"Run away with me" breathed Castiel against Dean Winchesters skin.
"Hmmm, and where would we go?" He replied distractedly biting back a moan.
"Anywhere! Everywhere! We can visit Mont-Mégantic and see the shooting stars! Walk along the pristine sands of Ka'anapali Beach. The whole world lover. Just you and me, the whole universe. Name the destination and we can leave tonight."
Dean laughed softly as he kissed Castiel. "The only place I wish to be is here with you."
The next day Castiel posed the same question with more urgency.
"Dean, Please, I'm asking you, run away with me."
And once again Dean laughed him off. "Im quite happy staying here with you."
The next time Castiel wasn't so gentle with stating his intentions "Dean, please, lets leave tonight. Lets go far away and never return. Far away where no one can ever find us."
"Cas."
"Dean, Don't fight me on this. Im asking you, just say yes."
"No Castiel. I cant, I cant run away with you. No! okay. Stop asking." Dean would have paid anything to stop the deep sorrowful hurt that flashed in Castiel's eyes. No matter how much Castiel begged, he couldn't find it within himself to leave his brother.
The topic was never mentioned again that night, but when Cas thought Dean wasn't looking, there was a glimpse of something. A fear. A calling. Something larger and grandeur than anything they could comprehend. Wrestling, mutilating and tearing its way to get between them. Ripping down the shaky foundations on which they built their life. Something Dean couldn't even begin to understand and something Castiel would never willingly face.
Half asleep and content wrapped in his lovers arms Dean tried putting the innumerable feeling into words, ask about the feeling of dread, the look of sadness in his lovers eyes. He tried to force the words past his lips, but the quiet words stuck in his throat, a hot sticky glue forcing his lips shut, and his thoughts to still. A wave of sleep which took all his worries away.
By morning Cas was gone. He was missing from the bed. All warmth long seeped out from where the man once lay. First the shock, second the cold stab of fear, lastly the worried doubt. What Dean feared most came true. All alone and crazy with dreaded anxiety; he screamed himself horse calling Castiel's name. A crazed frenzied searching for his love. An attempt to amend any accidental wrong he had caused to the man.
No matter how hard he looked, how loud he yelled, Castiel was nowhere to be found.
It was after a long period of methodical searching, and holding onto a faint hope that he gave up. He finally realised the truth, Castiel just didn't want to be found. His lover had left on his own accord. Dean had failed once again, worthless, unworthy, pathetic, they all swarmed through Deans head. A late night, a bottle of whisky in his hand, he slumped down defeated. Another test as to how much whisky he could drink without drowning. He was drowning in more than the whisky these days. He couldn't find it within himself to care. The blackness was overwhelming.
Morning, the smell of smoke insistent against his lungs, coating the thick air and taking away his breath. A short light haired man stood in the doorway, bathed within the light of a fire, an angelic glow. He almost decked the man as he pulled Dean from his bed. A faint melody distracted Dean as the firefighter dragged him from the motel room. A close escape from a visit with all too familiar death.
Dean was resting against the hood of the Impala scowling heavily at nothing in particular. The man remarked Dean must have had a guardian angel watching over him, Dean just laughed bitterly.
"Yeah right buddy." he said "If I have a guardian angel watching over me, then you must be a magical trickster with superpowers."
"If Dean had angels watching over him, then they wouldn't have let the only good thing in his life slip away into the abyss."
He wondered how far away the local liquor store was.
