A/N: Okay, so I know you all want to strangle me for making yet another fanfiction when I already have so much to update, but I'm going to be finding theme songs for every one of the Twilight characters (trying to be humorous with it, too, so you won't b

A/N: Okay, so I know you all want to strangle me for making yet another fanfiction when I already have so much to update, but I'm going to be finding theme songs for every one of the Twilight characters (trying to be humorous with it, too, so you won't be hearing many sad songs) over the next few days/weeks/months/however long it takes to find good songs anyway. I'll try to also leave the lyrics with them, but you should really go listen to each song as I add them. That would complete the experience. I already have a few picked out, so updates will come more often until my ideas burn out and I have to really go hunting.

Disclaimer: I own none of the songs used in this fanfic, and the talented Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight series and all of its themes, plots, characters, etc. I am not making any money off of this, no copyright infringement intended, blah, blah, blah.

A/N: Ugh. Me hates disclaimers. Anways, first up is Emmett. His theme song is the one that inspired me to make this little parody fanfic. Oh, did I mention that I'll be writing little one-shot type things to go along with each song? No? Well, I is. So yay. –giggles-

EmPOV: "Guys, look!! I just found the coolest song EVER!! You gotta come listen to it!!" I screamed, staring unblinkingly at the screen of my fancy desktop computer.

"Emmet, the last time we willingly came when you called for us, we were all cleaning exploded gummy bears from our hair for weeks!" Edward called from his bedroom. There were a few grunts and growls of agreement.

"But guys," I whined. "It's funny and will only result in minimal casualties."

"No," Edward snapped.

What a mean guy.

"Rosie? Will you come listen to it?"

"No. I'm busy painting my nails. Besides, Edward's right. You are not to be trusted."

"Aaaaaawwwww, you're all a bunch of buzz-killers, you know that?"

More sounds of agreement.

And then a plan formed in my brilliant mind. A plan that could not be foiled, no way, no how. A plan so fool-proof, so ingenious, so absolutely amazing, that not even a gummy bear could have thought it up.

Somewhere in the labyrinth of winding hallways and huge rooms, Alice and Edward groaned in synchronization.

I hit the play button. And turned the music up… get ready for this… FULL VOLUME!! Ha ha, I'm a genius. No one could've thought of that besides me and my brilliantly wonderful, devilishly-

"Moronic?" Edward called over the pounding music as the song began.

Oh I'm a funny bear, yes I'm a funny bear. Oh I'm a yummy tummy funny lucky funny bear.

I began dancing and singing along, running through the house so the whole world could hear my wonderful singing voice and check out my awesome moves.

But I'm a jolly bear, cause I'm a funny bear. Oh I'm a movin, grovin, jammin, singin funny bear.

Giant holes appeared in the floor behind me as I bounded through the house, using helium-filled balloons to get my voice to sound squeaky like the song.

Oh I'm a funny bear, yes I'm a funny bear. Oh I'm a yummy tummy funny lucky funny bear.

"Emmett!!" Esme screeched. Yay! She must like my performance! "EMMETT!!" the voices of Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, Carlisle, and Edward screamed. They were cheering me on!! Hooray!! I should so be a rock star!

But I'm a jolly bear, cause I'm a funny bear. Oh I'm a movin, grovin, jammin, singin funny bear. Oh yeah.

I bounded into Alice's room, handed her an autographed picture of me (which she proceeded to tear into little tiny pieces), stole her hairbrush, and proceeded to use it as a microphone as I skipped back into the hallway, to the sound of my family feigning being angry. Or maybe they were jealous.

Ba ba da duby duby yum yum. Ba ba da duby duby yum yum. Ba ba da duby duby yum yum. Three times you can bite me. Oh yeah. Ba ba da duby duby yum yum. Ba ba da duby duby yum yum. Ba ba da duby duby yum yum. Three times you can bite me.

Edward tackled me from behind. Ah, fangirls. I shook him off easily and continued to bound through the house, which shook in synchronization with my skipping and dancing and the beat of the music, which was enough to deafen any human within a mile's radius of the house.

Funny funny funny funny funny bear. Oh I'm a funny bear. Yes I'm a funny bear. Oh I'm a yummy tummy funny lucky funny bear. But I'm a jolly bear, cause I'm a funny bear. Oh I'm a movin grovin jammin singin funny bear.

I bounced into the garage and disassembled all of the cars (except for mine). After all, I was a rockstar. I could get away with anything!!

Oh I'm a funny bear. Yes I'm a funny bear. Oh I'm a yummy tummy funny lucky funny bear. But I'm a jolly bear, cause I'm a funny bear. Oh I'm a movin grovin jammin singin funny bear. Oh yeah.

Bang. Crash. Boom. Smash. What glorious sounds.

Ba ba da duby duby yum yum. Ba ba da duby duby yum yum. Ba ba da duby duby yum yum. Three times you can bite me.

By now, Esme was screaming and wielding a flamethrower at me. "Oooohhhhh, pretty light!" I sang. "But Esme, I'm already hot enough. If I was on fire, that would be just plain unfair."

Oh yeah. Ba ba da duby duby yum yum. Ba ba da duby duby yum yum. Ba ba da duby duby yum yum. Three times you can bite me.

Jasper began singing and dancing with me, caught in the flow of my emotions. We square-danced together, disco-danced, and played the air guitar. "Don't quit your other job, Jazzy!" I screeched. "Cause you totally suck at this!"

Jasper looked offended and stalked off, Alice dragging him along behind her, eyes blazing.

Funny funny funny funny funny bear. Oh I'm a funny bear, yes I'm a funny bear. Oh I'm a yummy tummy funny lucky funny bear.

I ripped open a couple hundred bags of gummy bears and threw them into the air. Then I started a fire, and the gummy bears all promptly exploded.

But I'm a jolly bear. Cause I'm a funny bear. Oh I'm a movin grovin jammin singin funny bear. Oh yeah.

My family stood, dumbfounded, as millions of gummy bears began to explode, and the house burned to the ground around us. I was bringing the house down! Get it? Bringing the house down! Literally! Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Ba ba da duby duby yum yum. Ba ba da duby duby yum yum. Ba ba da duby duby yum yum. Three times you can bite me.

I stopped dancing, frightened, as my family members surrounded me and my gummy bears continued to explode around us. I still sang as loudly as I could, though.

Gummy gummy gummy gummy gummy bear.

And with a final popping noise, the last gummy bear exploded, my desktop computer burst into flames, and the house lay in ruins around us.

"Emmett," my family began slowly, in unison, their voices quiet. Then they all took a deep breath and screamed "SHUT UP!!"

"Emmett, you're grounded," Carlisle added as Bella pulled into the driveway, climbed out of her car, and stared wide-eyed at the pile of ashes that was our house.

A/N: Ah, that was fun to write. All credit for the song (I think it's called gummy bear, or funny bear. Something like that. I have no idea who sings it or wrote it, or anything. My friend just randomly found it and showed it to me.) goes to whoever wrote it, sings it, whatever. I don't, I repeat, don't, own anything, and gummy bears don't really explode when exposed to open flame. Hope you like it! Review, review, review!