A/N: Merry Christmas! I know this looks quite angsty but you know me, I can't do angst. The second chapter, that I will try to post later today or tomorrow or this week, is cute and cheerful and Christmasy. I'm sorry I had to cut this story in two chapters but I had to for correction reasons.
Best Holiday wishes to my beautiful DarveyArmy! This story is for you.
xox-Fantomette
It was a lie.
It wasn't true that she expected him to show up that night.
She had bought a can of whipped cream just-in-case but the only thing she could do was wish he would show up.
She'd always said she could read people.
But there was something she couldn't quite read about this man, a layer she couldn't peeled.
She saw what he was showing to people across his path, including her when they first met: flirty, arrogant, charming. But she could feel his warmth and kindness underneath all those layers. He was a good man.
"I don't sleep with men I work with," she had repeated to Nadia.
"Well, that's a shame," had said the tall brunette. "God, he was hot! My best one this year, by far! Like in the movies, against the wall it was…"
"Okay, thanks, I get it!" Donna laughed making Nadia stop her praise.
Since she'd quit, that they no longer were working together, she could sleep with him. It made sense. She was a modern woman after all and she had stopped believing in fairy tales years ago. Why not have fun, take what she wanted and go on with her life?
It's true that his hands were warm and gentle, and he knew what to do to make her moan. He kissed her curves and licked the whipped cream off her body, making her shivers until a strong orgasm washed over her.
Her eyes were close. Fuck. Nadia was right. He was good. That was good.
It took a few minutes to regain composure, she opened her eyes and saw him getting dressed. He didn't notice her eyes on him.
Many words came to her mind to describe the man standing in front of her.
Sad.
Lonely.
Lost.
"Hey," she pulled a sheet over her naked body and sat on the edge of the bed. He immediately looked different, building the facade back up. He smiled cockily and winked at her.
"Something tells me you liked it?"
"Oh you were the lucky one, I mean, you got to touch me and…" she saw him put on his shoes. "Harvey, where the?..." She was confused. He was leaving.
"I delivered what was on that paper," he said. He stood near the bed as she looked at him in dismay. He was even more damaged than she had thought.
"But I didn't deliver anything…" She couldn't believe she was saying this but she couldn't believe he was leaving before having sex.
Well, she had sex.
He didn't.
He chuckled softly and to her surprise he kissed her forehead.
"You delivered something different. Thanks Donna. I'm glad we met. I hope you'll be happy at Skadden or wherever you end up at." The tone of his voice was so sincere it broke her.
He was leaving and something twisted inside her. She didn't know what it was.
(Years later she will know: their two battered hearts had found each other and didn't want to let go.)
"At least drink a coffee with me," she offered. "I have vanilla…"
She wasn't one to usually ask a man to stay.
She usually was the one who played games: she likes the seduction, takes what she wants and needs.
But something was different about this one…
She liked to read people. Analyze, Fix.
Harvey Specter sure needed a lot of fixing.
But she saw his eyes smile when he drank that coffee.
They talked.
She only asked a few questions, like only her knew how, and he couldn't stop talking. He talked about his dad, his brother. She could feel he wasn't used to opening up, but she somehow knew how to make him talk.
(He handed her the map to his heart, showing her all the places she could hurt him the most.)
He also asked questions.
She couldn't remember the last time a man asked her those kinds of questions: her family, why she ended up being a secretary, her dreams…
"I had to do it...my dad needed the money. He needed me."
Harvey furrowed his eyebrows. "He's a grown man, he doesn't need you."
"There's no shame in supporting the people you love."
"If I would be him, I'd be ashamed that my daughter had to give up her dreams because of me."
She narrowed her gaze at him. "I'm sure you've done things for your family."
"Well I broke them apart…"
He took his last gulp of coffee.
"I'm sure you didn't."
"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you but I did. I'm not the man you think I am, Donna."
"You are saying my dad's problems are my fault?" she countered.
"That has nothing to do with it, you just tried to help him."
"And I'm sure that's what you did!"
He stood up, pushing his chair like he was ready to leave. "Well, you got me wrong. My mom was cheating on my dad for years. I told her she had to tell him but she didn't and I was the one who did. My mother left and my brother got stuck at home with a depressed dad! The coffee was good, thanks Donna."
She caught his hand making him stopped and she got up too.
"So it was her fault Harvey, not yours."
She could almost see something break inside him. He bit his lips and his eyes were sad.
"I know that feeling Harvey. Because I love my father I feel like everything is my fault even if it isn't. I try to be enough, but I'm not." She locked eyes with him and repeated. "I know."
It was like a wave engulfed them both. It came in a moment, his lips were on hers and his hands cupped her face. It wasn't expected. There wasn't a word exchanged. She had never felt anything like such and she knew by the way he looked at her that it was the same thing for him.
(The way he kissed her set a fire inside her.)
(The way she kissed him set a fire inside him.)
He had never felt anything like such and he knew by the way she looked at him that it was the same thing for her.
He had been a lost man without a heart and she had found it.
She had done it gently, without him barely noticing but in that moment, when he was naked on top of her, craving to be inside her like he'd never needed before, he could feel how strong the hold she had on his heart was.
It was a scary feeling, he never thought he could ever feel something like this. He needed her. In every sense of the way.
He wanted to stop because he couldn't be the man for her. He would hurt her because that's what he did 'hurt the people he loves'.
He couldn't be using the word LOVE. He shouldn't.
But his hands traced love on her delicate freckled skin, his lips showed love to her lips and his eyes screamed it.
And after, he didn't try to leave.
She started talking again and he realized that was the most soothing thing ever.
She made him talk.
She made him cry quiet tears.
It was dark in the room, he hoped she hadn't seen him cry. He wasn't sad, he just wasn't used to this. Peeling all the layers off, feeling the pain. Sharing the pain.
He could never be the man for her. She was an angel that had suffered enough and she deserved the best. He loved to brag but clearly he had bruises that take a lifetime to heal.
He wasn't the man who stayed.
And when he did, he always slept like he was ready to leave, on his side of the bed.
But that morning, he woke up feeling warm and confused, his face in her hair, and his hands around her waist. His leg was over hers.
Cuddling. His body hooked on hers like that's where it belonged.
He had a sinking feeling.
'I can't be that man for her…" He felt it rising inside him, the same feeling he had the night before when she told him about her dad's problems. Protectiveness.
He wants to protect her.
He needs to protect her from him.
He's not worthy. He'll never be. He's only troubles.
Then, a few days later, he told her:
"I don't want to lose you. Come work for me."
Because he tried to forget her but couldn't.
And he couldn't explain why or maybe he knew but didn't want to face it.
By keeping her close, he could at least protect her. Not only from him but from everyone.
He doesn't have anything else to offer.
For once, in some weird twisted way, he stayed.
