Summary: There are times when she thinks she wants it. To hold her hand, to kiss her goodnight and to feel her skin against her own. Sometimes when her heart beats as fast as it does now, Ritsu wonders if this is how being in love feels like. [Three-shot]
Dedicated to my awesome beta Southpaw Swordfighter! Thank you very much; this wouldn't have been published without your help and support. :D Let's all cheer!
Chapter I: Pothos
Erotes: [Greek and Roman mythology] a number of named gods assigned particular associations with aspects of love.
There are times when she thinks she wants it.
It's like any other day and they're both hanging out; she is on the floor flipping through manga while Mio is at her desk reading. It's simple. They are just keeping each other company, but thoughts cloud her mind and she timidly looks up from her manga pages where happily-ever-afters happen more often than not. Mio is beautiful; no other description of this undeniable fact exists. At least, not in her vocabulary. She can see her bite her lower lip in concentration, and there's excitement in her features as she reaches the climax of the story. It's a thick book. Unlike her best friend, she could never read books like that. Ritsu can see her face morph, her eyebrows high as she comes across something unexpected. There's something in the drummer's stomach doing a somersault, but she ignores it. It's nothing, she tells herself. Suddenly, like a child caught sneaking a cookie from the cookie jar, she is caught staring. Mio looks up, cheeks flushed, and Ritsu looks away. She does this too fast, and is afraid Mio notices. The bassist however, seems to be in her own world and just stares absently into space. Ritsu tries to ignore her and turns her page nonchalantly, having already forgotten what she was reading about. From the corner of her eye she sees Mio returning to her book eagerly soon after. Sometimes, when her heart beats as fast as it does now, Ritsu wonders if this is how being in love feels like. She shakes her head feebly and tries to concentrate on the manga again. She isn't like that.
She fails.
They are watching movies like any other day. It's Mio's pick this time around; Ritsu complains and is rewarded with a bruise on the head. Secretly, she actually does enjoy the romantic films because they always trigger a reaction in Mio, and Ritsu enjoys seeing this even more than the movie. All those sides of Mio only she knows about, the ones shown only to her—this is her other secret.
It's right in the middle of the movie and the protagonists are kissing. There's a close up of their lips and Ritsu sneaks a sideway glance. Mio is huddling behind a cushion, her face thoroughly enraptured by the rhythmic movements of the people on the screen, blushing cheeks and inquiring eyes. Motivated by curiosity, Ritsu observes Mio's lips and wonders if they are as soft as they look. She soon diverts her eyes; she is not supposed to think like that. The scene lasts a couple seconds longer. Nevertheless, the idea does not leave her; it's stuck in her mind. She chides herself next, "Don't, Ritsu, Don't", as her mantra.
The movie had romance as much as it had drama. By the end of it, Mio is in a pile of tears. She puts her head on her friend's lap and Ritsu just lets her be. No words, no teasing this time around. She focuses on untangling her tresses, passing her fingers through her long dark hair, time and time again while the bassist sniffs. Suddenly, she feels the droplets come to a stop as Mio relaxes into a more peaceful breathing rhythm. She tries to untangle her fingers from the dark locks and there's another sniff.
"Don't stop, please," her voice is a whispered request. Ritsu hesitates for the tiniest of moments. It is not in her nature to be gentle. It's odd and foreign for someone as brash as her, but she can feel Mio's soothed breathing against her lap and she smiles. I could do this forever, are her thoughts.
She complies.
Ritsu goes to bed thinking it is like any other day.
Except, it isn't.
The drummer wakes to the sound of something hitting the floor. Her heart is going a mile a minute; she stands up startled and runs to the living room. Adrenalin is pumping through her veins; fear rushing through all of her limbs. Her body is ready for a fight reaction, but not for the silhouette on the floor.
Mio is crying. Ritsu doesn't know the details, only that it's pitch black and all she sees are some books on the floor and a skewed tea table Mio had probably run into. Her friend is on the floor; dark hair covering her ashen eyes and heavy tears running down her face. Mio had gone to a mixer that day, after long hours of convincing from her sempai, she remembers. By the look on her face, Ritsu can only guess that something had gone awfully wrong.
She joins her by the floor, says nothing; asks nothing. Mio moves forward and grabs her hands. Her grip is so fierce she feels her hands go numb; her face is so close to her own that Ritsu could count the freckles on the top of her nose if she had any. Mio barely opens her mouth just to close it again, her lower lip quivering, her lips as pink as a peach. There's a sudden desire afflicting her chest. Seeing her in such a vulnerable state only heightens her longing. If only Mio knew how beautiful she was, if only Ritsu could tell her. But her breath gets stuck in her throat and the brunette doesn't know what to say. She can only look at her teary eyes and feel heartbroken. If only she could make her sadness go away, she would. If only…
It's a compulsion she can't stop: her hand reaches for her cheek, and Mio's eyes stare back at her uncertainly once she feels the hot touch. Her heart is sizzling, her throat unexpectedly dry. The desire to kiss her has never been more fervent than now, but Ritsu knows better. She can't do that.
It is at times such as these that she reminds herself that they will never be.
Mio is her friend, her best friend. She needs her and they need each other. Now is no exception. The desire, it can fade. The essence of her feelings for Mio will remain untouched. Whatever Mio needs her to be, she will be. There is no point in betraying her trust, not for something as fleeting as lust. She wants this; she doesn't need it. Mio is her best friend and it is enough. She may be in love with Mio; if such were the case, she would not deny it. Yet, she loves her. She loves her more than what it means to hold her hand, kiss her goodnight, and feel her skin against her own. This is the most honest truth her heart harbors.
At times like this, she reminds herself this is what it means to love someone.
Her thumb strokes her cheek gently. Mio's eyebrows knit together the slightest bit in confusion.
"It'll be okay, I'm here now," are her words. Mio's lower lip quivers intensely once more before she hugs her friend. There are tears staining her shirt now, but Ritsu doesn't care. Mio clings to her and Ritsu caresses her back to soothe her.
Her heart rate is a hundred a minute and she fears Mio can hear it. The essence of her hair teases her nose: lavender, it has always been lavender. It inebriates her. Her skin blazes with the feeling of Mio's breath against her neck. Suddenly, there's a pause. She feels her friend move away. Mio hugs her knees against her chest, and Ritsu is unexpectedly reminded of a child. The moment is lost, but she smiles. She listens intently as the bassist retells the happenings of her dreadful evening. It had been a boy; of course, it had to be about a boy. Mio is terrified of them and anything akin to social interactions with the male species. Perhaps, she should've gone with her like she had initially intended. The brunette remarks on this very same fact, not without poking some fun. They are laughing together by the end of the story and decide to call it a night.
Mio takes her leave first, but not before whispering a kind, "thank you" and gifting her with a smile. One of those smiles reserved only for her best friend. Ritsu's eyes do not leave her until her figure disappears behind a door. It's her heart that is glowing.
She knows these feelings could easily fade. Her resolution, however, will not waver.
Author's Note:
Oh, I know. Been ages (literally) since I published anything. Don't have anything to say in my favor but that real life got in the way. I got author's block for the longest of times. But I made a New Year's resolution that I intend to accomplish. Wish me luck! So, I'm sorry for all of you that were/are looking forward to the sequel of "How to get inspiration for a song". I have good and bad news. Good news, I haven't dropped the project and have one chapter and a half written. Bad news, I won't publish it until I finish all three chapters. So….you will have to wait a little bit more. If there's any of you out there still.
I have two other projects aside from this one that I'm working on. One is Mio centric and the other one is an AU multichapter. If you are interested you can just follow me, and you'll find out in due time.
Thanks for reading! Looking forward to your reviews! [Comments, support, constructive criticism, anything! All is welcome] They'll give all the support I'll need from here on.
Wishes you a great New Year 2013,
Lycopene
