic X season 3 sort of parallels the Titanic story. From seeing how bad the animated Titanic films were in comparison to the one everyone is familiar with, I got the idea of making a parody of season 3 to show how bad it could've been (complete with an OC narrator and random guest stars!) So here we are, so let's get started!
Sonic X Season 3: How it "Really" Happened
Episode 1: The Spasmic Fail
Angie Elizavert, a Mobian journalist, instantly felt regret as she knocked on the door. She was at the door of some infamous codger that claims he knew the true story of the war against the Metarex. And now, she had to interview this man. This can't end well... thought Angie.
The door opened to show an old, fat rat. He grinned and answered, "So you wanna know what really happened on the Blue Typhoon? Come in and I'll tell ya the tale!" The rat stepped down his hallway to his living room. Angie sighed as she knew she was going to be here a long time.
"The name's Wack Don Dalson." the rat spoke. Angie mentally rolled her eyes at the fact that this guy's first name was the first syllable of wacky. Wack sat back on a big chair and creepily grinned again. "Ah, yes. The maiden voyage of the Blue Typhoon. It's so sad how everyone gets the story wrong."
Angie cleared her throat and answered, "Well, a lot of people say the same story. Even my company got the story as close as we could when we first heard of it." She took out her newspaper article on the Metarex war and read, "'Sonic and company fought with the Metarex...Planet eggs taken all over galaxy... an alien plant girl named Cosmo sacrificed herself to save everyone...' That's pretty much what everyone agrees what happened."
The rat laughed and started, "The truth of the matter is that it's all a big misunderstanding! One of these days I'm gonna tell you the whole story."
Angie reminded, "Actually, I'm here to hear about the story." Drat! she thought. That was my chance to get out of this assignment. But duty calls...
Wack laughed again, "OK, kiddo, since you talked me into it, I'll tell you the whole story."
It all began in outer space when Super Sonic was fighting a new foe...
Big spaceships were heading past the moon toward Super Sonic. Sonic looked around and shouted, "Ok, random new villain! Show yourself!" A large, dark robot ominously hovered down.
"So we meet again! For the first time!" the robot shouted. Sonic got a confused look at the robot's wording. The robot then took out a red lightsaber and activated it.
"Aww man! Why do you have a lightsaber?" groaned Sonic. "Never mind! I'm Super Sonic, and I can defeat you so we can quickly get this over with!"
"Oh, but you're running out of rings!" pointed out the robot. Sonic glanced at the corner of his vision that showed his ring count and was shocked that it was getting closer to zero.
"Well it would've been higher if you didn't keep me waiting!" spat Sonic. "Since I'm not going to defeat you in time, uh, I'll throw away the Chaos Emeralds!" Sonic threw the seven Chaos Emeralds far away from the ships and robot. He grinned at his quick thinking, but then forgot that he was in space back to regular form. "Oh, right. Aaaaaaaah!" Sonic spiraled down to his planet.
The robot thought, So, the Chaos Emeralds are suddenly out of my reach. Oh well, I wasn't going to get those Emeralds right away anyway. Then the dark robot turned to his ships and commanded, "Now we begin to EXTERMINATE!"
Meanwhile, on Mobius, Tails was setting up his video camera with Cream and Amy. "At last, once my video goes on YouTube, I shall finally reach 100 000 views!" Tails spoke while Cream and Amy took their places. "Here's what's gonna happen: Cream is going to look at the meteor shower, Amy tries to take her spot, and then the two girls catfight with the meteor shower in the background. This video goes on YouTube, people search for a catfight, this video comes up, and I get a rush of subscribers!"
Hold on a second, I thought Tails just wanted to tape the meteor shower. And why would Cream and Amy agree to this?
Because everyone knows that the most popular videos on YouTube are girl fights! Anyway...
As Tails continued to set up the scene, Cream mused, "I just wonder what Chris is up to now." Amy got a shocked look and quickly covered Cream's mouth.
"Cream, I thought I told you we have to be careful using that name now!" Amy reminded. She glanced at the nearby train station where a group of teenagers eyed them suspiciously. Amy continued, "If we keep talking about Chris, the International Chris-hater Organization will get us!"
Wait, wait! There's an International group just for hating Chris Thorndyke? I mean, someone actually made an organization just for it?
Meanwhile, Sonic was slowly waking up. Eggman leaned toward Sonic and asked, "You had a nice swim?"
Sonic jumped back and gasped, "Whoa! How did I end up here?" He looked around and noticed Bokkun, Bocoe and Decoe were here too.
Eggman explained, "Well, I just happened to go out for a jog and I found you unconscious."
"You go on jogs?" Sonic asked eyeing Eggman's size.
"Gotta keep this body in shape!" Eggman boasted as he showed off his egg-like figure. "Anyway, I noticed you falling into the ocean, so I figured either you idiotically threw away your Emeralds in Super Form or you were trying to prove if the moon landings were real."
"Believe it or not, it was the first one." Sonic replied. "Well, I gotta get outta here!"
"Wait Sonic! Could you do us a favour?" Eggman asked. Sonic turned around stared at Eggman and his robots. Eggman began, "We need you to pick up some food for us. Go to the fast food place at the corner of 12th and Main, and I want the Pizza Deluxe special. But no pineapple! And, uh, Bokkun, what did you want?"
"I wanted the Cheeseburger and Fries combo! But ask them to hold the onions and ketchup!"
Bocoe spoke, "I want a Taco Titan along with some cowboy beans!"
Decoe said, "For me I want 2 hot dogs with a large cola. Make sure they have relish!"
Sonic took a moment to take in the information. "Ok, I can't remember all that. I'll just call you at the place!" Then Sonic took off.
"How rude! He didn't ask for my phone number!" Eggman grumbled.
Outside, an ominous cloud appeared in the sky. The spaceships from before appeared from the cloud and hovered over the important landmarks of Mobius. Then the ships fired powerful lazers that blew up the landmarks!
Wait, this is like "Independence Day"...
One large ship opened up and a large cyborg-like robot hovered down. It boomed, "All your base are belong to us!"
Now this is ripping off the game "Zero Wing"!
More, smaller robots marched out of the ships and fired at anyone in sight. They chanted, "EX-TER-MIN-ATE! EX-TER-MIN-ATE!"
Who are these supposed to be? The Metarex or the Daleks?
The ships launched electrical bolts to the ground. Seconds later, giant tripod-like ships rose from the ground and made a sound like a foghorn.
Now this is like "War of the Worlds"...
Tom Cruise gasped at the destruction, and told the surrounding people, "We're gonna leave this city in 60 seconds!" He hurried away from the vaporizing shots and avoided crashing trucks and crumbling roads.
Wait, now Tom Cruise is in this? Are you sure that's what happened?
Yes, this is what really happened! And a lot of other famous people got involved too, but no one knows about it because of the big misunderstanding!
...Ooookaaaaay... Well what's happening with Sonic and the others?
Tails noticed his video camera wasn't working. "Uh, the camera just stopped." He checked his bag for his spare cameras, but they didn't work either. "None of my electronics are working!"
Amy looked in the distance and gasped, "Forget your electronics! The tripods from War of the Worlds are attacking!" Cream then noticed a passenger train coming toward the station. One tripod fired at the rails, causing the train to derail and skid out of control.
At the train station, Jonathan Koestler watched the broken train headed toward the people. "Everyone move back!" he shouted as the others ran away from the station. The train skidded through the posts of the station and the cars broke apart and crashed into each other with big explosions.
So now this is "Super 8"?
"We gotta help those passengers out!" Cream told the others. She, Tails and Cream headed to the nearest passenger cars. Tails pulled off a stuck door and found a young, plant-like girl inside. He picked up the girl and noticed she was still breathing. Then the girl slowly woke up and saw Tails.
Tails smiled and said, "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."
The girl also smiled and replied, "I've never seen a boy this close before." Then both of them shared a passionate kiss.
Whoa! What? They just say a sentence to each other and they're instantly deep in love?
Well, yeah. That's how the romance of Tails and Cosmo started. It was true love at first sight.
That's... just... not... possible!
The girl remembered, "Oh, my name's Cosmo! I guess I should've told you that."
Yes, she should've at least told him her name!
Amy and Cream hurried over to Tails and Cosmo. Cream asked Cosmo, "Are you from outer space?"
Cosmo pondered outloud, "I think I was... Oh! Right. I have a message to say." She cleared her throat and spoke, "Sonic barada nikto." Everyone else was confused.
And with good reason! She just ripped off "The Day the Earth Stood Still"!
Cosmo explained, "I was told that Sonic would be here on this planet to save us from the Metarex, so I was supposed to say that line. Whatever it meant."
Amy inquired, "The Metarex? You mean those tripods and Transformer look-alikes?" They looked at one large robot heading toward the Master Emerald.
Meanwhile, Knuckles was sleeping through the destruction and the pitiful cries of help. But then the large Metarex soldier stomped toward the Emerald. "Huh?" Knuckles raised his head up a bit, then went back to sleep. The Metarex soldier pointed a gun at Knuckles and poked him with it. "No, five more minutes..." groaned Knuckles. Irritated, the soldier started firing around Knuckles, jolting him up. "Hey! Leave a sleeping echidna alone you..." Knuckles instantly looked shocked at the big robot in front of him. "Uh... this Master Emerald is mine, ok? So could you just back off and we could pick this up tomorrow or something?"
The Metarex started shooting at Knuckles, but Knuckles dodged quickly. "Resistance is futile! All your planet egg is belong to us! Now you will be EXTERMINATED!"
Knuckles threw a punch at the robot, but it didn't do anything. Then Knuckles winced at the sudden pain. The Metarex punched Knuckles away. "Aaaaaaaah!"
"That was easy. You're mine, planet egg!" The Metarex stated as it began the extraction.
Meanwhile, Sonic was carrying all the food he got for Eggman and his robots. "Ok, the Pizza Deluxe special without pineapple goes to Eggman, and Bokkun gets the Taco Titan. No, wait, Bocoe gets the Taco Titan. Or was it Decoe? Bokkun wanted the Cheeseburger and Fries without ketchup. And onions? Or was it Decoe that didn't want onions? Or was it Bocoe?" Before Sonic could think about it more, Knuckles landed in front of him. "Hey there, Knuckles! What trouble did you get into this time?"
Knuckles groaned, "If you were paying attention to what was going on instead of running this mysterious errand, you'd know that these metal aliens are invading Mobius!"
Sonic looked around at the destroyed buildings and mused, "Oh yeah. I was wondering about that." He put down his food and sped toward the large Metarex.
Cosmo caught sight of Sonic coming towards the battle scene. "That's Sonic? I have to say, I'm less than awestruck."
Tails quickly threw the Power Ring at Sonic. Sonic caught it and declared, "Yeah! Time for some retro Sonic music to play while I fight!" As random 16-bit music accompanied Sonic's Powered-Up moves, Sonic charged at the Metarex and rammed it.
"Oh! I'm fighting, too!" Knuckles declared as he hurried at the Metarex again. But the Metarex punched Knuckles away again. "Noooooooooo!"
Meanwhile, on Earth, Chris Thorndyke was figuring out how to get the portal machine to work again.
Hold on, how could you know what was happening on Earth? Or what was happening anywhere for that matter?
Believe me, I saw everything.
Chris groaned, "If only Doc Brown was here to help me." He was checking the machine again until a gust of wind blew through the window. Chris' picture frame holding the photo of Sonic and his friends slowly fell to the floor. Then Chris slowly turned around and slowly charged after the slowly falling picture while slowly yelling, "Nooooooooooooooooo!"
That's a lot of slow.
The picture crashed, and Chris held up the remaining photo. "My machine must work this time!"
Meanwhile back on Mobius-
Now we're back on Mobius? What was the point of talking about what Chris is going through?
Knuckles hurried back to where Sonic was. "I have a new idea. You use the Chaos Emeralds and beat the crap out of this guy."
Sonic's eyes widened and he began, "Ohhhh! The Chaos Emeralds! Uh, yeah. About that... Funny story! Uh, what if I told you that they all... blew away?"
Knuckles' eyes grew larger and he asked, "Are you kidding me?"
Sonic chuckled nervously and replied, "Say I was, hypothetically, in space and, uh, a giant robot with a lightsaber, as a random nonspecific example, confronted me but I, in my Super form, for example, ran out of rings before I could, you know, attack him, and somehow, the Chaos Emeralds got away from me and are now... gone. In the universe. Somewhere. Far away."
Knuckles clenched Sonic's shoulders and shouted in his face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"
"Exactly!" answered Sonic with a smile. "I mean, uh, nothing!" Awkward silence.
"Enough." the Metarex said as it punched both Sonic and Knuckles away. Then it activated a slow tractor beam that slowly pulled a crystal object out of the slowly parting ground.
"A rock? These things came all this way for a rock?" Sonic questioned. He glanced around and saw that the trees that weren't blown up were withering.
"The planet egg is now mine. Now the rest of you will be EXTERMINATED." said the Metarex as it got ready to take off. "Lift off!" It slowly blasted off into the sky, but Tails and Cosmo slowly chased after it in the slowly flying X-Tornado.
Alright, enough with the slowness.
"That Metarex won't get away with this!" Tails declared as he hurried close to the Metarex. The Metarex then flew out of the atmosphere. "Ok, it just got away with it."
Cosmo asked Tails, "Could you open the window?"
Tails answered, "Well, I guess..." He pushed the button to open the window. Then Cosmo got out of her seat and jumped out. "WHAT? The girl I just met just committed suicide! Why does every girl I like commit suicide? COSMO!"
Actually, Cosmo was able to float her way down to where the others were meeting. Everyone met within the dead forest as Cosmo introduced herself. "My name is Cosmo. Where is the one that is called Sonic?"
Sonic approached Cosmo and boasted, "Aww, you want my autograph? Or a special keychain with a figure of me on it?"
Cosmo remembered her line, and she cleared her throat again. "Sonic barada nikto."
Sonic just stared at her. "...What?"
Amy clarified, "What she means is that only you can save us from the Metarex. Something about planet eggs and science fiction references."
Tails hurried over to where the others were meeting. "Sonic! The Master Emerald is glowing! Oh, Cosmo's alright."
On Earth, Chris had written the last of his farewell note and stepped toward the portal machine. "No turning back now." He stepped inside the portal. The wormhole that connected the worlds violently bounced Chris around. "Ow! Ouch! Why is everything so mean to me? Ouch!"
At the Master Emerald, everyone stepped around it to wait for what's going to happen next. There was a cheesy 80s strobe light flash, and then Chris emerged from the Emerald. "I did it! It really works! I finally invent something that works!"
"Chris?" Sonic gasped. "Uh, er, how, uh, you, um..."
Chris looked at the others. "Wow, it's good to see you again! Uh, what's with the confused faces?"
Knuckles asked, "First you tell us what's with the big-boy clothes."
Chris glanced in shock at how he was back to his young age.
Angie thought, This is only the beginning? Guess I'll be here a long time.
Ok, that's the first episode done Wack's way! I think the later episodes will pick up the humour and other stuff, so stay tuned! Oh, and if you have ideas for what should happen in later "episodes", please tell me in the reviews!
