Disclaimer - I do not own Homeland. That pleasure belongs to Showtime. No copyright infringement or money making scheme intended. This is purely for reading enjoyment.

A/N dissatisfaction inspired


Jess is vaguely aware of the various announcements and general hustle and bustle of the airport, the stag party getting so stupidly drunk it will be a miracle if they are allowed on their plane; the workers arriving last minute to catch a connecting flight and racing frantically towards their gate; and the families going on holiday with parents who seem to be saying nothing but 'no, don't do that' or 'sit still'. She doesn't have to do that and not just because Dana and Chris are not little kids any more.

Loud laughter invades her senses and she looks up finding the source easily, a young man whispering in a woman's ear. Life taunting her so cruelly just as her mind does with the memories of a tall, redheaded teenage boy, a complete goofball, who sat across from her in Chemistry and whose smile was as infectious as it had been immature and arrogant. For he had known despite her claims that she would never go out with him that she had liked him as much as he liked her. He never gave up his pursuit and eventually there was footsy in the Chemistry classroom.

She can turn her head left or right, move it up or down, but she can't escape the images forcing their way to the front of her mind. Their first kiss on his 15th birthday. She can smell him, feel her lips tingling and she wishes it would stop because this is pain stabbing at her heart now that he's gone forever. Ripped away from them brutally and they don't get to say goodbye. They don't get closure, but they do get the most viewed video on youtube. She'd shut fucking youtube down if she could.

A choked sob leaves her before she can stop it, but neither of her children hear it. Dana is staring out a window somewhere far away and Chris has his headphones in. She looks at him and is saddened that he doesn't have his father's teenage self's joy of life, but why would he? She saw in front of her eyes the last of her son's innocence fracturing into tiny pieces that she could not put back together the day Brody died.

They're leaving for good and she's restless to be gone from this prison, but now they have to wait for their flight which means unwelcome time to think. She feels as though the numbness is wearing off now and she can't stand it, the way that her skin is crawling and so uncomfortable she wants to rip it off because maybe then people will notice the rawness that has become her life. They're leaving and her mother isn't here to see them off, to say goodbye because she didn't want her there. The only family they have left and she couldn't be trusted with their feelings. For so long she's had to be strong for her children in the face of intolerance and ignorance and she feels ready to fall to pieces, but her own mother can't be strong for her. Can't keep her horrid mouth shut. Can't keep that look off her face, the one that says I told you that boy was trouble. I told you he would break your heart. Her mother has no filter and no common sense. Words came into her head and out of her mouth fully formed without consideration for her daughter's feelings. So she doesn't want her there because he was her goofball and she loved him, because it's bad enough having to put up with other people and their stupidity without dealing with it from her mother. He served his country and ended up broken for it with no thanks or understanding for what he had been through and what it did to him.

They're leaving and she's glad, but she's also angry because they leave exhausted and defeated…without a goodbye.