Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author's Note: Okay, this is one of the saddest stories I've ever written. It's probably one of my favorites because the song I based it off of is very sad and very awesome as well. Camille's POV is first, and then Alex's is the other part. I know it's long, but please read it, lol. Enjoy!
"I want you to need me!" Camille yelled in desperation and nearly felt her knees break when she looked at him. She had almost given everything for the man standing in front of her, and yet there he stood without any understanding of what he did on his face. "It's all I ever wanted." Her knuckles were on her dress, pulling at the fabric and pleading for a higher power to make him understand. A few pitiful tears showed more emotion as he backed up, as if he was afraid.
"Cammie…" he whispered.
"Alex," she said in a small voice. "I'm asking for you. I'm not asking for much. I want you. It's all I ever wanted."
He smiled sadly, that rare and yet perfect smile which made her fall for him in the first place. He was so charming and perfect, she couldn't help but laugh when he made joke at a bar almost three months earlier. At first, itactually was perfect. And then while Camille found herself moving closer to him everyday, she found him moving away for a reason she didn't understand. He swore he cared for her, but than never let her closer.
"What else do you want me to say?" she whispered. "You push me away every day; you never want me around anymore. You stay in your apartment all the time. Don't you remember when we met? I can't say much more. It's all up to you now, Alex."
Alex backed away, retreating into his apartment where they had spent so many nights. She finally dropped her hands off her dress, and backed away as well. She walked until she reached her car, and cried.
I need you more than you can know, he thought as she stood in front of him, her face full of emotion and pain. He blinked and watched as she closed her eyes, as if she didn't want to look at him anymore. He swallowed and backed up. "Cammie," he whispered, feeling the smooth tone when he said her name.
"Alex," she answered, and his insides shivered. "I'm asking for you. I'm not asking for much. I want you. It's all I ever wanted."
He smiled, wishing he could say something to make it seem better, but he refused to crush another dream. Instead, he watched her.
"What else do you want me to say?" she said in a small voice. "I can't say much anymore. It's up to you now, Alex."
He walked away, as he couldn't say anything else. He entered his apartment, where memories of many nights attacked his mind. He smiled as he walked past a few things which meant something to him and Cammie. Finally, he sat down near his table, grabbed a prescription and swallowed three. It felt like dry rubber as they slid down this throat, and he almost wished to swallow the entire bottle and end his pain. He couldn't do it to Cammie though… he owed her something when it was all over.
When Camille was getting ready for work the next day, she heard someone knock on her door. With a sigh, she dropped her bag of make up and walked slowly toward the door, hoping whoever it was actually had a reason to be there, and the reason was not just to annoy her. She was still very upset from her fight with Alex last night and hoped her day would speed past.
A look of surprise must have been enough to make him smile because when she opened the door, Alex Shelley looked almost happy for the first time in a month. "Alex."
"Can I please talk to you?" he asked.
Camille folded her arms. "I have work in about an hour."
"I don't want to sound like a dick, but this is more important right now."
She raised her eyebrows. "If I don't have a job, I can't survive."
Her attempt at humor didn't faze him and he almost growled. "You asked me to say something yesterday, and now I want you to listen for a while. It's all I'm asking for, Cammie."
Something in Alex's tone made her pull him inside. She sat down on the couch, worried from the haunted look in his eyes, and suddenly noticed he looked sickly. "Alex…"
"Listen," he insisted.
She did.
He didn't say a word. He stared down at his hands for a while, and then looked up at her. Alex had a few tears in his eyes and it nearly killed her for seeing him cry. "I met you over three months ago, and I swear to God, I thought you were a blessing from heaven. I'm not really that damn religious, but I thought maybe some higher power had pity on me." He laughed without emotion. "You were perfect and you laughed at my every joke. My dream." He shrugged. "And then we were always together. My friends loved you, and I was starting to realize I did too. I wanted you more than anything in the world."
"What's the problem?" she asked. "I don't understand, Alex."
"Shut up," he snapped. "I love you, Cammie. I loved you since we kissed in your friend's pool that night under the stars. Fuck, it was one of the stupidest, and yet my favorite kiss of all time. I was just holding you and you were smiling with your crazy hair all around your face. You looked so happy to be with me, and I hadn't seen a girl look like that at me in a long time." He sighed. "I just wanted that to last forever. I fell in love with you on that night."
He pulled a bottle from his pocket and put it in hers. She trembled as his cold hands touched hers. His sunken eyes followed after hers and the look of confusion on her face as she stared at the bottle.
"What is … what is this?" Camille asked.
"It's my medication from my doctor." He swallowed and rubbed his face. "It's one of my many bottles of medication. Well, that one is for pain. I had one for sleeping, one that really fucks up anything I eat, and one for controlling what eventually will kill me."
"I don't… I don't understand."
Alex picked up her hand and she shivered as he kissed it. "If I really could describe what you are, it's the last wish I didn't deserve. I was a dick to a lot of people in my life. A few people would say I'm still a dick, and I hope showing you all of this will make you believe I'm not a complete dick, and that I really care for you, but I won't let you get hurt because I'm weak and unable to stop myself from loving you. And I really don't ever talk like this cuz fuck, I'm no sap. I'm Alex Shelley." He attempted a smile.
"Alex…"
"Cammie, its cancer."
"No…"
"It's progressing a lot faster than any person can treat it, and I didn't want any treatment anyway. I saw my friend suffer through cancer treatment when I was younger, and if that's the way someone with cancer has to live for a few years, I'd rather just enjoy myself for the time I have left. I have days full of pain, but I still have my hair, and I'm not chained to a hospital bed. I didn't want to die that way. And if I would have known I was going to meet you, I would have never walked into that bar. I was feeling sorry for myself and before I knew it, I was falling for you. And now I'm screwed because in a few months, I won't be here and you'll be here alone and I can't live with that anymore. I can't live without you. So when you say all you ever wanted as for me to need you, you didn't realize just how much I need you. Call it almost stupid, and maybe it's a little ridiculous, but you've kept my tainted and weak body alive a lot longer than it should have. I was actually told six months. It's been seven. And I'm still fuckin' kicking ass and taking names."
"So, you will beat it," she demanded. "If anyone will, it's you. I love you, Alex."
Alex smiled sadly. "No, Cammie. I'm weaker every day."
Camille was crushed. She never expected Alex to say he had cancer and that he was dying right in front of her. "So, really, all I've done is prolong your pain. I'm just another tumor in your body which makes every day worse. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't need all this medication, and you wouldn't be weak."
He stopped Camille mid rant. "NO, Cammie, if it wasn't for you, I'd be six feet under already. Fuck! Don't you see? You are my blessing and I will never regret meeting you."
Camille's eyes welled with more tears. "Alex… why didn't… why didn't you tell me?"
"I really… I couldn't. You looked so happy, and it was selfish. It was really nice to see a smile around me. I'm sorry, Cammie."
"Don't be sorry," she whispered, pulling him into a hug while she cried. "I love you. I always will."
"And that's what I always feared," he whispered.
Cammie wiped away her tears. "Alex, you don't fear this. You said it's your wish, and why shouldn't you deserve that wish? Everyone deserves a lot of good in their life, even if they've made mistakes. You don't deserve this, and while you've pushed me away for a while now, I've always known you are a good guy somewhere in that mind of yours. I might look stupid, but I know when I see a good person and you are one of the best I've known in a while."
"I will die and leave you alone," he explained. "I don't want to leave you alone. I always want to be with you. I can't imagine life without you. Okay? Cammie. It's a selfish thing, it's all about me. You'll move on and I'll rot away while you fall in love with someone else. I love you and I don't want to let you go and I have to and I can't deal with this!" Suddenly, he stood up, and went almost white. His footing slipped and he went crashing down on top of her, making her yell.
"Alex!"
Alex woke up in a hospital bed with a feeling of heaviness on his body. He swallowed and his throat was dry. Attempting to sit up, a firm but tiny hand pushed him down. Cammie was standing over him, worry in her eyes. "You fainted."
"Are you sure I didn't fall off a truck and get run over or something?" he asked, and coughed miserably. "I feel as if I did."
"Oh, yeah, I forgot. While I called for an ambulance, I used you to see if my tires were still good. Sorry."
Alex smiled. "You look exhausted."
"I haven't slept since the ambulance brought you in, actually."
"And that was?"
"Almost a day ago, actually."
He felt sick. "Cammie…"
"Don't start," she whispered. "I love you. I don't want to hear it."
"You're taking me dying better than I expected." He sat up slowly, despite her pushing him back and frowned at her.
"Just give me a few days. If you want, I'll be a mess. It's easily done. Remember your apartment? Just give me a dress, and I'll be your mess in a dress." She smiled weakly.
"I love you," he whispered.
Cammie smiled. "I love you too, Alex."
A few weeks passed, and Alex wasn't able to leave the hospital. With the unfortunate help of the ventilator, he breathed while watching Cammie sleep. He didn't want to die this way. Every day, he felt his body weaken even more, and he ached for someone to let him die somewhere else. Not where people were sick, not where he was stuck in a stupid bed.
A few days after that, Alex woke up to see Cammie standing over him, and a nurse pulling off IVs and the ventilator. She looked pissed, and Cammie smiled. "You're not dying here," Cammie explained. "I won't let you. I remember what you said. I know just where we can go."
"I really don't think this is a good idea," the nurse started.
"And I really don't think I asked for your opinion," Cammie snapped.
Alex smiled. His Cammie was a bitch and he loved it.
Minutes later, Cammie helped him from the bed and he was placed in a wheelchair. His chest was hurting but he didn't say a word. He just wanted to know where they were going and why Cammie seemed so excited. A nurse placed a mask over his face and his chest stopped aching, so he also smiled. When he finally saw Cammie's car, he relaxed.
"Don't worry," she said.
She drove almost for a half hour, while she stared at him every chance she got. Probably a little nervous, as he was very sick and tired. Finally, they stopped in front of her friend's house.
"Here?" he asked weakly.
She helped him into the wheelchair again and they walked around to where the pool was. "You said it was where you first fell in love with me," she explained. A tent was set up just near the pool and even Alex had to smile a little. It was perfect. Just like Alex always wanted.
Finally, after a while of pain, he was lying inside of the tent and Cammie was holding him. While it wasn't the best he could ask for, it was pretty damn perfect. She kissed him.
"I really did need you more than you could know," he whispered.
Cammie smiled. "Don't worry, Alex."
Alex closed his eyes. He'd held on for so long now and he was tired. Cammie was right next to him and that's all he ever wanted. "I love you."
"I love you too, Alex." He closed his eyes.
Camille watched as he closed his eyes and felt an aching in her heart. She wouldn't let him die in a hospital bed. Alex was Camille's world. If only she had more time, but she knew while Alex fought hard, he didn't have much fight left. And while she was scared of what life would be like without him, she knew she'd never be alone, and he'd always be with her if he realized it or not. Alex was everything and all she would ever need.
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