It was snowing outside a freezing cold and as whiter as it could be in December, but also so beautiful and calm just like Edward was.
It was amazing how I have progressed in my skeptic position to cold, I was starting to really like the weather in Forks, but it didn't really had much to do with Forks.
I sighed thinking about what Edward could be doing now. Wondering if he would come to my room tonight, as he did most of the times.
"The pasta is very good, I can't believe you can cook so well having half of my genes" Charlie said laughing, putting me back to dinner.
Charlie really couldn't cook. His cooking abilities were restricted to fried bacon, crumble eggs and fried fish, if only.
"Thanks dad" I smiled "I know you can do better, it's only a matter of practice" I encouraged, so he wouldn't feel so insignificant. He smiled back.
It was really easy living with Charlie, every day I was more convinced about it. It was sad that he had not a girlfriend or anything like that; he would be a really excellent partner.
We finished eating; I washed the dishes up and wished good night to Charlie. I still had to do some English homework; it was about Romeo and Juliet though, so I was going to do it in a really little time.
First I got showered, washed my teeth and put on my pajamas (the good ones, just in case Edward was coming). And held to my room, familiarly absorbed in that thought, having Edward in my room tonight, kissing him, sleeping in his arms--
"Oh! Hi" I yelled surprised, giving my room's door a slam and suddenly breaking back to reality. And there he was… Edward was perfectly still; smiling his crooked smile, my favorite one, leaned all over my bed with my English notebook?
"Sorry. It wasn't my intention to scare you" He said grinning, knowing I would know that was really his first plan.
"I hope you don't mind I have taken the time of doing your homework, because I know you already know Romeo and Juliet by heart, I wouldn't interfere in your education if that would keep you off learning" He grinned dazzling me; I didn't know how he did it but he kept on dazzling me every time he smiled.
I rolled my eyes and went to sit over my bed next to him. "Thanks, I'm glad you are here I was missing you already" I confessed flushing. He laughed at that reaction, and stroked my reddish cheek. I stared at him, as if I was hypnotized, appreciating every one of his godlike features; I couldn't believe this precious and amazing creature was mine. Even if he have been telling so for a year.
"Tell me what you are thinking right now, please" He begged, brushing my hair.
I knew that in spite of all our time together he'd never get used to not hearing my thoughts.
"I was just thinking how good would do to Charlie being with a good lady" I lied. I was thinking of that before Edward came into my room, just not at that precisely moment. I just didn't want to show him how desperately I feared he would sometime realize I wasn't good enough for him and leave me.
He frowned. Knowing that was not what I was thinking of, he knew how a terrible actress I was. He didn't push it though.
"Selfless Bella, always thinking of the others" he sighed, suddenly with his eyes lost in some memory and his spectacular features torn.
"What are you thinking right now?" I demanded.
"Just remembering" I think he whispered in a really low and tense voice.
I urged to him with my arms open to comfort him.
"What's wrong? And don't tell me 'nothing,' I know something has bothered you" I panicked, trying to meet his gaze so he couldn't escape from my question.
He sighed, and started talking really slow now.
"I was remembering how selfless you were in all your past actions". His eyes flickered fast as trying to forget about it. And now I understood what he was trying to forget; unconsciously I touched the half moon that rested in my hand, always colder than the other parts of my body.
"I'm so sorry" He chocked, reaching to touch my scar too. The only place his touch felt as warm as my skin. It was amazing how something that gave me such an enormous pain in the past could also let me feel so well and connected with the person I love.
"Stop with that! This is the bazillion time you apologies" I yelled coming back to the subject. That went out a little bit stronger than I intended to, so I added trying to soften it "It's not your fault, and you know that. You save my life there and in all the other occasions, you know that if it wasn't for you I'd be dead right now!" He shrieked at that perspective.
"What I'm trying to say is that you need to stop blaming yourself and start being grateful that I met you, because if it wasn't for you I wouldn't be here tonight" I said softer, touching his hair.
"You know that's not how things really are—"
I sighed loudly interrupting him; did he always need to be so stubborn?
"What I'm trying to say" -he proceeded ignoring my reaction- "Is that neither of us is going to give up, so please let change topic and avoid me a big episode of self-hatred"
I nodded. I really didn't want to cause him that, I hated when he hurt himself by feeling it was all his fault. And he actually was right at one point; we could be discussing this for all the eternity and still couldn't agree in the subject.
"So, what was that about finding a lady for Charlie?" He asked playfully.
"I don't know, It just that he has been alone since Renee left him, or at least not in a formal relationship, but I know he deeply wants so much to be with someone" I answered sadly, I hated seeing Charlie alone and knowing how much he could give to someone.
"Don't worry love," he said touching my lips lightly "we will find someone for him."
He leaned over and peck my nose, then all over the path to my upper-lip to start kissing me gently and cautious as he always did.
Of course as always, I would start hyperventilating, with my heartbeats up to 500 per minute, and my hands stroking his face and hair.
His breath started going faster, and for my surprise, he pulled me closer to him putting me over his body and clutching me into his chest.
By now my hands were acting as they have a life of their own. They started squeezing even harder his delicious neck, his well formed arms and his Michael Angelo's built like back.
Until he stiffened, snapping me back to reality, and started pulling me away gently. But I wasn't myself anymore; my conscience couldn't stop my body that was urging even more for his touch and lips.
He tried again, always cautious of not breaking any part of my fragile body with his immense force.
"Bella, please stop" He breathed, trying even harder to pull me away.
"I don't want to" I gasped, but as I was the tiniest distracted from my actions while saying this, with an incredible and calculated fast move he rolled me over so I fell on the bed, with his hands locking mines.
"Why did you do that?!" I complained with my head still spinning too fast to formulate anything more complex.
"I'm sorry Bella, I shouldn't have pushed this so much" He regretted, looking at me with guilty eyes.
"Why not? It was getting so well!" How could he look at me like that? How could he not be happy at how well we did?
"You know how things are; you know how cautious I have to be..." He told me thoughtfully. And then seeing that I was calmer now, he relaxed a little bit and slowly let off my hands.
"I thought after all this time together it was my choice to take the risk or not" I mouthed sitting up.
"Bella, it will never be a risk you will have to take" He growled, more to himself than to me. My eyes turned furious, did he just say never?
"Oh, it will be. I swear you Edward, it will be!" I stated firmly. "We have already talked about this, remember? You promised me that if after a year of being together you could handle my proximity well enough, we were going to try." I smiled in my inside, I knew he couldn't refute this; he was the one who stated it in first place.
"Exactly," he said with deliberate eyes "I promised you we were going to try, if I could handle your proximity well enough, and I can't"
"But you were just—" I started saying when he shushed me with his finger in my lips.
"I wasn't thinking straight when this happened, but you really don't know how hard and difficult it was to control myself. I could have--" he shook his head, putting his thoughts away.
"Just go to sleep Bella," He sighed "it's really late. And this few hours together were too heated, you need to rest." He commanded while lifting me from the bed with one hand and opening it with the other one, to then pull me down into it.
He did this so fast I didn't have time to complain. Sometimes I did hate him having so much strength and me having none. Something that could change as fast as Edward's moves were. Well it sure involved Edward's moves or teeth. But this was something I couldn't mention right now with all the discussions that were held today between us. One thing I was absolutely sure, I would get what I want, even if it meant doing it behind Edward's back, good thing my best friend was a vampire and a psychic.
