Okay, so I'm not dead, I'm just suffering from a major writer's block. I know where I want to go with Moonlight Lullaby, but I don't know how to get there! _ My muse has gone into a coma or something... Chapter 11 is, very slowly, in the works and once it's done, I will post it.
Anyway, this is a oneshot/sonfic that I wrote a while ago, so I decided to put it up just so my account isn't completely dead to the world. I was thinking about doing a story based off this later, once Moonlight Lullaby is complete, but let me know what you think.
Okay, I'm done rambling :D
DISCLAIMER: Me no own Bleach or the song "Sound the Bugle". The former is owned by Tite Kubo and the latter is owned by Bryan Adams.
Sound the Bugle
Sound the bugle now
Play it just for me
As the seasons change
Remember how I use to be
He felt empty, nothing but a shell of who he'd once been. Everything that made him who he was, all feelings, thoughts, dreams, fled from his soul when his blade plunged into the chest of his former captain, his idol, leaving nothing but a dark void, something that couldn't be called a soul anymore. The man he had looked up to and who had stabbed him brutally in the back, he had been someone he thought he could always trust. What a fool he'd been. Now he found himself unable to trust anyone, not even those he called friends. Realizing this, the void inside of him grew even bigger, turning him into what he now was; a shell of the ninth division lieutenant, Hisagi Shuuhei.
"Hisagi-kun... Hisagi-kun, you have visitors."
The voice of Unohana-taichou drifted to his ears, but he didn't respond, or show any sign that he understood. He heard two sets of footsteps enter his room, and sensed two familiar reiatsus as well, so he didn't need to hear their voices to identify two of his closest friends.
"Hisagi-san, how are you feeling?" Kira Izuru asked.
Hisagi turned his head slowly, looking at Kira and Matsumoto Rangiku with blank, steel-gray eyes. He saw both Shinigami flinch when they saw his emotionless eyes. "Sh-Shuuhei..." Matsumoto whispered softly.
"Why are you here?" he said, his voice so cold and empty that he would have even shocked himself... if he had any emotion left in him.
"We... we came to check on you," Kira said. "Unohana-taichou told us that you haven't been eating and that you weren't recovering like you're suppose to, that you are in fact getting worse every day..."
"Shuuhei, whatever it is you're doing, please stop," Matsumoto begged, her light blue eyes pleading with him, trying to make whatever wall he built crumble down. "We care about you and not just us... there are others who also care about you and want you to get better..."
"Don't waste your time," Hisagi replied, looking away from them and back out the small window next to his bed. "I don't need anybody... not you, not nobody."
"Not even-"
"I said nobody!" he snapped coldly, cutting Kira off. "Leave, now."
The two Shinigami hesitated for a moment before he heard Kira let out a soft sigh. He heard the young man walk towards the door. But Matsumoto began to walk towards Hisagi, stopping next to his bed and lightly touching his shoulder. "Rangiku-san..." Kira whispered.
"She's more worried than the rest of us," Matsumoto told Hisagi softly. "I thought that her, out of all people, you would at least let in... but, I guess she really isn't that important to you as you led us to believe."
Before Hisagi could swat her off, she walked away, joining Kira at the door. The two of them walked out, not noticing that the hands resting on the ninth division lieutenant's lap had tightened into trembling fists.
Now I can't go on
I can't even start
I've got nothing left
Just an empty heart
I'm a soldier wounded
So I must give up the fight
There's nothing more for me
Lead me away
Or leave me lying here
Kiyomizu Mizuki tried to stifle a yawn, and failed miserably, as she listened to the boring lecture that was droning on and on. Luckily for her, the teacher didn't noticed. At the desk beside her, she could see Kurosaki Ichigo smirk at her, brown eyes dancing with amusement. Mizuki couldn't help but return the smirk, albeit sheepishly.
Finally the bell rang, signaling the end of class, and also the beginning of spring break. Mizuki jumped to her feet, her blue-black hair swirling over her shoulders and falling to the middle of her back. "Finally," she exclaimed, throwing her books into her bag before slinging the strap over her shoulder. "Spring break here I come."
Ichigo chuckled beside her and said, "Tell me about it. At least this time, we can enjoy our break from school."
"What," Mizuki asked, her green eyes glowing slightly as she looked up at Ichigo as the two of them walked out of class, "you didn't enjoy winter break?"
"Well, fighting a war for a majority of it, then recovering from said war for the last of it... no, not really."
"How about the part where we kicked some Arrancar ass? I thought that part was pretty exciting."
Ichigo grinned at that and said, "Oh yeah, forgot that part."
Mizuki laughed as they walked out of the school, soon joining up with Inoue Orihime, Ishida Uryuu and Sado Yasutora, or, as Ichigo called him, Chad. As the group left school grounds and automatically began heading towards Urahara's store, Mizuki danced a couple steps ahead of them before twirling on the spot. "So, Ichigo, what do you think?" she asked, turning to face the others as she began to walk backwards, hands clasped behind her back. "Wanna head to Soul Society to check up on everyone? It's been a while."
Ichigo raised an eyebrow at her and then shrugged. "Sure, why not," he replied. "I've been wanting to have another round against Renji or Ikkaku for a while now."
"What about Kenpachi?"
Ichigo visibly paled at that. "I'll pass..."
"And Mizuki wants to see Hisagi-kun, don't you, Mizuki?" Orihime said with a smile.
"Uhh... yeah..." Mizuki said, her cheeks tinting with a faint pink. "B-but, I also want to visit Ukitake-san and see how he's doing, and Kyouraku-san as well."
"Riiight," Ichigo said with a smirk.
Mizuki's eyes narrowed and before Ichigo could react, she crouched low and launched herself at Ichigo, knocking him to the ground. "What's that suppose to mean, eh, strawberry?!"
"Oi! Don't call me strawberry! Owowow! Don't pull my hair!"
Ishida sighed wearily and pushed up his glasses. "Those two will never change..." he said. Beside him Chad grunted softly in agreement and Orihime giggled.
"Ichigo-san! Mizuki-san!"
"Huh?" both Ichigo and Mizuki replied, looking up as two familiar figures landed beside them. Mizuki jumped to her feet, dusting off her school uniform skirt before looking at the two of them. "Rangiku? Kira? What are you two doing here?"
"We came to bring you to the Soul Society," Kira said, his blue eyes bright with worry. "Mizuki-san... it's Hisagi-san..."
Mizuki's eyes widened and she asked, "What's happened?"
"I think he needs you, Mizuki," Matsumoto said softly. "We talked to Unohana-taichou and she said if somethings not done soon, Shuuhei will..."
Mizuki looked up at Ichigo, who stood beside her with a concerned expression on his face. "Ichigo..." she whispered.
Ichigo looked at Mizuki and nodded. "Yeah," he replied before looking at Matsumoto and Kira. "Fill us in along the way to Urahara-san's. We're going as soon as he can get a gate opened."
"He's already got one opened," Kira said. "Let's go... we'll fill you in along the way."
Sound the bugle now
Tell them I don't care
There's not a road I know
That leads to anywhere
Without a light I fear
That I will stubble in the dark
Lay right down
Decide not to go on
How long had he been here... a week, a month, a year... a hundred years... he didn't know anymore, didn't care anymore. He could feel himself weakening day by day. He found himself now every night wishing that when he closed his eyes, it would be for the last time. But fate continued to torture him and he would continue to wake up every morning to repeat the same day all over again, drifting around a small, white walled room... just existing.
He walked over to a full length mirror that hung on the door that led to the small bathroom. As he stared at himself in the mirror, he couldn't recognize the person that stared back at him. It was like looking at a corpse of himself. Under the white yukata he wore, he was nothing but skin and bones, his face sunken in, normally spiked black hair hung limply around his face. The choker and armbands he usually wore had been removed he'd forgotten how long ago, the scars on his face and body more pronounced against his ashen skin. Steel-gray eyes that were once full of life and emotion, were now fogged over and empty. No... a corpse looked better than he did right now.
How long had it been when Matsumoto and Kira came to visit. About two weeks now... of course they would stop visiting him. It only proved that he was right in not trusting in anyone anymore. In the end, no matter who they were, they always turned their back on you, betrayed you. If the one person he thought he could always trust, the man who taught him everything he knew, could turn his back on him and betray him, then of course everyone else could.
The moment that Hisagi had drove his blade into the heart of the man who betrayed him, he'd lost all his hope, faith, trust and everything he knew. It proved on how weak he was; that he couldn't save the man who he once saw as his captain, that he could easily kill someone who had once been a comrade.
"I'm disgusting... to think that I felt nothing when his blood covered my hands. That's why no one comes anymore... that's why I can trust no one, because you never can really, truly know someone, no matter who they are to you." His hands shook as he tightened them into fists. "I'm weak... I couldn't stop Tousen, couldn't stop that thing that hurt Hinamori and Rangiku-san, and now look at me... I couldn't even stop the darkness that destroyed myself, that I brought upon myself. I'm not fit for anyone, not my friends... what's the point in living, when I have nothing to show for it."
He felt no emotion for the state he was in, for the friends that no longer came to visit him because he pushed them away. He was an empty shell now, void of everything that had made him who he was.
He heard the door open, felt a familiar reiatsu that he hadn't felt since the war. Slowly he turned, eyes resting on a girl with sun-kissed tanned skin, blue-black hair and forest-green eyes, dressed in the shihakshou of a Shinigami, her zanpakutou at her side, hilt and sheath the same shade as her eyes. He felt nothing at the sight of the girl, only murmured her name in a cold, dead voice:
"Mizuki..."
Then from on high
Somewhere in the distance
There's a voice that calls
'Remember who you are
If you loose yourself
Your courage soon will follow
So be strong tonight
Remember who you are'
Mizuki ran through the Senkai gate alongside Ichigo, Matsumoto and Kira running in front of them. Her heart was pounding in her chest at what Matsumoto and Kira told her about Hisagi's state of health. Why is he doing this...? Why is he shutting everyone out? Why is he letting himself die like that? Shuuhei, what the hell are you thinking? They reached the other side, running through the gate and into the Soul Society. When they slowed to a stop, they were greeted by Ukitake Juushirou and Kyouraku Shunsui. "Ukitake-san, Kyouraku-san!" Mizuki exclaimed, looking at the two captains that she was the closest to.
"Mizuki, thank goodness you came," Ukitake said, his eyes sombre. "You're the last person we can count on."
"How is he?" she asked softly.
"Not good, last time we checked," Kyouraku said, tilting his straw hat down over his eyes. "Unohana-taichou guesses that he won't live through another week unless he does a complete turn around for the better. She said that he's lost the will to live."
"Then if he's lost the will, then what can Mizuki do?" Ichigo asked, his eyes widening at Kyouraku's update.
"Mizuki," Ukitake said, looking into the girl's glowing green eyes. "Didn't Hisagi-kun once tell you that you were the only one he knew that he could truly trust?" When Mizuki nodded, Ukitake smiled softly and said, "I think he's forgotten. I believe that you may be the only one that can bring him back."
Mizuki nodded and said, "Take me to him."
Leaving Kira, Matsumoto and Ichigo at the gate, Mizuki and the two captains shunpoed to the fourth division. Once there, they met up with Unohana Retsu, the captain of the fourth. When the soft spoken captain saw Mizuki, a glimmer of hope sparked in her eyes. "Mizuki-chan," she said, relief in her voice. "I hoped you would come for him."
"Of course, Unohana-san," Mizuki said. "He would do the same, if our situations were reversed."
Unohana nodded and she led them to a closed door. She turned back to Mizuki and said, "Be prepared... he's worse off than you may think."
Mizuki nodded and said, "I won't leave him, no matter what he may say." She then reached for the door handle, but before she turned it, she looked back at the three captains and asked, "No matter how long it takes, or what you hear or feel coming from in here, can you please not come in until I let you know?" When the captains nodded in understanding, Mizuki turned the handle of the door and opened the door just enough to slip through.
She closed it behind her, her eyes fixed on the figure before her. Hisagi Shuuhei just stared at her with dead eyes and Mizuki had to choke back the tears that threatened to burst forth. Their eyes locked on each other and she felt something twist in her chest when Hisagi spoke in a cold, dead voice, "Mizuki..."
Mizuki began to slowly walk towards him, searching his eyes for that spark that always flickered in those steel-gray orbs every time he saw her, his mouth for a hint of the smile he always had for just her. Nothing... not even a faint whisper of the two. It was like she was looking at the empty shell of Hisagi Shuuhei, the man she had fallen head over heels for and who had fallen just as hard for her.
Kazeshini can't even reach him now, Ryuumegami said from within her. Surprisingly, he's truly worried for his master.
But I can reach him... I must! Mizuki told her zanpakutou. Tell Kazeshini not to give up.
"Shuuhei..." Mizuki whispered, reaching out for him. She saw him flinch, but she didn't stop her advance until she rested her hand against his chest, right above his heart. "Shuuhei, please... let me in."
Hisagi stared down at her, nothing showing in his once warm gray eyes. "Leave," he told her. "Now..."
Anger filled up inside her and before she could stop herself, her hand lifted from his chest and she punched him in the side of his face as hard as she could. Hisagi flew back and hit the wall, collapsing to the floor. He placed a hand against his cheek, a small spark of surprise showing in his eyes.
"Idiot!" she snapped, her reiatsu flaring around her as she spoke. "Why are you doing this to yourself, to everyone else, to me?! Why can't you see that we all care about you?!"
"No one cares anymore," Hisagi growled, eyes glinting dangerously as he slowly stood up, his back press against the wall. "How can I trust anyone anymore, when they all seem to turn their back on me?"
"Who's doing that?!" Mizuki screamed. "If anything, you are turning your back on them! You're spitting on the love, and trust, they have in you! So what if Tousen betrayed you! He was a bastard, who didn't deserve yours, or any body's, trust! You weren't the only one who was betrayed by their captain; don't forget Kira and Hinamori-san were as well and you don't see them doing this to themselves."
"But they didn't have to kill them. They don't have their blood on their hands."
Click! Finally, Mizuki understood. Oh God, he's grieving... he's hating himself for killing Tousen. "That's what this is all about..." she whispered, tears forming in her eyes. "You're hating yourself for killing him..."
"No, I'm not..."
"Yes... Shuuhei, you're hating yourself for killing Tousen."
"No!" Hisagi yelled, emotion starting to show in his eyes, the barrier he didn't realize that he put up beginning to crumble away.
"Shuuhei, it's okay... the Tousen you killed wasn't the Tousen you knew... that Tousen died long ago..." She began to walk towards him, but a strong blast of reiatsu stopped her from getting any closer.
"No, you're wrong!" Hisagi yelled at her. "I killed him and felt nothing! I'm a monster! I'm weak! I couldn't stop him, and in the end all I could do was kill him and feel nothing when his blood covered my hands!"
"No... no, no, NO!" Mizuki cried and with a surge of her own reiatsu, she pushed back Hisagi's and before he could stop her, she gripped his face between both of her hands and forced him to look her in the eyes. "Shuuhei, stop it! Don't loose yourself to this darkness that's taking you over. If you keep thinking like this, all your strength, courage, will be gone forever. You have to be brave, be strong... we can face this thing together, but you have to trust me."
"I can't..."
"Yes you can! Remember what you told me once. I'm the only one that you can trust with your everything, including your heart. I've protected your heart, but now it's time that you took it back, because I can only protect it so much before it's gone forever. I know that it hurts and it feels better to just throw it all away, but you're throwing yourself away as well. Please, Shuuhei, be strong. For yourself... for me..."
Their reiatsus swirled around them as Hisagi struggled with his inner battle. Finally with a cry, Hisagi collapsed against Mizuki as all the emotions he held back since Tousen's death came rushing at him all at once. Mizuki slowly lowered themselves to the floor as Hisagi gripped onto her, his entire body shaking as he sobbed hysterically.
He is broken...Ryuumegami said sadly.
Then I just have to put the pieces back together again, Mizuki replied. She cradled Hisagi close to her body as he curled himself up to her, his head on her chest as he sobbed. "I'm here, Shuuhei..." she whispered softly.
"I'll never leave you..."
You're a soldier now
Fighting in a battle
To be free once more...
Hisagi stood in the doorway of the captain's quarters of the ninth division, dressed in his normal Shinigami attire, along with his signature choker and armbands, his body and strength ninety-five percent back to normal. All the belongings of Tousen Kaname were gone now, even the traces of his reiatsu were gone. All that was left were the memories and the slight sting of pain in his chest from the betrayal, only a tiny fragment of the suffering he'd gone through over two months ago when Mizuki smashed down the barrier that he put up to keep out all emotion and feeling. Sighing, he slid the doors closed, the rooms ready for the next captain, whoever that may be. He was ready for them.
As he made his way back towards his own living quarters, he couldn't help but enjoy the warm weather that surrounded him. He'd only just left the fourth division a week ago after two months of finally recovering, promising Unohana-taichou that he would make weekly visits to her for the next three months so that she could make sure that he didn't slip back into that terrible depression he'd been in since the war, a depression that almost took his life. If it hadn't been for Mizuki pulling him out of the darkness, for being his guiding light through the hard two months of recovery and rehab... he probably wouldn't be here now. Just what Mizuki had told him, he had lost himself for a while, but now he was back and even though the memories of everything that had happened still pained him, he was willing to face it.
Because he wasn't alone... he knew that now.
When he reached his living quarters, he heard distinctive shouting from the back. Frowning, he went through the front door and made his way to the back. Sliding the door open, he walked out onto the low porch and couldn't help but smirk at the sight before him in his small backyard.
Mizuki was standing over Ichigo, her long hair tied in two French-braids that hung over her shoulders, her foot planted on his head as the other substitute Shinigami hollered, "You crazy bitch! Quit stepping on my head!"
"Then say you're sorry, you dumb strawberry!"
"DON'T CALL ME STRAWBERRY!! OWOWOW! Alright! I'm sorry!"
Hisagi leaned against one of the poles that held up the overhang of porch, arms folded across his chest, his smirk turning into an amused smile as Mizuki grounded Ichigo's face into the ground one last time for good measure before removing her foot. Ichigo immediately jumped to his feet and glared down at the girl, shaking his fist. "That hurt, you psycho!" he yelled.
"Yeah, well, you deserved it! That's what you get for knocking over my lunch, idiot!"
Hisagi's eyebrows shot up to his hairline and he couldn't help but ask, "That's what all of this is about?"
Both Ichigo and Mizuki spun around, now realizing that they weren't alone anymore. "H-Hisagi-san!" Ichigo stammered as Mizuki's face flushed a shade of red that would make a tomato jealous. "How long have you been there?"
"Since she called you strawberry," Hisagi replied, his smile growing.
"Which time?" Mizuki asked.
Hisagi couldn't help it; he burst into laughter, the first in a long, long time. It felt good, he realized.
Mizuki and Ichigo looked at each other, relief showing on their faces at the sight of Hisagi laughing, before they too joined in on the laughter. Then, Mizuki danced over to Hisagi and threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck as his laughter was cut short by a grunt from her impact and he wrapped his arms around her waist. He looked into her bright green eyes and couldn't help but give her the smile he always gave to just her. "Thank you," he whispered, "for being my light."
Mizuki just smiled in return and stood on tiptoe to press her lips to his. He pulled her tightly against him, deepening their kiss, only pulling away when he heard Ichigo groan.
"Alright, that's enough for me," the orange-haired Shinigami replied. "I'll leave you two love birds and go bug Renji or somebody."
"You owe me a lunch, strawberry," Mizuki told him with a glare.
"Oi! What did I tell you, 'nough with the 'strawberry'!" Ichigo then turned, but before he shunpoed off, he glance over his shoulder and looked at Hisagi. "Good to have you back, Hisagi-san," he said, with a smile.
Hisagi nodded and said, "Thanks, and enough with the 'Hisagi-san', alright. It's Shuuhei.
"Heh, whatever you say," Ichigo replied with a wave of his hand over his shoulder before he disappeared with a step of shunpo.
Hisagi chuckled and he looked back at Mizuki. The girl tilted her head slightly and asked, "Now, where were we?"
With a grin, he gave her a quick kiss before lifting her up and spinning her around, Mizuki laughing happily as her arms tightened around his neck, her face pressed into the curve of his neck and shoulder. How could he have forgotten all these feelings that were bursting inside of him? This was why it was worth living, why he would face all the demons of the past, present and future. He would live, fight, trust, love... for her.
He was finally free.
Yeah, that's worth fighting for.
