Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Harry Potter. It all belongs to JK Rowling and Warner Brothers.
Remembering
Remus wishes he'd remembered. He wishes he'd filed each and every moment, every trait, every habit, away in his head. He remembers some things, but it's not enough. Because each and every day something else will become that little bit fuzzier, that little bit less colourful, until eventually that entire moment of his life has slipped away into darkness and he is left, not even knowing it has gone.
Remus wonders why the things he forgets are the most important. He remembers certain things. The big things. The things when they happened he thought to himself, "I'll never forget this."
And he didn't. But they were not the things he wants to know. He can remember James and Sirius flying their brooms in the dead of night to hang a 'for sale' sign across the school gate. He can remember Sirius chasing Peter round the castle for hours trying to get his chocolate frog back. He can remember all these events as clearly as he can remember anything. But he would trade them all for another chance to see the smaller things. To see them again and memorise them so completely they would never again fall away.
He wants to remember exactly what James' laugh sounds like, or the way he used to run. He wants to remember the way he would pick through Every Flavour Beans, because Remus can't quite recall which ones he didn't like and would rather flick at his classmates than eat.
He wants to know why Lily would wrinkle her nose at a crossword puzzle, and how she would cover her mouth when she hiccupped. He wants to be able to hear again the weird, snuffling dog sounds Sirius would make when he fell asleep on the sofa. He wants to remember so many things that he knew happened, that he knew they did and said, but have become fuzzy and tired at the edges of his mind. He knows James and Lily once got locked outside the common room on the way back from a date, but he doesn't know what they said when he finally let them in.
Remus wants to remember so many things, and he wants to forget everything. Because no picture is better than half a picture. When there is no picture, you aren't reminded of the pieces that are missing. The people, the places, the ridiculous jokes that only made sense at in that one perfect moment, and now just seem like whispered shadows, mixed with the tears behind Remus' eyelids.
He just wants to remember.
A/N: Another depressing oneshot. Why do I do it? Anyway, it's my birthday tomorrow, and reviews make me happy! Lol! Thanks for reading!
