Oh, hello! I hear you want to write a fanfiction of your own, but don't quite know how to make it 'riveting' and 'exciting' for your viewers. So, instead of coming up with a unique idea of your own, instead, you've decided to make another story almost word for word with the thousands out there! Great!
So I'm here to make sure you're doing it correctly. Can't have you doing this 'original'; that's a bad thing. And because bad is in italics, it's really, really bad. Yeah. All professional writers use that trick, so make sure to use italics whenever you say bad to make sure they know just how bad it is!
So, there's no place for you to start this other than in the summer right after Sirius was killed. Can't remember the year? It doesn't matter. Your readers can read your mind so they know exactly what you're trying to say.
But there is only one way to start to chapter - see how I used those italics? Quality content right there!
Harry must be in his room with the Dursley's, moaning - nope, handsomely moaning - about how he killed Sirius and how his friends getting hurt was all his fault. For bonus points, also have him recovering from Dursley abuse! Great start right there!
Harry was lying on his bed, staring up at the boring white ceiling, the boring white walls, and the - you guessed it - boring white floor. And bam, that was the only description the reader's going to get until Harry starts to upgrade his room.
He sighed dramatically, a single hand falling down to the side of his bed. He sighed again, searching desperately for another dramatic noise to make. The noise made him suddenly feel the pain of the 204 broken ribs he had - Uncle Vernon had been mad when he came home.
See, great start right there! Your readers will eat it up!
Also, more on the abuse. Because this is a perfect world and no one could possibly actually be abused, you don't have to do any research whatsoever on abuse and how it makes people feel! Just remember to give Harry a really bad scar somewhere so he can grip about it so his Love Interest TM when they meet. Or, better yet, let him use the scars to strip in front of the Ministry or his teachers and get the Dursleys arrested! Because that's never been used before!
On a second thought, though, since no one's ever done it before, you might not want to. You don't have a thousand stories telling you just how much readers like that, so just stick with having Harry have a billion-or-so scars to whine about. Much safer.
But after, Harry's been defined as a 'poor, abused boy', then you have another problem. Because JK Rowling made Harry a scrawny boy, you have to fix that. Your precious boy couldn't possibly be not handsome or tiny, because who wants to read a realistic story? So now you have to go into amazing detail about how Harry has been working out over the past two months or something.
For the best result, make sure to make Harry have gone to martial art studio and have studied every art possible in the last two months. The best thing is that he was going on his morning run, normally about 3 to 10 miles, and then he found the store. Obviously, despite Harry having no such money in any of the previous books, Harry has enough pocket cash to buy himself a training regiment for every art they offer there.
On that, though. You don't have to make Harry having money make sense. And, really, just to be safe, you should probably make it whatever currency you use. Just so you can be sure it's correct. 'Pounds' or whatever they use isn't that important - Harry's just going to use Galleons, right?
So, after Harry's learned Tae Kwon Do and Karate and every other martial art you know or googled, you must never mention it again. Only talk about his skills when you are describing him or having him punch someone. Again, this is just amazing martial art skills, it's not like that could affect anyone's life. So really, you're set.
So now, though, you have an important task. So you haven't told anyone about how Harry found his dojo yet, or even how he started martial arts. So how are you going to introduce it? You go like this -
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FLASHBACK~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Because in every published book, they stop all of the action and put this big ol' word right in the middle. No, they don't blend thoughts from the flashback into the text, they simply slam the flashback right in the middle of the action. So it should go something like this.
The noise made him suddenly feel the pain of the 204 broken ribs he had - Uncle Vernon had been mad when he came home. He could have easily stopped him but that would make him a bad person. Suddenly, Harry remembered when he had learned how to defend himself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FLASHBACK~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Harry was running on his 14 ½ mile run when suddenly he stopped. There was a dojo right in front of him! Mouth open with handsome awe, he pushed open the door and walked inside.
"Sir! You want to learn martial arts?" A man asked. He was tall and powerful and was currently balancing on his nose hairs while performing backflips.
"Yes," Harry said handsomely.
"That going to cost money."
"Oh." Harry frowned - handsomely. "I don't have any money."
"That's fine! I teach you anyway."
And from there on out, Harry learned every martial art ever created.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~END FLASHBACK~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So there! You've officially created a super easy and realistic way for Harry to be super buff. But now, you have another important task. You have to describe each and every one of Harry's juicy muscles. It should probably go something like this.
Harry sat up from the bed. His ruffled black hair was as dark as a raven's wing and it looked like he had just come out of the shower. It was pure black but when the light hit it, it showed dark red highlights throughout his hair, just like his mother. His skin was deliciously tan, because he had been working outside so much - yummy. Muscles bulged out from the ugly shirt Dudley had given him, much larger than any child his age. His eyes stood out from his face like a stoplight, incredibly green and flashing. They were so bright they were like the sun itself, impossible to look away from. But past the endless waves of determination you could see within them, there was a deep look of a boy who just wanted to love.
Yay! Now your readers can understand every inch of Harry, because that's one hundred percent important to the plot. Also, those red highlights from Lily are very important, because if this story redeems Snape then Snape could notice the red highlights and be like 'OMG Harry's more like Lily! What was I doing being so mean to him'
Does it matter that they weren't canon? Nope!
So we have another topic to handle. Because hey, you've just spent maybe a page talking about Harry and we haven't done one of the most important things in the entire fanfiction!
Harry talking about Dumbledore!
So Harry's just lying handsomely on his bed, and now he starts to think about the Headmaster in his life. There are only a few requirements for this stage, so make sure to follow them completely -
Harry must have some form of a nickname for Dumbledore.
It could be anything from 'Dumbles' to 'Dumb-as-a-door' to 'Albus too-many-names Dumbledore'. This is a very important stage because you need to make sure that Harry doesn't like him! This just lets your readers know that Harry is his own person and therefore if he attacks Dumbledore that makes him seem independent!
Harry must think about the past five years and make everything Dumbledore's fault.
It should start with Quirrell and move up to Umbridge, because everything couldn't be someone else's - like, I don't know, Voldemort's - fault, and so therefore, it must be Dumbledore's. He is a twinkly old man, so just blame him for everything and it'll all be fine. Not that difficult, but make sure you cover everything for the past five years. It's the only way to make Dumbledore seem really bad. For bonus points, mention Dumbledore leaving Harry on the Dursley's doorstep! Readers have never heard that before!
Harry must think about how Dumbledore blocked his mail.
This is also very important because it just cements how bad Dumbledore is. To block Harry's mail is so wrong it makes Harry seem like a victim, and so your readers wouldn't feel bad for Dumbledore at all when Harry eventually destroys him. See? Works perfectly!
So now you've covered how to make Harry handsome, Dumbledore evil, and how to make it perfectly okay for Harry to attack an old man.
Riveting content right there.
Next chapter we will be covering the even more important thing!
How to make Harry super powerful and have lots of money!
Till then, my faithful readers, please read and review!
Frost OUT!
