Letter of a Different Alphabet
Your name is Karkat Vantas. You are at your friend, John Egbert's, house, (by some method of plot-hole-filled shit... - lol) to watch movies and play games. "Hi, Karkat!" John chirps as he opens the door. Your usually grouchy demeanor washes away as you smile at his goofy, buck-toothed grin.
"Hey, Egbert." You enter his home and look around. Not... entirely... what you'd expected... Harlequin dolls, figures, and pictures decorate the place. John closes the door behind your and scratches the back of his head, averting his gaze. "My dad is, uh, interesting."
You only nod in response, and follow John as he heads up the stairs to his room.
Once inside, you awkwardly sit on his bed, which you suppose is his equivalent of a recuperation-cocoon.
He tells you to wait a minute while he gets some food, and after he leaves look around to the crappy posters and random shit he has lying around. Then your eyes fall onto his dresser. You faintly remember hearing something about humans hiding things in their sock drawers...
Karkat. It is suggested that you snoop in the human's sock drawer.
No! You couldn't! He would lose all trust and respect for you! But... Your interest has been piqued...
Karkat. Snoop.
You slide over to the dresser casually and open one of the top drawers. You get lucky, and it is indeed the sock drawer. You dig around a little and find a piece of paper, neatly folded...
Karkat. Read.
You unfold the note to see that it is addressed... to you. What follows leaves you in perfect shock.
Ugh... I can't believe that I'm writing this...
Dear Karkat (not that you'll ever read this),
I can see no way around it now. I... guess I just have to face the facts. It's been bugging me for a long time... I don't really plan on telling you, because I'm having a hard enough time accepting it myself. But I had to do something, I couldn't just let the thoughts fester in my mind forever. I suppose the only thing I can do is write it down. I just have to get it out, onto paper and off of my heart.
The thing is - I love you, Karkat. No matter what I've said to you before...
I really, really do. Not your confusing troll love; it's not black or red or pink or grey or anything like that. Its just... Love. Stupid human love. And it's killing me. It eats at me from the inside out. It leaves me raw and broken and depressed. And then I see your shouting grey text or hear your voice... And the pain melts away. It fills the void. Takes my breath away.
But the next second, right when I think I've healed, the wounds are ripped open again, and blood pours from the beat-up mess of my heart when I realize that I can't have you. I can't have you because I'm too afraid. I'm too scared to tell you, or to show you how I feel. I know you probably don't feel the same as I do, and so I can't bring myself to tell you. Besides, we live practically in separate universes... physically and mentally... It makes my heart ache to know how much space is between us, you know.
Maybe someday I will be able to muster up the courage to tell you that I love you. It may be sometime in the distant future, later, when I can think straight and make sense of all this. I hope for that day, with every ounce of my soul. But, until then, I am doomed to a life of despair, devoid of light and happiness. Alright, maybe not that drastic. I'll still be the normal old John Egbert, I'll still smile and laugh and all that. But behind the laughter, the smiles, there is a sadness. A dark, heavy sadness in the pit of my heart. It's the worst at night, when there's nothing to distract me.
Hm. I'm actually laughing a bit as I read what I've written... Gog, the expression on your face if you saw this... I can just imagine it... Let's face it, you'd totally flip your shit. '"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS, EGBERT?"' The rage in your eyes... Then the angry flush on your cheeks, and your ears, too. It's adorable, really...
Now I can't stop smiling! See? This is the kind of shit you do to me. It drives me insane...
You drive me insane.
I can't stand the thought of life without you. I just wish that you'd understand.
I will love you for eternity, Karkat, and I could wait forever if it meant that you'd love me back one day.
Love (or whatever),
John Egbert, the Heir of Breath
You stare in disbelief at the letter in your hands, in which your best friend openly and blatantly professed his love for you. As you continue to blankly gaze at the paper, you fail to notice John walk back in, holding a bowl of Skittles.
He drops the Skittles, and they scatter to random locations on the floor. You whip your head around. Both of your faces are redder than hell. John's eyes are approximately the size of golf balls, and he begins to babble incoherently.
"K-Karkat! What are you d-doing?! Don't read- you already- fuck! Shit, you weren't supposed to... Ahhhhgg! Fuuuckkkk!" Even as his face gets redder, tears start to form in his eyes.
You walk over to him and drop the note onto his bed. You face him, and force your face to become blank.
"What the fuck was that, Egbert?"
And before he could say anything, you lean in and kiss him softly. In truth, you had been the one who thought he'd never feel the same, but now... there was no reason to hold back. His initial shock faded away and he laced his arms around your neck, just as you encircled his waist. The kiss only lasted a few seconds, but it seemed like time had paused and held its breath to give you peace.
"I love you, John."
