CHLOE'S DILEMMA
Chapter 1- Coward
AN: I'm working on a few other stories right now, but I'm sort of having writer's block on those so I decided I needed a new story to hopefully get me back on track. This is all about Chloe's point of view so hopefulyl you all like it. Please Read and Review
You know, some people say that your friends are the best people to fall in love with. But if you think about it, it seems that a friend would be the worst person to fall in love with, that is, if they don't love you back. You see them everyday, you talk to them everyday, they trust you with their secrets, and you comfort one another. These things are what make the friendship so beautiful and so painful all at the same time for the one who's in love. I've felt that pain. I never wish that kind of pain on anyone, even my worst enemy. It's pure torture to see the one you love in love with someone else. In fact, there were times when I felt like he was so stricken with love for someone else that he forgot how I felt about him, or chose to forget. Yes, you've guessed it. My name is Chloe Sullivan and the one I'm so unbelievably in love with is Clark Kent.
Clark has always had that farm boy charm about him that makes everyone around him like him and that smile of his never fails in making me go weak in the knees. But there's something else about Clark Kent that makes me love him. It's the way he can walk into a room and make you feel safe. Clark and I grew up together; we went to high school together. In fact, there was a time when we were a couple. Well, sort of. I think it lasted for less than a 24-hour period, but it was the happiest I had ever been. We decided it would be best if we were friends, mostly because Clark was still in love with Lana, and Lana only. I think I've always been a little bit jealous of Lana, even if we were best friends and practically sisters. I know, I know. What is there to be jealous about? Her parents were dead and she didn't seem like she was very happy during her high school years. But there is one thing she had that I didn't, Clark's love. That was the one thing I wanted more than anything else. So, because I didn't have his heart, I settled for his friendship.
Our friendship was special. I was closer to him than I had ever been with any friend, even Lana. I ended up being a friend that Clark could trust with his secret. To this day, I've never told a soul and I don't intend to. But this isn't about his secret; it's about the journey to find the one for me. It's a tale about love and realizing that sometimes, just like the old saying, true love waits.
Someone once said that love is like war, it's easy to fall into but it's the most difficult thing to get out of. I couldn't agree more with this statement. I wanted for so long to just be friends with Clark and forget the way I felt about him, but I never could forget. I never completely let go of my feelings, which just happened to be the best thing I never did.
I was in my last month of my last semester at MetU. I was still working for the Daily Planet, slowly making my way up the enormous food chain, trying not to get chewed up along the way. I'd recently become a junior reporter. Even though it was step up from the obits, I still wasn't satisfied. I wanted full reporter status and Clark and I were working together to get there. I can't tell you when or why Clark suddenly became interested in journalism again, all I know is that one day he was coming to see me at work and the next he was working with me. I look back on it now and realize that it may have been his fear of having to find a job and find new friends that made him want to work at the Planet. Of course, it helped that he already had me there to put in a good word and the fact that he had prior experience at the Torch. Those articles were probably some of the best that the school newspaper had ever seen, probably even better than mine but I would never admit it to anyone out loud.
Clark and I were partners, we were with each other most of the day, performing all of the nitty gritty tasks that none of the other reporters wanted to write an article on. It gave us time to be with each other and talk, if nothing else. I enjoyed having Clark around me and spending time with him. At least I knew that when he was there, my chance of getting mugged in all those dark alleys that we were constantly sent to gather information in was slim to none. We wrote about sanitation issues, local crimes, county water regulations, and plenty of other boring stuff that was meant to keep us busy throughout the day and out of all the star reporters' hair and stories. Occasionally, we would get a break and find a story that had been overlooked by the reporters. I've always had a knack for stumbling into situations that I shouldn't be in and finding stories that I'm not supposed to find, which works out to be my best and worst enemy in most cases.
Clark and I had been sent out to go after some information on a few city water regulation offenders, which happen to be the worst kind of criminal (please note my sarcasm). That was how they were described to us when we were sent out to interview them anyway. I found it quite amusing. There were murderers and rapists roaming the streets and these offenders were described as such. Clark has always been one to take a job seriously, and this was no exception. After the meeting, we went to the elevator and the doors shut slowly as Clark pushed the lobby button.
"We should probably get some coffee. It sounds like it's going to be a long day," I said. Clark looked as if I had just punched him in the chest, although I know that would've hurt me much more than it would him.
"Chloe, we need to get these interviews. These regulations are set for a reason and people should be following them. If people think they can bend these regulations then who knows what other laws people might decide to bend," he said. And he was serious. I tried to hide my laughter and chuckled lightly, moving a bit closer to him as we walked out of the Planet doors.
"Clark, you're starting to sound like Perry. Lighten up. Trust me, those massive fines are enough punishment for those people and personally, I don't think that breaking water restrictions even compares to murder or robbing a bank," I said.
After a few blocks and a break in the coffee shop, Clark's seriousness had toned down. Like I said, Clark takes things seriously, but he was going overboard about these water restriction violations. He really didn't talk much on the way to the first executive office. Even during the first interview he had let me do most of the talking. On our long trek to the second interview, I felt like it was time for me to step in and try to get him to talk about whatever it was that was bothering him.
"Clark," I began, "is something bothering you? You've barely talked to me all morning."
He looked at me with his amazing blue eyes and I felt like he was looking straight through me, which wasn't much of a stretch considering. But those eyes didn't carry the same energy that they usually did. He actually looked like he was upset or frustrated about something. I had just been too busy to actually notice it that morning.
"Chloe, I um, talked to Jimmy," Clark said.
That's all he had to say. I knew what they had talked about and I knew why he was acting the way he was. Jimmy and I had broken up the week before. I was still upset about it, but I just didn't feel like talking to anyone, especially Clark. I was silent for several seconds trying to think of something to say. I knew what I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him why Jimmy and I broke up but I couldn't. I couldn't say anything about it if I wanted our friendship to last. Clark must have been able to tell that I was in deep thought.
"Chloe, you don't have to tell me why if you don't want to. I'm just a little upset that you didn't talk to me. I mean, I thought we could talk about everything. You know that I'm here for you, Chlo," Clark said.
He was making me feel guilty, although I know that's not what he intended. The breakup with Jimmy was not something that I felt like I should discuss with Clark. The real reason I didn't tell him was because of the reason why we had broken up. The only ones that knew that reason were Jimmy and myself, but that was about to change. As I looked into his eyes, full of care and comfort, I made the decision that I was going to tell him.
"Clark, it's not that I didn't want to tell you. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to tell you the reason we broke up," I said. I thought he would catch my drift but the confused look on his face gave me my answer.
"What are you saying?" Clark asked.
"I'm saying that," I began but I decided it could wait until the evening. I really didn't have the courage to say it at that second and we had just arrived at our second interview of the day. "Maybe we should talk about this tonight Clark, after work. It's important but this is definitely not the right place."
He obviously agreed because he didn't put up a fight or try to ask me anymore questions about it the rest of the day. It was the most awkward day that either of us had ever had together. We talked, but it was about news or family back home, not our normal best friend conversations. I was really regretting not telling him about the breakup in the first place. All of that awkwardness could have been avoided if I had just told him about it. But for some reason, I didn't feel right about not telling him the reason Jimmy and I broke up because truthfully, he was the reason. That's right. Clark was the reason. He had been suspicious about my feelings for Clark for quite some time. Jimmy had once asked why I let Clark get away with everything, and why I got so angry at him if he did anything wrong. I blamed it on the fact that it was different with Clark, but Jimmy knew better. Heck, I knew better. Yes, it was different with Clark and it wasn't because of his secret. It was because of how I really felt about him. It was because I loved Clark more than anyone or anything.
That evening, I sat in my apartment working on another article that we had been investigating the past few days. I heard a knock on the door and knew instantly who it was. Letting out a deep breath, I turned the knob and greeted Clark with a smile.
"Hey, Clark. Come in. There's some coffee if you want some," I said as I pointed over towards the coffee maker in the kitchen.
"I'm fine," he replied solemnly. He obviously wanted to get straight down to business, whereas I preferred to dance around it for awhile. Typical Chloe.
"Ok, why don't we sit?" I motioned towards the sofa and closed up my laptop before seating myself next to Clark. I had a strange feeling that Clark already knew what this was about. It was just the way he had been looking at me. You can tell so much about Clark by his eyes. But what he said did not coincide with what I thought his look was telling me.
"Chloe, I'm sorry for getting upset at you earlier. It's none of my business whether you and Jimmy are together," Clark said.
"Don't worry about it Clark," I replied. It was in that moment that I realized how much it bothered Clark that I wasn't the one to tell him that Jimmy and I had broken up, and frankly, that bothered me. It bothered me that he cared so much about it. It bothered me that he wasn't telling me what he really wanted to tell me. It bothered me that he was trying to push this aside like it didn't matter to him, when I knew it did.
"No, I am worried about it. I don't know why I got so upset about the whole thing. It really isn't my business," Clark said.
"But Clark…" I said, but he wouldn't let me finish.
"No, really Chloe. It's ok. I was just being selfish. You don't have to tell me everything that goes on in your life," Clark replied. I'm not sure why I felt so awful about that statement after he said it. But with that statement I knew he was trying to push the situation away. I knew I had to work quickly before he started pushing me away.
"Clark, I…"
I was too late.
"Look, Chloe. I don't want you to talk about it just because you feel bad. If you wanted me to know about it, you would have told me. So, I guess that's all there is to it." He got up to leave and I knew that I had missed my chance to tell him how I really felt. The thing about my Clark feelings (yes, I named them) is that they make me act exactly opposite to my normal personality. In any other situation, I would have told Clark to keep quiet and let me talk, but when it came to my feelings for him, I chickened out and he had just held up the exit sign and yelled "FOLLOW ME." So, I did.
"Yeah, I guess you're right. So, I'll see you tomorrow," I said as I got up and hugged him. I never wanted to let him out of my embrace but I knew that I had to.
"Yeah, I'll see you around," Clark replied as he slowly walked out of the door. I shut it behind him and leaned my head back against it. I had just won the blue ribbon for biggest coward of the century. That was me, Chloe the Coward. Has a nice ring to it I guess.
