Here's a one shot that I was inspired to write while listening to Tori Kelly's 'All in my Head'. I suggest giving it a listen but the lyrics speak for themselves. Enjoy!
I own nothing.
Rachel rolled over and rubbed her eyes. She glanced at the clock and grumbled before burying herself deeper into her pillow. She'd spent most of the night tossing and turning and she had ten minutes until her alarm went off. She'd spent so much of the last week regretting her decision and the single would be released later today. She slapped the alarm as it started screeching and rolled out of bed. She went through the motions of showering and dressing herself before leaving her room. She wasn't surprised to see Puck passed out on her couch though she wasn't particularly pleased about it either. It only made the nervousness and shame flutter in her belly. She didn't bother waking him as she went about making her breakfast.
She glanced around her small apartment as she sipped her coffee quietly in her kitchen. She supposed that if her record sold the way it was expected to then she'd be upgrading to something a little nicer. She might hold out for a while though. This apartment held so many memories for her. She'd spent the last seven years here, declining to move when Kurt had moved out three years prior. It wasn't unusual for one of her friends to crash on her couch as she was only blocks away from the hottest clubs in New York. She craned her neck to check if Puck was still sleeping when she froze. When did she start thinking of him as Puck? Even if only in her mental dialogue.
"Probably around the same time you wrote that stupid song. Dumbass." She muttered softly to herself.
She was heading out the door when he woke up. She was just gathering her things from the end table by the door when his sleepy voice greeted her.
"'Mornin' Gorgeous."
Rachel gritted her teeth and rolled her eyes before smoothing over her features and turning to face him. His eyes were barely open so he didn't seem to notice the hostility that seethed just beneath the surface.
"Good afternoon. I'm actually running late, could you lock up behind you when you leave?" Rachel asked him, irritated when her tone and words betrayed her.
His eyes widened a bit at the undercurrent in her words. She wasn't asking him to hang around and leave when he wanted. She wanted him gone when she came home. She saw some awareness dawning on him and cut in before his sleepy brain thought up a response.
"Sorry. I'm a little stressed out. Big day today." Rachel told him wanting to hit herself as her words betrayed her again.
"Oh right! The big mysterious single is debuting today right?" He asked, standing from the couch.
She eyed him warily and realized that he intended to hug her or something. She took a step back and he stopped his movements and did his best to contain his confusion.
"Well I'll make sure I tune in. 3:30 right?"
"You don't have to! It's not very good." She tossed over her shoulder before practically sprinting out of her apartment.
The door slammed behind her and she stepped into the elevator, berating herself for being such a spaz and for writing the damn song in the first place. As she stepped into a cab she closed her eyes and tried not to panic. The whole thing was his fault.
"Stupid boy." She mumbled under her breath while ignoring the driver's curious stare in the rear view mirror.
She was a Tony award winning Broadway actress damn it. She was on the verge of expanding her career with her solo recording contract. She should be excited! Instead she's dreading the moment Puck hears her first single. Because people have accused him of not being the brightest over the years but he's not stupid. The song is all about him and not in the nicest way. He shouldn't have jerked her around, if that's even what he'd been doing. But still.
She sighed to herself as her mind wandered to the days before she wrote the song. The two of them had always been close. He'd moved to New York around the time that she was cast as Maria in West Side Story. He'd been there to celebrate with her and was in the crowd on opening night. They'd spent more time together than she'd spent with anyone else in the last four years. Things had taken a turn away from the platonic that they claimed to be about a year ago. She'd noticed that his eyes trailed over her in a way that reminded her of their time dating in high school. His hands were on her more often and for longer than was necessary. She'd noticed the way his jaw had clenched when her 'Tony' had gotten drunk one night and kissed her.
She was far past the point of denying the pull between the two of them at this point and decided to let it happen. She found herself putting in extra effort to her appearance when she knew he'd be around and she'd noticed that he had done the same. The two of them had gotten drunk one night a few months back and she'd kissed him. Neither one of them had mentioned it afterwards. Rachel was horrified when Puck began 'dating' (read: fucking) a random string of floosies within a week of the incident. He went so far as to bring one of them to their weekly hangout and Rachel quickly took the hint. She went home that night and wrote 'All in my head'. When she'd been offered the recording contract a week later she'd insisted on it being the debut single.
She was regretting that decision now.
Puck was running through Central Park listening to Zeppelin. He ignored the pleased stares of the mothers and nannies as he jogged by. His mind was still trying to unravel whatever the fuck had been going on with Rachel earlier. The longer he thought about it the more he realized that she'd been kind of icy towards him for the past few months. He didn't know why she was being such a bitch. If anyone had any reason to be pissed it was him. It wasn't a big fucking secret that he'd been half in love with her since like birth. So when she up and kissed him a few months ago he'd been pretty damn shocked considering Finn had told him that the two of them had been talking about getting back together. There was no way he was going to get involved with that bullshit again. They weren't in high school anymore and he was amazed that even all the way in Ohio Finn was still managing to fuck with his life.
Yeah so maybe bringing that chick to hang out with Rachel hadn't been very nice. But he needed her to realize that he wasn't going to be the guy on the side during Finchel take...was it 5 or 6 now? He tried to shake that thought out of his head because he didn't want to think about it. He was a little surprised that she hadn't mentioned anything to him about it now that he thought about it.
He unlocked his door and threw his Ipod on the counter of his kitchen as he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. He glanced at the clock and realized that he only had fifteen minutes to shower before Rachel's song came on the radio. He tossed the empty bottle in the sink and headed to the bathroom. He showered off faster than usual and dressed quickly before jogging into the living room. He sat on the couch and grabbed the remote for his sound system. He fiddled with it until he found the right station. He knew that a ton of people would be tuning in. Rachel was kind of New York's unofficial darling these days because of her turn in West Side Story and most recently Beauty and the Beast.
"Next up we have the very exciting world debut of Broadway star and Tony winner Rachel Berry! Rachel! Is there anything you'd like to tell us about this particular song? I believe you wrote it yourself."
Puck leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. He was a little more than curious about this damn song. She'd refused to sing it for him or even show him the music for it. He'd been super pissed about it because he'd always shared his music with her. He also worked as a studio musician at the studio that she recorded it at so he could've like played for her or something.
"I, um d-don't really know what to tell you about it. It's called 'All in my Head'."
Puck cocked his head to the side. Rachel sounded almost sick and she never fucking stuttered or used the word 'um'. She thought that it showed bad breeding. Sometimes he tried to break his own record for how many times he could drop an 'um' in a conversation to piss her off.
"All right, well there you have it. Here it is. 'All in my Head' by Rachel Berry!"
The music started and Puck was a little surprised. There was only the lightest guitar in the intro. He'd sort of expected an orchestra or something.
I see you with her and it crushes me inside
Guess I should stop thinking about you all the time
Maybe this is what I needed maybe this is a sign
Maybe I've been blind to reality baby tell me
Puck's eyes widened as he took in the lyrics. At first he thought that maybe she was talking about Finn. Then she hit the chorus.
Every little glance my way
Every time you wanted to hang
You seemed so interested
Could you tell me was it real or was it all in my head
Was it real or was it all in my head
Holy shit. Puck was floored as the music played loudly through his apartment.
She's so pretty, you two look so great
Time for me to move on now, it was probably just a silly crush anyway
But I just can't help but think that we, we could've had something
Have I really been blind to reality baby tell me
He was sort of frozen as the implications of the lyrics hit him. There was still the tiniest chance that she was talking about Finn. But if she wasn't then-
Every little glance my way
Every time you wanted to hang
You seemed so interested
Could you tell me was it real or was it all in my head
Was it real or was it all in my head
Then she was talking about him. Holy hell. Puck closed his eyes and his thoughts from the park hit him once more. She'd been weird since the kiss.
Was it real or was it fake?
Was it all a mistake?
Boy, I just gotta know was it all in my head, all in my head?
Did you ever feel the same?
Was my mind just playing games?
Boy, I just gotta know was it all in my head, all in my head?
He listened to the bridge and the emotion in her voice as she sang it. You couldn't fake that shit, he knew because he worked with people who tried every damn day.
Every little glance my way
Every time you wanted to hang
You seemed so interested
Could you tell me was it real or was it all in my head in my head
Was it real or was it all in my head
The song wrapped up and he could vaguely hear the DJ congratulating Rachel before she left the studio. They replayed the song a few minutes later and by the time it hit the second chorus he was furious. Who the hell did she think she was? Writing a song like that about him when he'd been the victim. She was thinking about getting back with Finn and she kissed him. She kissed him. She doesn't get to be pissed. She doesn't get to writing a fucking song about it and make money pretending that he was a bad guy.
He was barely aware of his movements as he grabbed his jacket and keys and stormed out of his apartment. He heard his phone ringing in his pocket and ignored it. All of their friends had promised to listen and he didn't really want to know which one of them was calling him about it. Because there were two guesses about who this song was about. If it had been about Finn she would have bitched to him and sung it to him the day she'd written it.
He came out of his thoughts as he stepped off the elevator at her apartment. He started banging on the door and he could hear her moving around inside.
"Rachel open the fucking door!" He bellowed, his temper barely in check.
She opened the door and stared at him with wide, guilty eyes. He swept past her and into the apartment before she even bothered to invite him in.
"What the fuck was that?" He asked her angrily when she finally closed the door and faced him, her eyes staring just over his left shoulder.
"My song? You didn't like it?" She asked airily as though she didn't care all that much.
Puck gritted his teeth.
"Was it about Finn?"
Her eyes widened in surprise, she clearly hadn't been expecting that.
"No."
"Then no I don't fucking like it." He answered hotly.
Rachel was still resolutely not looking at him and he snapped.
"Who the hell do you think you are? Writing that shit about me when I was just trying not to get sucked into your bullshit." He yelled.
She turned to face him finally and she looked angrier than before.
"My bullshit? You're the one who started screwing half of New York!" she screeched at him with an accusatory finger pointed in his direction.
"You shouldn't have kissed me." He told her as calmly as he could.
"Well I'm sorry!" She yelled with tears in her eyes. "I must have read the signs wrong then hey Puck? Because you sure seemed like you wanted it. You were jealous of my Tony and you were always touching me and fucking me with your eyes!"
"Of course I was!" Puck yelled, angrier now because of her use of his nickname. "I've only been in love with you since we were kids. Why the hell would that change? I've spent the last ten years trying to get over you afterall."
His words seemed to surprise her, egging him on further.
"Which is why you had no fucking right to kiss me if you didn't mean it." He told her, turning to head for the door.
"I did mean it!" She yelled after him tearfully.
"You can't have both of us. This isn't high school Berry. It wasn't right then and it isn't now." He told her quietly, more hurt than angry.
Rachel stared at him and he could read the confusion on her face.
"I don't know what you're talking about. Who else do I have?"
He growled at her words but he could tell that she was genuinely confused.
"Finn." He spat the word at her.
"Finn?"
He just shook his head..
"Same song, different town." He muttered.
He made to walk past her but she reached out and grabbed his wrist tightly. He turned his head to look at her, she was still facing the wall.
"I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't been with Finn for over two years." She whispered earnestly
"But he said that you were talking about getting back together. Then you kissed me that night. I didn't want to get dragged back into the bullshit of you coming to me when you weren't sure of him." He told her and remembering the way he'd felt whenever it had happened in high school made his eyes blur.
Rachel swallowed thickly before turning to face him. She studied his face as he stared at the ground.
"He asked me to get back together with him that day." She admitted. "Then I kissed you. After telling him that I didn't love him anymore. I told him I wanted someone else."
Puck's mouth dropped as he remembered the conversation with Finn. He searched her face for any trace of a lie and found known.
"I'm gonna kick his ass."
He saw a smile twitch across Rachel's lips before her expression was somber once more.
"So all of the girls?" She asked him curiously.
"Were to distract me and to tell you that I wasn't getting involved with Finchel 800.0." He told her honestly.
The two of them stood there sort of staring at each other awkwardly.
"So all of this was because Finn lied to you." Rachel stated after a few moments.
"There was a lot of baggage from high school that kind of clouded things up too." He added.
Rachel nodded, biting her lip.
"I'm sorry about the way I behaved in high school." Rachel said in a small voice.
"I know."
Rachel nooded and took his hand in hers, tangling their fingers.
"So what would have happened if you hadn't talked to Finn before I kissed you?" She asked with a coy smile on her face.
He smirked dirtily and she laughed.
"Ah. Well then I might just help you hurt him then." She added once she had stopped laughing at his lecherous expression.
"I'm sorry about the song Noah." Rachel told him, stepping closer to him.
Puck took one look at her and started laughing. The whole damn thing was so ridiculous. Her eyes were wide and hopeful and he decided they'd been stupid for long enough. He leaned down and captured her lips with his own. The kiss was sweet at first but heated up quickly. Clothing was flying as he backed her towards her bedroom. He pulled away from her for a moment and smirked at her.
"Babe can we maybe just tell people that the song was about Finn? Maybe you're next single can be about how much of a stud I am or something."
She nodded and laughed before pulling his mouth to hers again. She had a feeling that the two of them would be laughing about this one for years to come.
Later when she was lying against his naked chest she could have sworn she heard him humming it.
I hope you enjoyed it. I had fun writing this one. Let me know what you thought please? Thanks!
