Two Years Ago

"The general would like a word with you."

Lorelai shut her eyes and leaned her head back. A heavy sigh escaped her lips. "Tell her I will be in her office in a hour. I'd at least like mentally prepare myself for being called a 'mess up'."

As she attempted to walk past Lieutenant Connix, the kiss-ass gently pushed her back. "She would like to speak with you right now."

"Don't you dare push me!" Lorelai snapped pointing a finger in Connix's face. "Don't you fucking dare."

Connix stayed put, not bothering to or too intimidated to speak back. Lorelai pushed past her, cursing under her breath. As she made her way towards Organa's headquarters, other Resistance members took notice and whispered among each other. Lorelai rolled her eyes and kept moving along. By this point it had become a part of a new daily routine that started only a week ago.

In the midst of her walking and the million thoughts racing through her head, she found herself suddenly distracted when her eyes stumbled upon him. Her pacing slowed down immediately and she watched as Poe Dameron and another pilot entered the hallway. Just the sight of him laughing and that dastardly but heart-stopping smile sweeping across his lips was enough to make her want to bang her head against the wall. He was perfect in every way possible - intelligent, a damn good pilot, charming, likable, and looks that made him the total package. While that was enough to get her going, it was the way he treated her when they were alone that melted her icy interior and drew her to him.

But she couldn't take him right now.

His eyes quickly met hers and his smile faded a little. Between the day she was having and the way he was looking at her, it was enough to bring her to tears.

Goddamit, she thought to herself.

Poe excused himself before making his way toward her. Lorelai stopped walking completely, her eyes locked with his. She turned around to face him. They stood there silently for a second, the pieces of last night coming back together again in the most awkward and daunting fashion.

He shoved his hands in his jumpsuit pocket. "Hey," he said with a slight sigh.

"Hi," she murmured.

Another silence fell leading them into a game of who would talk first. While it was clear to both of them that the turn rightfully belonged to him, she figured he couldn't do it in public.

"Are...are you okay?" His voice was hesitant but nevertheless filled with concern.

Lorelai pursed her lips. "I think you already know the answer to that."

Poe shook his head. "That's not what I was referring to. I just heard about what happened during practice. They said your wing nearly fell off."

It took everything in Lorelai not to want to punch every pilot (including him) in the face. Her eyes darted away him from his as she mentally coaxed herself into not crying in front of him. While that didn't go very well the night before it seemed to be doing wonders at the moment. She could handle the other pilots mocking her or belittling her for it with their snarky,"better-than-you" voices. They meant nothing. It was the notion of knowing that Poe knew she fucked up once again that crushed her. He was the Resistance's top pilot and the go-to man. He was looked up to and adored by everyone on board. The last thing she needed was to hear him pity her.

Much to her own surprise, Poe took a step in front of her and attempted to place his hand on her shoulder. "Lorelai, look at me."

Lorelai stepped back before his finger tip could touch her skin. Her eyes landed right back on to his. "I have to go."

She turned away when he sped up in front of her again. This time his hands managed to reach her shoulders. His eyes were glued to hers. "You can talk to me. You know that, right?"

A tear strolled down her cheek as she shook her head. "I used to believe that," she growled with a soft tremble.

She sniffled and shook him off of her. " Let me go before people see you giving a shit about me."

As she moved away toward him, she wiped whatever tears she had left with her fingers. It was one thing to let Poe see her cry but to let General Organa see her cry was out of the question.


By the time she reached the general's office, Lorelai's tears were nonexistent and her head was held high. She walked in and General Organa stood up from her chair. General Organa greeted the young pilot with a sympathetic smile. She motioned to the chair and Lorelai took a seat.

"It's funny," General Organa began as she took a seat. "I was thinking about this little girl I used to know who would give her parents consistent heart attacks with her bold antics. I remember this one time, she wandered off into her father's X-Wing and stayed there for hours pretending that she could fly. Somehow, she had managed to start the plane. No one knows how, not even her. All I know is my son, Ben, running to me in hysterics and telling me some girl was about to fly off with an X-Wing. I rushed over with her parents and the first thing that caught my attention was that she didn't care that she started the engine - she just went with it as if it was no big deal. It took everything in me not to laugh about it front of her parents. Her dad rushed over and because the plane wasn't moving, he was able to get in and turn it off. He brought her down and when he asked her what she was thinking doing such a thing, she shrugged and said, 'I was practicing.' I turned to that girl's mother and I said, 'Remind me to hire her when she's old enough.'"

Lorelai chuckled despite not being in the mood to smile. "I was grounded for a week," she said with a nod. "Dad never let me live that down."

General Organa nodded. "You're born pilot, Lorelai," she went on. "You do a damn good job and despite whatever you may think, people do think you're more than qualified to be here. At least I do. But when you're distracted or consumed in other matters, you tend to be a careless flyer. Lately you've been careless on and off ground about your job or everyone around you and to be honest, I'm starting wonder whether or not you can handle the job I've waited to give you for many years."

At any other time, Lorelai would have fought tooth and nail to assure she was good enough. She knew that being the daughter of a pilot and having close relationship with General Organa came with a fair amount of pressure that would require having to prove herself worthy every single day. Normally it wasn't even an issue - but now she found herself with no motivation to save her from losing her job. She was too numb to care even a little bit.

"I know this is the part where I'm supposed to assure you that I can handle it, but right now I can't bring myself to say it," Lorelai admitted. She stood up from her chair and looked General Organa in the eyes. "I appreciate all that you have done for me and for allowing me this opportunity and I apologize for letting you down."

Before she could walk away, General Organa spoke up. "I didn't say I was firing you."

Lorelai turned around and watched General Organa make her way towards her. "I discussed your behavior with Poe Dameron earlier and he agreed that firing you would be a huge mistake, but he thought that it would be the best to put you on a suspension until we feel you are ready to work again."

For the first time a couple weeks, Lorelai was able to feel something. Hearing Poe making a decision about how to handle her behavior was a huge slap in her face. I could kill him right now, she thought to herself.

"And you agree to this?" Lorelai asked slowly. General Organa nodded her head. Lorelai pursed her lips tightly and shut her eyes.

"It's only temporary," General Organa assured.

"What will I be doing in the mean time?" Lorelai asked with a shrug. "What will I be doing until Poe decides he's ready to work with me? Waiting around? Does he expect me to wait around for him again only for him to tell me it's nothing personal against me but that he doesn't feel like he can be with me in a work environment too?"

In that moment she realized she'd slipped the very piece of information she swore to Poe she wouldn't tell General Organa. Surprisingly, General Organa didn't seem too phased.

"I didn't think you would be the one to admit there was something going on," she remarked.

Lorelai scoffed. "Yeah, well Poe's too ashamed to admit that he spent time with me." She turned to the door and looked over her shoulder. "I'm sorry I let you down, General," she apologized dryly.

With that, she slammed the door.


Lying on her bed, Lorelai toyed with the necklace that her father had given her as present for being selected to fly for the Resistance. He'd had his lucky coin, the one he carried with him on all his missions, turned into a necklace for his daughter to wear during her missions. The wears and tears on it brought her to tears - out of everyone she'd let down, letting him down hurt the most.

She buried her face in her pillow and sobbed. How could she have let herself sink this low? At one point did she let her affections for someone dictate her job and her entire being? And after all that had happened, how could she still be in love with Poe?

A familiar beeping noise from out of nowhere caught her off guard. She looked down to find BB-8 beside her bed.

"How did you get in here?" she sniffled.

BB-8 beeped back in a matter-of-fact tone. You told me your code incase I ever needed to reach you, remember?

"Forgot about that. Sorry, bud."

How come I haven't seen you lately?

If her heart was already broken enough, BB-8's question had taken another piece of Lorelai's heart. She loved the droid like it was her own and although he belonged to Poe, she was present the day BB-8 came to life. He was her buddy just as much as he was Poe's. Poe would often joke that they were BB-8's parents because of the way the droid doted on both of them.

She swallowed hard. "I've been super busy, BB." Each word of her lie tasted like vinegar.

Poe says you're not doing too well.

"Oh he has now?"

That's all he ever says. That and 'Lorelai has a lot going on'.

"Well he's not entirely wrong."

Are you two still mad at each other?

Lorelai sat up . She'd swore Poe and her had it out without BB-8 present. He told the droid that he would be right back and to stay put. Poe wouldn't share such a thing with him knowing how much BB-8 loved her. How the hell did BB-8 know?

"What do you mean?" she asked feigning innocence.

Before the droid could answer, Poe entered the room with rage-filled eyes. He glared at Lorelai in a way she'd never seen before. Without even looking at his droid, Poe ordered in the calmest tone he could manage," BB-8, go outside."

No! I want to stay!

"Go. Now."

The droid whimpered and rolled away. Poe closed the door behind him and Lorelai stood up. "You told the general about us?!" Poe exclaimed.

Lorelai sighed and rubbed her temples. "It was an accident," she said clenching her teeth.

"You always say that but I'm not entirely sure that's all true." He stepped closer to her. "I'm sorry I couldn't give you what you wanted but you please don't make it your mission to bring me down."

He'd now crossed a line. Lorelai's jaw dropped as all the fury she'd tried to hold in burst out. "Bring you down?" Lorelai asked pointing a finger at him. " Sometimes you don't realize how conceited you get. You may be a good at your job but that doesn't mean the entire fucking universe revolves around you, you selfish prick!"

She went to turn from him when he grabbed her forearm. Without any hesitation she pushed him back and cried,"Get out of my room!"

"I'm not done with you!" Poe fought back stepping close. "I think the punishment you received was fair and that you need to suck it up."

Lorelai scoffed and jabbed her finger at his chest. "You fuck with me for two whole years, take everything I've ever given you, and when you decide I'm not good enough for you, you push me out like some goddamn animal! Then you start pretending to give a shit, acting like you have a say in what I do in my life and punish me for my behavior WHICH IS A RESULT OF YOU BEING A SHITTY PERSON!"

"Oh boo fucking hoo, Lorelai!" Poe spat. "Stop whining about how you got screwed over!"

"I TOLD YOU I LOVED YOU AND YOU THREW ME OUT!"

The room fell deathly silent. Lorelai's eyes were bright red and watery. Poe swallowed hard the sight of her trembling like a scared child. He knew damn well she was right and that gave her the upper hand.

Lorelai furrowed her eyebrows, collecting herself as best as she could. "The worst part," she began with a slight tremble in her voice,"was that you knew how I had felt all the years. You knew I had never felt that way about anyone. You knew that you were my weakness...and you took advantage of it. All I had to was say it and it was over for you."

She buried her face in her hands and sobbed. There was a time she swore she'd never let him see her this way, but in that moment, even he knew he deserved it. Her legs gave out and she fell down to her knees.

Poe stood still, watching her icy exterior shatter all over. It was one thing for him to be aware of the mess he made, but it was another to actually witness it with his own eyes.

"I made it clear for the beginning," he told her in a gentle voice. He knelt down in front of her. "I told you I-."

"Don't." Her voice cut him like a knife. "Get out."

He got up and made his way to the door. Before he could let himself out, he looked over his shoulder at her. His heart broke a little to see her watching him go. "I never meant to hurt you," he murmured.

Her green eyes darkened in a way he'd never seen before. "I hate you," she said, her voice seething.

That was his cue to go.


A couple hours and some dried tears later, Lorelai made up her mind. She grabbed her knapsack and filled it with the essentials she needed - her laser gun, some clothes, and some personal items. She closed the knapsack and headed out the door.

She had been clever enough to choose the time when she knew hardly anyone would be around. Nevertheless, she made herself aware of her surroundings each step she took. Security on the ship was tight, but she was smart enough to get away without being seen.

She reached the docking area for the X-Wings and got into hers. Her fingers moved a mile a second as if she was being chased. Once the engine was up and running, she flew her way out.

She never looked back.