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Over the Edge
by: Lou
Jacob turned his face toward mine, leaving merely a few inches between his parted lips and my own. My eyes darted between his mouth and his eyes, the former more decisive than the latter. This was my best friend, clearly caught between kissing me and holding himself back. The site of him so confused…or maybe it was simply my desire for him, pushed me over the edge.
***
Precisely three minutes ago, Jacob and I sat staring noiselessly at a TV program that neither of us was really watching. This fact is proved by the point that I have no idea what was on, and it was (as I've stated) three minutes ago. "Want to go hunting?" He asked me. I shook my head. No, hunting did not appeal to me at the moment. I used hunting to escape the house with Jacob when Mom and Dad were home. "Want to play a game?" What was I, five? No, I did not want to play a game with Jake. I shook my head again. I didn't want him to consider me as a child. Especially not right here, right now. "I could drive us to town…"
I let out an audible sigh. Jacob didn't get it. "Can't we just stay here? You're trying too hard to entertain me. It's making me bored." I watched him blink in confusion. When the parents were away, Nessie and Jake could play. I certainly did not want to waste it playing board games. Why couldn't he see that?
Jacob turned back to the television for a moment before facing me. "You don't want to watch this."
"No," I admitted after a short pause to collect myself for an answer. This had to be just right. If it wasn't, I risked his disapproval and sharp change in attitude – something that I could not possibly risk with him sitting so gullible in my trap. "But I also really don't want to go do anything that is designed intentionally to distract me from the fact that you and I have the house to ourselves and no commitments to fulfill." Jacob gave me a reproachful look, and I saw the father figure emerging in his eyes. I had to play naive so he would underestimate my motives. "I just want to sit here and be with you. Can't you see that?"
His mouth seemed to be caught between falling into a frown and a small twitch of a smile. It was raining outside, like always, and he faced the window. "It's raining anyways. Actually, there's supposed to be a great storm tonight. It's a good thing we have no where to be." At this mention, I smiled. Such a sweet child really shouldn't have such devilish tricks up her sleeves.
The television program flashed to ending credits as Jake reached for the remote. I watched the screen flicker to black as I settled back into the couch. I was staring blankly out the window when Jake startled me with his voice. "You're so grown up, Renesmee." I turned my face toward his, noting his single clenched fist and sorrowful eyes, eyes that seemed much too old to be held by the face that framed them. "So much older…" he mumbled. This was all wrong. Jacob was supposed to notice how much more of a woman I was and rejoice, not mourn. What was it that made him so reluctant to see me becoming a woman?
"And that's a bad thing?"
He looked me in the eyes, searching for something. "No…and yes. Both." I must have let my face fall, because he continued reassuringly. "You know I love you no matter how you are. It's just hard, I guess, to see you grow up so fast. I'm not sure I'm ready to let go of baby Ness." This annoyed me more than anything he had said that day. He contradicted all of my careful planning…everything I had wanted out of tonight crumbled with his final statement. My anger made my words sound sharper than I had intended.
"Well I'm not a child anymore, Jacob. I wish you would realize that. I wish you would…" I let my voice drop off before I hit hysterics. There would certainly be no progress tonight if I threw a teenager fit. I wasn't really a teenager anymore, was I?
He looked tired when he brought his head up from its downward state. "I know; I know and I'm sorry." He looked away, returning somewhat back to normal with a smile before he continued. "But, technically you are only seven."
"Technically I'm nothing! Because I'm basically an endangered species, and we are the most unique," I paused here, holding myself back from using the word 'couple', "two in the world. I'm older than you think." My words were half joking, but several moments passed in silence. This was the first real argument we had ever had over my age, and although neither of us had said it, our relationship. I knew what we were supposed to be. He knew it too. I was ready to move on, to become Jacob's true soul mate. Maybe not tonight, maybe not even this year, but we had to start somewhere, and he wasn't getting any younger….
"Jacob," he turned his face toward mine, and I pressed a hand to his burning cheek. I wanted him to see, to understand, exactly how I felt about him. Maybe I wasn't ready to get married, but I was ready to go somewhere. So I poured out all my emotions in a string of broken images of him. I needed him to see from my eyes.
I pulled my hand away slowly, muttering, "You're perfect," as I did. "Am I not?" At this, his eyes shot up, fiery in passion and anger. Rain pounded on the roof as he snatched my hand back.
"Ness…" his words were nearly a growl. "You're perfect; you're everything. I love you more than you could ever imagine," he said gruffly, pressing my hand to his cheek and looking me very seriously. It was enough to make my head spin and my senses heightened.
"Than why don't you want me?" I questioned him. He didn't want me, did he? He wanted me as a child, as his best friend. Not as anything more. I knew this would produce a reaction from him. I had tested similar comments in the past, and it always made him more angry…more passionate – just another part of my scheme. I've found that people are always more impulsive when they're passionate. One more push to put him over the edge. "If you don't want me then I must not be good enough, Jake."
"Stop it, Nessie. You know you mean the world to me. I've just said it…I say it everyday. I can't…I can't do something that you're not ready for, though! This is all about boundaries. How far can we push it without ruining everything? How can I make you understand?" I looked crestfallen while he looked desperate. We made quite the pair, I'm sure. With that, I let a tear fall down my cheek, sure to complete everything.
"I'm ready for it, Jake! I'm ready to be your girlfriend…even though that's a lame term. I just don't understand why you can't realize how ready I am."
***
And now we find ourselves back at the beginning of the story. The dam broke, releasing a flood of pent up desire and physical need. Our mouths crashed together in an unpredictable and untamable way. A way that seems like it should not be allowed…and probably wasn't, as far as my father was concerned. But that was all irrelevant; everything was irrelevant except this new and foreign activity that I had yet to experience. My mind was torn a thousand different ways – his mouth, his breath, his hands, his chest, his tongue. Jacob was everywhere, burning in my body and twisted in my mind; completely clouding my senses, and I never wanted it to end.
And then, just as quickly as we had started, we stopped. Jacob pulled away from my mouth. "Your first kiss," he stated. That's why he stopped? To tell me useless information? I was almost angry – almost, because he must have read the expression on my face and said, "I bet the second's better…" and leaned in toward my face again.
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