Hi everybody! I am Key, an under-reviewed author, avid Lord of the Rings
fan, and general all-around nerd. (Just ask anybody who knows me in real
life) This is my first actual Lord of the Rings fanfiction, besides my
P.P.C. spinoff, so treat me nice, OK?
Disclaimer: I will never make money off J.R.R. Tolkien and his works, believe me. I have enough weird ideas of my own. I'm only borrowing his world and characters for a brief time, and hope to return them more intact then when I found them.
Side note: thoughts are in and emphasis is in * *
And now without further ado, I give you:
TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE
Chapter One
She was lying on the ground. Of that much she was aware. She almost didn't open her eyes, so good was her dream. But then the mutterings began, and all vestiges of sleep fled.
"What do you suppose.?"
"Who is she?"
"Lord Elrond, where did she come from?"
The last was what really made her crack one eye open. The first thing she saw was the hem of a scarlet and gold robe. She forced her gaze upward, until it focused upon what was unmistakably the face of Hugo Weaving, albeit in his elvish garb as Elrond.
"What the hey?" she muttered, bracing her arms against the ground and pushing herself upwards. Elrond took a step backwards, his face never changing expression. "How did I get here?" She gazed around at the blank and staring faces of men and elves around her. Oh yes, and one dwarf. There was something wrong with that, her brain registered, but first off she wanted to know what in heaven's name had happened to her.
Then Elrond, Lord of Rivendell, chose to speak. "Who are you and how have you come to be in the middle of my council?" He arched one eyebrow at her, but the expression on his face still did not change.
"Lord Elrond, are you feeling all right?" She knew that wasn't the smartest response, but she had no better idea what was going on here than he did, if indeed he was thinking at all. No one moved at her questions, no one even breathed. What were they waiting for, and what was their problem?
She sighed. "My name is Katie, and I have no idea how I got here, Lord Elrond."
That obviously had triggered something, for certain key members of the council reacted to that. Namely Boromir, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gandalf. Wait, who was that small figure on the end? Frodo the Ringbearer had nearly escaped Katie's notice. She resisted the urge to go over and see if his eyes were as blue as they were in the movie.
"Meriweather, you say? 'Tis a strange name," Elrond replied, settling back into his seat.
Katie held up her hands. "What? Meriweather? No, no, my name is Katie. Kay-TEE. K - A - T - I - E." She spelled it slowly.
"Perhaps some form of sorcery has brought you among us," Gandalf rose to say, blue eyes bright from beneath bushy brows.
"Sorcery, magic, whatever you want to call it, HOW DO I GO BACK?" Katie demanded, placing her hands on her hips, glaring around the circle. "I have no more desire to be here than you want me to, and I'm ruining the storyline. Unless this is a dream or a really cruel prank, which it can't be because Aragorn and Legolas look so darn hot. Nobody I know has the money to find two hot guys to play a joke on me." Katie took a deep breath and rubbed her eyes, then ran a hand through her hair. Her long, LONG hair. "What the-" She pulled a strand before her eyes. Her hair was raven black and extremely shiny. So shiny it was blinding.
"Lady Meriweather, we do not know how to send you back. But as long as you remain here, why not join us in our council?" Aragorn asked, his gray eyes wide and slightly wild-looking.
Katie eyed him suspiciously before going postal. "Because I'm not supposed to be here! There was never a woman at the Council of Elrond and there never was meant to be! Have you all gone crazy? There are only nine members of the Fell-" she bit down on her tongue, not wanting to potentially wreck anything. "And my name's not Meriweather!"
When no response to that tirade was forthcoming, she flung up her arms and moved to stalk out. She got no further than the ring of seats before she ran nose-first into an invisible barrier and fell flat on her rump. "Ow!"
Katie climbed to her feet, ignoring the odd stares behind her, and experimentally pounded on the invisible wall. "Great, great, just great! I can't leave! What kind of nightmare is this?"
She turned back to find Frodo had placed the ring on the stone pedestal in the middle of the circle of chairs, almost as if he had not noticed her little tantrum. Suddenly Katie was moving on her own, forced to draw closer to it, forced to look down and say something. She did not know what words came out of her mouth, but it was enough to make Legolas jump forward.
"Don't you know what this is? It is the One Ring, and must be destroyed! You can't touch it!" Katie tried to fall back a step, but found herself still within the grasp of whatever held her. Yet her mouth still worked fine.
"Since when does the prince of Mirkwood use contractions like 'don't'?" she muttered to herself.
"Legolas is right, Lady Meriweather. The Ring is beyond anyone's power to touch," Aragorn asserted, still looking at Katie in that unnerving way that set her hackles rising.
"I don't want the stupid ring," Katie ground out between clenched teeth. "All I want is to go home and watch the nine of you destroy it on my TV! Why can't you understand that?" Her face was red and she was panting hard as silence descended upon the council.
And then she heard it: a soft sort of whispering that was easy to overlook. Katie strained to the utmost, willing to shut her mouth and simply listen. The whispers spoke of Rivendell, and of the glowing beauty of Lady Meriweather, upon whom Aragorn son of Arathorn looked with growing adoration.
"Sheesh, hasn't this person ever heard of Arwen?" Katie muttered. Then suddenly a growing horror dawned upon her. She was listening to an author writing a story! And not just any story, the worst kind of them all: a Mary Sue. Something seemed to explode inside her skull, and Katie let out a long agonized scream, knowing that no one would notice her, because she was not part of the plotline. She crumpled into a ball on the ground and steadily began to beat her head against the flagstones. For some strange reason it felt comforting.
Meanwhile, in total ignorance of their latest arrival and her lack of in- character actions, Frodo had declared that he would take the ring to Mordor. Gandalf was next to follow, badly mangling his lines about "helping Frodo undertake his quest." Then came Aragorn, who pried his eyes off Katie, or where she would have been had she been standing, long enough to pledge his sword.
Legolas stepped forward. "My bow is yours, young hobbit."
A sob came from the heap that was Katie. "My favorite character.and she butchered his lines."
"As is my axe." Gimli joined the gathered foes, his face stoic and unreadable. There was a shout, and Sam came bolting up the steps, one furry foot landing in the middle of Katie's back as he ran to take his place at Frodo's side. The displaced girl merely groaned; she didn't have the effort to do anything else.
"Master Frodo's not going anywhere without me," the stouthearted hobbit proclaimed.
Katie lifted her head, and slowly got up, tottering a little as she waited for Elrond's "Indeed it is hardly possible to separate you" line. It never came as Merry and Pippin stumbled their way to the front, making some sort of excuse to come along. Katie was nearly beside herself in tears.
"This is so painful." she whimpered to nobody in particular.
"You carry the fate of us all, little one. If this is indeed the will of the council, then Gondor will see it done." Boromir delivered his line straight and true, and Katie just about applauded him.
There was a lengthy pause. She could have heard a pin drop in Lothlorien. Katie wondered what they all were waiting for. Then the reality hit her.
"Oh, no. No! There is *no way* I am going to volunteer myself to go on this quest, because there are only *nine* companions! You got that? *Nine!*" She stood there, howling up at the sky for what was at least five minutes before that same control seized her and forced her to say something along the lines of "Hey, can I come too?" And no matter how hard Katie kicked and screamed within herself, she could not prevent it.
"Ten companions. You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring," Elrond proclaimed.
Katie hung her head in defeat. Well, tried to.
[Ahem. So what did you think? Press the little button down there and tell me, please?]
Disclaimer: I will never make money off J.R.R. Tolkien and his works, believe me. I have enough weird ideas of my own. I'm only borrowing his world and characters for a brief time, and hope to return them more intact then when I found them.
Side note: thoughts are in and emphasis is in * *
And now without further ado, I give you:
TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE
Chapter One
She was lying on the ground. Of that much she was aware. She almost didn't open her eyes, so good was her dream. But then the mutterings began, and all vestiges of sleep fled.
"What do you suppose.?"
"Who is she?"
"Lord Elrond, where did she come from?"
The last was what really made her crack one eye open. The first thing she saw was the hem of a scarlet and gold robe. She forced her gaze upward, until it focused upon what was unmistakably the face of Hugo Weaving, albeit in his elvish garb as Elrond.
"What the hey?" she muttered, bracing her arms against the ground and pushing herself upwards. Elrond took a step backwards, his face never changing expression. "How did I get here?" She gazed around at the blank and staring faces of men and elves around her. Oh yes, and one dwarf. There was something wrong with that, her brain registered, but first off she wanted to know what in heaven's name had happened to her.
Then Elrond, Lord of Rivendell, chose to speak. "Who are you and how have you come to be in the middle of my council?" He arched one eyebrow at her, but the expression on his face still did not change.
"Lord Elrond, are you feeling all right?" She knew that wasn't the smartest response, but she had no better idea what was going on here than he did, if indeed he was thinking at all. No one moved at her questions, no one even breathed. What were they waiting for, and what was their problem?
She sighed. "My name is Katie, and I have no idea how I got here, Lord Elrond."
That obviously had triggered something, for certain key members of the council reacted to that. Namely Boromir, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gandalf. Wait, who was that small figure on the end? Frodo the Ringbearer had nearly escaped Katie's notice. She resisted the urge to go over and see if his eyes were as blue as they were in the movie.
"Meriweather, you say? 'Tis a strange name," Elrond replied, settling back into his seat.
Katie held up her hands. "What? Meriweather? No, no, my name is Katie. Kay-TEE. K - A - T - I - E." She spelled it slowly.
"Perhaps some form of sorcery has brought you among us," Gandalf rose to say, blue eyes bright from beneath bushy brows.
"Sorcery, magic, whatever you want to call it, HOW DO I GO BACK?" Katie demanded, placing her hands on her hips, glaring around the circle. "I have no more desire to be here than you want me to, and I'm ruining the storyline. Unless this is a dream or a really cruel prank, which it can't be because Aragorn and Legolas look so darn hot. Nobody I know has the money to find two hot guys to play a joke on me." Katie took a deep breath and rubbed her eyes, then ran a hand through her hair. Her long, LONG hair. "What the-" She pulled a strand before her eyes. Her hair was raven black and extremely shiny. So shiny it was blinding.
"Lady Meriweather, we do not know how to send you back. But as long as you remain here, why not join us in our council?" Aragorn asked, his gray eyes wide and slightly wild-looking.
Katie eyed him suspiciously before going postal. "Because I'm not supposed to be here! There was never a woman at the Council of Elrond and there never was meant to be! Have you all gone crazy? There are only nine members of the Fell-" she bit down on her tongue, not wanting to potentially wreck anything. "And my name's not Meriweather!"
When no response to that tirade was forthcoming, she flung up her arms and moved to stalk out. She got no further than the ring of seats before she ran nose-first into an invisible barrier and fell flat on her rump. "Ow!"
Katie climbed to her feet, ignoring the odd stares behind her, and experimentally pounded on the invisible wall. "Great, great, just great! I can't leave! What kind of nightmare is this?"
She turned back to find Frodo had placed the ring on the stone pedestal in the middle of the circle of chairs, almost as if he had not noticed her little tantrum. Suddenly Katie was moving on her own, forced to draw closer to it, forced to look down and say something. She did not know what words came out of her mouth, but it was enough to make Legolas jump forward.
"Don't you know what this is? It is the One Ring, and must be destroyed! You can't touch it!" Katie tried to fall back a step, but found herself still within the grasp of whatever held her. Yet her mouth still worked fine.
"Since when does the prince of Mirkwood use contractions like 'don't'?" she muttered to herself.
"Legolas is right, Lady Meriweather. The Ring is beyond anyone's power to touch," Aragorn asserted, still looking at Katie in that unnerving way that set her hackles rising.
"I don't want the stupid ring," Katie ground out between clenched teeth. "All I want is to go home and watch the nine of you destroy it on my TV! Why can't you understand that?" Her face was red and she was panting hard as silence descended upon the council.
And then she heard it: a soft sort of whispering that was easy to overlook. Katie strained to the utmost, willing to shut her mouth and simply listen. The whispers spoke of Rivendell, and of the glowing beauty of Lady Meriweather, upon whom Aragorn son of Arathorn looked with growing adoration.
"Sheesh, hasn't this person ever heard of Arwen?" Katie muttered. Then suddenly a growing horror dawned upon her. She was listening to an author writing a story! And not just any story, the worst kind of them all: a Mary Sue. Something seemed to explode inside her skull, and Katie let out a long agonized scream, knowing that no one would notice her, because she was not part of the plotline. She crumpled into a ball on the ground and steadily began to beat her head against the flagstones. For some strange reason it felt comforting.
Meanwhile, in total ignorance of their latest arrival and her lack of in- character actions, Frodo had declared that he would take the ring to Mordor. Gandalf was next to follow, badly mangling his lines about "helping Frodo undertake his quest." Then came Aragorn, who pried his eyes off Katie, or where she would have been had she been standing, long enough to pledge his sword.
Legolas stepped forward. "My bow is yours, young hobbit."
A sob came from the heap that was Katie. "My favorite character.and she butchered his lines."
"As is my axe." Gimli joined the gathered foes, his face stoic and unreadable. There was a shout, and Sam came bolting up the steps, one furry foot landing in the middle of Katie's back as he ran to take his place at Frodo's side. The displaced girl merely groaned; she didn't have the effort to do anything else.
"Master Frodo's not going anywhere without me," the stouthearted hobbit proclaimed.
Katie lifted her head, and slowly got up, tottering a little as she waited for Elrond's "Indeed it is hardly possible to separate you" line. It never came as Merry and Pippin stumbled their way to the front, making some sort of excuse to come along. Katie was nearly beside herself in tears.
"This is so painful." she whimpered to nobody in particular.
"You carry the fate of us all, little one. If this is indeed the will of the council, then Gondor will see it done." Boromir delivered his line straight and true, and Katie just about applauded him.
There was a lengthy pause. She could have heard a pin drop in Lothlorien. Katie wondered what they all were waiting for. Then the reality hit her.
"Oh, no. No! There is *no way* I am going to volunteer myself to go on this quest, because there are only *nine* companions! You got that? *Nine!*" She stood there, howling up at the sky for what was at least five minutes before that same control seized her and forced her to say something along the lines of "Hey, can I come too?" And no matter how hard Katie kicked and screamed within herself, she could not prevent it.
"Ten companions. You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring," Elrond proclaimed.
Katie hung her head in defeat. Well, tried to.
[Ahem. So what did you think? Press the little button down there and tell me, please?]
