Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to The Walking Dead, AMC or anyone/anything else. This is purely for entertainment purposes and is fiction created by me. No copyright infringement intended on anything associated with this account. This story does not reflect the actual series and doesn't claim to be anything but me having a bit of extra time on my hands getting the mental dialogue from my make believe stories in my head on paper (or computer that is). Any and all original characters created by me are not and do not resemble any known person(s). If you have any concerns or questions about what I've written please contact me and I will be happy to discuss anything.
I really enjoyed writing Merle in my last story "Dawn of a New Day" and wanted to continue on with him. Not wanting to go to far in the future since we don't know how he will return to the show and when, I thought it would be interesting to write a story about where's he's been all this time...Hope you enjoy it!
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HAND FOR A HAND
Chapter 1
Merle had never been so scared in his entire life...not because of the walkers themselves but for the fact that he lost all control and was trapped like a caged animal. He wasn't afraid to take on any army of walkers, but being handcuffed to a pipe, limiting his every move was what evoked the fear that coursed through his veins.
"I AIN'T DYING UP HERE...I AIN'T DYING HERE LIKE THIS YOU HEAR ME?...NOT AT YOUR ROTTEN HANDS YOU BASTARDS!...NOT A SINGLE ONE OF YA WILL GET ME...I'LL KILL EVERY LAST ONE OF YA...EVERY ONE...I PROMISE YOU THAT! JUST YOU WATCH!...YOU WATCH ME!..." Merle yelled as he struggled to reach the hack saw, seeing the decaying hands and arms from the stairwell attempting to climb through the door to the roof.
Merle swung his belt at it over and over until he was finally able to get it close enough to grab it. Once in his hand, he started to try and saw through the chain but quickly realized it was a waste and too dull to cut through.
"NO! NO! NO! GOD DAMN YOU! YOU WORTHLESS SON OF A BITCH..." Merle screamed. Discouraged and tired, he sat there sulking until the commotion at the top of the stairs became louder. Merle could see the walkers struggle as they pushed and shoved each other all trying to fit through the crack of the door not even wide even for one of them to get through. It seemed like the more they struggled, the hungrier they became. Merle knew if they found a way through before he could free himself, no matter how resourceful he was, he would be no match for their appetite at this point. Not being this riled up he wouldn't.
"YOU THINK THIS WILL STOP ME? YOU THINK YOUR WILL IS STRONGER THAN MINE? WELL I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU WHAT WILL REALLY IS..." Merle said as he wrapped his belt tightly around his forearm near his wrist, as tight as he could. Then he started to do what most would consider unthinkable...
Merle did his best to only look when necessary. He was never one for being squeamish but this was certainly like nothing he had seen or done before. It didn't matter how many deer he killed and dissected. Dissecting yourself with no pain meds, no doctor, just you, adrenaline and a dirty hack saw, was the most difficult thing he had ever done. A wave of nausea washed over him as he began to sweat profusely. Don't stop now...there's no going back now, just keep going...Merle kept telling himself over and over as he struggled to cut through the joint in his wrist. No one said this would be easy, just don't stop...keep going...you're almost there...
But Merle wasn't almost there. He hadn't made it halfway through when he started to feel light headed and dizzy. He had to hurry though and not stop, no hesitation, no taking a break. He had to cut all the way through or he wouldn't finish. He managed to block out the noise from the walkers at the doorway. The sound of the chain clanking on the metal door quickly faded as all he could hear was the thumping of his own heart. He took full deep breaths as he cut to try to keep himself calm and not pass out.
Stay calm...you got this...He reminded himself in hopes of keeping his heart rate down so he wouldn't lose blood any faster than he had to. He kept cutting trying not to focus on how long it was taking, just to focus on doing. Finally he felt the saw give and watched, as if in slow motion, his lifeless hand fall to the concrete rooftop and the relief of his whole body suddenly being free.
Merle smiled and began to laugh hysterically as he dropped the saw and struggled to take off his shirt, wrapping it around his bloody stump of a wrist. He left his belt wrapped tight.
"HAHA! YOU THOUGHT YOU GOT ME! YOU THOUGHT I WOULDN'T DO IT...DIDN'T YOU? YOU STUPID FUCK! I SHOWED YOU, I SHOWED YOU ALRIGHT!" Merle stumbled slightly and struggled to keep his balance. His yelling riled up the walkers again. Merle looked at them and gave them all a finger salute!
"Fuck you! You ugly bitches...you ain't gettin me today!" He said as he turned and headed to the other side of the roof, looking for a way to escape. He found another stairwell but before he went down, he ran back over to the bag of tools and grabbed a large wrench. He headed cautiously down the staircase not sure of what he would find on the way.
About halfway down the stairs he quietly opened the door to one of the floors and entered into an office area. As he walked down the hallway it opened up into a reception area where he saw two walkers stumbling around. Quickly the smell of fresh blood caught their attention. Merle ran towards both of them and with full force swung at one, cracking it in the head with the wrench, then swung again and again. The other lunged towards him and he kicked it away from him to give himself time to finish off the first then afterwards, he did the other just as swiftly.
Merle stumbled over to the counter, leaning on it to catch his breath. "Don't quit now...this ain't no time for restin', there could be more coming anytime...get your shit together Merle..."
Merle looked at his stump and realized it was bleeding profusely. He had to stop it so he wouldn't pass out and he didn't want to read like a neon side once he made it outside for the walkers either. He stumbled into the kitchen and headed towards the burner but the gas stove wasn't working.
"Damn!...there's got to be something." Merle began searching the cabinets and located gel fuel cans and an old cast iron meat press with a handle. He found some grill tongues and used them to hold the meat press over the flame from the fuel cans until it was scorching hot. He rested the meat press on the stove then slowly he unwrapped the shirt from his wrist, grunting and groaning the whole time, flinching with the pain. This ain't nothin...you just cut off your fucking hand...this is a piece of cake...you can do this...just do it...and it will be over..."
Merle felt around in his back pocket and grabbed his leather wallet. He shoved the wallet in his mouth and bit down hard. He wrapped his bloody shirt around his hand to keep from scalding it from the iron meat press. He steadied his hand over the handle and prepared to grab it, closing his eyes, taking a few deep breaths and blowing them out through his nose slowly. He grabbed the handle tightly as he bore down on the wallet in his mouth and pressed it against his stub with full force and no hesitation. Merle let out a muffled scream as his face turned red, the vein bulging in his neck and sweat pouring off his forehead.
He threw the iron press down on the burner, the crackling of burning flesh still attached and smoke coming from his nub of a wrist. He slumped over onto the floor, leaning against the cabinets, holding his arm close to his body as he spit out the wallet from his mouth and tried to catch his breath. He felt himself begin to shake as he struggled to take a breath.
"No...you're fine...no time to relax now...you got work to do Merle...it's time to get up and get out of here..." He told himself as he struggled to his feet, still clutching the bloody t-shirt in his hand. He grabbed his wallet off the floor, shoving it back into his pocket. He made his way over to the window, breaking it with his fist covered in the t-shirt and climbed out onto the fire escape.
Looking below and into the alley he didn't see any walkers roaming. He climbed over the railing and onto the ladder, wrapping his handless arm around one of the bars and gripping it as best he could near the elbow. He hit the lever with his left hand, sending the ladder rushing down to the alley below, the clanking echoing loudly as it came to a stop. Merle knew it was a risk in making the noise but at the same time, taking things slowly was a luxury he couldn't afford at the moment. He was still struggling to keep moving from the blood loss he had already incurred and needed to make sure he got some place safe and fast. He dropped down to the street and quietly ran towards the end of the alley carefully peering around the corner. He could see many walkers aimlessly stumbling around, oblivious to his presence. Quickly Merle ran across the street and down the next alley and the next until he was able to make his way towards the edge of town. Merle was running out of steam and fast when he looked up and saw an old white delivery truck. He climbed up into the cab, noticing the keys were in the ignition.
"Well I'd say it's my lucky day but I think we're past that at this point..." Merle laughed to himself.
He turned the ignition, awkwardly shifted the vehicle in gear with his left hand and drove down the road. He entered back into the city instead of heading back to camp. He wanted nothing more than to head to camp with a ton of vengeance for all those fuckers that left him on the rooftop but he knew he needed to regain his strength. When he did go back and he fully intended to...he wasn't the only one going to be missing a body part.
"Eye for an eye you fuckers...or hand for a hand being more fittin'..."
