Whelp, this is my first fanfiction I've ever deemed good enough to post online. Rated T for now, I might move that up to M later... I might have some typos, just tell me about them and I'll fix 'em. If you see a word with two slash marks /like this/ then that's my note to myself to italicize, and I must've missed it (once again, tell me or it might not get fixed. So, all that being said, enjoy!
When John woke up the first thing he noticed was that his teeth were really sharp. Running his tongue over and over them, he finally decided to go look in the mirror to see why his teeth suddenly felt so... Sharp.
Looking in the mirror, he realized he was a troll
There was absolutely no denying it. The thick, gray skin, the yellow eyes, the branched horns extending upward from his head, even the small and delicately pointed ears.
His blood might've even been a different color.
John stumbled back, gasping. He wasn't a member of a species from the same universe anymore, and he hadn't even woken up from the change.
They'd only been delivered into this new universe a few months ago, and SBURB felt almost like a distant nightmare. They didn't win the game, but rather got a consolation prize: a new planet to live on.
This new universe was remarkably similar to their original one, the people looking exactly like humans (well, except for the strange black pattern that wrapped around their torsos, but no one really saw those if they were appropriately dressed). John even found his father, who for whatever reason had thought that John was coming back from a summer camp. It was almost like he had never died.
John fell into a regular pattern of pretending like the past couple of years had never happened. If he ever needed to talk about... Things, he would open his rarely used pesterchum and find one of his rarely spoken to friends. The same went for everyone else. It was an unspoken rule, the isolation. No one wants to remember something like that.
And yet, here he was, a living reminder of the unspoken times. He couldn't call one of his new friends, nor could he tell his dad. Never his dad.
This left three people.
He wanted to talk to Rose first; because while Jade would be comforting and Dave would be a comic relief, Rose would be the only one with a plausible answer.
So he clicked pesterchum, and contacted Rose.
- ectoBiologist began pestering tentacleTherapist -
EB: rose?
EB: something weird happened this morning...
TT: Did you wake to find yourself suddenly a troll?
EB: howd you guess?
TT: Because I am getting hysterical messages from both Jade and Dave, and I also woke up with the same condition.
EB: oh my gosh really?
EB: what do we do?
TT: I think we should hold on.
TT: Don't do anything until we figure things out.
- tentacleTherapist ceased pestering ectoBiologist -
John's panic rose slightly. How was he going to survive the day without anyone noticing? Just getting out the door would be a miracle.
After pacing a while in a frenzy, he decided to develop a flu.
...
Rose stood up from the computer. She rubbed her finned ears again, still not getting over how strange they felt. Her normally blonde hair had turned black, and her horns stuck straight and thin out like needles. She almost wanted to tell Kanaya before she remembered that she didn't have Kanaya's number anymore.
Sighing, she contemplated several theories as to how this happened.
One: It was some strange space disease that they picked up speeding through the furthest ring. Unlikely, seeing as the length of time between contraction and the symptoms appearing being at least four months. However, maybe the disease was only recently activated by a sickness or some other external force; but it didn't explain how everyone suddenly developed it last night.
Two: this was a natural occurrence to humans in this universe. Plausible. They really didn't have any evidence otherwise.
Three: Paradox space was fucking with them. Highly likely. This was something paradox space was known to do.
Dave kept sending messages to her, her computer reminding her of him quietly.
Rose didn't feel like answering. She felt like talking to Kanaya. She hadn't talked to Kanaya in a long time. In fact, she hadn't talked to Kanaya in four months, a week, three days, and... She checked the time. Six hours.
Maybe she should now.
She opened pesterchum, and searched for grimAuxiliatrix.
-tentacleTherapist began pestering grimAuxiliatrix-
TT: I know that it has been some time since we spoke, but I believe these circumstances are strange enough to permit this.
TT: However I understand if you do not want to answer.
GA: Rose?
TT: Yes, it's me.
Kanaya stared at her phone screen for several minutes. Rose. Rose Lalonde. Rose fucking Lalone was talking to her. It had been four months, one week, three days, six hours, and twelve minutes since they finished their last conversation, which was deciding to break up.
And now Rose was talking to her again.
Maybe it had something to do with the... Thing.
Well, things plural. The weird pale skin that felt thin and flimsy, the rounded ears and dull nails, the lack of horns. Kanaya only had access to puddles, so she used those as mirrors. Her hair went from black to brown, and her eyes were white with green irises. It was rather disconcerting.
On the bright side, she was now able to walk around the new creatures during the day without sneaking around and fearing for her life and their sanity. However, this was also the downside.
GA: By Any Chance Are You
GA: Different
TT: That would be one way of saying it.
TT: I take it through that unprompted venture that something has likely turned you into something as well...?
GA: Im Not Sure, But I Think I Turned Into A Human Last Night
TT: I turned into a troll last night as well.
TT: And I've been receiving reports from John, Dave, and Jade that say the same.
GA: Maybe We Should Talk To Another Troll, Or Maybe The Alpha Kids To See How Widespread This Is
TT: That's a good idea.
TT: I also think you should come here.
GA: Wheres Here?
TT: My house, of course.
Kanaya's eyes widened. She never dreamed that Rose would ever invite her over again.
GA: Where Are You?
TT: I am hopefully somewhere in your vicinity.
Of course she was. Kanaya never really left Rose; she followed Rose to her new hive and lived no more then three blocks away. But that would sound terribly pathetic, so she didn't mention that.
Rose gave her address to Kanaya, and was delighted to hear that she was in walking distance. Of course, this was too unlikely to be simply a coincidence, but she understood how Kanaya felt, and didn't mention it.
...
Dave was freaking the fuck out. Without loosing his shit of- no, he was loosing his shit. He was sick and tired of the stupid ironic coolkid act, and was desperately trying to break out of those patterns. This was the only lasting effect of SBURB that he allowed. Of course, Bro was exactly the same as before. Only now, he was slightly more disconcerting now that Dave had met his alternate universe teenage form who happened to be one of the last two humans alive on a weird alien ruled planet.
He had a hard time avoiding Bro.
But today he was going to have to use every skill he possessed to stay unnoticed in his room. Even if he had to tell Bro he woke up with highly infectious tentacle warts sprouting from his ass, he'd fucking do it. There was no way he could ever explain the trolls without explaining SBURB.
And SBURB always meant that moment when he was too weak to pull the sword out of Bro.
He sent another message to Rose, who'd been neglecting him.
TG: rose you asshole answer me
TG: jegus fuck
TG: i know youre there
He sighed and flopped onto his bed.
Then he heard that noise, that terrible terrible noise, the slight swoosh masking too fast footsteps.
Bro was coming
TG: ROSE I WILL MOTHERFUCKING
He stopped.
TG: sorry karkat effect
TG: im going to do a fucking acrobatic pirouette off your head next time I see you
He heard a sound like a sword being unsheathed. In the Strider household, unsheathing a sword is equivalent to knocking on the door.
Ordinarily Dave would take his cue, grab his sword, hide in the partially open closet, then roll out the door as soon as Bro came in. It was their morning routine.
Not today. Dave had fucking zig-zag horns sprouting from the top of his head.
"Bro, I'm sick."
He heard the doorknob turn. Of course he would come in to check in on his little brother.
"No don't come in! My..." he tried to think of some dangerous symptom. "My arms are... Falling off! They're all black and gross and stuff! I think it's infectious!"
The doorknob paused for the briefest part of a second before it decided to turn faster.
Shit. Wrong tack.
"I'm naked!" Like that mattered. They were both pretty much always naked. "I'm masturbating!"
The doorknob paused again.
"Dave." Oh shit. Now he was in trouble. "We don't do that before school."
Dave let out a silent sigh of relief. "No, but I seriously don't feel well, so I don't think I'm going to school."
...
Jade knew something was wrong when she found two horns in addition to her dog ears. Then she saw Jake, who was afflicted with the same problem.
Jade and Jake never lost contact, instead decided to live together on their island as they (sort of) always had. Jade was excited to discover that both of their rooms were still intact, and Jake was excited to discover all of the riches and trophies he'd collected in another universe.
The only person missing was Beq.
Despite the literal distance from their two respective homes, the two remained quite close. So it wasn't unusual when Jake rang Jade's doorbell that morning. But it was unusual that he had curved horns growing from his head.
Twenty minutes later, the two of them sat back to back on their computers and messaged Dirk and Rose.
-golgothasTerror began pestering timaeusTestified -
GT: Dirk something really funny happened last night
GT: Im a troll
GT: And i mean that in the most literal sense a sense could be
TT: Hm
GT: If thats the arar or arr or whatever the fuck, im going to blow my top
TT: Calm your tits, its really me.
GT: Well then why was youre first response "hmm"?!
TT: Because the same thing's happened to me.
GT: Woah wait
GT: Really?
-gardenGnostic began pestering tentacleTherapist-
GG: hey rose!
GG: i know its been a while since we last talked
GG: but do you know anything about people turning into trolls?
GG: because both jake and i both are trolls!
GG: i have no idea how it happened
GG: i didnt even wake up!
TT: One moment please, Dave's flipping out
GG: ok
Jade huffed. She turned around and looked at what Jake was doing.
"Jake, you're going off topic."
He jumped. "Oh! Jade! You're done. Um, what'd Rose have to say?"
"She didn't say anything. She's talking to Dave."
Jade's computer dinged. "Or maybe she's done now."
TT: Sorry for that.
TT: To answer your question, no I don't know anything about humans turning into trolls
GG: oh no :(
GG: you dont have any idea what happened to me and jake?
TT: Not a hint.
GG: :(
GG: well thanks for trying anyways
TT: However, you and Jake are not alone.
GG: what?
TT: I woke up with the same affliction, and Dave reported it also.
GG: !
TT: And just now John has said the same.
GG: ! ! !
...
The Latino boy with dark brown hair that stuck in every which way rung the doorbell a third time. "Hurry the fuck up!" He muttered to himself.
A girl with freckles and a shock of bright red hair poked him in the side.
"Ow! What the fuck!"
She laughed.
They both wore ragged clothes, and looked as though they'd spent some time on the streets.
Mr. Egbert answered the door. "Hello?" he asked.
"I need to see John! That fucking nooksuc-"
The girl clamped her hand on the boy's mouth. "Sorry about my friend. He's an idiot. Can we see John?"
Mr. Egbert shook his head. "I'm sorry, but John is really sick. He won't even let me in his room."
"Then tell him to man up! This is fucking important-"
The girl covered his mouth again. "I'm sure if you tell him that his friends Terezi and Karkat are here that he'll let us in." She smirked.
Dun Dun Duuuhhhn! Yeah, we all saw that coming. More chapters forthcoming...
