Disclaimer: I own none of the intellectual property that you see here, including the rights to Harry Potter or Dogma, so I apologize profusely to both J.K Rowling and Kevin Smith for any unintentional infringement of copyright laws I may have committed by writing and publishing this disturbing crossover between their two worlds. No monetary gain was made for my efforts, yet I have derived great satisfaction in making this humble offering to my idols. Yet if any witch or wizard feels a need to give me a knut for my thoughts, or if Alan Rickman wishes to pay me a visit as the Metatron in the middle of the night, I promise not to use "flame retardant" chemicals on either of them. Now without further ado, I present…

Harry Potter's Wizardry Dogma

Albus Dumbledore, the most revered Headmaster in all of wizarding Britain and perhaps the strongest warlock ever to grace the known magical world, was gazing intently at the Hogwarts Lake whilst humming a melody eerily akin to the Harry Potter theme song, admiring the beauty of the waters inhabited by many strange magical creatures. Although he enjoyed spending time in the architectural wonder that was his office—how do you make a perfectly circular room, anyway?—it was a little known fact that Albus had an even greater appreciation for the outdoors, often partaking in such activities as hiking and fishing despite physical difficulties attributed to his one-hundred-fifty odd years. Yet at this moment, the powerful wizard that striked fear into the hearts of misbehaving students and Death Eaters alike—spoken figuratively of course, for these creatures of darkness unlikely possessed any such vital organ—was humming to himself, of all things.

Sadly, Dumbledore's much-deserved and much-needed serenity what with the looming threat of Voldemort's return to power was not meant to be, for a group of three malicious Slytherins draped in black cloaks was soundlessly gaining ground on the headmaster they so despised. One elfin blond-haired scoundrel was flanked by his inarguably dim yet usefully brawny cronies, each mounted on a broomstick and armed with a bludger. A/N If you cannot guess which three Slytherins I am so blatantly referring to, then I have officially lost my faith in the perceptiveness of the human species Although utilizing their wands would be an obvious choice to complete any task within a magical community, these students—or at least one of them, anyway—possessed the legendary Slytherin traits of cunningness and desire to save one's own skin, so they dared not engage themselves in a duel with the most powerful wizard of their time.

Unlike their Hufflepuff and even Gryffindor compatriots, they were not bound by such frivolities as morals nor did they have any sense of fair play; just as the Sorting Hat had once declared, Slytherins would use any means to achieve their ends. This included the advantageous element of surprise, an effective if not brilliantly crafted plan that involved sneaking up on a defenseless old man and bludgeoning him to death with big wooden sticks. It beat brandishing their small pieces of wood and utilizing that ridiculous "swish and flick" method, anyway.

And so came about the attempted assassination of Albus Dumbledore.