Everything she ever knew had changed. She was no longer a girl, and she sure as hell didn't feel like an adult. Somewhere stuck in the middle she wanted to scream, relieve some of the weight she felt she held; so many thoughts too many memories. Lying in her bed, staring up at the ceiling she was drowning in her own mind. James… Severus… James… It was enough to drive anyone over the edge.

"Men are never worth all the trouble they seem to cause," she thought out loud.

With a heavy sigh, she pulled herself up out of her bed and started packing her trunk for the upcoming term, her 7th and final year. She wasn't ready to leave Hogwarts; it had been her home away from home for so long that it felt, somehow, wrong. She stopped digging through her closet and looked up into the gold sunshine streaming into her room just in time to see a barn owl soar seamlessly right into her room. He landed on top of a stack of books she had just stacked as she sorted through looking for her school books she had purchased not even a week ago. He shook his tawny feathers puffing up and finally smoothing them back down before he looked up at her. His eyes shone up at her expectantly. Lily walked across the room and took he parchment tied to his leg, gave him a good petting and moved toward the desk to sit. She opened the letter,

Lily,

I am terribly sorry that I haven't written sooner. I meant to, I just haven't found the time since I came home for the summer holiday. I have so much to tell you, so much has happened. Find me on the platform tomorrow before we board the train. I have missed you greatly.

Your Best Friend Always & Forever,

Effie

Her built up frustration melted into curiosity as Lily crumpled the letter up and threw it in the wastebasket. What had Effie been doing all summer? She had been so mad at her for not writing, or visiting, or returning her owls, and now she wants to talk!? She felt slighted. With a huff she got up and continued with her packing. She passed the time going through her clothes looking for her robes, searching for her last book, 'Unconventional Methods of Brewing, an Advanced Approach to Altering Potions', trying to clear her head, still to no avail. When she had finally closed the trunk and locked it shut she still felt miserable and decided to just lie in bed and read; something that always steadied her mind. She reached for a favorite muggle book of hers and flipped through it about halfway; finding her favorite part of the book and began to take it in, absorbing all the emotions she didn't have. 'Love like this doesn't exist in real life,' she thought sadly, wishing it really did.

Morning was just peaking over the hills into the little home of the Evans as Mrs. Evans bustled around the kitchen, serving breakfast. She stopped only to go up the stairs to Lily's room. Quietly opening the door and she stepped into the room, and her heart instantly filled with love at the sight of her younger daughter curled up on her bed with a book in hand. Lily had taken after her, and her love of books. Lily looked so peaceful and it made her heart go out to her daughter. It seemed, lately, that Lily was constantly in a state of depression; she walked around like a ghost, there but only just. Coming closer to the bed, Mrs. Evans gently shook Lily's shoulder. Lily groaned and turned, facing her mother, her eyes squinting at the bright rays of sunshine. Mrs. Evans just smiled and patted Lily's hair, leaving the room to finish breakfast. Lily yawned and stretched her arms up over her head, as she did the book fell and slammed shut on the floor.

Lily had just finished breakfast when her mother came in from the car to tell her it was time to go. She couldn't believe she was going back already, and that it was the last summer she would spend at home. Somehow, that though relieved her. Something inside of her had been stirring all summer long, a feeling of entrapment she hadn't been able to escape. Countless times she felt rebellion seep into her veins, and recklessness take over her. She found herself doing things she had always thought were completely brainless, things that she had seen other people do and had wondered why; she still did.

Making her way to the door, she stopped and looked back at the scene she was leaving. There were dishes in the sink, and the morning's breakfast makings still on the counter. In the sitting room was a vacuum abandoned in the rush of the morning's activities, and there was Petunia standing on the stairs, sneering slightly. Lily knew she was put off, and for once didn't try to say the right thing.

"Petunia, get that sneer off your bloody face. I haven't said anything to you all summer, and I don't plan on it after I leave, so if you have something to say to me say it, else wise you can go back to pretending you're an only child again."

Shock spread over Petunia's face like a wave, coming, and disappearing as quickly as it came. She didn't say anything. Instead, she just stood there, and watched her younger sister leave. After Lily was out of earshot she whispered her goodbyes. "I'm so sorry Lily. I love you. Good bye."