WHOSE LINE IS IT, ANYWAY? Final Fantasy Edition



Welcome, this is a fic-thing about if the FFVII crew starred in Whose Line Is It, Anyway?. Actually, the chapters will vary; First I'm doing FFVII, then VIII, and so on to FFX, maybe even other games like Chrono Trigger... that is, if I get many reviews. I'm the host, not known as '~Tifa~' this time, but I'm now Akari. I just love that name. ^_^ Anyways, enjoy the madness!! Oh, and keep in mind... Aeris is dead and as in most of my fics, Shera is in her place. But Aeris may make appearances. And some of the names of the games I don't have exact, sorry.

SPOILERS INCLUDED

Rating for swearing and use of alcohol (and sake, whatever that is. It's alcohol, right?)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything I'm using; Not Final Fantasy, not Squaresoft, not ABC network, or Whose Line Is It, Anyway? or Drew Carey. Yech. I don't wanna own him.



EPISODE ONE: FINAL FANTASY VII

The screen shows the set. Akari appears on it in a cloud of black glitter.

Akari: Hello and welcome to Whose Line Is It, Anyway? Final Fantasy VII version!! We'll be following the FFVII characters through and I'll be appearing and forcing... I mean, asking them to perform a little mini-game. Enjoy!

Akari dissapears in a puff of white powder. The scene changes to Cloud and Yuffie sitting in the Gold Saucer.

Cloud: Um... Why are we here?

Yuffie: Cause the author put us here.

Cloud: You're not on a date with me considering your own free will?

Yuffie: No!

Cloud: Thank God!!! *breathes out* Want me to buy you a sake?

Yuffie: Kay.

After a few sakes...

Yuffie: *hic* Ya know my dad? *hic* Well, he'sh not really my dad. *hic* I'm acshuly Vinshent's daughter. *hic*

(note: No, those weird words like "he'sh" and "Vinshent" are not typos.)

Yuffie: You shee, my dad adopted me from Vinshent *hic* cause Vinshent thought I wash an ugly baby. *hic* Sho he shold me. *hic*

Cloud: Um, Yuffie... Is that the truth?

Yuffie: Yesh, shilly. *hic*

Cloud: Are you sure you didn't have to many sakes?

Yuffie: No, shtupid! I want more shake! MORE!! GIMME MORE SHAKE!!!

Cloud: Eeek!!!

(note: Heh heh, that little scene was based on bit from my earlier fanfic; FFBloopers. Check it out somewhere in the Crossover section.)

Akari appears in a blue dust.

Akari: Hey, Yuffie's drunk and Cloud's scared! What a perfect time to play the SONG TO AN AUDIENCE MEMBER game!! We will pick an member from the audience and have them come onstage. Cloud and Yuffie will then sing a song for them!

Yuffie: Yay! *hic* May I pick the shtupid member? *hic*

Akari: I don't think that's a good idea...

It's too late; Yuffie is in the audience, talking to a girl. She brings the girl onstage.

Cloud: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's Aeris.

The woman Yuffie picked looks just like Aeris.

Akari: And what is your name?

Girl: Aeris Gainsborough.

Akari: That's freaky!! Hey, guess what, everyone? I hate Aeris' decomposed guts! But since a strange force is keeping me from taking Aeris off set...

Zack (offstage) : Heh heh...

Akari: I'm gonna keep her on and let Yuffie and Cloud make fun of her.

Audience: Yay!!

Aeris sits in the chair and smiles cheesily.

Akari: Our piano is being done by Julia Heartilly and the guitar by Selphie Tillmitt! (I'm assuming she can play guitar cause of the scene in the FFVIII credits.) Okay, begin the song!

Julia and Selphie start to play The Wedding Theme (?).

Cloud:

Aeris, I thought you were dead

Though Sephiroth chopped off your head

But I guess that I wasn't so lucky

Yet I still think that you are ****y.

Yuffie:

Aerish, we hated you sho *hic*

The author shtill thinksh your a ho *hic*

We thank Shephiroth to thish day *hic*

'Caushe he took your fat assh away. *hic*

Cloud:

I though you drowned in the Lifestream

I put you there to make a scene

But oh well, you have come back to life

This is a very bad day for Cloud Strife.

Yuffie:

We thought you had died, but oh well *hic*

I wish you that you went back to H*ll *hic*

And sho doesh everyone elshe *hic*

Becaushe you're a big fat old... Erm, shmelsh. *hic*

Akari: Thank you very much!! You can go back now, Aeris.

Aeris: *crying* My, that was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard! You have great voices!

Akari: Aeris, you can leave now.

Aeris: Wow, no one ever sung a song for me before. Wonder why?

Akari: Aeris, get off the stage.

Akari drags Aeris away. Scene changes to Barret, Vincent, and Cid in Tifa's Seventh Heaven.

Barret: It's boring...

Cid: Hey, how about we have some sake?

Vincent: Yeah!

Millions of bottles of sake later...

Barret: I feel *****y...

Vincent: Me too...

Cid: 42 bottles of sake...in my stomach...42 bottles of sake...take one out... *Cid barfs* pass it around... *places the barf in Barret's hand* 41 bottles of sake...in my stomach...

Akari appears in a silver storm.

Akari: So you guys are bored?

Barret: Hospital...please...

Akari: I guess that's a yes. Well, let's try the GREEN SCENE game!!

Vincent: Hey, I love that game!

Akari: Good, cause I love you.

Audience: Awwww....

Akari: Along with Cloud, Cid Highwind, Squall, Tidus, Auron, *the list goes on* ...

Vincent hangs his head.

Akari: Oops...

Audience: Booooooo!!!!!!!!

Jerry Springer crew comes on stage.

Jerry Springer: Today's episode: "You love 32 other men besides me!"

Akari: Oh my God!!!!!!!!

Akari attacks Jerry Springer.

Akari: You stupid @#$%!!!

Jerry Springer: Help...

Jerry Springer dissapears along with his crew.

Akari: Huh? Where'd he go? Oh well, time for the GREEN SCENE!

An army of women wearing only green camouflage bras and underwear come onstage.

Akari: No, not that GREEN SCENE!!

The women march off.

Akari: Barret and Vincent will be two reporters at a news station who have just received important news from Cid, who is at the site. Cid will be in front of footage of strange things going live, but if Cid looks at it, all he can see is green. Let's go!

Cheesy newscast music starts to play.

Barret: Hey Vincent, tell me more about the Yuffie being your daughter thing... Oh, we're on? Welcome to Channel # 147852369147852369147852369 News!

Vincent: Today we have a breaking news story! Our special reporter, Cid, is live at the site right now.

Barret: Chaos is going on, and we don't mean Vincent's final Limit Break!

Vincent: ...Or maybe it really is Chaos. *laughs evilly* We'll let you see this one for yourself! Cid?

Scene goes to Cid in front of a green poster. It's really showing the GREEN SCENE. You know, the women in camouflage bras and underwear that came onstage earlier. They're also stripping. Cid, thank God, doesn't see this.

Barret: What's going on over there?

Cid: This is mad! They're taking over!

Vincent: Oh my, sounds like a rampage.

Cid: You're right, they're invading! If the people of Midgar aren't carefull, then these creatures will take over our homes!

Barret: Is this a good thing?

Cid: It could be, but some people don't enjoy this.

Vincent: Men or women?

Cid: Some men enjoy this, but women love watching it more.

Barret: How about you, Cid?

Cid: I don't even know what the hell this is.

Vincent: Erm... Anyways, how many years will it take for them to take over Midgar?

Cid: If we let them, it's gonna take a minute. They'll be everywhere before we know it! But if we chain them up, they'll still continue to do what they are right now; just slower!

Barret: Alright, Cid! This was Channel # 147852369147852369147852369 News! Till next time, Midgar!

Akari: So Cid do you know what this is?

Cid: Um... A telletubby getting naked?

Akari: Very, very close! But in fact, this is the GREEN SCENE, the women army that wears only camouflage bras and underwear... Stripping!!

Cid: Oh @#$%, I missed it... Is there a replay?

Akari: No, this was filmed live from backstage.

Cid puts an evil Grinch-smile on his face and runs backstage. Screams of 'DON'T LOOK AT MY @#$%!!!' and 'STOP TOUCHING MY BODY PARTS!' are heard.

Akari: Erm... We'll be back with more WHOSE LINE, FFVII version!!



^^^COMMERCIAL^^^

Anouncer: Hey kids, do you like hardcore Anime nudity, ladies with blue and green hair, and crappy battle systems? Then Lunar 2: Eternal Blue Complete is for you! But guess what? This is NOT a Lunar 2 commercial! This commercial is for Final Fantasy VIII, even though the last time a commercial aired for it was 4 years ago! Well, FFVIII has a cool battle system, great characters, an amazing storyline, and best of all... SQUALL LEONHART!!!!

Millions of Squall fangirls are shown.

Anouncer: Unfortunately, this game's also got RINOA HEARTILLY!!!!

The fangirls boo. Squall and Rinoa appear. They wave and start signing autographs. Suddenly, Tifa and Cloud run on the set of the commercial. They start to beat up Squall and Rinoa and pull their hair out.

Squall: Eeeek! Let go of that!

Cloud is gripping Squall's ear.

Rinoa: Stop! I liked those!

Tifa took Rinoa's shoes off and is soaking them in steaming water.

Anouncer: Oh no, Final Fantasy VII has taken over! Run away!!! Oh, by the way, buy FFVII... I mean FFVIII.

The camera blacks out.

^^^END OF COMMERCIAL^^^



The scene is Tifa, Red XIII, and Shera standing in the Tifa's Seventh Heaven basement.

Tifa: Sooo......

Shera: Boring.........

Red XIII: Yeah.

Akari appears in a camouflage bikini.

Akari: Eeeeeeek!!!!! What am I wearing?! Zack, are you doing this?

Zack, backstage is shown grabbing his car keys and running outside. The sound of a car engine and car wheels screeching is heard.

Akari: Ugh...

Akari zaps herself her usual outfit, a black cape with black gloves and red pendant around her neck.

Akari: We have 3 party members here, correct? Let's all play the MOVIES FROM A HAT game!! Tifa, Red XIII, and Shera will be performing a scene. During the scene, I'll be picking some movie styles from a hat that the audience wrote down earlier. The crew will have to switch the way they're acting to the style I'm making them. The scene is: Tifa walks in on Shera, Tifa's best friend, with Red XIII, Tifa's boyfriend.

Audience: Wooooo!!!!!

Akari: Begin in normal style!

Shera and Red XIII are all alone in a room.

Shera: Oh, Red, I love you!

Shera gives Red XIII a kiss on the nose.

Audience: Awww...

Tifa walks into the room.

Tifa: Shera, I need a... AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! What are you doing with my boyfriend?!

Akari: WESTERN STYLE!!

Shera: Whell, pardner, I'm jus' talkin' to him over 'ere.

Tifa: Dat's it, put 'em up! I challenge ya to a duel, pardner!

Tifa gets into her fighting a stance.

Red XIII: Oh no, my women are gonna kill 'emselves!

Akari: MATRIX STYLE!!

Tifa: Now, you must learn the ways of the chosen one.

Tifa and Shera kick at each other for a while. Then, Tifa flies into the air, freezes, then rotates. She flies down and hits Shera in the face.

Shera: Ow!

Tifa: Do you know what you were doing wrong?

Shera: Yeah, being your friend!

Audience: *cheers*

Akari: AUSTRALIAN STYLE!!

Tifa: Yer right about that, matey! I'm not yer friend anymore!

Tifa and Shera turn away from each other.

Red XIII: Get along you two, or I'll kick your arses so hard, you'll kiss the moons! (thank you, Chrono Cross.)

Akari: TELLETUBBY STYLE!!

Tifa: Reddy is right! Lets be friends!

Shera: Okay, give me a hug!

Tifa and Shera hug.

Audience: Awww....

Red XIII: May I have a hug?

Tifa: Yes, you may.

Tifa hugs Red XIII.

Akari: Okay, finish! This is getting to be rated G.

Shera: Oh, we're done? Gosh, that was the most @#$%ing piece of @#$%ing @#$% I've ever done.

Tifa: Catching on to Cid?

Akari: Anyways, you guys weren't really in love with Red XIII, right?

Tifa: Nah.

Akari: Thank God.

Scene goes to Cait Sith playing cards with Reno and Elena.

Cait Sith: Why am I here?

Elena: I dunno. Go fish.

Cait Sith picks up a card.

Cait Sith: Hey, this isn't a regular card...

Reno looks at it.

Reno: Hmm... It's a Joker, but instead of 'Joker', it says Harlequin. And the picture is a bit demented.

Cait Sith: Oh well, I'll just take it out.

Akari appears in a silver flash.

Akari: Hey, wanna play a game?

Reno: We are.

Akari: How about we play the OLD GRAMPA GAME SHOW game?

Elena: Or old Grandma?

Akari: Same thing. You will all be on a game show, Jeopardy, and I'll be the annoying host.

Akari snaps her fingers and the scene turns into the set of Jeopardy.

Akari: Catergories: The Turks, ShinRa, SOLDIER, Heroes, and Sephiroth. (I'm not sure how many catergories there are exactly.) Okay, Cait Sith, you choose first.

Cait Sith: Back in them olden days, we didn't play these strange hodiggley games!

Akari: Too bad. Now pick a catergory, loser.

Cait Sith: I'd like the ShinRa catergory, please for $100.

Akari: Answer: Reeve.

Cait Sith: Who is me?

Akari: Correct, but it was 'Who is Cait Sith?'.

Cait Sith: Sorry, I'm halfway deaf. Can't hear you too well. Heroes for $200.

Akari: Cloud, Tifa, Barret, Cid, Red XIII, Yuffie, Vincent, Cait Sith.

Elena buzzes in.

Elena: Who are the heroes who saved the world?

Akari: Correct.

Elena: You know, 80 years ago, when I was 90 years old, me and the Turds... I mean Turks were fighting them 'heroes'.

Akari: Pick a catergory, loser.

Elena: Um... ShinRa for $400.

Akari: Rufus ShinRa.

Elena: Who is my new boyfriend?

Audience: Woooo!!!!

Akari: No, the question is 'Who is the President of ShinRa?'.

Elena: Oh shiznits. Sephiroth for $300.

Akari: Jenova.

Reno buzzes in.

Reno: Who does Sephiroth think his mother is?

Akari: Correct.

Reno: Last time I checked, Elena was his mother.

Elena: How dare you! Old people don't spread rumours.

Akari: You spelled rumors wrong.

Elena: Oh, shiznits, I hate this game!

Akari: Okay... I guess the game is over.

The scene changes to everyone who played Akari's games, along with Akari, on the set of Whose Line Is It, Anyway?.

Akari: Well, that's it for the episode. Next time, we join the FFVIII crew at the Whose Line set. But our final game for the FFVII team is CREDITS... Tifa, Shera, and Yuffie will be reading the credits in gansta style.

Tifa: Hey, wazzup!

Yuffie: We wanna thank all our homeys over here!

Shera: Cloud Strife, Tifa Lockhart, Yuffie Kisaragi...

Yuffie: Hey, dat's me!

Tifa: Barret Wallace, Cid Highwind, Vincent Valentine...

Yuffie: An' o' course, Red XIII and Cait Sith.

Shera: Special thanks to Da Aeris and Jerry S., an' o' course the GREEN SCENE ladies!

Tifa: Thanks for da special effects, Zack!

Yuffie: We love ya, Reno an' Elena!

Shera: An' finally, our fav' homey, Akari otherwise ~Tifa~!!

Akari: Thank you, and till next time! Tune in for FFVIII!!

~*~



Please review!!! Just give me 5 good reviews, and I'll do my best to give you and unforgettable FFVIII feature!