Chapter One: Concerning Reincarnation
My head was ringing when I 'woke up'. I felt like I had just been to one of my friends birthday party's and had stayed up too late drinking soda and other sugary drinks before waking up too early. That wasn't the case, however, because last night I had been…
Last night I had been..
I couldn't remember what I had been doing last night. I shot up in bed, the quick motion making me nauseous and causing the room to spin around. I raised my hands to grasp my head in between them, closing my eyes and fighting the urge to regurgitate whatever was in my stomach.
I stayed that way for a moment, just allowing my body to get used to sitting in an upright position. Cautiously, I cracked open one of my eyes and audibly sighed in relief when the room remained immobile. The first thing that caught my eye was the wall opposite of my bed; it had been painted green.
'When had Mum and Dad had a chance to paint my room without me noticing?' I wondered, blinking and rubbing the sleep out of my eyes just to make sure I wasn't hallucinating or dreaming. No, the wall was still green.
I grabbed the corner of my comforter with my left hand and pulled, yanking the blanket in a diagonal motion to uncover my legs so that I could get out of bed and investigate the strange color of my wall - At least, that was what my undeveloped plan was until I got distracted by something a lot more strange.
My legs only reached halfway to the end of my bed. I know for a fact that my legs were practically at the edge; I was considerably tall for a fourteen year old and I had just been complaining to my parents that I needed a bigger mattress to sleep on. This mattress, however, was a twin bed - so what the hell was going on?
My head was pounding now that the ringing had stopped, a result from the combination of my racing thoughts and dry mouth. I was most likely dehydrated but that was the least of my worries; because I didn't have my hands.
I had hands, yes, but they were absolutely not MY hands. My hands were twice the size of the ones that were being held steadily in front of my face at the present moment. My hands were normally much more tan, had a rougher look about them, and they also had a scar on my right index finger from where I had almost cut it off a couple of years ago on accident.
I felt myself beginning to hyperventilate in my panic. Where was I and why was my body so different? Was this a weird, lifelike dream? What was going on?
My eyes scoured the unfamiliar room that I was in, completely discomfited by the way that a small part of me almost seemed to recognize it. That was impossible though because I absolutely didn't recognize the green walls, the beige carpeting, or the green and grey striped comforter I was laying underneath.
I didn't recognize any of children books scattered in small piles around the room, the wooden chest with an open lid revealing a small amount of toys, or what looked like a second hand dresser that was chipped in a couple of places.
I made a startled noise that got caught in the back of my throat, thankfully slightly muffling the sound, because I didn't recognize the other twin-sized bed in the room either. The bed that had a lump underneath a comforter that was identical to my own - well, to the one that I was using currently at least.
Slowly, I moved my legs to the edge of the bed and quietly stood up after I felt my feet connect with carpet. I winced with every squeak the obviously well-used mattress made as I got out of the bed, hoping that I would be able to get up without awakening the other occupant of the room.
There was a mirror on top of the dresser, one of the small cosmetic mirrors that spun with one side more magnified than the other side. My sister had one on her desk so that she could apply her make-up easily but hers had a gold stand while this one just seemed to be made out of some kind of silver metal.
I crept across the room and frowned when my eyes only came up to the second highest drawer on the rather shabby dresser. My eyes nervously searched the room for something I could stand on top of without breaking it; I was desperate to look into the mirror because something told me I wouldn't recognize myself.
My eyes lit up as they landed on a chair that was tucked away in the corner of the room closest to the bed opposite of the one I had woken up in; The bed that currently had an unknown person sleeping inside of it. I did what I always do before coming to a decision on whether the reward of completing a goal was worth the risk I was taking to complete aforementioned goal. I made a list of the pros and the cons, just like my Mum had taught me.
Pros: I would get insight into my current situation (possibly). I would be able to see if my cell phone, which I couldn't see anywhere else in the room, was on top of the dresser.
Cons: The other person may be a light sleeper, so I could possibly wake up someone I don't know and have to deal with an awkward (potentially hostile?) situation. The other occupant may be highly possessive and could fly off the handle when they sees that I moved a chair from 'their side' of this room.
It was about even on both sides, I couldn't think of any other pros or cons. I also couldn't think of anything else I could do right now besides randomly explore the rest of the house I was in, which was even more stupid than dragging a chair over to a dresser. Resigning myself to a possible awkward encounter, I stealthily made my way over to the antique looking chair situated in the corner.
Carefully, I moved a stack of books from the seat of the chair and placed them delicately on the floor just at the foot of the bed. I glanced at the lump in the bed I was standing next to and silently watched as the green and gray comforter rose and fell in an easy rhythm. Based on the breathing pattern and the soft, barely audible snoring sounds I would guess the other person was sound asleep. I couldn't see their face with the blanket pulled over their head, so my assumption would have to do in this case.
Hopefully they were a deep sleeper.
I grabbed the chair by the middle, my hands both latching onto an expanse of rounded, worn wood that connected the back of the chair with the seat on both sides. I lifted up, letting out a sharp breath when I felt how heavy this old chair was, and finally frowning as I stepped away from the chair.
I couldn't lift a chair. Either I was incredibly weak or that chair was incredibly heavy; based on the fact that the chair was as tall as I was myself, the rational side of my brain was leaning towards the former. With a grimace, I once again grabbed the chair and tilted it so that the two front legs were no longer connected to the ground before I began dragging it across the carpet.
The somewhat rickety chair made sounds of protest as it was manhandled across the carpet, leaving two thick lines from where the chair had originally sat to where I was moving it to because of the back legs digging into the soft carpet as I dragged the stupid thing.
I let out a satisfied huff of air when I finally reached my destination, pushing the chair so that the back was flat up against the wall of drawers. I gingerly stepped onto the seat, eyeing the piece of furniture suspiciously as it groaned in protest with my additional weight. Figuring that it was safe for now and knowing the sooner I looked into the mirror, the sooner I would be able to stop standing on the unreliable piece of furniture, I eagerly turned the cosmetic mirror towards my face and looked at the reflective surface.
My jaw dropped and I jumped a little in my surprise, momentarily forgetting that I was standing on a piece of furniture that was meant to be sat upon. I gracelessly tumbled off of the chair, landing with a loud 'thump' in an undignified heap beside the dresser and letting out a small groan of pain. That was admittedly stupid.
I ignored the telltale sounds of bedsheets being moved, the sound just not registering in my ears, and quickly got back to my feet. I scrambled to get on top of the chair once again and stared into the small, circular mirror that was reflecting back what should have been my face.
In the mirror was the face of a young child, maybe five years old or possibly six. The face was thin with high cheekbones but there was still some baby fat around the jaw area. Jade eyes, which was like a darker green color, were staring at me with light brown eyebrows furrowed above them in confusion. Light brown - almost blonde - hair was hanging down and covering my forehead carelessly, still in disarray from sleep. The slightly angular face was more pale than the one I was used to seeing and definitely a lot younger as well.
Tentatively, I brought a finger up to my face and watched in captivation as the reflection did the same thing. I slowly brought the finger towards my face, not thinking for a moment how strange this would look to someone looking at the scene as an observer, and I flinched when the finger finally made contact with pale, unblemished skin.
Quickly, I all but slammed the mirror so that it was face down, luckily not breaking it, before I plopped into the seat I had previously been using as a stool. I could feel my breathing once again quicken, my lungs feeling tight and the pressure in my head akin to what I would imagine it would feel like to have someone crushing your skull between two hard surfaces.
'This is a dream.' I thought hysterically, my breathing coming in short, pained gasps. 'There is no other explanation. This isn't real. This can't be real.'
"'Phy?" I heard a young, quiet voice call out tentatively. My head snapped up at the sound, the speed causing a jolt of pain to flash down my neck which I ignored in favor of staring at the other boy sitting up in the bed. The other occupant, who was a small boy that looked about five or six, was awake and staring at me with concern painted on his features.
I didn't say anything, still struggling to breathe normally, but I was uncomfortably aware of how the sound of my desperate attempts to get oxygen into my lungs seemed to reverberate within the small room. The other boy had the same color of hair as the boy I had just glimpsed in the mirror had, the same bone structure, and even the same shape of eyebrows. The only difference was that this boy's eyes seemed to be a lovely shade of brown, more of an amber color really, instead of the green I had just seen.
My body tensed as I watched the other boy climb out of his bed and make his way to where I was sitting, hunched over and clutching my stomach as I tried to even out my breaths. I was having a full blown panic attack in front of this little kid and the boy was completely calm as he approached me. It was both impressive and curious at the same time, something I filed away in my mind to think about at a later time when I didn't feel like I was dying.
"It's okay 'Phy, just breathe." The boy said in an innocent tone of voice, wrapping his arms around me in a surprisingly tight embrace. I tucked my head near his bony shoulder, concentrating on his breathing in the hope that I would be able to match his calm, even breaths. I'm not sure how long he stood there, hugging me while I sat on the chair, but eventually my body relaxed. My breathing evened out, the pain in my chest faded away, and even the pounding in my head degraded into an ache rather than the sharp pain it had been. The boy kept holding me even when I calmed down, his body relaxing from the more tense position it had been in previously, and the room was silent as we took comfort from one another. I can honestly say I have never felt so comfortable with a complete stranger before; Normally, it took me a long time to trust anyone and an even longer time to be comfortable with physical contact, but something about this boy just felt.. Right.
"Remus? Zephyrus?" I heard a gentle voice call, followed by a soft knocking on the only door in the room right before it opened. Standing in the doorway was a middle-aged woman with brown hair twisted into a bun and kind brown eyes. She took in our position, obviously comforting one another, and got a concerned look on her face instantly. "Is everything okay you two?"
"Yeah, Mum." The boy said, letting go of me and stepping back to face the woman as he spoke. "He wasn't feeling very good."
"What's wrong, Zephyrus?" The woman asked, walking towards me and laying her hand on my forehead in order to check for a fever. Her eyes were filled with love and concern as she looked over me, seeing if there were any signs of me being sick or injured, and it warmed me slightly to see her looking at me like that.
"N-Nothing." I replied, assuming she meant me when she said Zephyrus, which would make the other boy Remus. My mind raced as I tried to think of a believable lie to tell her; It wasn't exactly normal for five year olds to have existential crisis first thing in the morning, after all. "Bad dream."
"Oh, I'm sorry sweetie." The woman said, lips turning down slightly in sympathy as she smoothed my hair down in the back. The gesture was familiar and comforting, making my body relax even more. "It's over now, you're awake and you are safe."
I wish I could believe her, I really did, but I still wasn't sure if I was dreaming or not. It feels like it is real, like I'm honestly awake; but how is that possible? I have never had a dream this vivid before. Why would I dream about this other kid and his Mum, people I had never met, and why would I dream about being a different person, a person who is probably six or seven years younger than I really was. None of this made any sense.
"I was coming to wake you both up for breakfast. It's on the table." The Woman said, smiling gently as she looked us both over. "Remus, why don't you go wash your hands while I talk to your brother. We'll be in there in a moment."
"Okay Mum." Remus replied cheerfully, hesitating only for a second before grabbing my hand in his and giving it a comforting squeeze. I smiled reassuringly at him, thankful for the gesture and his help earlier, and the boy returned it with a bright grin of his own before walking out of the room.
"Do you want to talk about the nightmare?" The woman, who I assumed was my Mum as well considering Remus was my alleged brother, asked me.
I shook my head, my mind still trying to catch up and figure out what the help was going on. I didn't want to lie and make up some nightmare; it was always better to keep things as simple as possible so you didn't slip up later. "No, I feel better."
"Alright. If you want to talk, just let me know Zephyrus." My 'Mum' said, once again revealing her loving smile. "Your father has already left to go to the Ministry, so it's just us three this morning."
"Father?" I asked, confused, before realizing how stupid that probably sounded. Luckily she seemed to take it in another way than I had meant and just told me why he needed to leave so early.
"Yes, you know the Ministry wanted him working there for awhile. Well, he had important committee meeting today he couldn't miss, so he had to leave early." She said, already standing up from the crouched position she had been in and walking towards the door.
I followed her out the door and down the hallway, my head spinning as I tried to work out what exactly was going on with me. Breakfast was a quiet affair and I excused myself after I ate the majority of the food on my plate, retreating to a corner of the living room. I had gotten one of the books from the bedroom and was pretending to read it while I thought about what could have happened to me.
My Mum and Dad were both scientists, so they raised me to value logic and reasoning above pretty much anything. Being raised to value those two things, as well as all the time spent reading to me or encouraging me to read, helped shape the person I am today. I'm what my Dad used to call 'a good man in a storm'. I was level-headed, rational, decisive, and more mature than most people my age. I rarely let my emotions get in the way because allowing them to control you did nothing to solve most situations; so, I did what I was taught to do, put my emotions aside and applied logic to my current situation.
This is what I know. I woke up in a strange house, in a strange body, with a strange name; none of which I recognize. My 'Mum' and 'Brother' both knew my name and seemed genuine in their interactions with me. I had a father, whom I had yet to meet, that was a part of some committee at someplace called the 'Ministry'. When I thought the name, the ministry, I felt this weird nudge in the back of my head; It was as though I should recognize the name. This is all that I know, so what are logical deductions I can make based off of the observations.
For starters, it is possible I am dreaming but the more I toyed with the idea, the less likely it seemed. I had never had a dream this vivid and that made me question if it was a dream so much. Maybe I was in a coma? The thing that kept throwing me off was the fact that I'm not in my body. In dreams and coma's, I'm pretty sure you always dream yourself to be yourself - not a five year old kid who looks nothing like you with a family of strangers surrounding you.
The other thing that popped into my head, after I had been pretending to read for an hour and a half, was something I had read not too long ago in a book. Reincarnation. The cycling of souls. I didn't really believe in that kind of stuff, but it was honestly the only other idea I had, so I began to see if it fit.
Reincarnation is where you die, your soul is released, before being recycled into another body - whether it is a bug, cheetah, or another person. It is based off of karma, I think, and from what I read you wouldn't know you are re-incarnated. At least, you wouldn't remember as many vivid details about your previous life as I do.
It kind of it but there were some discrepancies. Like I said, my memories of a previous life were definitely strange. Also, why was I already five years old when I suddenly became aware?
Rationally speaking, I guess the realization and onslaught of memories of a previous life could be attributed to the fact that the brain inside this body wasn't developed enough to handle the memories. So following that line of thought, it isn't as though I just popped into a five year old's body. It's more like the part that makes me 'me' as I remember myself has been dormant for five years while the brain develops enough connections to process the information.
I sound certifiably insane right now. I wish I could just shut my brain up now, maybe go back to sleep, and then wake up tomorrow complaining about middle-school again.
I pushed the thoughts about what happened to me and what was going on to the back of my mind after deciding on a course of action. I would just wait and observe while attempting to enjoy whatever is going on. If I am dreaming, at least I'll have not spent my whole dream arguing with myself about whether or not I'm dreaming. If this is my new life, then I should start living it.
I also just wanted this stupid, ridiculous, painful headache to go away.
I spent the rest of the day with Remus, who I found out was my twin brother. I should have realized it when I looked into the mirror and then saw him; of course we are twins, we are the same age and look very similar except our eyes. We aren't identical twins though, we are fraternal. Remus apparently takes after our father as far as stature and bone structure and our mother for his eyes and hair. I have my mother's hair, my mother's stature and bone structure, and my father's eyes.
Remus was surprisingly easy to get along with - which surprised me because I honestly don't really like kids. They are gross, hyper, and have way too short of an attention span. Remus was thoughtful, quiet, and actually very good at paying attention. We were even able to play chess, something I don't think I could have done in my previous life at five, so I was very impressed with Remus. It didn't stop me from destroying him at the game however.
I think Remus could tell something had changed because I kept seeing him give me these strangely penetrating looks, as though I was a puzzle he was attempting to solve. It honestly unnerved me slightly but whenever that happened I grinned to distract him before doing something I think a five year old would do.
Mum mostly just did housework all day; cleaning the house, doing laundry, sewing, cooking lunch, playing with us for a little bit, then cleaning more before finally getting dinner ready so it was on the table for Dad when he got home.
'Dad' was in a terrible mood when he got home. Remus and I watched with wide eyes as he angrily hung up his coat and all but stormed into the kitchen to talk to our Mum. He did send us a tight smile followed by a quiet greeting, but we could both tell he was focused on something else.
My interest was piqued. I put a finger to my lips, silently communicating with Remus to be silent, before edging my way towards the kitchen to hear the conversation between our parents.
"-are just complete bloody idiots!" Dad shout-whispered, obviously trying not to disturb Remus and I. "When I said they should lock him up for twenty-four hours, they laughed! Laughed!"
"Oh, Lyall." I heard Mum reply sympathetically, her shadow jerking its head back and forth as though she was shaking her head as she listened to my father rant about his day at work.
"He murdered two children! I know he is one of them, I can tell. He convinced them he was some poor muggle but as soon as I called him
What he was, you should have seen his face." Lyall ranted, pacing a few steps before turning around as he continued to tell his story. "I called him a soulless, evil creature that deserved to die - I can't believe they didn't see the malice and hate in his eyes. Its unbelievable they just released him back on the streets with the full moon tomorrow."
"That's terrible!" Mum said, concern and a bit of fear in her voice. "What are you going to do?"
"There's nothing I can do! We just have to wait. Creatures like that, they can't help themselves. He'll murder again. I'm sure of it." Dad said, moving forward towards where Mum's voice had been. I heard him murmur something soothingly under his breath and quickly backed away from the door, not wanting to get caught eavesdropping.
I wouldn't realize how important that conversation was for another day. I also wouldn't realize why, once again, I had the strangest feeling that I should be remembering something. It was honestly bothering me; like when you were about to ask a question but forgot what it was.
If only I would have connected the dots sooner, maybe I could have done something. Who knows what that would have changed?
A/N: Okay, so this is chapter one of Limerence. I am quite proud of this background and preparation on this story - I already have four chapters written, I'm trying to write as many as I can so I can post them once a week.
Remus' nickname for Zephyrus (Zeh-fur-es) is pronounced as follows: 'Phy (Fee) ** I know that the full name is pronounced Zeh - fur- es but Remus calls him 'Phy (Fee). So deal with it.
I would love to hear (read) any thoughts/feelings/concerns/questions that you might have! So please write a quick review, send a quick message, anything to let me know whether you want more or just want the story to stop.
Looking forward to hearing from you all,
~Rache
(Also, I know this will be a Slash/Yaoi/BoyxBoy story but I'm not sure on the pairing yet. So, I thought we could vote! Below are the options I will give you, then let me know which you'd like to see.)
Sirius Black -
Regulus Black -
James Potter -
Original Character -
Other -
