I watched as he sat there strumming his guitar, scribbling little notes in his book. He looked frustrated. Every few minutes he'd sigh and run his fingers through his hair in exasperation. I watched him in fascination and a tiny bit of fear from a distance for a while. I almost felt bad. But I couldn't since I still believe that he deserved whatever came to him.
This was the guy who'd stolen my heart and then returned it in a million shattered little pieces. He'd told me that he loved me and that I was his only. But then I caught him behind the cafeteria with Tess. I could forgive him once. Guys are stupid and make mistakes, and Nate was no exception. But to take him back after I found them again? He'd promised me he'd stay away from her, but I stumbled upon them not a week later in the same place. Now he refused to even look my way, and if I ever did end up in the same area as him, my brain got too clouded over with anger that I knew if I even tried to say anything all that would come out would be a bunch of harsh gibberish.
But today was different. He was sitting on the bench by the lake and the sun was shining brightly. The whole day breathed a mood of some sort… maybe change.
Because of this, I walked up to him. I stayed quiet; I really had nothing to say right then. I knew he'd seen me coming, but I just stood behind him listening to his song and trying to steal glances of the lyrics he wasn't singing out loud.
All of a sudden, he scribbled something in his notebook furiously. It was so abrupt that he ripped the page and a very dark pencil line ran through his words. He muttered "Shit," and I guess I subconsciously snorted or made some kind of mocking sound because he whipped his face around to stare at me.
His voice was calm, but his eyes were full of hostility. "I can just erase it." I was not anticipating those to be the words that came out of his mouth. I expected something like "Get away from me, bitch." Although, he'd never ever called me names. Always some kind of gentlemen.
It took me a moment to process his remark before I said. "No, you can't."
I guess I'd surprised him, too. "Why the hell not?"
I took a deep breath. "Because you wrote so hard that you ripped the page. And you can erase that line, but it'll still leave a mark in the page."
He glared at me, and normally I would have winced, since he only saved that glare for when he was extremely pissed. But today I didn't wince. Today I was stronger than that.
"You think I didn't know it would leave a mark? You think I wanted to rip the page? Believe me, I had no intention of creating any harm."
It must have sounded ridiculous to any random passer-by, but by then I'd realized that this wasn't about the scribbling on Nate's song anymore.
Nate had paused, and now his voice had softened. "I'd erase that so that the dents wouldn't even exist anymore." He looked up at the sky, for strength, I inferred. He was a thinker. "I'd go back in time and be more careful to avoid ripping that page." His tone slowly got bitter. "But it's too late now. I know that." He didn't look as angry anymore. He looked sorry, regretful.
I was speechless. This was the absolute last thing I'd expected from him. I just stared at him in shock, I guess.
"I can't un-write the words and I can't un-rip the paper, but I sure as hell can try to glue the paper back together. I can write new, better words over the original ones." He looked me in the eyes for the longest time. "It could be a masterpiece."
He sounded completely sincere now, and I was still trying to get a grip on all he'd said.
He seemed to understand whatever was going on in my head and we just stayed there in silence for a few moments and then he added, "Let me try again?"
I could tell that he didn't expect much. But I could see the remorse etched all over his face and in his eyes and in his voice. I was getting sucked back into him like I had at the beginning. I'd promised myself I wouldn't let him. But I was weak now. He saw me hesitate. "Please?" he asked it innocently, and all the defensive walls I'd had up crumbled to dust.
I didn't say anything or even smile at him. I just nodded and sat down beside him.
A slight grin played on his lips. All he said was "Caity."
I've been MIA for too long. :\
I started writing this in Acting the other day when I had nothing else to do. Tell me what you think in a review? Thanks for reading, loves. :)
