Once upon a time, on a cold Alternian night, John and Karkat had lots of hot yaois. Soon after sleep had claimed them, the Great Archangel Makara appeared to them through the bedroom window. "Hey I'm just going to all leave you with this motherfuckin miracle of an announcement man you got this grub growing up in your internal incubation chambers and holy fuck man you got to name it Jesus because it's a bitch-tits name because I was supposed to all up and tell you that name. Missions and shit best friend."

John and Karkat were very confused and very tired, having fallen asleep not long ago due to physical exertion. Well, John was. Karkat was more infuriated than anything. Gamzee had a bad habit of walking in and delivering useless information in the middle of the fucking night. So John went back to sleep, perfectly content in the blissful ignorance of what was to come, and Karkat lay awake all night glaring at the ceiling and silently fuming at nothing in particular. But probably mostly at Gamzee, though he would never admit it. Eventually sleep reclaimed them both.

John stirred as the light crept through the window, and snuggled up to his partner. Karkat remained at rest, hair being calmly sifted through by John's sleepy fingers. Suddenly Kanaya uncharacteristically burst through the door, and grabbed Karkat out of his slumber. At first, Karkat clung to sleep like mold to five-month-old bread. Eventually, however, the shaking became so violent that his stubbornness became futile.

He opened one bleary eye and peered up at Kanaya. "What the fuck are you doing!?"

"It has come to my attention that you may be carrying some sort of parasite and you must be evaluated right away." She pulled him out the room and through the hall. On the table sat a blue and pink box.

"What the fuck is that?" Karkat shouted, breaking through his haze of sleep.

"Rose called it a 'Pregnacy Test'. You need to urinate on it."

Karkat could do little more than stare blankly for a minute while his brain tried to wrap itself around the notion. "Are you fucking joking me?"

"No. I'm quite serious. Rose was very insistent. I believe she had some sort of vision of the future, and it is crucial that you urinate on this device."

"Vision of the- what the everloving dick kind of misinformation have you been shoveling down your protein chute? Rose can take all my fucks and shove them up her human nookpassage."

Kanaya raised an eyebrow in amusement. "If you feel so strongly about it, I can shove them up there for her. I'm sure she won't mind the assistance."

Karkat was rendered speechless, and snatched the colorful box from the table. He stomped into his room where John was snuggled up in bed with his bunny doll.

"what's going on out there? Why is Kanaya here?" John asked.

"Kanaya wants me to pee on some weird human shit!" Karkat groused, shoving the box into John's arms.

"Uh… Karkat… this is a pregnancy test" John said in a hushed tone, "Why do you need that?"

"Rose thinks I have a parasite or some crap"

"Oh… I guess you should do it…"

"Like hell I should!" Despite his angry tone and harsh words, Karkat marches into the connected bathroom and slams the door. He vehemently glares at the box for eight minutes before ripping the packaging apart and pulling out a small pink and white rod. He stared at it, confused, before pulling two pieces of the box and holding them up together. He mumbles the instructions to himself, scoffing more than once, before following them grumpily.

After the initial discomfort, they weren't too difficult to execute. Remove cover, piss on the stick. He zipped up his pants while sending a scathing glance at the remains.