Okay, one-shot that served as a lovely distraction from econometric theory. Please read and review or just read or don't read and go eat cookies—whatever floats your boat.
-Aimes
He was angry. That was not unusual for him—he'd spent most of his life angry. Angry at himself, mainly, but occasionally he was ticked off at the universe in general. Today was a new height of anger, however.
Severus Snape dropped the razor blade in his hand into the sink before storming out of the bathroom.
"Severus, what can I do for you?" Dumbledore didn't even try to be his normal twinkling self. For once, his surly Potions Master had every reason to be angry. And yet…Dumbledore had not been able to allow his tortured friend to die. He simply could not do it. To have survived everything only to take his own life… Dumbledore was not sorry for what he'd done.
"Well at least you're not insulting my intelligence," Snape spat. "Why did you do it, old man?" The tone of voice was low and deadly.
Dumbledore sighed. "I could not let you take your own life, Severus."
"Why not? I've paid my penance. I deserve a peaceful death at least," he hissed. "And instead I get this."
He tossed the small glittering jewel onto the table. They both regarded it for a moment.
"I notice you make no move to pick it up yourself. Afraid of what it will show you?" Snape taunted.
Dumbledore seemed about to answer when someone else burst in.
"What the hell is this?" Hermione Granger raged. She dropped a similar jewel onto the desk. "What the fucking hell is the meaning of it?" she growled.
Snape looked over at her and was somewhat shocked to realize that her anger was directed at him and not Dumbledore.
"It was his doing," he replied caustically, "Not mine. He sent me one as well."
"Not the fucking jewel you son of a bitch," she yelled angrily. "What it showed me!"
Snape's own anger rose to peak levels. "I'm sorry if the thought of being with me so repulses you, Miss Granger," he hissed. "However the stone shows what will be or what is happening, not what you want to happen. For that, go find the Mirror of Erised."
He was standing now, facing her down. Hermione glared up at him. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about, you bastard, but don't try to deny that you tried or are going to try to kill yourself. Of all the stupid, selfish, bastard things!"
She grabbed his hand and pushed back his sleeve, revealing the bandaged but still slightly bloody beginnings of a slice to the vein. Snape froze, looking down at her and was completely unprepared when she slapped him.
"Miss Granger!" Dumbledore interjected.
"Stay the fuck out of this, Albus! You sent us the goddamn things, you'd better back the hell off!"
"I fail to see why you are so incensed by what I choose to do with my life, Miss Granger," Snape said coldly as he rubbed his cheek.
Hermione grabbed his collar and yanked his face down to hers. "Look, Severus Snape, it takes a lot to really, really piss me off, but you've managed it. You coldhearted asshole, you don't even stop to think about what the rest of us will do when you pick up that damned blade, do you? Does it even occur to you that some of us would actually be pretty fucking upset if you sliced your goddamn wrists? If I've managed to make it through the war, lose my best friends, my family, and my fucking cat, and not shoot myself, you should be able to manage it too!"
Snape looked startled and his anger faded to confusion. "What are you saying, Granger?"
"That I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE, DAMN YOU!" Hermione screamed it into his face. "Is that clear enough?"
Snape turned away swiftly, wresting himself from Hermione's grip, ready to retreat to the dungeons to sort things out…if he could. His mind was in overdrive and he wasn't exactly sure what to do or how to feel.
"Oh no, I think not," Hermione snapped, grabbing his uninjured wrist. "You're not going anywhere until we've sorted this out and I'm satisfied that I won't be sobbing my heart out at your funeral, got it?" She turned to Dumbledore. "Could we have some time alone, Albus?"
Albuswithdrew hastily with a mumbled, "Of course, child." He knew with certainty that this was something he had to leave to them.He sent upsilent prayer for a happy conclusion and was gone.
Hermione took one glance at Snape's stormy face and did the only thing she could: she hooked an arm around him and dropped to the ground. He was off balance and fell to the floor next to her. Hermione shifted to sit facing him.
"Why?" she asked quietly.
He noticed for the first time that her eyes were puffy and red-rimmed. The anger had drained out of her, leaving her limp and depressed.
"Why?" she asked again.
Snape looked away from her. "I don't know," he replied finally.
"Yes you do," she countered. "Don't lie to me. Just tell me why."
He didn't respond but reached down and picked up one of her hands, idly playing with her fingers as he thought about it.
"Because there's nothing for me here," he told her softly. "Because I thought I'd die during the war or soon after. Because that would have been fine with me." He looked up at her. "Because seeing everyone get on with their lives after the war drove it home that I have no life after the war… and I never wanted a life after the war." He sighed. "Because I didn't know what else to do."
Hermione nodded, searching his face.
"I'm sorry," she said finally. "Perhaps I'm the selfish one. It's just that…" her brow furrowed as she searched for the words. "I've become dependent on you. I know I only see you a few times a week and our encounters are…tense, but it's reassuring to know you're here. Somehow, at some point, I started seeing you as life's only constant. Like everyone might leave me or die but you'd always be there. And as long as you were around to snap me back into this world when I just wanted to die from grief, everything was okay. Everything would work out. I suppose I should have given a bit more thought to what you were feeling." She took his face in her hands. "I know it's hard for you. So much harder than it is for anyone else. But please don't leave me, Severus. Please," she whispered, begging. "I need you. No, scratch that, I want you. I want you here, to make fun of me and be rude to me and remind me that the world's still going even if I'm not."
He looked unsure and Hermione let out a half-choked sob. "Let me help you the way you've helped me. Let me do something, anything. Only don't…" she went silent, tears streaming down her face her hands dropped back into her lap.
"Don't cry," he said finally, softly. "I can't bear it when you turn into a blubbering, sodden female."
Hermione let out a noise, half laugh and half sob, before reaching forward to hug him tightly. He wrapped his arms around her as she crawled into his lap, holding him against her desperately. She could feel him shaking slightly against her and she rubbed his back soothingly, her other hand stroking his hair. Snape rested his head on her shoulder for a moment, body relaxing as he gave himself up to her embrace.
After a moment, Hermione pulled away and took his hand once more. "I guess we should relinquish Dumbledore's office," she sighed.
"Quite likely," he agreed. They stood but their hands remained entwined.
"Severus, would you like to have some tea?" Hermione asked suddenly.
He seemed oddly surprised. "I… Yes. That would be acceptable," he responded. "Perhaps we should go to my private quarters to avoid…speculation. I am as capable as any of brewing tea."
Hermione nodded, a faint smile gracing her face. They left through a passage that led directly to the dungeons. It had been built by the last Slytherin Headmaster and had been useful during the war for Snape to communicate with Dumbledore directly.
As they left, Snape looked down at the woman beside him. Hermione gripped his hand gently but firmly as they walked and Snape smiled an almost imperceptible smile. He turned his gaze back to the passageway before them and Hermione glanced over at him as he looked away, her expression gentle and affectionate.
They walked on, hand in hand, and Snape pondered what the Stone of Prophecy had shown him.
His wedding day.
His twenty-fifth anniversary.
The marriage of his eldest daughter.
And Hermione Granger at his side.
