Prologue
EPOV
It was too late. The moment, I had realized my priority, this one woman whom, I needed beyond any reason, I had lost her. Everything in me had caused me to lose this same woman twice, once as my girlfriend and now even if she was my wife, she had given up on me. Both times, I lost her due to my own faults. First time because, I hadn't realized, I loved her and now even if I knew I was obsessed with her, it still didn't make a difference. My pride got in the way and my clumsiness did nothing to help when, I was only in love for the first time.
It was ironic really my Bella was a pure soul, who would never hurt anyone, even unconsciously, even to people who deserved it, let alone people she loved. Then how is it that she'd managed to send me to my own personal hell, her own husband. Probably because, I was a man no worthy of her love, a bastard who deserved no better than the pain she had caused me. Yet, I was also the man she loved, her first love. But the fact was, I was the man she had loved, it was past and gone on her behalf as she proved with everything she said and did.
"Edward, I really can't do this anymore"
"Please Edward, let me go"
"You're so damn unlovable"
These things hurt, but there was no wonder she could manage to cause me pain, it made me realize what a really cold bastard, I had been to her. Because she could never even say ten different hurtful things that pained me as much as, I realize my own one remark must have caused her. But the point was that where, I had insulted her to demean her unworthy of having my love, when she demanded it no had pleaded me for it, she on the other hand now was simply being honest.
I was the man who'd taken her virginity and then crudely pointed out that she had no morals for being nothing short of a whore, yet I was the one who seduced her, while she gave me her innocence because she loved me. While, I am the man who can fill a whole book with female names who have graced my bed, she can't even count up till all her five fingers on her hand for the fortunate men. No wonder I was a hypocritical sexist pig.
I was the man who'd threatened her to make her impossible to work anywhere if she ever considered marrying into my family, yet here she is forced to be Mrs. Edward Anthony Masen Cullen.
I didn't allow her to be a proper widow, which is really a relative term. But even as my wife, she mourns her first husband, loves him, looks for him everywhere. I detest it, even if I have no right to do so. Yet, I was the one who'd called her suitable to be a mistress but not my wife and left her to marry someone else. And here I am hating the fact she had a happy marriage and a child with someone else.
She adores the little girl, at three years Jacquella Ilbeth Black was very charming and someone any parent would want. I was envious of the child's existence, jealous of her mother's love she retained but mostly regretful she wasn't mine. The one child that, I could have had was lost to me for all my sins, I caused my baby's mother. Yet surprisingly Beth accepts me and even with my childish feelings for the child, I really adore her as well. Secretly as again selfish as it is, I wish for her to call me anything, equivalent of what a child calls their father. I could be a father to her despite her name, her blood from all experiences, I have realized the things that matter the most, is if you love someone, and that, I do both the child and her mother madly.
It hurts so much to know that, while, I deliberately set out and caused her so much pain all she wants is to be loved, just not by me and I am such an selfish ass, I can't even give her that to redeem myself to her.
