Hey guys! This is my first story on here be nice pls.
Based off an actual conversation I had with my friend.
If you think i should change the rating please let me know ^^
Love you all xoxox
~stopshoutingeren
Nico hesitated over the chat box before deciding to type his message. He wanted to talk to Percy. Percy was the only person Nico could talk to about how he was feeling.
'I feel really down,' he typed, 'I know you're at work but i wanted to tell someone, I'm scared I might do something stupid. I'm trying really hard to be good though, but i've done all my coping strategies and nothings really worked, I don't know who else to turn to. I'm worried i'll hurt myself and i know this is a horrible thing to burden you with but i just have to tell someone'
He stopped. could he really send that? He and percy were close but were they close enough for this?
He was just going to have to hope they were. He quickly hit send before he could chicken out. Sadly once he'd started opening up he couldn't stop.
'The big problem is, that i kind of want to hurt myself. I want to self-destruct.'
'Maybe i'll just throw up and call it a night.'
'Gods im so fucked up.'
Suddenly he realised what he was doing. What he was saying.
'Oh my god im so sorry please ignore me please,' he typed hastily, 'I regret sending anything please just ignore me'
What had he done? How could he think sending messages like that were okay. Percy was going to be so mad, so worried.
It was an hour later before he got a reply. In this time he'd found a shaving razor and dismantled it, leaving to clean fresh and sharp blades ready for use. He was sat staring at them, thinking about how much he wanted to hurt himself but not wanting to at the same time.
He glanced at his laptop screen, 1 new message, from Percy.
He nervously opened the chat.
'Don't even bother telling me not to worry, of course I'm going to, have you done anything?'
Percy was always so good to him.
'No I haven't,' he replied, 'I'm scared. Im close to it but i haven't.'
Please don't worry about me, I shouldn't have messaged you,' he continued, 'I'm fine I promise.'
The guilt seeped in. How could he burden Percy with this? What kind of a friend was he. Gods he was so pathetic. He apprehensively watched the chat box. The 3 dots had come up to indicate Percy was typing. Nico wasn't entirely sure he wanted to hear Percy's reply.
He waited 5 minutes, Percy was still typing. He was so worried that Percy would tell him to shut up and move on.
1 new message. He hovered over the chat before finally clicking it open.
'Don't, today all I've talked about at work/ training is positivity, taking the negative and turning into a positive, I understand that's not what you want to do or even feel like doing but just tell me everything that you're feeling down about? I don't care how depressing it may seem I will do my best to help, you should always message me, hell if you want me, call me, anytime, anywhere it's probably the best way to get to me as I can't use Facebook outside my house so call me please.'
How could Percy care so much about him, he was just some kid.
'Whenever you're down,' Percy added, 'just call me, not now because my phone's dead but I'll find a charger and I'll have it tomorrow.'
Nico didnt even have a chance to reply as the next message popped up
'Just call me whenever you need to, please.'
Why did he even send the first message? There was no way he was avoiding this heart-to-heart now.
'I'm sorry I bothered you.' He started, 'the chances of me calling you are low, I don't reach out because I don't want to annoy people, I'm sorry.'
The reply was instantaneous.
'Don't be sorry, never be sorry, I'll always be here for you, you should never feel like you're annoying me, I'm always here for you.'
He wasn't good enough for Percy. He cared about him so much but he wasnt even worth the time of day. He couldn't just unload all his problems onto Percy like this.
His fingers flew over the keys as he typed 'I can't do this to you. I don't want to upset you or anything I'm sorry I messaged you I should have just left it.'
Percy responded. 'You can do whatever the fuck you want to me, you can kill me and spit on my grave and I wouldn't give a fuck, you can't upset me, don't be sorry and you shouldn't have left it, I'm glad you said something it means you trust me and trust is an amazing thing.'
Trust. Is that what this was called? He wasn't sure, he'd never really trusted anyone before. He'd never cared for anyone like he cared for percy.
Suddenly, 'I have an idea,' he typed out, 'a nice idea.'
How could he have forgotten one of his best coping strategies!
'I'm gonna draw or paint' he put, already feeling lighter than before.
Maybe it was the idea of painting, maybe it was the unconditional care he got from Percy, but he felt so much better even after just a few seconds.
He walked up to his wardrobe and got out his acrylic paint, then he grabbed a canvas from his bag and started to sketch. He wanted to reflect how he was feeling in his drawing, slowly but surely the image came together.
He added the last lines, and there it was, a girl, drowning.
He once heard someone describe depression and it stuck with him. 'Depression,' they said, 'is like drowning, and you can see everyone around you breathing fine.'
In his nicest writing above his drawing he wrote a line.
'Im drowning in my own thoughts.'
Then it was time to start painting. A rich blue for the sea, going from light to dark with depth. A short red dress, and fair skin tones to match his own.
When he finally finished painting he looked at the clock and was surprised to find it was 2AM. That exercise had sure killed some time.
Carefully he balanced the canvas on the chair and took a photo to send to Percy.
Look what i did instead of hurting myself. He smiled. It was funny how much better he felt after venting his feelings via painting. Sighing, he got into bed. He'd made it through another day. Sometimes he felt like his lungs were flooding and the pain was unbearable and yet, he managed it.
Because through it all, he was the one who looked after himself. Even if it was hard, even if he didn't want to. He sat with the body on the shower floor and picked it up, he tucked himself in at night. He kept going through the days that were tough. He did that. He could have support from others but it was down to him in the end.
And, finally, at 3AM, he curled up in bed after making it through another tough day.
And he thought to himself, surely things can only get better from here.
