If you leave Jasper Cullen Home Alone

Rates Alice's closet. Takes out dress and high heels, and put them on*

Jasper: (says to himself) Now don't I look fabulous.

Walks down stairs, and Turns on TV to Disney, Hannah Montana is on.

Hannah Montana: Come on yall join in.

Alice walks in. Jasper doesn't notice*

Jasper: NOBODYS PERFECT I GOT WORK IT AGAIN AND AGAIN TILL I GET IT RIGHT…..

Alice: You go girl! Work it. Work it.

Jasper: Em Ma Gawd! Alice. Um this isn't what you think…. Okay maybe it is.

Alice: Backs away slowly* Let's say this never happened…

Jasper: Yes lets….

…………………

Why you never let Alice near scratch and sniff stickers

Jacob: Nessie! Look what I just bought you.

Renesmee: EEP! STICKERS.

Jacob: Not just any kind of stickers, their scratch and sniff.

Alice: DID SOMEONE SAY SCRATCH AND SNIFF STICKERS. LET ME AT THEM!!

Renesmee: Here you go Auntie Alice.

Alice: Thank you Ness! (Thinks to shelf) MINE ALL MINE. MUAHAHA!

10 mins. Later* Jasper walks in room*

Jasper: Okay who gave her scratch and sniff stickers. Points towards Alice spazzing in the corner yelling "MINE" when someone gets close to her*

Renesmee and Jacob exchange glances

(At the same time and points at the other one)

Renesmee: He did it! . Jacob: She did it!

…………………

Halloween

Little Girl: Excuse me miss what are you supposed to be?

Rosalie: Nothing, little girl. Why do you ask?

Little Girl: Well you kind of look like Brittany Spears, but a more slutty, angery version.

Rosalie: Excuse me! Your calling me anger Slut! Have you looked in the mirror kid, you look like an Ompa Lompa!

Little Girl runs away crying*

Rosalie: Ya get on out of here go back to Willy Wonka's Factory where you belong!