A/N Uh-um well here goes. Hello and thank you for deciding to open and read my fiction. This is my first attempt, and hopefully not my last, at putting fingers to keyboard and letting my muse free. Well actually they're a bunch of teeth gnashing, claw barring plot bunnies. Imagine the image of the bunny in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Big sharp nasty pointy teeth? Now you've got the general idea. I've tried luring them into a chalked pentagram with a tempting piece of chocolate but that didn't work either. I'm sure they're all possessed. Looks like it's the hard work with me chasing them around the house with my 6 x 4. If you're a chippy or an Aussie you'll understand that reference.
Disclaimer: Supernatural will is and always be the property of Mr Eric Kripke he who walks on water and Co. I'm just borrowing them for a while so I can play with them in my sandbox. I promise to dust them off and return them safely in one piece when I've finished playing with them. Though are little more angtsy than usual. By hey, what can I say? This is fanfic.
No money was made or changed hands. Though I wouldn't mind a hand out.
Thank you to Metallica for writing such an inspirational song.
The F bomb is used a few times. What more can I say? They are testosterone fuelled boys…..sighs
So, without any further ado….dramatic drum roll….here it is.
Nothing Else Matters
By KAZ2Y567i
An hour.
60 minutes.
3,600 seconds.
That's all the time he has left.
It's long enough for him to do a lot of things.
Knock back a few beers over a game of pool. Sweet talk himself into a girls' pants. Salt & burn a corpse. Play a practical joke and hang shit on Sammy.
But not long enough for what he really wants to say.
To Sammy.
How can you say in one hour how proud you are?
How can you say in one hour how much you value his unwavering support. Having your back at every bad turn of events and to blindly follow you into whatever hair brained, ill thought off hunt you manage to find yourself in?
How can you tell someone in one hour that even though you laugh at his long hair, his gangly walk and his girlishness that you would rather have him by your side than a whole army of men.
How can you tell him in one hour how much you really love him.
Dean sighed heavily as he watched the moon rise slowly above the horizon. It wouldn't be long now he thought as he reclined upon the hood of the impala. A solid presence that still supported him. An island of solidarity amongst the turmoil of his emotions. His version of 'normal' if ever there was one. His one constant, his one and only home that contained everything that really mattered to him in his life; his Dad, there weapons and Sammy.
Soon he would have nothing.
Wiping an errant tear from his face he shuddered, blaming the bitterness of the night for the weakness in his eyes and his momentary lapse into chick-flick territory. But inside he felt as if deaths fingers were slowly creeping into his soul.
For the past week they had kept to themselves, holed up in another crummy motel in some small hick town in the middle of nowheres-ville. Silently they had come to the same conclusion that they needed a break for awhile from hunting to gather there thoughts, pool there resources, take stock of the situation etc etc. Whatever they decided to tell themselves the real reason for staying below the radar, it would become a moot point anyway. More importantly it would be time for them to deal with what would be an eventuality.
One brother would die. A death in exchange for a life. A life that was now inside the motel room hunched over a computer. His face lit up an eerie blue by the laptop screen. Black and coloured text flashed intermittently upon his face as he scrolled through pages and pages of hits in his Google search.
Sams' research had driven them from one end of the country to the other for the past year. Each lead, each small piece of hopeful information however miniscule had been investigated. But nothing. Absolutely nothing, zip, nadah, zilch had come from it. There were no clouds with silver linings or pots of gold at the end of rainbows for them this time. No ruby slippers or Glenda's to send them back home.
They were both at there wits end and time was running out. One was destined to die. The deal he made was near expiration. But what of the other that couldn't now bear to think of a life without his brother by his side.
One brother would cease to be. His soul forever lost to the torment of hell and all it's denizens eager to get there fingers into him. The other? It would break his heart, pure and simple. It would take his soul in as much as the deal would take his brothers life.
Outside one was thinking of all the things that he should have said and done before now. The other was inside feverously trying to find further information before the inevitable.
The alarm on Sam's phone pinged.
45 minutes left.
Snatching at it viciously, he gave it a cursory glance before throwing it to the floor. It bounced once then landed somewhere under his brother's bed. His brother's bed that was still neatly made. His duffle still unpacked sitting in the middle. Everything that was Dean was there on the bed, in the bag. But where was…….
Dean!
The blood pounding in his ears at the thought of his brother alone jump started Sam into action. Violently pushing his chair back from the desk he went looking for his brother. Castigating himself for being so preoccupied with facts and figures when the most important person in his life was somewhere. Somewhere that he wasn't. Somewhere that he should have been.
If it wasn't for the morbidity of the subject concerned, his discovery of his brother reclining on the impala would have been rather beautiful.
The soft blue white light of the first rays of the moon settling on the ebony casing of the car, then gently caressing his brothers face would have made it on the cover of any Mills & Boon novel. Though Fabio may have done the cover more justice with the muscle, no one could have beaten the forlorn look that Dean had on his face at that one moment.
His head was tilted as if listening for something. His eyes were distant and dreamy as if they too were waiting.
Waiting, yes. Waiting for you Sam.
With a heavy sigh Sam walked towards him. Stopping just short of Dean who hadn't acknowledged his presence, his head still tilted in his brother's direction.
"Hey"
"Hey" Was the equally short reply as Dean turned his head away from his brother.
Sam waited. Waited for something. A word. A cue. A sign from his brother for what he should do next. He wanted so much to be doing something. The inactivity was driving him nuts. Clenching his fingers into fists he jammed them harder into the pockets of his jeans, scuffing the tips of his shoes into the gravel making little circles.
"Spit it out Sam"
Sam's head came up quickly. Partially surprised that his brother could pick his mood so quickly. Then deeply happy that his brother was still aware of him. Was still the hunter and ever alert of his surroundings. Old habits.
There eyes met. Both waiting for something to be said.
"How…? Sams' first word was garbled. The words getting caught. Clearing his throat, he turned angry eyes towards his brother.
"How can you be so calm?" His voice hissed.
"How can I not be." Was the equally terse reply.
"God damn it Dean!" Sam roared at his brother, the veins standing out in his neck his whole body shaking. "You're about to….! And stopped short at saying that word. It stuck there like a gall in his throat, like a piece of food that wouldn't go up or down. Stifling his words, making it even harder for him to say what he wanted to.
"Die?" Dean finished for him.
Sam turned away, breaking eye contact.
"Yeah, that" He mumbled.
Dean slowly raised himself from his prone position on the hood and sat upright. His game face on though his eyes said otherwise.
"Been there, done that". Not caring how callous it sounded. Or maybe he did care and wanted to deflate the situation.
"For fucks sake Dean! How can you be so blasé?" Sam strode towards him and pulled him by his shirt front away from the impala. Bringing him up close, closer than personal space. Bodily closer than they had been for some time.
"You are going to die soon. Don't you care? Aren't you even angry?"
They were inches away from each other. They could feel and smell each other's breath. There eyes were locked in a war of emotions…..anger, fear, sorrow, remorse, acceptance.
"I'm tired" Dean's words were barely audible. His eyes still locked with Sam's. "I'm so tired Sam".
Sam loosened his grip on Dean's shirt not wanting to let go entirely. These were his last moments with his brother. He would want every part of his body to remember this time. How Dean's shirt felt beneath his fingers, the scent of him, a mixture of gun shot, salt, smoke and leather. And the constant vibration of Dean's heartbeat through his palms. As long as that heart beat Dean was still alive.
"I'm so fucking tired Sam" Dean continued his eyes never leaving his brothers. "We've been running and hunting and driving and I'm so freakin sick of it". His voice broke. "I…I… just can't take it anymore". He slouched backwards. Sam's strong grip still holding him up otherwise his ass would've hit the impala.
Easing Dean backwards Sam slowly released his grip. Bringing his hands up to settle on his brothers shoulders.
Deans' head was bowed in defeat. His shoulders slumped. His hands carelessly dangling on his thighs. It was a sight that scared Sam. This was a Dean that he had never seen. Dean had given up.
"I'm sorry". He said as his long fingers kneaded themselves against Dean's shoulders.
Sam's admission brought Dean's face up in a flash.
"Huh? What the fuck have you got to be sorry for? I'm the one that put us in this situation. If anyone has the right to say sorry it should be me". Dean's eyes flashed as he brushed his brother's hands from off his shoulders. "Don't you go blaming yourself for this Sam. This is not your fault! Do you hear me?" Raising his finger and emphasising every word with a quick staccato movement against Sam's chest.
"You Sam! You of all people have been my anchor in all of this shit from the get go. How do you think I kept on going, huh? If I didn't have you by my side I would've swallowed lead long ago. It's me that should be saying sorry to you for dragging you around when I should've told you to go and get a life. Away from this" he said waving his hands around to indicate this situation. "Away from.." his voice now breaking, the adrenalin that he had in him petering out, leaving him an empty hole. A hole that was quickly filling up and threatening to overspill with all the emotions that he had kept at bay.
Until now.
"Away from.. away from me". His last word breaking as he turned his head aside vainly trying to hide the trembling of his chin and the tears that fell freely.
Sam did then what Sam does best. He said nothing. He said nothing and let his actions speak louder than words. Stepping even closer he pulled Dean into his arms and held him. Held onto him tight. As tight as he possibly could. Trying so much to convey in an embrace where words had failed him. Then slowly resting his own head on his brothers strong shoulders, he let his tears fall.
They remained like this for sometime. Neither wanting to break the moment, the spell, the closeness, the love of one brother to another in a simple embrace. Brothers. Brothers in arms.
30 minutes
It was Dean that was the first to speak.
"Get off me you big girl".
Which didn't come out all that strong seeing that his face was still against Sams' chest and his voice was croaky and muffled.
"Pot calling the kettle black" Was the equally croaky and muffled reply.
One last squeeze and Dean gently pushed Sam away. Turning his head aside, he sniffed loudly then wiped his eyes.
Sam did the same.
After composing themselves they turned towards each other. There eyes meeting once again.
Dean studied Sam for a long moment.
"Give me your hand"
Not knowing any better, and trusting Dean implicitly, Sam did just that. To find that Dean had quickly placed a round bundle in his hand. A bundle of items that comprised of a silver ring, an amulet and a set of keys.
He couldn't pull his hand away quick enough. No! he said to himself. NO!
Try as he might he couldn't withdraw his hand from Dean's strong grip.
"Promise me this Sam" Dean said looking intently at Sam, his eyes never wavering even though his voice was.
"Promise me that you will not come after me". Not needing to mention where. It was a given fact.
It was back again. That gall in Sam's throat. But this time it was bigger and it was threatening to choke him.
How did he know? Sam voiced to himself. Trying to keep his expression neutral.
"Because I know you little brother" Dean answered with a smirk on his face in answer to Sam's silent question. "We are alike in so many ways".
Sam stood there. His mouth opening and closing like a landed fish. His hands still held together by his brothers strong grip. The impala keys digging into the soft flesh of his palm, making small red imprints. Causing him a little pain, but it was a good pain. The hands that encompassed his were still warm and alive.
"Please" Dean was begging. And Dean did not beg, not unless he was really cornered. At his wits end.
Dropping his head Sam nodded. His hair falling over his forehead shielding his face from Dean's piercing gaze.
"Sammy, look at me". Dean said as he stepped closer, dipping his head to try and get a glimpse of Sam's face. " I need you to promise me that you won't try to follow me" he continued, his voice breaking on the word 'me'. Giving it a squeaky, pitiful sound.
"Sammy?" It was a plea uttered from dieing lips.
Sam nodded again, slowly bringing his face up to meet Dean's.
"I.., I…" trying vainly to push the words out through the tears, "I promise", he finally stammered.
Dean smiled and removed one hand to tentatively wipe away Sam's tears with his thumb.
"Thanks kiddo" he sighed, pulling Sammy's head down so there foreheads touched. Eyes closed and taking a deep breath he prepared himself for the killing blow.
15 minutes
Sighing deeply, he released Sams' hands and stepped away from him towards the road.
"I going to walk away now and I don't want you to follow me"
"NO!" Sam rushed towards Dean, one hand outstretched beseechingly. Making a grab for Dean's arm trying to bring him back to him. To keep him close, keep him safe.
Dean dodged Sam's hand and moved deftly away beyond Sam's reach.
"Please Sammy, don't make it harder for us than it already is"
He's only an arms length away, thought Sammy frantically. His brain quickly calculating the distance, the time it would take for him to grab Dean , all in a matter of a few seconds. I can still make a grab for him, I can still hold onto him, I need to hold onto him, I can't let him go, I need him! I need him! I won't let him go! I can't! I just can't!!!!!
These thoughts echoed around and around inside Sammy's head till he couldn't take anymore and fell to his knees onto the gravel.
Dean lunged forward grabbing Sammy before his face impacted with the hard tarmac.
"Sammy, Sammy, Sammy" Dean crooned as he held his brothers shuddering body in his arms. Gently rocking them both back and forth.
"There has to be something I've missed, some fact that I haven't found yet" he mumbled into Deans' chest.
"Still thinking to the end eh bro? You are such a geek" Dean whispered fondly into his hair. Holding his brother even tighter.
"I can't lose you like this Dean, there has to be some way I can save you"
"You already have"
Sam looked up, a questioning look on his face.
And if he ever doubted that he wasn't loved by his brother before, he wasn't now. Dean was open. As open as Sam had ever seen him. All the brashness, cockiness, smart-ass-ness was gone and in it's place was the real Dean. His Dean. The brother that had been by his side since the fire. The one that had nurtured him, gone without, protected him and defended him. The one that loved him unconditionally. No questions asked.
The sight took his breath away and all he could do was stare..
"The demon was right you know" he began "I need my family more than they need me. I am nothing without them. You are my strength Sam. You always will be. You have given me more than I can ever hope to repay" he finished as he brushed a light kiss on the top of Sam's head.
"Now get up' he said as ran his fingers through his brothers hair. "Winchesters do not grovel on the side of roads".
Pulling themselves up, they dusted themselves off.
5 minutes
The moon had risen high in the night sky. Casting it's light onto a quiet moment in the boys farewell. All was still as two brothers held the other's gaze. As if memorising every detail of face, figure and form.
Then a deep voice began to sing.
A song that both of them had listened to often in there travels. Sometimes at very high decibels in the impala, then other times softly in the wee hours of the morning on there way back from a hunt.
So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters
Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
and nothing else matters
Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters
never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
but I know
Dean sang. His voice was tremulous at first. Wavering on certain words, losing pitch and volume on others. But his intent was sure. He was trying to be brave and he wanted to help Sam to be brave as well. Even at the end of his life he was still thinking of others. He was still looking out for his brother.
With his head held high and a smirk on his face he abruptly turned and walked away, still singing. His voice drifting easily in
the cold night air.
But this time there was another voice that added itself to the requiem.
It too was tremulous and then grew stronger with each passing word.
So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters
never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
but I know
His voice rising in volume as the figure of his swaggering brother became smaller and smaller in the distance.
Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters.
Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us, something new
Open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters
Together there voices rose up high into the night sky.
never cared for what they say
never cared for games they play
never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
and I know
So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No, nothing else matters
Until one sang no more.
The End
So there you have it. Need a tissue? Here take this.
I sincerely hope that you enjoyed my first venture into writing Supernatural fanfiction.
Please feel free to comment…the good, the bad, indifferent. Just be gentle in your criticisms. I like to think that my reflexes are pretty good when it comes to catching/dodging the odd softball hurling my way. But then words can be a lot harder and come at you a lot faster.
Thank you for reading and I look forward to reading all your comments.
There may be a sequel.
