It's getting hard to breathe; hard to breathe because of the humid air; hard to breathe from running for so long; hard to breathe from fighting off the tears; but mostly, it's hard to breathe... because I just found out my mother was killed in a car crash.
We, that is to say, my brother and I, just got the call from Lakeview Hospital about her death. My brother, who answered the call, told me, in a raspy voice, that it was quick. That gives me little consolation.
I don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe
they'll send us to grandpa's. Yeah, Grandpa Voltaire. He
lives in Moscow. That might be okay... Oh my God! I can't
believe I'm thinking about living arrangements when I just found out
my mother is dead! Oh, God... I have to stop
running.
Immediately, I fell to my knees onto the hard, tar road, panting loudly.
But what am I gonna do? She was
the only parent I had left! What am I gonna do? Mommy...
Mommy... Why'd you have to die? Why?
Tears stained the road a darker shade.
I have to get back to Kai. My brother's going to need me now... I'm going to need him now.
I pushed myself up, with great effort, swayed on the spot for a second, and turned to go back home.
"Kai?" I called, after stepping inside the house. "Kai? Are you home?"
"Yeah," he said, in a weak, quavering voice.
I followed my ears into the living room and found my brother holding a picture of Me, Mom, Dad, and him. It was a picture from when we were a happy family, a whole family. My dad had died from cancer shortly after it was taken, and now my mom was dead... Now, the family was broken. What had been a small crack before, had completely shattered... and broken.
I prayed to be put in the custody of Grandpa Voltaire. He was nice to us, most of the time when he wasent forcing us to practice and almost killing us with his training regimes. We would need that (sarcasm much?).
I just stared at the old photo for a while, and waited for Kai to speak first.
"You rushed out before I could tell you something else," he said, in a monotonic voice.
I looked up. Our identical chocolate colored eyes met for a second.
"They want us to come and identify the body," he said, in a very hushed voice, his eyes boring into mine fearfully.
"Oh, God," I whispered to myself. After a few deep breaths, I went on, "Let's get this over with."
"Alright, I'll drive."
The constant pain that had been poking me, and I knew had been poking him, like needles, burst something in me, and I argued, "Why do you get to drive?"
"Because I'm older." The needles have gotten to him, then.
"By two minutes!"
"I don't care, I'm driving."
"No."
"Let's not start this."
I sighed. "Fine. You can drive."
"Okay."
He somberly led the way to the door.
When we got to the Hospital, we clasped hands automatically, sensing each others' torment, and walked through the front doors to the front desk.
"May I help you?" asked the blonde secretary.
Kai took a deep breath, and said, "Our mother, Svetlana Hiwatari... We're supposed to identify the... the body."
I could see the tears well up in his eyes, and felt them come up in my own, but we both fought them back with all our strength.
"Oh," she said sympathetically, checking the computer. "Second floor, room 139."
"Thank you," I managed to murmur, as Kai pulled me to the elevator determinedly.
We stepped into room 139, where a doctor was waiting for us.
After brief introductions, he nodded and said to us, "Just say 'yes' or 'no.'"
It was our turn to nod.
My heart thumped in my chest and I began to feel sick as he started pulling the sheet off the body laying atop the table.
Before the face was revealed, I shut my eyes tight so I could control when I looked.
Beside me, Kai faltered, wrapped his arms around me, and wept onto my shoulder. I knew, at that point, that it was her. I opened my eyes and saw her pale and scratched face, and her dark hair.
I began to cry, too, and, to assure the doctor, I let one small word escape my lips while speech was still possible to me:
"Yes."
The next day, we called all the relatives and broke the news.
Our Grandma, from my father's side (my maternal grandmother and grandfather had long since passed away), was with us within a matter of hours. She sorted everything out: the will, the funeral, the obituary... everything.
"Thank you, Grandma," I said that night, once everything was handled.
"Of course, sweetie," she replied, pulling me into a hug. "Where's Kai?" she asked once we'd parted.
"In his room," I informed her. Kai had been there a lot, lately... his room, I mean. I would have been in my room, too, if I didn't think it disrespectful to my caring grandmother who'd driven to us all by herself from Uptown.
After a long silence, in which Grandma Wendy seemed to be struggling over something internally, she said with careful words, "Zoe, dear... I'd like to tell you something about your mother's wishes, if you can handle it, at the moment."
I inhaled deeply, and said, "Okay."
Grandma Wendy nodded, and continued after a brief pause, "She left everything to you and Kai. This means that you two will inherit everything once you've turned 18. Until then, you'll be staying with your Grandpa Voltaire in Moscow. It's what your mother wanted... Are you okay with that, honey?"
"Yeah," I replied in a croaky voice. "Grandpa Voltaire was nice... the last time we met him."
"Okay," said Grandma Wendy, rubbing my back consolingly. "I'm glad you feel that way. Now, I think you need some sleep. I'll go tell Kai, so you don't have to, okay?"
I nodded. "Thanks Grandma. For everything."
With that, I headed up to my bedroom.
------------------------------
The funeral, on July 18, three days after the accident, was nothing short of excruciating anguish for Kai and I. Somehow, though, we managed not to scream, but we broke into silent tears so much, that I thought that surely, our tear ducts would have to give in sooner or later.
When it was over, I was so relieved that I could get away from all the half-hearted pity, and the constant, "I'm so sorry"'s from my relatives. I knew none of them actually knew what it was like, and I knew none of them could be truly sorry for that reason.
I was glad that I would be leaving China for Russia, soon... I would get to leave all the painful memories behind at least until Kai and I turned 18 next June. I didn't know how much more of the needles I could take.
To distract myself, I began packing for the trip tomorrow. I even started to wonder about what the new school would be like... Though... I didn't really like my conclusions.
I'll be the new girl in Senior year. Great.
Isn't Senior year supposed to be fun? Well, I suppose it never was
going to be in the first place, so I don't know what I'm complaining
about... Don't think that, it might still work out. Whatever.
No one is really going to accept me for who I am, just because of the
way I dress... They'll probably shun Kai, too. I wish people
weren't like that. But, who cares? I don't really need friends,
right? I have Kai, he won't betray me he doesnt exactly open to
anyone easily anyway he never speaks to anyone but me. Plus, it's
just school, and it'll only be for about a year. Maybe Kai and I can
even meet some people prior to school starting. Yeah, right.
Like C'mon, it might. I
already know they won't accept me. Stop that. Not everyone are
preps. I don't even care, anymore. I'm just going to go to
sleep... Wait. Is everything packed?
I checked my luggage, making sure I had all the essentials. Grandma Wendy would send anything else we needed to us through Fed-Ex, or something.
Okay, everything's packed. Now I can go to sleep.
After my brief anal moment, I drifted off to sleep.
----------------------------
Grandma Wendy was going to take care of the house for us, while we were gone. She would only come over about once a month, but, it would do... since she was already going out of her way to help us as it was.
I sort of wondered why we weren't staying with her, but, I guessed that if my mom had given death much thought- and I was sure she had, with the death of my father, and everything- then she probably would have decided that living in a mainly retired neighborhood wouldn't have suited us.
After a few goodbyes, and promises of phone calls, Kai and I were off to Moscow.
